2015 TOOBITS AWARDS (PART FOUR)

2015 TOOBITS AWARDS

It's that time of year again, when we all make lists and think back over the past year, in whatever field of interest concerns us, and chronicle the high points and the lows. For the past few years I've been presenting this compilation as an awards show, the Toobits, which of course celebrates my two bits about Toobworld.

As it is with any such list you'll find in TV columns across the country these last few weeks, these are my opinions. You're welcome to your own and I hope you'll share them, but I'm sticking to my weapons of choice. (It could be you won't see something that was a favorite of yours because I just never got around to seeing it. There's only so much time in the world - even for a do-nothing-else-anyway sort like me! - and I've only got the two eyes, even if they do operate independantly of each other at times.)

Unlike the Emmy Awards which will just keep handing out trophies to some shows forever, only shows, characters and what-not that debuted in 2015 can be considered. (And by "debuted", I mean that which I first came in contact with in 2015. It could be a few years old, but if it's my first time seeing it, it's new.)

This one-time-only rule includes characters who have been recast; those are still the same characters who already exist in Toobworld. (But there were a few notable appearances that deserved honorable mention, and they get it.)

So without further ado, let's have at it:

THE BEST MISCELLANIA OF 2015

BEST EXIT FOR A CHARACTER

TOOBWORLD

 Chief Roger Dooley, 'Agent Carter'

BEST DEATH SCENE

Jonas Slynt, 'Game Of Thrones'

SADDEST DEATH SCENE

Jason Gideon, 'Criminal Minds'

WORST (GRISLIEST) DEATH SCENE

Dr. Allerdyce, killed by her daughter Shirley, 'Fortitude'

 
FIRST MAJOR TV CHARACTER TO DIE

DCI Emma Summerhayes, 'EastEnders '

MOST DESERVING TO DIE
Dandy Mott, 'American Horror Story: Freakshow'

 
BEST NEW CHARACTER NAME

Roland Schitt, 'Schitt's Creek'
Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun, 'Game Of Thrones'
[Mostly because it's an in-joke reference to Phil Simms, formerly of the Giants.  Wun Wun = #11.  1-1....]

WORST NEW CHARACTER NAME
Yezzan zo Qaggaz, 'Game Of Thrones' (surprise!)

BEST NEW ALIAS

Hundred Eyes (Se Fu), 'Marco Polo'

BEST ZONK VISUAL
'You're The Worst' - "Spooky Sunday Funday"
Gretchen dressed as Daenerys from 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST MOVIE REFERENCE
Cabe Gallo: Hey, John McClane, need a ride?
Walter O'Brien: Who's John McClane?
Cabe Gallo: Some guy in a movie. Never mind. Let's go.
'Scorpion'

BEST LINE

"S'all good, man." - Jimmy, 'Better Call Saul'

BEST EXCHANGE OF DIALOGUE

Kristen Clark: We know more now than we did before.

Cameron: Yep!  We know that when confronted by a bouncer named "Cleaver", I leak urine.

'Stitchers'

BEST SPEECH/MONOLOGUE
OVERALL

DRAMA
Wilson Fisk: I was thinking about a story from the Bible.  I'm not a religious man... but I've read bits and pieces over the years. Curiosity more than faith. But this one story... There was a man. He was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho... when he was set upon by men of ill intent. They stripped the traveler of his clothes, they beat him, and they left him bleeding in the dirt. And a priest happened by... saw the traveler. But he moved to the other side of the road and continued on. And then a Levite, a religious functionary, he... came to the place, saw the dying traveler. But he too moved to the other side of the road, passed him by. But then came a man from Samaria, a Samaritan, a good man. He saw the traveler bleeding in the road and he stopped to aid him without thinking of the circumstance or the difficulty it might bring him. The Samaritan tended to the traveler's wounds, applying oil and wine. And he carried him to an inn, gave him all the money he had for the owner to take care of the traveler, as the Samaritan, he... continued on his journey. He did this simply because the traveler was his neighbor. He loved his city and all the people in it. (sighs deeply) I always thought that I was the Samaritan in that story. It's funny, isn't it? How even the best of men can be... deceived by their true nature. 

