THE HAT SQUAD: ED BRADLEY

Today CBS newsman Ed Bradley passed away in NYC of leukemia. He was 65.

For the last 26 years, he served as one of the correspondents on '60 Minutes'. My brother, who's an editor at the Waterbury Republican-American, remembers when Don Hewitt, the show's former executive producer, told an anecdote at Columbia's School of Journalism about the only story they could never wrestle into shape to be presentable on '60 Minutes', and that "it had to be one Ed Bradley's."

He can't remember what the piece was about, but I imagine that whatever difficulties they had with it was due to Bradley sticking to his guns about how it should be presented.

Along with his work on '60 Minutes' and 'Street Stories', Bradley also served as host for the reworked presentations of '60 Minutes' interviews which dealt with classic television when they were presented as 'TV Land Legends'.

While covering a story in Cambodia back in 1973, Bradley was shot and wounded. "In the instant that that round landed and blew me in the air, I had those separate and distinct thoughts. The guy who was standing right next to where I had been standing had a hole in his back I could put my fist into. I got some shrapnel in my back and it blew a hole through my arm. It just sliced through my arm, so I was lucky. I was lucky."

From his CBS News biography:

Bradley's 60 MINUTES interview with condemned Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh (March 2000) was the only television interview ever given by the man guilty of one of the worst terrorist acts on American soil; it also earned Bradley an Emmy. His reporting on the worst school shooting in American history, "Columbine" (April 2001), revealed on 60 MINUTES II that authorities ignored telling evidence with which they might have prevented the massacre.

Other hourlong reports by Bradley have prompted praise and action: "Death by Denial" (June 2000) won a Peabody Award for focusing on the plight of Africans dying of AIDS and helped convince drug companies to donate and discount AIDS drugs; "Unsafe Haven" (April 1999) spurred federal investigations into the nation's largest chain of psychiatric hospitals; and "Town Under Siege" (December 1997), about a small town battling toxic waste, was named one of the Ten Best Television Programs of 1997 by Time magazine.

Bradley's significant contribution to electronic journalism was also recognized by the Radio/Television News Directors Association when it named him its Paul White Award winner for 2000. He joins other distinguished journalists, such as Edward R. Murrow, Walter Cronkite and Peter Jennings, as a Paul White recipient.

Mike Wallace, a cohost on 60 Minutes, remarked that Bradley's approach is "instinctive—he has no idea how he does it." Bradley himself resists analyzing his style. He said in an interview, "I'd rather not think about it and just go out and do it, and it will come naturally."

Bradley has a long list of awards. In 1975 he won the Overseas Press Club of America Award for best radio news from abroad. He received an award from the Association of Black Journalists in 1977. His 1979 television documentary, “The Boat People,” earned him an Emmy Award, Edward R. Murrow Award from the Overseas Press Club of America, and Alfred I. DuPont-Columbia University Award for Broadcast Journalism. Bradley’s television documentary, “Blacks in America: With All Deliberate Speed,” won him an Emmy Award, an Alfred I. DuPont-Columbia University Award in Broadcast Journalism, a George Foster Peabody Broadcasting Award from University of Georgia, and an Ohio State award. In 1995, Bradley won his eleventh Emmy, and was awarded the Robert F. Kennedy Journalism Award grand prize and television first prize for his documentary “CBS Reports: In the Killing Fields of America.” In 2000, the Radio-Television News Directors Association honored Bradley with the Paul White Award. In 2002 he received a Lifetime Achievement Emmy Award.

Here's Ed Bradley, from when he appeared on 'Larry King Live':

BRADLEY: Well, Lena Horn, was certainly -- I've always said when I die and if I do get to the pearly gates and St. Peter says, what have you done to deserve entry, I'd ask him if he saw my Lena Horn piece. It's always been a favorite of mine.

When Bradley interviewed singer Lena Horne (1917–) in December 1981, TV Guide described the journalist's work as "a textbook example of what a great television interview can be."

Bradley alternated Horne's performances with interview segments in which Horne discussed her personal and professional life. Bradley created an intimate (personal) portrait of the singer. Bradley said "it told a lot about the way women are treated, a lot of things about the way blacks are treated. It told a lot of things about interracial marriages, difficulties in the film and entertainment industries and how those things have changed and not changed."

