"THE MANCHURIAN CONTESTANT"

At long last, Ken Jennings' reign of terror has finally ended.

At the end of his 75th appearance on 'Jeopardy!', after 74 wins, Jennings finally lost. The "Final Jeopardy" answer that brought him down was:

"Most of this company's 70,000 seasonal white-collar employees only work four months of the year."

The correct question was:

"What is H&R Block?"; Ken was eliminated by "Who is FedEx?"

You can't feel sorry for the guy - he walks away with 2.5 million dollars, minus taxes and tithing to the Mormon Church. He now holds all of the records for a game show contestant. And someday he may even be worth a pie wedge in a game of Trivial Pursuit.

And maybe, just maybe, Ken Jennings might even have a movie made about his life.

Over ten years ago, Robert Redford made "Quiz Show" about the 1950s game show scandals. There was a movie in development about the guy who figured out how to win on 'Press Your Luck', with Bill Murray slated to star.

But if there was a movie about Ken Jennings, there probably should be more to the plot line than just his incredible run on 'Jeopardy!'. His story needs to be tricked out; his life would have to undergo a little embellishment......

"Pimp My Bio", as it were.....

As such, a disclaimer would have to be run that the life of Ken Jennings as portrayed was not the real thing but actually a highly fictionalized dramatization.

I'd want it to be about the televersion of Ken Jennings, and that means it would have all the trappings of Toobworld....

It would have the same basis in fact as TV reality shows - that is to say, none at all, - and yet none of the names would be changed to protect the innocent.

Here's how his TV Life might then play out.....

"Ken Jennings" was born in Washington State, not far from the Great Northern Lodge in the town of 'Twin Peaks'. Even though his family ties were in the town of Twilight, Utah, ('The Boys Of Twilight'), Ken grew up in Singapore and Seoul because his father was the Asia-Pacific Division Counsel of Oracle Corporation. This organization was nothing more than a front for the United Network Command for Law Enforcement ('The Man From UNCLE' & 'The Girl From UNCLE'). Often Ken's father worked in tandem with Kelly Robinson and Alexander Scott ('I Spy').

Because of his mathematical prowess and high IQ, Ken Jennings came to the attention of a secret cabal bent on world domination while he was a college student in Seoul, Korea. As part of their plot to have the world ruled by genetically augmented super-humans ('Star Trek'), they subjected Ken Jennings to an operation in which a wire was inserted into his brain to enhance his intelligence. All of this was done without his consent or knowledge. He was left as a sleeper agent, able to return to his life in Utah. There he married and worked as a computer programmer for a health-field technology corporation known as Weigert. ('St. Elsewhere' & 'Oz')

During the 1990s, those genetic overlords were overthrown in a series of conflicts that came to be known as the Eugenics Wars ('Star Trek'). Even though they were allied with a rebel faction of Galactican refugees to this world, ('Battlestar Galactica' - first edition), their totalitarian dictatorships were brought down.

Through it all, Ken Jennings remained unaware that he was a pawn, a walking time bomb with that wire in his brain.

That all changed in 1997 when there was some kind of atmospheric disturbance caused by the mysterious return of an alien abductee in the Utah Desert. Even after a forty-year absence, Adam Mac was relatively unchanged physically, but there may have been a some kind of psionic alteration.

Ken Jennings must have been in close proximity when 'The Visitor' landed in the Utah Desert. Something of the alien technology must have triggered the wire to go into overdrive, causing Ken's mental activities to be greatly enhanced.

He somehow became interfaced with the computers at his job and he began to feed off the link to their programming. As his mind began networking with computer programs and systems nationwide on an exponential growth rate, Jennings unwittingly hurried along the increasing activities being prepared in Washington State for the coming 'Millennium'.

The top-secret "Operation: Backstep", which was based on alien technology that could send a man back in Time by '7 Days', benefited from a booster shot of his raw mental energy when their neural nets meshed.

Dr. Theodore Morris ('Now And Again') picked up on the subconscious brain waves of Ken Jennings during his tests of living human brains. Dr. Morris mistakenly thought he was close to his dream of transplanting a human brain into a genetically enhanced body, but the inteferonic interference by Jennings delayed that project for another two years.

He even touched the consciousness of Sydney Bloom, trapped in the 'VR5' virtual reality of cyberspace as well as that of Lieutenant Hobbes, whose mind was also trapped inside the 'Harsh Realm' of a virtual reality game.