Guard: What the hell does that mean?

Wilson Fisk: It means that I'm not the Samaritan. That I'm not the priest, or the Levite. That I am the ill intent... who set upon the traveler on a road that he should not have been on.

('Daredevil')

SITCOM

Senator Gil John Biggs:  I decided to play a little hooky today.

I drove down to my hometown of Ruby Shoals, which is right on the shore.  Angie, show ’em a bit of where we’re at, go on.

OK, so it was tore up some by Sandy, but you get the general -#  Oh, grab a shot of them gulls there.  Cute little suckers....

Anyway, being back on this beach reminds me of what a privilege it was to grow up in a place where you could run through tide pools, hunt for sharks’ teeth, blow up crabs with cherry bombs.  Man, that’s just good times.

Anywho, Ruby Shoals has always been pretty conservative.  Soid Republican.  And as Republicans, the thing we believed in most of all was opportunity.  Which meant we believed in building stuff to create opportunity.  Like roads and schools and power grids.

It was a Republican, Ike, who built our highway system.

And another, Nixon, who created the EPA to protect what we are looking at right now.

As conservatives, we believed in conservin’ and free markets, which is why most of us used to favor cap and trade to fight climate change.

Anyway, that was then.  We don’t believe in climate change now.  Or any research into it.  Same with mandates or infrastructure or background checks or a dozen other things we used to support before we got within pissin’ range of the Tea Party.

I’ve about had it with all that.

Remember the old Gil John Biggs? The one who used to bring home a new clinic or research center or whatnot without apology? Sure, I named ’em after myself, but I don’t mind future generations knowing who invested in ’em.

You remember Coach Biggs? Who made college loans a huge priority because he’d seen how they changed lives.

And remember the guy that never voted to shut down the government or wreck our credit or suppress voting rights or compared people to Hitler?

Remember that guy?  He’s back.

('Alpha House')

BEST ZONK LINE

”A blind old man taught you the ways of martial arts? Isn’t that the plot to 'Kung Fu'?” - Foggy Nelson, 'Daredevil'

BEST ZONK DIALOGUE

'MADAM SECRETARY'

"YOU SAY YOU WANT A REVOLUTION"

Henry McCord: I'm having a tough time with this.  I haven't been sleeping well.
Allison McCord: Really?
Henry McCord: Yeah.... I've been watching a lot of 'Gunsmoke' in the middle of the night.
Allison McCord: What's 'Gunsmoke'?
Henry McCord: It's an old TV show, a Western.  I liked it as a kid...

Henry McCord: Today I just wanted to go back in Time to our trip to England when touring churches was our thing.

Allison McCord: you should wake me up the next time you watch 'Gunsmoke'.  Maybe that could be our thing.

The writer trusted the audience to recognize the title as being for a Western.  No mention of it being about Matt Dillon, or that he could have been a fictional character.  Any mention of 'Gunsmoke' in any show as a TV show isn't a problem - it would have been an historical recreation of Matt Dillon's tenure as a US Marshal.

WORST ZONK DIALOGUE

'NCIS: LA'

"BLAME IT ON RIO"

Sam Hanna: It's a post-op kit for cosmetic surgery......

Tony DiNozzo: Of course!  Michael Long!

Marty Deeks: That's right....

Tony DiNozzo: Lieutenant Michael Arthur Long.

Marty Deeks: He was shot in the face; he was rescued by billionaire Wilton Knight.  He was a primary field agent for the Foundation of Law And Government.

Tony DiNozzo: F.L.A.G.

Marty Deeks: F.L.A.G.

Sam Hanna: What are you two talking about?

Nell Jones: 'Knight Rider', starring David Hasselhoff.

Marty Deeks: The Hoff.  Don't you dare hassle him.

Nell Jones: 80s TV show with the talking car....

Eric Beale: AKA "KITT".  And the Knight Industries Two Thousand was a little more than a talking car.

G Callan: Do you ever get the feeling we're working alone here?

Sam Hanna: Every single day.....

This was another example of a script writer who didn't trust his audience to understand the reference without clubbing them over the head with the source. This scene would still have worked if it ended after the two mentions of F.L.A.G.