"Lena" won Bradley his first Emmy as a member of the 60 Minutes team.

In closing, I just want to reprint this excerpt from the Congressional Record from thirteen years ago in tribute to the departed newsman:

HON. LUCIEN E. BLACKWELL
in the House of Representatives
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1993

Mr. BLACKWELL: Mr. Speaker, I am extremely delighted to stand here today to pay tribute to Mr. Ed Bradley, an exceptional gentleman who is well respected for his extraordinary accomplishments and contributions in the field of media broadcasting.

Born in Philadelphia, as the only child of Edward and Gladys Bradley, Ed Bradley has long been known for his ability to boldly face any challenge that is set before him with professionalism and vigor.

In 1959, he entered Cheyney State College as an education major. In addition to his interest in the field of education, Bradley also exhibited a profound enthusiasm in the area of media broadcast. In the early 1960's he worked as an unpaid news reporter and disc jockey at WDAS-FM in Philadelphia whereby he made a remarkable contribution.

Upon graduation from Cheyney, Bradley began his teaching career in a Philadelphia elementary school. While teaching the sixth grade in the 1960's, he became increasingly interested in events that took place during the historic civil rights movement. As a result, he utilized his journalistic talents and spent 48 hours covering the race riots in Philadelphia.

Following that event, he divided his time between teaching, working as a disc jockey, and as a news reporter. In 1967, Bradley made the decision to become a news reporter on a full-time basis. He vigorously sought out to begin his career by applying for a job with WCBS radio in New York.

Many say that the secret to Ed Bradley's success has a lot to do with his honesty, innovative style, and commitment to quality productions.

In 1971 he joined CBS News as a stringer in the Paris Bureau. By September 1972, he was reassigned to Southeast Asia where he covered the Vietnam war as a television correspondent. Unfortunately, during that time he was wounded by mortar fire while on assignment in Cambodia. Nevertheless, his injury did not halt his commitment to his work. In 1974 he returned to Southeast Asia to cover the evacuation of the last Americans in Vietnam.

In 1976, Bradley was assigned to cover the Presidential campaign, covering Jimmy Carter. After Carter became President, he served as a CBS White House correspondent. In 1976 he left that position to become the principal correspondent for CBS Reports.

Bradley received much praise and notoriety for his reports, some of the most outstanding include:

`The Boat People,' written in January 1979; won: Emmy, Alfred I duPont Columbia University, and Oversees Press Club Awards;

`The Boston Goes to China,' written in April 1979; a report on the historic visit by the Boston Symphony Orchestra to China; won: Emmy, George Foster Peabody, and Ohio State Awards;

`Blacks in America: With All Deliberate Speed?' written in July 1979; won: Emmy and Alfred I duPont-Columbia University Awards.

This list of outstanding works, led Bradley to attain overwhelming success and respect as a leader in his field. As a result, in 1981, he joined the well-known `60 Minutes' as a co-editor.

During the time that he has been with `60 Minutes,' Ed Bradley has completed a number of phenomenal reports. His valuable work has been both insightful and inspiring. Much of Ed Bradley's work has exposed both the positive and negative things that occur in the world around us; but most of all, he has helped to educate millions of people through the broadcast media.

Mr. Speaker, I am extremely happy to congratulate Ed Bradley on his vast achievements. He is definitely a role model and a highly skilled professional. Most of all, he has gained his place as a significant part of African-American history, of which we can all be proud.

TV SERIES
"60 Minutes" .... Himself - Correspondent / Himself (35 episodes, 1981-2006)
"TV Land Legends: The 60 Minutes Interviews" (2002) TV Series .... Host
"Street Stories" (1992) TV Series .... Himself - Host (1992-1993)

TV SPECIALS
CBS at 75 (2003) (TV) .... Himself
Breaking the News (2001) (TV) .... Himself
CBS: The First 50 Years (1998) (TV) .... Himself
We Were There: CBS News at 50 (1998) (TV) .... Himself
The Kennedy Center Honors: A Celebration of the Performing Arts (1995) (TV) .... Himself
60 Minutes: The Entertainers (1991) (TV) .... Himself

THE LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES
"Murphy Brown" .... Himself (1 episode, 1993)
- All the Life That's Fit to Print (1993) TV Episode .... Himself

CINEMATIC CONNECTIONS
The Last Party (1993) (uncredited) .... Himself (at GOP convention)

BCnU.....
Tele-Toby

"When it gets to the point where it's not fun anymore,

I've always hoped that I would have the courage to say goodbye and walk away from it. "

Ed Bradley

SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM

The guys over at "Tommy Westphall's Mind" (link to the left), and their faithful followers, have come up with plenty of new additions to the Westphallian version of the TV Universe, thanks to the Morley's brand of cigarettes.