It's quite likely that the energies of his brain contributed to the problems with the navigational systems on board the Jupiter Two. Upon liftoff in 1997, the sleeper ship went disastrously off course and was never heard from again once it became 'Lost In Space'.

But for Ken Jennings, all of these encounters were nothing more than dreams.

Eventually, Jennings decided to parlay this seemingly natural intelligence for his own benefit. He would capitalize on it by appearing on 'Jeopardy!'.

Little did he know that the host of that program was also leading a double life as a Black Ops agent who dealt with the phenomena of UFOs ('The X-Files').

Alex Trebek was a "Man in Black".

By this point in time, the government had traced the unearthly resonance from Jennings' aura and realized that he posed a potential threat to the security of the nation in the wake of 9/11. Therefore Trebek was instructed by his superiors to keep the Mormon computer programmer under observation while he was a contestant on 'Jeopardy!' and if possible, keep him there for as long as possible.

This is not to suggest that the show was rigged so that Jennings had that incredible winning streak, however. With his analytical abilities heightened by the wire in his head, there was no need for the show's producers to offer any such illegal assistance.

But that didn't stop David Letterman from raising the alarum that a conspiracy was afoot, and he claimed to have the video footage to back up the charge. ('Late Night With David Letterman')

But then, in early September of 2004, solar flare activity increased and once again played havoc with the Earth's atmospherics. And one particular energy spike caused a mind-meld for Ken Jennings with the Genesis spacecraft, which was quickly approaching the planet on its return trip after completing its mission to collect solar wind particles.

This latest development proved to be too much for Jennings to bear. His conscience began to expand and his mind was able to comprehend the concept of tele-cognizance (the recognition of the world they live in as nothing more than a TV show).

This condition wasn't helped by the fact that the first round of the 'Jeopardy!' game played out on September 7th, Ken's final show, was totally built around phrases from the TV show 'Seinfeld' as a plug for that show's first DVD release.

In this TV movie version of Ken Jennings' life, he should never have learned that the people of 'Seinfeld' were nothing more than TV characters. They should have been existing in the same universe as he was.

But if they were fictional, what did that say for his own existence?

It was more than his brain could process and the silicon chip inside his head was then set for overload. Like the 'Seinfeld' TV show itself, his mind became all about nothing; a condition of "tabula rasa" momentarily overwhelmed him.

Instead of being able to easily come up with the answer "H&R Block", instead he suffered a mental block and gave the "FedEx" answer.

At that moment, the link between Jennings and Genesis was severed, and the spacecraft basically committed cyber-seppiku.

On September 8th, one day after Ken Jennings lost on 'Jeopardy!', the Genesis spacecraft plummeted to the Earth's surface without deploying its parachutes. It crashed in the Utah desert, the same state in which Ken Jennings lived.......

So.

That's my fictional version of the life of Ken Jennings. With all the links to be found to all of those other TV shows, it just may well be the first piece of crossover fanfic to ever feature the game show 'Jeopardy!'.

Or it might one day serve as corroborating evidence in a future sanity hearing for me......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"If there's something on the Internet,

It's got to be true."

Ken Jennings

'Ellen'

ROUNDUP FOLLOW-THROUGH 2

I've heard from another online pal, long-time correspondent Hugh. He also had something to add about this week's roster for the League of Themselves:

Just a quick note:
You mention Tommy Davidson in a Nike spot with Carmelo Anthony.

I haven't seen this particular spot yet, but Davidson has a history here. What's now many years ago (around 1990 I think), he appeared in a Nike ad with Scottie Pippen, playing a clear Serlinguist as the host of "The Nike Zone."

In the b&w spot, he did a clear take on Rod Serling (a role he also took at least once on In Living Color) and talked about Scottie entering into a world "in which no one could contain him."

Pippen then drove the lane and dunked, as I recall.

Hugh

Bwahahahahahahahaha... White-Out!

Just received a correction for this week's Roundup of Toob-biz from a fellow Iddiot, JoelB.

It appears that when it comes to identifying little people, I'm shor- okay, I better not go there....

Anyway, here's JoelB:

I never thought I'd ever be able to correct the perfect master!

In the T-Mobile commercial, the little person is Wee Man from Jackass, notPeter Dinkledge.

Got it!

Be well.
Joel

Oh, I'm far from perfect, and certainly not a master - at least not in this domain. I'm just a Caretaker.

But when it comes to mastering other domains....

I'm out!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Nv-TV

My friend Craig and his wife Tracey have their picture displayed in TV Guide; it's in connection to the FOX "reality" show 'Nanny 911'. They appeared in the second episode, to the derision of those kinds of people who frequent the message boards for such shows.