 
BEST NEW COINED WORDS

 "Incognegro" - a white person passing as black ('The Nightly Show' 6/15/15)
"Killgraved" - to be under the mind control of Killgrave ('Jessica Jones')
"Show-Hole" - when your TV show has ended and left you with nothing to watch (Netflix)

BEST THEME SONG

TV SERIES:

"Unbreakable" from 'The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt'

TV COMMERCIAL MUSIC
MODERN
"5 Years Time" - Noah And The Whale
(Used in a Volkswagen Golf commercial)

CLASSIC
"Prelude": "The Magic Flute" - Mozart
(Used in an Infiniti QX60 commercial)

BEST MUSICAL MOMENT
The song and dance number in the movie "Daddy's Boy" ('The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt')

BEST MUSIC VIDEO
"The Wishing Boot", 'Saturday Night Live'

 

BEST DREAM SEQUENCE

Jim Gaffigan's media nightmare - 'The Jim Gaffigan Show'

 
BEST NEW TOOBWORLD LOCATION

World

 Fortitude

USA

Schitt's Creek

 

BEST NEW ALIEN LOCATION

 "Monolith World" (Ego?) 'Agents Of SHIELD'

BEST NEW ALTERNATE TV DIMENSION

DRAMA
'The Man In The High Castle'

SITCOM
'The Last Man On Earth'

WORST NEW ALTERNATE TV DIMENSION
'Quantico'
This is purely subjective.  Had they destroyed some fictional building in NYC instead of Grand Central Terminal, I could have kept this series in Earth Prime-Time.

BEST NEW FICTIONAL COUNTRY

Urkesh, 'Forever'

BEST MAKE-UP

I've never done this category before, but I have to give props to the make-up wizards on this show for the wounds inflicted on various characters.  But mostly for the transformation of Rebecca DeMornay as Trish Walker's mom Dorothy - from an unrecognizable older woman to the DeMornay I remember from "Risky Business" and "Identity" in the flashbacks.

BEST FIGHT SCENE

Hundred Eyes vs. Jia Sidao, 'Marco Polo'
Some may argue that the fight scenes in 'Daredevil' and even 'Jessica Jones' were better, but they had to be more tricked out since enhanced humans were involved in them.  This was between two "ordinary" men from centuries ago, so the choreography of the fight scenes really couldn't depend on anything more than camera tricks.

BEST ACTION SCENE
The attack by the White Walker army on Hardhome, 'Game Of Thrones'

 
BEST NEW FICTIONAL BOOK

"Into The Light" by Peter Van Owen - 'Proof' 
According to the book cover, Van Owen wrote "The After Life You Live". His obsession with the Afterlife could be due to him really being the Reaper Mason from 'Dead Like Me'. If so, perhaps a lot of his information came from that job he had in the Pacific Northwest.....

BEST NEW FICTIONAL MOVIE

"Daddy's Boy" - 'The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt' 
"Operation: Eagle's Nest" - 'Fargo'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL TV SHOW

"The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show", 'Parks And Recreation'
We got a whole show out of that!

Special mention for "It's Patsy" from Comic Book Toobworld, as seen/heard in 'Jessica Jones'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL RADIO SHOW
"Trish Talk" - 'Jessica Jones'
First time for this category; I doubt I'll be using it again.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

DOMESTIC

 'Alpha House'

IMPORTED

'Jonathan Creek'

'QI'
I came to 'QI' because of Stephen Fry and the informative banter and moved on to 'Jonathan Creek' because I discovered Alan Davies in 'QI'.

BEST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (aka MEDIUM)

MOVIE TO TV
'Limitless'

TV TO MOVIE

 "Entourage"

BOOK to TV

'Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell'

COMIC BOOK to TV

'Jessica Jones'

 
WORST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (MEDIUM)

TV TO MOVIE

 "Jem And The Holograms"

BOOK TO TV

The pilot for "The Wheel Of Time"

MOVIE TO TV
'Minority Report'

BEST BOOK THAT SHOULD BE A TV SHOW
"Banner Deadlines" by Joseph Commings
I could see this being a great vehicle for John Goodman.