Morley's first came to notice with many appearances on 'The X-Files' as the brand of choice for Cigarette Smoking Man. (But according to Wikipedia, they first appeared in an episode of 'Mission: Impossible'.)

It was thanks to my Toobworld ally Hugh that I learned they also made an appearance in an episode of 'The Power Rangers'. Then it turned out that Spike the vampire on 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' smoked the brand as well.

After that, the mentions and sightings of Morley's cigarettes kept piling up, like the butts at an all-night poker game.

Recently, the Westphallians found out from a visitor that Morley's made an appearance in an episode of 'CSI'. This was cause for excitement, as that automatically brings in the two spin-offs, 'CSI: Miami' and 'CSI: NY'.

And then it happened again just a few weeks ago with 'Criminal Minds':

"On tonight's episode, "North Mammon", 13 Morley 100s cigarette butts are an important piece of evidence. I don't watch the show, but I happened to flip past it just as this reference appeared."

As I watch 'Lost', there was no way I was going to find that out myself, which is why it's always good to hang out with the competition. LOL!

Wikipedia has a list of other sightings for the cancer sticks, to which can now be added 'CSI':

'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'
'Criminal Minds'
'CSI'
'ER'
'Jake 2.0.'
'Killer Instinct'
'Malcolm in the Middle'
'Millennium'
'Mission Impossible'
'Nash Bridges'
'The Outer Limits'
'Space Above And Beyond'
'The X-Files'

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

FOX TELEVISION (MICHAEL J., THAT IS)

There are different ways to interpret the TV Universe. First off there's my Toobworld concept, in which everything is tossed into the mix and then sorted out when need be. There are also those who accept only those TV shows with legitimate connections, either by crossovers or mentions of and appearances by characters (or props or fictional locations). Then there's the Tommy Westphall group, who only accept established connections, but which have to ultimately lead back to 'St. Elsewhere', because the whole TV Universe takes place in an autistic boy's head. (He's a young man now, of course. But you get what I mean, right?)

Except for the bit about it only existing within Tommy's mind, Toobworld automatically has absorbed all of those versions within itself.

And then there are those who focus only one particular corner of the TV Universe, expanding it only so far as it may concern their interests.

Take for example a new member of the Tommy Westphall's Mind gang of commenters, "bttf4444". This person is a Marty McFly fan from "Back To The Future", a movie trilogy which has a somewhat tenuous connection to Toobworld. (We'd see Doc Brown's hand as he narrated some cartoons from underneath the DeLorean which he was repairing.)

"bttf4444" introduced herself (I'm guessing on the gender, but that's the take I get on the writing.) with this:

"My interest in the Tommy Westphall Universe has been brought on by my love for Michael J Fox - and the connection of his respective characters in 'Family Ties' and 'Spin City'. So here's something to ponder on. For of all, does MJF even exist Tommy Westphall's Universe? If so, did he marry Tracy Pollan? Also, how did MJF get his big break? Or did he just remain being a little known actor?

Here are my thoughts: yes, MJF does exist in the Tommy Wistful Universe. No, he didn't marry Tracy Pollan - because, in 'our' world, he met her on the set of 'Family Ties'. Because 'Family Ties' obviously doesn't exist as a series in the Tommy Westphall Universe, MJF ends up marrying someone else. However, Alex Keaton does end up marrying Ellen Reed. I initially said that MJF got his big break, when 'Class of 1984' became a sitcom. However, upon learning more about that movie, I decided that it doesn't really fit. Instead, I'll probably say that 'Leo and Me' had spawned a sitcom spin-off in the Tommy Westphall Universe - and the sitcom spin-off becomes very successful."

