THE 2010 TOOBITS AWARDS: PART FOUR

Here 'tis: the final installment of the 2010 Toobits Awards!

BEST BEHIND THE SCENES

'Masterpiece: David Suchet on the Orient Express'

You could actually feel Suchet's glee at the chance to experience the glamour of an age long past. This was shown in preparation for the long-awaited (and proper) version of "Murder On The Orient Express" with Suchet as Poirot. (The version with Alfred Molina was a travesty.)

BEST EPISODE TITLE

"Eleventh Hour" - 'Doctor Who'

Get it? He's the Eleventh Incarnation of the Doctor; it's an hour; it was a last minute rescue..... Well, I like it.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

Home-grown:

'Freaks And Geeks'

I don't know why I was so resistant to this series, even after I finally started watching it via IFC. I liked it a lot and recognized its genius in capturing the tone of that time, but I don't know if I would have stayed with it for long haul had it gone on to more seasons. Most impressive of course is the number of careers that were launched by the show.

Imported:

'Callan'

'Lord Peter Wimsey'

Sadly, the main reason I delved into these classic Brit series was because of the deaths of their leading actors, Edward Woodward and Ian Carmichael respectively. Two altogether different views of English life in crime fiction.....

BEST ADVANCEMENT FOR TOOBWORLD

The elevation in the status of Faerie, courtesy of 'True Blood'

BEST SERIES MARATHON ON DVD

'Foyle's War'

I resisted this series when it first came out because I didn't think I'd be interested in murder mysteries set during that time period, even though I was a big fan of 'Combat!' and 'Twelve O'Clock High'. What made it a must-see once I started watching was the performance of Michael Kitchen as Christopher Foyle - Foyle quickly rocketed to the top echelon of favorite TV characters.

BEST COINED WORDS and PHRASES

spermatorium - 'Better off Ted'
an insult directed at a co-worker

beflusterment - 'Psych'
bewilderment

Wincest - 'Supernatural'
fandom term for the relationship between the Winchester brothers

Walternate - 'Fringe'
The alternate dimensional version of Dr. Walter Bishop "Over There"

Innoventually - '30 Rock'
coined by Jack Donaghy to signify that once something eventually got done, it would be an amazing result. (I think.....)

phrase

"Dick-infested man mattress" - 'Better Off Ted'
another insult towards a co-worker

BEST ZONK OF THE YEAR

HG Wells is a woman! ('Warehouse 13')

Toobworld splainin: She was crazy. Helena was Herbert's sister (in Toobworld) and being a brilliant inventor wasn't enough for her - she tried to steal credit for his writing as well.

WORST ZONK OF THE YEAR

'Sherlock'

There is no way the world in which this version of Holmes and Watson works could be the main Toobworld. TV columnist and critic Alan Sepinwall said it best:

"[I]f Holmes and his methods are brand-new - and the London cops, as well as partner John Watson (Martin Freeman from the British “Office”), all act as if they’ve never seen anyone like him before - then is this a world without Dr. House, Gil Grissom, Temperance Brennan, Patrick Jane and all the other contemporary sleuths who owe a huge debt to Holmes’ superhuman powers of observation?"

Besides, the official version of Sherlock Holmes in Earth Prime-Time was played by Jeremy Brett and was set during the proper Victorian period (even though Ronald Howard and others played the role before him.)

Toobworld splainin: Cumberbatch's Holmes is the soul of Jeremy Brett's, trapped in a Limbo which is shared by the shows 'Lost', 'Ashes To Ashes' (as well as the original version of 'Life On Mars') and Richard Widmark's 'Madigan'. Like Gene Hunt, Holmes no longer looks like his true self as he shepherds new arrivals through this way-station between Life and the Afterlife. And his current "padiwan" is another Doctor John Watson. (We can interpret Watson's introduction as he awoke from a nightmare of war in Afghanistan to be his arrival in Limbo after he was killed during combat.)

Having said all that to satisfy my Toobworld needs, I put it all aside and just enjoy the series as presented by Messrs. Moffat and Gatiss.

ZONK QUOTE OF THE YEAR

"This is Carolyn Jones... like Morticia." ('Mad Men')

This was splained away here.