TV Guide ran an update on the McCray family to determine if the work of Nanny Stella was beneficial to them.
Craig ended up in the glossy pages of the TV Guide. I dream of one day getting in the TV Guide glossy pages!

The best I can claim is that "Toby O'Brien" did show up in the magazine's regular pages of newspaper stock....

But as a fictional character in a 1972 episode of 'Police Story'. Taylor Lacher portrayed that "Toby O'Brien" as a cop.

Am I jealous of Craig and his family of rugrats?

Jealousy is such an ugly word.

But I wasn't that good-looking to begin with, so yeah. You bet your sweet bippy I'm jealous!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"You are born, you live your life in torment and humiliation and then you die..... You need to watch television to distract yourself from your miserable destiny."
-- Brother Theodore
'Late Night with David Letterman'

WEEKLY ROUNDUP

THE YADA-YADA
"Television is the greatest single achievement in communication
That anybody, or any area of the world, has ever known."
Vice President Hubert H. Humphrey

THE CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK
'RAW' & 'Monday Night Football' (& 'Desperate Housewives')
[See the essay "Towelling Off"]


THE GREAT LINK
Tele-Cognizance in the TV Universe
[See the essay " 'Raw' Talent"[

ZONK
PETER: Wow, a gay network. 20 years ago, the closest we had was 'Cagney and Lacey'.
JACK: Well, let me tell you, we've come a long way. Now there's an entire network devoted to reruns of 'Cagney and Lacey'.
['Will & Grace']

I think they've beaten me on this one. I suppose I could go for a splainin dealing with the two earlier incarnations of 'Cagney & Lacey': the TV movie with Loretta Swit and Tyne Daly, and a limited run version of the series with Tyne Daly and this time Meg Foster in the role of Cagney. I might say that either one of those were based on the lives of the real Chris Cagney and Mary Beth Lacey.

But then how to splain away that the actress playing Lacey looked like the "real" Mary Beth? From that point, I'd have to track down some TV character played by Tyne Daly who led the life of an actress.

Too much trouble.....

SPLAININ
But I had no trouble bending over backwards to splain away another 'Will & Grace' zonk: the triple-breated dream Grace had in which she cited 'Desperate Housewives', 'Jeopardy', and 'Lost'...
[See the essay "3 Boobed Toob - Zonk"]

THE LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES
Carmelo Anthony - Nike
(Tommy Davidson also appears in this commercial, but I believe that since he's invisible to Anthony and is talking to the audience viewing at home, that he's probably the serlinguistic ghost of some other character.)

Peyton Manning - MasterCard

Snoop Dogg
Molly Shannon
Jeffrey Tambor
Paris Hilton
Burt Reynolds
Peter Dinklage[?]
Wayne Newton - all for T-Mobile /Google

Rip Taylor - He was up for the role of Out-TV's spokesman, but lost to the actor who played the Cocoa Devil in a long-ago commercial.
('Will & Grace')

Reverend Al Sharpton was called in to perform another "Hail Mary" pass for the sake of a client.
('Boston Legal')

LA TRIVIATA
The Cocoa Devil! The world only knew him as a four-inch tall demon superimposed on Gabe Kaplan's shoulder. The actor won a Clio for his work in that ad and soon had a Mazda 626. And because of his reputation as the Cocoa Devil, he was the perfect mid-level-celebrity-nobody for that mid-level-nothing cable network, OUT-TV.
('Will & Grace')

Between her first and second marriages, Karen Walker backpacked through Japan, Vietnam, and Bhutan.
('Will & Grace')

Atooshi Kodki is "the energy drink of today's youth". It was a beverage full of minerals, vitamins, and 22 grams of nicotine.
('Will & Grace')

At the end of a 'Jack & Bobby' episode dealing with the suicide of a gay teen, a PSA was shown for the Suicide/Crisis Line for Gay & Questioning Teens with the number 866-4-U-TREVOR and website www.TheTrevorProject.org.
('Jack & Bobby')

REALI-TV
TV helps teen deliver boy
BY DAVE GOLDINER
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
Raynita Anderson learned all she knows about delivering babies from watching shows like "Birth Day" and "Babies: Special Delivery" on cable television.

The upstate teenager and aspiring doctor put her reality show know-how to real-life use when her mom's friend went into labor early on the Saw Mill Parkway.