Okay, "bttf4444" kind of lost me by the end there with all the talk about "Class of 1984" and "Leo and Me", but I did enjoy the theory about Fox marrying Pollan - did it happen in the TV Universe?

Okay, here's the Toobworld take, and the generalities can be applied to just about anybody, even if they aren't celebrities.

Everybody in the Trueniverse has a doppelganger in Toobworld. Their lives are basically the same, altered only by the dynamics of "better living through Television".

Here's what I wrote about the subject in "The Tubeworld Dynamic", a prototype for this blog, the introductory page of which still exists on the web. (See the link to the left.)

"Fred Murphy visited the website and asked: "Who/what are the doppelgangers of non-watchers like me?"

Since Tubeworld is an alternate version of our own Earth, there would be TV versions of everybody here in the Real World, even if we never did show up on TV; even if ::shudder:: we don't even watch. We've coined the term "tele-version" to describe these characters. [With the widespread use of home videos in comedy shows, and crowd scenes at sports events, and background shots for news broadcasts, more of us ordinary folk are showing up on TV every day!]

Our counterparts on Tubeworld would probably be similar to us here, with only a few minor adjustments due to the influence of TV. There would be a lot more single-parent families with wisecracking kids; we would all have wacky neighbors and off-the-wall co-workers; and we'd suffer from amnesia a lot!

Let's say you're a cop here in the Real World. You'd probably be a cop in Tubeworld as well. But Tubeworld cops have one of the following differences:

1) a distinctive last name 2) a unique vehicle
3) a gimmick 4) a handicap

So take a look at your life and see what influence TV cliches might have on it if you were a TV character. Work in an office? Maybe you'd be stuck in a soul-numbing cubicle like Matt Peyser on 'Working'. Are you adopted and perhaps with unique features; somewhat different from those around you? Maybe your doppelganger's real father was an alien disguised as a human like on 'Starman'!

Or, thanks to 'America's Funniest Home Videos', maybe you just get hit in the crotch with a rake...."

The same would apply to Michael J. Fox. He exists in the TV Universe as do his characters of Mike Flaherty ('Spin City') and Alex Keaton ('Family Ties') and - up until two weeks ago, Daniel Post ('Boston Legal').

(However, in the TV Universe which is made up of many parallel dimensions, 'Spin City' is in an alternate dimension where Randall Winston was the mayor instead of Rudy Giuliani. That dimension does have its own Alex Keaton however, even though 'Family Ties' stays rooted in the main Toobworld. This is because Flaherty got to meet that dimension's Alex Keaton, now a congressman, in Fox's final episode as the star of 'Spin City'.)

When anybody - it never has to be a celebrity - appears on a TV show as themselves, they become automatic members of the League of Themselves. Here at Toobworld Central, we give favor to those appearances that take place in fictional settings like sitcoms and dramas. Two good examples from the worlds of sports and politics - Keith Hernandez on 'Seinfeld' and former President Gerald Ford on 'Dynasty'.

Because Toobworld is made up of EVERYTHING that is broadcast, appearances by people as themselves on talk shows, game shows, reality shows, infomercials, and news reports are also included. However, Toobworld Central tries (as best we can - the temptation is great!) to ignore these appearances in favor of the more interesting fictional ones. At best, we may use them in such things as our "Hat Squad" tributes if they provide some interesting flavor which informs the basic nature of the person's TV personality.

Tom Cruise's appearance on 'Oprah' last year, jumping on the couch, is a good example. It's a pop culture moment that has been referenced in other shows by now, I'm fairly certain, so we have to accept it as a true Toobworld moment.

And the same would go for the "tele-version" of Michael J. Fox. Most recently, his TV life would, like his real life, be under scrutiny for the campaign spots he did for Democratic candidate Claire McCaskill in Missouri, now the Senator-Elect.

Looking over his credits in the IMDb.com, I don't see any shows where he has made fictional appearances as himself. The closest thing would be the Saturday morning PSAs for 'One To Grow On', in which a fictional scene - one to which kids could relate - would be acted out and then a celebrity would step out and instruct the viewers on the best way to handle that particular situation.

(This appearance marks Michael J. Fox as a serlinguist, able to communicate through the fourth wall to the audience viewing at home in the Trueniverse.)