BEST CLASH BETWEEN TOOBWORLD & THE REAL WORLD

Spaced flash mob

The Doctor's appearance at the annual Proms

MOST TRIVIAL CLASH BETWEEN TOOBWORLD & THE REAL WORLD

Filling in the census with race listed as "Vulcan"

WORST CLASH BETWEEN TOOBWORLD & THE REAL WORLD

Charlie Sheen actually became Charlie Harper - but not in a sitcom way.

WORST TV EXPERIENCE

Watching an episode of 'Hoarders' with my friend Michael.....

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A SHOW

'Terriers'

I really enjoyed the pilot episode; I'm always a fan of Donal Logue. But when I realized that this would be a series with at least one story arc, I had to bail. I'm burned out on making that kind of commitment and would much rather have some good old fashioned episodic TV which doesn't require a viewing commitment on my part.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A NETWORK

AKA "The Nibbled To Death By Ducks" award

The cancellation of 'Better Off Ted'
I
doubt it would have stood a chance even with a better time slot and more promotion, but at least ABC should have tried.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE GENERAL AUDIENCE
The lack of support in 'Better Off Ted'

The TV audience wouldn't recognize good comedy if it bit them on the ass. And as long as it happened to somebody else and not to them, getting bit on the ass would be their version of good comedy.

Paul Lynde played a character in an old sitcom ('That's Life') who said "People make me sick. I'm glad I'm not one of them."

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF

I couldn't support 'Terriers'. Maybe I'm not as different from the unwashed masses as I hoped.

But it wasn't just 'Terriers'. Even though I enjoyed the pilot episode and the season finale, I couldn't bring myself to watch the middle four episodes of 'The Walking Dead'. And as much as I enjoyed the work of Scott Caan as a rebooted Dann-O in the 'Hawaii Five-O' pilot, I dropped that show before the next episode aired. I think the main reason is that working the Toobworld beat has become a curse - if I can't place a show in the main Toobworld, then I quickly lose interest in it, no matter how good the show's quality is, nor how much I enjoy watching some brain-munching zombies.

Thank jacklord this didn't prevent me from watching the 'Sherlock' movies or 'The West Wing' when it was on TV!

BEST CRITIQUE BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER

Tavie P

"I know they're unrelated, but I find it striking that over 40 years after the death of MLK we now have rallies to protest injustice toward... TV hosts..." (01/18/10)