Even though the boy was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, Anderson saved him - unwrapping the cord and then using her shoelace to tie it off early on Thanksgiving Day.

"I was stunned," said Raynita, 15, a 10-grader from Wingdale, told the Journal News paper. "I didn't know it was going to come out that quick."

The baby and his mother, Yonkers cop Jacqueline Walker-Jones, were both doing fine.

Walker-Jones had nothing but praise for the two "miracles" in her life. "After all he's been through, I think he's a miracle baby," she said.

Glancing at Raynita, she added, "And she's a miracle, too."

OBITUARIES
MATTHEW KRAMER
Since the sixth grade, Matt had been one of Jack McCallister's closest friends. But in 2003, he came out to Jack and confessed that he was in love with his best friend. Unfortunately, Jack didn't handle the situation well and Matt felt rebuffed in the friendship as well. They became distant to each other and Matt finally committed suicide around Thanksgiving of 2004.
('Jack & Bobby')

MRS. HUBER
Mrs. Huber was the nosy neighbor on Wisteria Lane who was finally revealed to be the blackmailer behind Mary Alice Young's suicide. She also knew that Gabrielle Solis and the teenaged gardener had been trimming the verge, and that Susan Meyer had burned down Edie's house.

Mrs. Huber was struck over the head with a blender and then strangled by Paul Young, the distraught husband of Mary Alice, once he found out the truth about her blackmail attempts.
('Desperate Housewives')

CROSSOVER HALL OF FAME
In case anyone was interested in who the other 'Trek' inductees have been up to this point, here's the rundown of the year so far:
January - Captain James T. Kirk
February - Lt. Uhura
March - Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy
April - Commander Montgomery Scott
May - Yeoman Janice Rand
June - Zephraim Cochrane
Birthday Honors - The Cast Of The Original 'Star Trek':
William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, George Takei, Nichelle Nichole, Walter Koenig, Majel Barrett, Grace Lee Whitney
July - Ensign Pavel Chekov
August - Helmsman Hikaru Sulu
September - Gene Roddenberry
October - The Tribbles
November - Ambassador Sarek

Well, that's it for another week. Please stay tuned!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

THE TELE-FOLKS DIRECTORY

This past week, Bravo ran a five-night series which had a rundown of their picks for the top 100 TV characters for all time.

Surprisingly, for a list of this nature, I had not problems with their choices for the top ten. And I'm not going to get into nitpicking as to the standings in the list for other characters, although I think Ed Norton, Rob Petrie, Mr. Spock, Barney Fife, and Bret Maverick all should have been much higher on the list than where they ended up.

There were a handful of characters, however, whom I think should have been in the next group of twenty below 100. And I had some suggestions as to who would have replaced them in the top 100.

Here's the list as chosen by Bravo's panel of "experts":

Day 1
100. Xena
99. Monk
98. Steve Urkel
97. Dr. Smith
96. Artie
95. Doug Ross
94. Vic Mackey
93. Maynard G Krebs
92. Agent Dale Cooper
91. Caine
90. Herman Munster
89. Lt. Castillo
88. Jamie Somers
87. Gomez & Morticia
86. Maxwell Smart
85. Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin
84. Bob Hartley
83. Vinnie Barbarino
82. Gil Grissom & Catherine Willow
81. Cast of Will & Grace

Day 2
80. Jack Tripper
79. Charles Ingalls
78. Rob & Laura Petrie
77. Dr. Craig
76. Eleanor Frutt
75. Ally McBeal
74. Beaver
73. Dr. Johnny Fever
72. Dick Soloman
71. Dan Fielding
70. Niles Crane
69. David Addison/Maddie Hayes
68. Benson
67. Jim Ignatowski
66. Carla Tortelli
65. John Boy
64. Jessica Fletcher
63. Andy Taylor
62. Francis Xavier Pembleton
61. Crockett & Tubbs

Day 3
60. Mork
59. Al & Peg Bundy
58. Barney Miller
57. Rhoda Morgenstern
56. Mick Belker
55. Capt. Picard
54. Rocky & Bullwinkle
53. Pres. Josiah Bartlett
52. Emma Peel
51. Murphy Brown
50. Sam & Diane
49. Maude Finley
48. Ted Baxter
47. Carmella Soprano
46. Cast of Friends
45. Marshall Matt Dillon
44. Cliff Huxtable
43. Thomas Magnum
42. Laverne & Shirley
41. The Barone Family