David Spade's portrayal of Michael J. Fox in an episode of 'Saturday Night Live' doesn't count toward Fox's televersion in the main Toobworld. Instead, that's part of his ever-changing genetic makeup in the sketch comedy dimension, Skitlandia.

But since his talk show appearances do count for background information and flavor, we have to accept that TV's Michael J. Fox is married to TV's Tracy Pollan. However, as is the case with his ability of serlinguism, there are some differences in his circumstances.

As "bttf4444" pointed out, it's likely he never met her on the set of 'Family Ties', as that show really exists in Toobworld. Michael J. Fox and Alex Keaton share the same world and could conceivably even meet each other someday. If 'Family Ties' has been mentioned in other TV shows as a pop culture reference, it could either be that it's the same title but a different show, or - the reference is really specific - a show was created about the Keaton family over there because some network executive thought they'd make the basis for a good TV series based on their lives. (That line of thinking avoids the headache of Zonks.)

In that second supposition, it could be that the TV version of Michael J. Fox also starred on the fictional 'Family Ties', because of his amazing resemblance to Alex Keaton. And if so, then Fox could still have met his future wife on that show because Tracy Pollan was also cast due to her amazing resemblance to the character she was playing, Ellen Reed. (By the way, in Toobworld theory, Ellen Reed is related to the Reed 'Sisters'.)

But suppose Fox is never mentioned when it comes to the pop culture references to 'Family Ties'? Then we work on the assumption that he had no connection to the show whatsoever. And in that case, he didn't meet Tracy Pollan on the set of the show.

However, since his talk show appearances would include mention of his marriage (especially now with the topic invariably turning more to his physical ailments than to his career), we just have to assume that somehow Fox finally did meet Pollan under different circumstances than he did in the Real World.

Some things are kismet and just can't be avoided.

(By the way, according to the IMDb.com, references about 'Family Ties' were made in 'Family Guy' and in 'South Park'. But as both of those shows exist in the Tooniverse, and not the main Toobworld, they don't count.

'Psych' also made a reference to 'Family Ties' in one episode. As kids, both Shawn and Gus had major crushes on Meredith Baxter Birney, who played Elyse Keaton on the show. But Shawn claimed that his infatuation was due to her being the mother of his hero, Alex Keaton. Since Fox isn't named, maybe some other actor played Alex to Baxter-Birney's Elyse?)

I'm hoping Michael J. Fox does get the chance to appear as himself in a fictional setting someday in either a drama (the upcoming '3 lbs.' on CBS, perhaps?) or in a sitcom. (Ideally, this would probably be either 'Entourage' or 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' on HBO. Or maybe '30 Rock' for his old home network, NBC!)

Well, I'm sure that was a long and confusing and meandering essay. But Toobworld is nothing if not a time-waster. And if you feel like you've just lost ten minutes of your life in reading this....

Sorry. No refunds.

Thanks for the inspiration, "bttf4444"!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"Hey, hold on. What are you guys doing?
You guys, you're better than this, alright?
I mean, you made people happy once, and you can do it again!
Come on, what do you say?"
"Michael J. Fox"
'Saturday Night Live'

THEORY OF RELATEEVEETY

'LOST' & 'VERONICA MARS'

Last night was the mini-season finale for 'Lost'; we'll not see it again until February 7th, 2007. Not a long time when compared to the break between seasons for 'The Sopranos', and it didn't exactly leave us on tenterhooks panting for its return with the cliffhanger they devised.

But it did bring back, in flashback, US Marshal Edward Mars, Kate's personal Jalvert as played by Frederick Lehne.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Edward Mars is - in Toobworld theory - the cousin of Keith Mars who is a private investigator in Neptune, California.

I just wish either one of the shows had mentioned that as well.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

EVERYBODY WAS "KUNG FU" RE-MAKING

The Hughes Brothers are going to be directing the movie version of 'Kung Fu'. If they're smart, and based on movies they've made in the past I know that they must be, they'll hire David Carradine to play either Master Kan or Master Po. Or have him involved in some other small cameo role.

This would be a sign that the movie has received the blessings of the star of the TV show, which goes a long way toward fostering good will in the prospective audience.