WORST CRITIQUE BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER

Here We Go Again

by ant_monkey
Jan 1st, 2010

05:17:29 PM

Well. Here we go again. •Okay. So. I’m suddenly watching Babylon 5. No. Wait. Sorry. It's just everyday run of the mill shit CGI, besides, Babylon 5 was pretty good sometimes considering that they were using a Sinclair Spectrum and a wad of used toilet roll. •The super-advanced-god-like-scient ists run their most important decisions by a mad old witch. Who’s just babbling away, spouting nonsense as prophesy. Actually wasn’t there a sisterhood of Gallifreyan witches that were cast out countless centuries ago for being retarded? I thought that was a bit mean but then they did know that there was a hated Timelord brain just over the road who was super-duper, mega evil and being cared for by that fucking cock Solon who was trying to create a new body for him. And did NOTHING about it. For centuries. Yeah. Good choice of sounding board. •You can tell that the witch is really deep and spiritual despite her babbling illness because of all the Henna that she’s covered in. I didn’t see it but I’m sure she has one of those red thread bracelets things as well. It all adds deeper layers to her character. •Well he wasn’t going to kill one of the men was he? Fucking bitch should just keep her damned mouth shut. •Re-telling the schism story. The audience has now guessed what is going on but will inevitably have to wait half an hour for the characters to catch up. •The Master is everyone and everyone is the Master. Why are they taking his orders and not trying to kill him and take over? •Shoot the Master and you’ve won. Go on Wilf shoot him while he’s down. You have a gun and he’s unconscious. Shoot him. That’s what you were told you would have to do. You were all prepared to do it. At least make the fucking effort. Shoot him damn it. . . or just run away . . . *sigh* •Who needs a cloaking device when all you need to do is turn the fucking lights off. Can UNIT not afford a telescope? •Why are they flying over the sea instead of just going straight down? They’re in orbit after all. Is it a way of drawing the missiles away from populated areas or an excuse for some crap CG action? •War changes a person. It scars you. Takes away your humanity. You do things you’re not proud of because you have no choice and then have to live with the consequences of those very actions for the rest of your life. You never forget the horror that you’ve endured but more importantly, the horror that YOU inflicted on others. That’s why you always end up becoming a cunt. •Rassilon. The president of the Timelords is Rassilon. I can see the moment now. It’s as clear as day. The main man is sitting there at his computer writing the final episode and he suddenly realises: “Shit. I forgot to give the villain a personality, a motivation, a reason for being beyond simply not wanting to die. Wait. I know. I’ll make him Rassilon. NOW he has a personality and I didn’t even have to try. I’m brilliant I am. The fucking retards British public will love this” •Hera is someone really important to the Doctor. You can tell. It’s going to be a HUGE shock to us when he tells us who she was. •There wasn’t actually any real conflict. No hard choice that had to be made. All he had to do was turn the machine off. He probably didn’t even need to waste a bullet shooting the bloody thing. •Oh. It was Wilf knocking all the time. Oh god. Wilf’s in danger! This is absolutely gripping stuff right here. I’m on the edge of my seat. Hurry Doctor, hurry before it’s too late. Save poor, dear Wilf’s life. Hurry. There’s not much time left he’ll die very soon. Very soon Doctor. He will die very, very soon and only you can . . . ah fuck it. Just waffle on. •Hang on. Hang on. I’m sorry. Let me get all of this clear. He’s got enough time to wander back and forth through time doing all manner of nonsense before he regenerates but not enough time to find a receptacle to contain his regenerative juices thereby negating the need to regenerate? Are we absolutely sure that this wasn’t written by a spastic in a nuthouse sitting in it’s own faeces? •Peter Jackson has a lot to answer for here JUST FUCKING END PLEASE DEAR GOD JUST FUCKING DIE YOU WHINGING COCK. •I know I’ve said this before but this is the thing that is bugging me the most. He’s being all weepy, weepy about having to die but Rusty made sure that he doesn’t need to die. It’s established now and is canon. He doesn’t have to regenerate if he doesn’t want to. All he needs is something to channel the energy into. This is fucking retarded. It’s dumb. It’s really, really fucking dumb. •That’s genius that is. You create a mysterious character with mysterious motivations doing mysterious things who is clearly important to the Doctor and then you don’t tell the audience who. The fuck. She was. Even after the character the audience is supposed to be identifying with ASKS that very fucking question. Or maybe, just maybe she’s going to re-cur and we’ll slowly and surely learn whom this woman really is. I mean why else would you leave an important plot thread like that dangling? Unless you were a completely stupid cunt. •Rose fucking Tyler is back again. I bet Rusty typed this rubbish one handed. •Fucking Ood. •They are really, really struggling to fill the allocated time here. •“I don’t want to die”. This is really just the worst kind of cheap melodrama. They’re trying desperately for pathos and all we’re getting is pathetic. Please just die already. •“Change my dear. And not a moment too soon. That last life was a whinging twat”. And he started off with such promise despite the script quality. •Matt Smith. Kept hoping it was all just some elaborate subterfuge and that the Doctor was going to regenerate into an actor. Oh well. There’s not much there to really judge him on so I guess I’ll have to wait and see. Ah who am I kidding? I’m done with this panto. •No trailer just an Eight year olds Doctor Who graphic design for the new series. I honestly didn’t think they still made Blue Peter. Oh well. Good for him/her. •Is that your legacy Rusty? Is that it? Christ. Some would say that we should be thankful for you bringing Doctor Who back from oblivion. For giving SF a new lease of life on British TV but no. I’m sorry no. British SF used to be quite daring but now it’s just . . . this . . . •Went to the BBC website to check the above was roughly in the right order and there was a teaser for Smitty. He’s a bit of a battler this one punching, shooting and shouting oh my.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The regeneration from David Tennant to Matt Smith as the Doctor.

As always with the recasting of the Doctor in 'Doctor Who', the Gallifreyan Time Lord makes the honors list because the Toobits Awards doesn't do repeat nominations. But just so's ya know, Smith has jumped to the top four of my favorite Doctors (right up there with Troughton, Tom Baker, and Tennant!)

Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes.

It kills me that I can't have this exciting interpretation of the Great Detective in Earth Prime-Time but at least with my splainin, it is connected to the main Toobworld.

And there we are, the 2010 Toobits Awards. I hope you enjoyed them. Tough tiddles if you didn't.
BCnU!