Day 4
40. Fred Sanford
39. Kojak
38. Sgt. Ernie Bilko
37. Marcus Welby
36. Barney Fife
35. Lou Grant
34. Kermit & Miss Piggy
33. Maverick
32. Scully & Mulder
31. Samantha Stephens
30. Det. Lenny Briscoe
29. Alex Keaton
28. Perry Mason
27. Ann Marie
26. Frasier Crane
25. Joe Friday
24. Louis DePalma
23. Andy Sipowicz
22. Richard Kimball
21. Mr. Spock

Day 5
20. Ed Norton
19. Eric Cartman
18. Roseanne
17. Jim Rockford
16. George Jefferson
15. J.R. Ewing
14. Hawkeye Pierce
13. Buffy
12. Edith Bunker
11. Carrie Bradshaw
10. Tony Soprano
9. Capt. James T. Kirk
8. Mary Richards
7. Lt. Columbo
6. Seinfeld Cast
5. Homer Simpson
4. The Fonz
3. Lucy Ricardo
2. Ralph Kramden
1. Archie Bunker

So. We know they allowed cartoon characters. They allowed puppets. They allowed characters from foreign TV shows. They allowed couples to be chosen as one. They allowed multiple choices when you couldn't choose one character over the others from a particular show; sort of an ensemble vote.

In the above list, you'll see there are several names in blue. Those are the characters whom I think should have been in the grouping for 100-120.

And here are my candidates for those characters who should have been included in the top 100:

The Lone Ranger/Tonto
Superman
Batman and Robin
Lassie
Hoss Cartwright/The Cartwrights
Mr. Ed
Big Bird
Captain Kangaroo
Number Six
Carl Kolchak

I even had two other choices who were merely recurring guest stars:

Uncle Tonoose
Dr. Miguelito Loveless (My personal all-time favorite TV character!)

But I won't press the issue on them.

Were daytime characters even considered? How could they then pass up the Captain? Or Big Bird?

What was so special about Charles Ingalls that he would be chosen rather than the more impressive Little Joe and the rest of his Cartwright family on the Ponderosa?

I think a choice like Doug Ross was more to honor the entire roster of a powerhouse show like 'ER'; or perhaps to make sure they got in good with an actor who's become a major movie star since then.

Why Jamie Sommers? Why not Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man? Because cybernetic chicks are hot? At least they didn't follow that line of thinking and choose April Dancer over Solo and Kuryakin!

The whole thrust of 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigators' has been to put the story ahead of the characters. There hasn't been enough about Grissom and Catherine to make them crack the top 100; it's been the outrageous nature of the crimes and their up-close forensics that have been more memorable.

And Lt. Castillo? One speech deriding the view of Hispanics by the upper echelons of the police department does not make for enough of a reason to be included.

I could go on, but I know you'd rather I'd stop.

At any rate, this is the whole nature of lists like this. They are created with the intention of sparking comments and dissent. So I'm hoping I'll be hearing from you about my opinions as well.

And then next week, we can move on to TV Land and their list of the Top 100 Greatest TV Moments.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

'RAW' TALENT

[A 'GREAT LINK' ESSAY]

"I'm sorry, the FCC is not going to tolerate this, and neither will I," McMahon said. "I'm not going to have a locker room of deviants. This is the WWE, this is not the NFL and it damn sure is not the NBA. This is the kind of sexual titillation that would send you up into the stands and attack the audience."

When Vince (not Vin*) McMahon broke up the impending liaison between Trish Stratus and Shelton Benjamin, he was more concerned with the effect of their "relationship" on the narrow-minded witch-hunters at the FCC led by Michael Powell.

Therefore this televersion of McMahon must have known that he was in fact a TV character living in a TV world.

The word for this is "tele-cognizance", and of course, not many people wield this power. Otherwise there would be chaos within the framework of many TV series.

David Addison is the leading example of a TV character who knows that they are part of a TV show. But mostly it is the realm of Serlinguists, those people who are able to talk directly through the Fourth Wall and address the audience viewing at home.

(Because of the root word, I've named this after Rod Serling. But George Burns should be recognized as one of the first practitioners and the one who made it a popular practice.)

So Vince McMahon now reveals himself as being a tele-cognizant in much the same way as newscasters, commercial spokespersons, televangelists, and old-time kid show hosts are.

Walter Cronkite, Julia Child, Billy Mays, Captain Kangaroo.... You all better set another place at the table for Vince McMahon!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

*My fellow Iddiots will understand that reference.....