Best example of all? Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson as 'Starsky & Hutch' who meet the original playuhs at the end of the film - Paul Michael Glaser and David Soul. It was a cute moment which topped off an already pleasurable experience of a buddy movie.

It doesn't guarantee that the movie will be any good, of course - consider the movie version of 'The Avengers'. Even with the participation of Patrick Macnee (in voice only) as Invisible Jones, having the original John Steed couldn't translate to the entire affair as being a good movie.

Roger Moore supplied his vocals at the very end of Val Kilmer's version of 'The Saint' in a radio broadcast. By that point, it didn't matter; the movie had to stand on its own merits. (And it wasn't bad, considering it had become basically a generic "blowed-up-real-gooder" that wasn't much different from movies made by various action stars over the previous decade.)

But at the very least, if you do make the offer for the original TV star to appear in the cinematic remake, for God's sake, make sure they accept. I think the refusal of Robert Conrad to take on a cameo role in the remake of 'The Wild, Wild West' helped begin the antagonistic feelings towards the movie which starred Will Smith in Conrad's role of James West. (I think Conrad was offered the role of Ulysses S. Grant, but I can't be sure of that.)

The fact that the movie just plain sucked because it had to bend over backwards to create a logic for Smith's West to be in his line of work did the rest.

But should the Hughes Brothers offer any role to David Carradine, it should at least not be as a villain. Although he plays one well (just check out "Kill Bill II" for proof.), the audience might see it as Carradine's statement against the movie in general.

Bad juju!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

THE HAT SQUAD: ADRIENNE SHELLY

Adrienne Shelly was a 40 year old actress and director who was murdered on November 1st by an illegal immigrant working on construction in the apartment below her office. They had argued about the noise he was making and he followed her back to the office, where he struck her and then hanged her with sheets to make it look like a suicide.

She left behind her husband and their young baby.

Ms. Shelly had a movie soon to open called "Waitress", which she directed, and she had appeared in a movie called "Factotum" with Matt Dillon last year.

Adrienne Shelly was best known for her first two big independent movies directed by Hal Hartley: "The Unbelievable Truth" and "Trust". But she did make a small imprint on Toobworld with four guest appearances in TV series; three of which are closely related in the TV Universe, no matter which way you interpret its many connections.

TV SERIES
"Law & Order" .... Wendy Alston (1 episode, 2000)
- High & Low
"Oz" .... Sarah (1 episode, 1998)
- Ancient Tribes
"Early Edition" .... Emma Shaw (1 episode, 1997)
- Phantom at the Opera
"Homicide: Life on the Street" .... Tanya Quinn (1 episode, 1994)
- A Many Splendored Thing

BCnU...
Tele-Toby

TODAY IN TOOBWORLD & THE 8th MAN

In the Real World, today is November 8th, 2006. It is the day after the "Midterm Midtacular" national elections. (Thank you, 'Daily Show'.) And the fallout from the swing to the Democrats' favor has already begun - Donald Bin Rumsfeld has resigned as Secretary of Defense. Now he can go back to doing what he's best at: chasing kids playing frisbee off of his lawn.

(If Aaron Sorkin was writing real life, Rumsfeld would hang on until the very end, only to have his resignation refused by the new President - who would instead fire his ass.)

But in the 'Heroes' perspective of the TV Universe, today is the day of the big atomic-like blast that is supposed to destroy New York City. However, only HIro Nakamura has reached that point yet, by traveling into the future. And he's gone back to be in chrono-synch with the rest of the cast. For them it is not yet November 8th, and they still have time to save the cheerleader; save the world.

It'll be some time before they reach that point in the narrative as the show is going to take a big step backwards, again thanks to Hiro.

So unless a show is set in the past or the future or in another dimension, the rest of the Toobworld is already living out November 8th, 2006... albeit offscreen for the most part.

('Lost', 'Kidnapped', and 'Everybody Loves Chris' are set in the past. 'Doctor Who', 'Battlestar Galactica', 'Smallville' and 'Jericho' are set in other dimensions. Currently, there are no shows set in the future of the main Toobworld, that I know of.)

Therefore, if we're looking at all of the TV shows being in the same universe, a lot of the wind is taken out of the sails for 'Heroes' plotline. We already know that they do indeed save the cheerleader and the world.