TOWELING OFF

[THE CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK]

For the second week in a row, that steamy intro for 'Monday Night Football' which featured Terrell Owens, Nicollette Sheridan, and a quickly discarded towel, has provided the Crossover of the Week.

Perhaps I should spell that "Crossover of the Weak".

On the Monday night following the headline-making 'MNF'/'Desperate Housewives' promo, African-American wrestler Shelton Benjamin was in a locker room at the beginning of 'Raw', the WWE program on Spike TV. Suddenly busty female wrestler Trish Stratus walked in wearing a towel. For some reason, she was also wearing a face mask.

"What about my needs?," she said, mimicking Nicollette Sheridan's line in the ABC spot. "What about Trish?"

Just as Stratus was to drop her towel, a la Sheridan, McMahon burst into the locker room shouting.

"This is unconscionable," McMahon said. "This is scandalous. I can see the moral fabric of America disintegrating right before my very eyes. The sexual overtones, the racial overtones..."

Besides joking about the end of the moral fabric, McMahon also took direct shots at the NFL and the NBA, which is dealing with the fallout from last week's Pistons-Pacers' fan rumble.

"I'm sorry, the FCC is not going to tolerate this, and neither will I," McMahon said. "I'm not going to have a locker room of deviants. This is the WWE, this is not the NFL and it damn sure is not the NBA. This is the kind of sexual titillation that would send you up into the stands and attack the audience."

With that line, I guess the intro can also link to the live TV presentation of the riot at the Pistons-Pacers game at Auburn Hills.

Since the 'MNF' intro was presented as a TV show within a TV show, this means that McMahon was referring to what he must have seen on TV as well. And since Susan Mayer and Lynette Scavo of 'Desperate Housewives' were also watching that same TV within TV intro, then technically one could link 'Raw' to the new ABC hit series.

Like I said, it's weak, but it may be the best that can be summoned up in a week where everybody's attention was instead drawn to the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Ah, for the good old days when sitcoms like 'Seinfeld' and 'Friends' and 'Who's The Boss' could all be linked together by the parade!

('Raw' & 'Monday Night Football' & 'Desperate Housewives')

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"There's a frood who really knows where his towel is!"

The Book

'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy'

3 BOOBED TOOB - ZONK!

[A Splainin 2 Do Essay]

Just prior to Thanksgiving, (In Toobworld time, that is; in the Real World, we saw it ON Thanksgiving.), Grace Adler related a sex dream she had.

In the dream, "that hot gardener from 'Desperate Housewives'" put a hand on Grace's breast. And then "that hot smart guy from 'Jeopardy'" put a hand on her other breast. Finally, "that hot Korean guy from 'Lost'" put his hand on her third breast.

That was a bit of trivia she forgot to establish: in the dream she had three breasts.

This was different from other dreamZonks; it was related to the audience, not acted out. JustJack's analysis was that the dream signified her fear of dentists, but then he remembered that he was the one with a fear of dentists. (And that his own dentist was also hot, smart, and Korean - Jack was probably drawn to the fact that his name was "Hung".)

What the dream truly meant - besides Grace's need for sex - isn't of importance here. What matters is that she ticked off three shows that take place in the TV Universe as well.

But have no fear! We have splainins!

Let's start with the easiest one first. There was no inherent Zonk involved when Grace invoked 'Jeopardy'. It's long been established that game shows that we watch in the Real World also exist in Toobworld. The actual depiction of fictional games within episodes of other TV shows ('The Simpsons', 'Cheers', even in a few TV commercials like for Holiday Inn Express) has guaranteed that Alex Trebek will be inducted into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame.

Next up would be the mention of 'Lost'. Again, this doesn't prove to be a problem.

Well, not much of one....

Nothing really nailed this down to the current ABC hit show about the plane crash survivors on a strange and mystical tropical island. In fact, there are several movies by the name of "Lost"; any one of these could be the reference Grace was making. And since Jack and Karen seemed to know what she was talking about, they probably had seen the movie as well. Maybe it was a DVD they rented from the Toobworld equivalent of Netflix.

Knowing the shallow natures for both of those secondary characters (who are the main reasons I'm not a fan of this show), I would have to figure that the movie of "Lost" had to be recently released. I don't think either one of them has the patience to watch silent movies, nor would they comprehend the artistic value of black-and-white films from the 30s to the 50s in which literate dialogue had more meaning than mindless action scenes.

But there is one qualifier: it has to be a version of "Lost" in which there was a Korean character. So please talk amongst yourselves while I pop over to the IMDb.com and check out the cast/character lists for all of the "Lost" movies.....

I'm baaaaack! Miss me?

So........ There were fourteen different movies with the one-word title of "Lost". And of them all, it looks like the one we'd want to go with is from 1970. It's actual name is "Mei"; made in China, its international/English translation was "Lost".

It could be that they all saw this movie on DVD and that's why Jack and Karen understood the reference. And yes, the actors were Chinese, not Korean. But remember - Karen and Grace both made out with a guy on Thanksgiving whom they both thought was far older than his sixteen years of age. They're all so self-centered and fairly ignorant of anything outside their own interests; therefore I can believe that they thought Chinese actors in a Chinese movie were Korean.

Now we come to the really tricky one - the hot gardener from 'Desperate Housewives'.....

Unfortunately, this is a really specific title, unlike the more generic "Lost". There are thousands of google entries for it and they all refer back to the same thing - the ABC hit series which should exist in the same universe as 'Will & Grace'. (There are also a few message board entries for lonely guys looking for "desperate housewives to romance". Ain't nobody in 'Will & Grace' that could match either side of that equation!)

But here's a way we can rescue this from being a total Zonk - Doesn't the title of 'Desperate Housewives' summon up the image of a cover painting on one of those steamy paperback novels, the type from Harlequin Romance?

Perhaps in the Toobworld variation, it's a bodice-ripper that was edited by Martin Tupper of Whitestone Publishers in New York. ('Dream On')

None of that should have been a problem for (or even of any interest to) Grace Adler. Whatever the source for those characters in her dream, it made sense to her and it was understood by Jack and Karen.

What should have concerned Grace however was her self-image in the dream. Three breasts? Could it be that her sub-conscience in its deep sleep cycle had somehow tapped into the memories of her soul's earlier incarnation?

The Minbari ('Babylon 5') believed their souls travelled across space to be reborn in human vessels on Earth. Perhaps this happened with the sentient races of other worlds as well.

Maybe in a previous life Grace Adler had been an inhabitant of Eroticon 6, whose best known emissary was Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore who said Zaphod Beeblebrox was the best bang since the big one. ('The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy')

Or maybe Grace had too much Twip with dinner and it just didn't agree with her.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

IN THE NEWS

The premium cable channel HBO has picked up 13 episodes for a series starring Lisa Kudrow as a one-time sitcom star who is trying to revive her career. Kudrow and former 'Sex and the City' executive producer Michael Patrick King co-wrote the pilot script for 'Comeback' and will executive produce the series. In the pilot, directed by King, Kudrow was joined by co-stars Robert Michael Morris, Damian Young, Laura Silverman, Malin Akerman, Robert Bagnell and Lance Barber.
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OfficeMax's funky office supply guy, the "Rubberband Man," gets animated in a new holiday commercial from DDB/Chicago. Playing off earlier live-action spots, "Santa's Helper" casts the character in a stop-motion winter wonderland created by Chel White of Portland's Bent Image Lab. In a style reminiscent of holiday specials like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the RM goes about his business passing out office supplies to all the girls and boys, backed by a remix -- courtesy of Chicago music house Spank! -- of the Spinners classic that inspired the campaign.
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The outlandishly unfashionable puffy shirt worn by Jerry Seinfeld on his hit TV show went on display Friday at the Smithsonian, alongside Kermit the Frog, Archie Bunker's chair and Dorothy's magic slippers from "The Wizard of Oz."

At the end of its nine-season run, 'Seinfeld' - the "show about nothing" - left lots of well-loved lines but few tangible relics suitable for enshrinement in the National Museum of American History. Thus, The Puffy Shirt, which appeared briefly in a single episode. What makes that bit of wardrobe so memorable is that it serves as an icon, not only of 'Seinfeld' but American popular culture.

"It looks funny and it sounds funny, and that's a good combination for a joke," Seinfeld told The Washington Post at a donation ceremony Thursday night. Before the puffy shirt episode aired in 1993, Seinfeld said, he had no idea it would become a classic.

In episode No. 66, comedian Jerry nods politely even though he can't make out what his pal Kramer's girlfriend is asking - she's a "low talker." Later to his horror, he learns he's agreed to wear the goofy, puffy shirt she designed when he appears on the "Today" show.

"This might be the first joke inducted into the Smithsonian Institution," Seinfeld noted.
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NEW YORK - Look out kids. SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney and Clifford the Big Red Dog are joining forces to rerecord the disco tune "We Are Family" to promote diversity and tolerance in classrooms.