Not that it detracts from the journey when viewed on its own. This show kicks!

Today would also have been my Dad's 77th birthday.....

BCnU...
Tele-Toby

"Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world -

A world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones

Created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors

Who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags.

"Where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money

And use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants.

"Oh, and everybody's high!"

Stephen Colbert

"The Midterm Midtacular"

KID SWARLEMAGNE

For those of you who don't know where that name of "Swarley" came from in the previous post, then o'bviously you're not watching one of the best sitcoms on the air today - 'How I Met Your Mother'.

In this week's episode, Barney's drink order was mistakenly attributed to "Swarley" (also the episode title) at a local 'Friends'-style coffee house. After that, his friends were merciless in finding ways to twist the new, detested nickname:

Swarlos
Swarhili
Swarles Barkley

were three of the best.

If I had the chance to torment Barney with my own variation, I would have called him

"Kid Swarlemagne".

"Swarley" has got to be the best made-up name to be found in a TV series, male division. As for the female category? There's no competition......

Mulva (from 'Seinfeld')

In fact, I'm thinking the two piglets I was going to feature in a future "Toobworld" story should get those names. Swarley & Mulva. These piglets would be kin to Arnold Ziffel. And all of them can trace their intelligence back to their ancestor, the demi-god Hercules, who had a liaison with a sow during the unseen portions of the "Porkules" episode in 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys'.

As for Barney's predicament about being called "Swarley", it was never really resolved this week. The dreaded nickname may crop up again someday.

But here's the way to bring it to a cringing halt. Barney should bait them into calling him a variation of "Swarley" by showing up at MacLaren's Bar dressed in a white suit complete with porkpie hat, acting all calm and inscrutable. I don't know if it would be Marshall or Ted, but one of them wouldn't be able to resist the temptation to shout out for all to hear:

"Swarley Chan and the Chan Clan!"

And that's when Barney's secret weapon, a family of insulted Chinese, steps into view. The gang would never dare risk calling him "Swarley" again, for fear of what trap Barney might have set for them.

But that's if I ran Toobworld. I just maintain the place......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

REGARDING BENRY

Now that 'Lost' is winding down to a close with tonight's episode (Fear not! They'll be back February, 2007.), can we PLEASE stop using the cutesy name of "Benry" when referring to Ben Linus? He was using "Henry Gale" as an alias last year, but it's not his name and now that he's dropped it, we should drop any reference to it.

I swear I think commenters in various other online sites and blogs do this sort of thing to "mark their territory". It's right there in the Bible from the time of Adam - you name something, you have power over it. That's why I think some of these people are doing when they continue to use that stupid combination.

(Then again, I also hate Brangelina, Vaughniston, JAM (for Jim and Pam), TomKat, Bennifer I & II.......)

When 'Lost' returns in February of 2007, maybe Hurley should be the one slinging the new nicknames.

So how about a new name for ex-druggie Charlie?

Might I suggest "Swarley"?

Best of all, by using it in 'Lost', then it would trump its use on 'How I Met Your Mother' by at least two years!

Abbysinia, "Benry".

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

(HEADLINE) RIPPING YARNS

US actress Adrienne Shelly, best known for her roles in the Hal Hartley films "The Unbelievable Truth" and "Trust", has been found dead in her New York office. The 40-year-old was discovered by her husband Andy Ostroy on Wednesday night, according to her agent Rachel Sheedy.

Ostroy found her hanging in the shower of her office, and everyone jumped to the conclusion that she hanged herself... even though she was a new mother, and had a movie which she directed soon to debut.

Maybe I had seen too many 'Murder, She Wrote' episodes - especially one with Buddy Hackett and Steve Lawrence, - but the first thought that came to me was that it was murder. Of course, I - like the police who grilled him for five hours - at first suspected the husband.

A teenage construction worker has been charged with the murder of US actress Adrienne Shelly. A footprint found in her Manhattan home led police to 19-year-old Diego Pillco, originally from Ecuador.

You know that this will be the stuff from which quickie episodes of 'Law & Order' sprout. Of course, they'll put their own little twist to the tale; for alls I know, in their version, it will be the husband.

Or perhaps, the financial backer of the movie.....

BCnU....
Tele-Toby