A video starring the three children's characters plus nearly 100 others, including Dora the Explorer and Arthur, will be distributed to 61,000 public and private elementary schools nationwide, along with lesson plans for teachers. It will air simultaneously on Nickelodeon, the Public Broadcasting Service and the Disney Channel in March. "This is an unprecedented event. For the first time characters from all of the important kids shows came together to appear in the same video," said video producer Christopher Cerf. "The producers and performers from each show embraced the spirit and message of this project." The We Are Family Foundation was founded by singer-songwriter Nile Rodgers, who wrote the song recorded in 1979 by Sister Sledge. The nonprofit organization creates and supports programs about diversity and multiculturalism. The video was financed by a grant from the Toni Mendez Shapiro estate. "Cooperation and unity are the most important values we can teach children. We believe that this is the essential first step to loving thy neighbor," Rodgers said.
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Tony-winning actor Rene Auberjonois has been bumped up from guest star to series regular status on ABC's freshman legal drama ``Boston Legal.'' Auberjonois has made several appearances on the David E. Kelley-produced series as one of the partners in the criminal defense firm run by Denny Crane, played by William Shatner.
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Pope John Paul II has told an actor who is portraying him in a television drama about his life that he is "crazy". Polish actor Piotr Adamczyk had an audience with the 84-year-old Pontiff when he made the admission. "You're crazy to make a film about me. What did I ever do?" he said. The actor admitted to being lost for words when he met the pontiff. The new two-part film is being made especially for Italian television.

"I felt like a seven-year-old child", said Adamczyk, recalling the time when he first saw the Pope on an early visit to his Polish homeland. "When I learned that the Pope would receive me I was very moved, but at the same time worried, what would I have to say to him?" said the actor. The film, Karol Wojtyla: The Story Of A Man Who Became Pope, will be shown in two parts on Italian TV next year. The 10m Euro (£7m) project has been largely financed Mediaset, a company owned by Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. The film begins in Poland with the Pope as a 10-year-old boy, and culminates with his election in 1978.
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Plans to create a US soap based on the BBC's EastEnders have reportedly been drawn up by the Fox TV network. EastEnders' head writer Tony Jordan and music mogul Simon Fuller are involved in the project, according to reports in the Hollywood Reporter trade newspaper. It said scripts have been commissioned for a series about a community of working class people in of Chicago.
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COLUMBUS, Ohio - The original Mr. Wendy is back.
Pictures of Wendy's founder Dave Thomas, who died of liver cancer in January 2002, will be featured in a series of ads celebrating the fast-food chain's 35th anniversary, company officials told The Associated Press.

The first television and print ads will be out Friday and more TV spots will air for a month beginning Monday, said Bob Bertini, spokesman for Wendy's International Inc. The ads will reference Thomas' business philosophies such as "Just be nice" and "Don't cut corners."

Thomas pitched Wendy's hamburgers, fries and other fare in more than 800 TV ads over 12 years, emphasizing the quality of the chain's offerings with a folksy, straightforward delivery. After his death, the company switched to a campaign that focused on the quaint appeal of Thomas and Dublin, the upscale Columbus suburb where Wendy's is based. More recently, the company's ads featured Mr. Wendy, an "unofficial" spokesman who often embarrassed his wife by promoting the Wendy's menu everywhere he went.

The humor-based campaign, which the company will abandon, distracted from Wendy's emphasis on the quality of its food, said Rao Unnava, a marketing professor at Ohio State University.
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Here's a news item from months ago......

Tuesday, August 31, 2004
On September 14, Spike TV and Ol’ Dirty Bastard will premiere a new reality series called “Stuck To ODB,” where a normal individual must stay within 10 feet of the rapper for five full days. Should he achive the daunting task, he will win $25,000. After the first showing, it will be seen on Tuesdays at 10:00 PM (ET) and 11:00 PM (PT).
Source: AllHipHop.com

That was then. This is now......

Ol' Dirty Bastard's manager announced that there are still plans to press on with the release the late rapper's reality TV show, 'Stuck To ODB'. In the show, contenders were offered a cash prize of $25,000 if they could stay within three metres (10 feet) of O.D.B for five full days. A date for the show's debut has yet to be announced.

The eccentric rapper who would have turned 36 on November 15th, shocked fans, friends and family when he died suddenly at a recording studio in New York on November 13th.

So why wasn't the show broadcast as originally planned? It's not like they had some psychic premonition that he would die.... did they?

Why do I get this Chayevskeyesque "Network" vibe from the whole deal?