Sunday, December 14, 2008

TODAY'S TWD: THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS

December 14, 1782:
The
Montgolfier brothers' first balloon lifts on its first test flight.

That must have been an unmanned balloon, because.....

Meanwhile, back in the Skitlandia dimension of Toobworld......

[Oh, where is the 'Batman' announcer when you need him? Probably dead.....]

CAPTION: 'THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING'
CAPTION: 'THE BEGINNINGS'

Cut to a suburban bathroom. A plumber with a bag of tools open beside him is doing an elaborate repair on the toilet. He is in rather an awkward position.

Plumber (working away)
The Golden Age of Ballooning can be said to begin in 1783 ... when the Montgolfier brothers made their first ascent in a fire balloon. On the eve of that ... (struggling with the work) come on... come on... momentous ascent, the brothers took one last look at their craft, as it stood on the field of Annencay.

At the window Joseph and Jacques Montgolfier are looking out at their balloon. In the background a plumber is working away at a bit of eighteenth-century French piping.

Jacques
This is a great moment for us, Joseph.
Joseph
It is a great moment for France.
Jacques
Ah, oui!
Joseph
First ascent in a hot-air balloon, by the Montgolfier brothers - 1783 ... I can see us now... just after Montesquieu and just before Mozart.
Jacques
I think I'll go and wash ...
Joseph
Good luck.
Jacques
Oh ... it's quite easy, really ... I just slap a little water on my face, then...
Joseph
No... good luck for tomorrow.
Jacques
Oh I see, yes. You too. Yours has been the work.
Joseph
Let us hope for a safe ascent... and don't use my flannel.
Jacques
You know, when you showed me the plans in Paris, I could not believe that we should be the first men who would fly.
Joseph
Yes ... it's wonderful.
Jacques
I am so excited I could hardly wash.
Joseph
Yes ... I too have had some difficulty washing these past few days.
Jacques
Still, what is washing when we are on the verge of a great scientific breakthrough?
Joseph
Jacques...
Jacques
Yes, Joseph...
Joseph
I have not been washing very thoroughly for many years now.
Jacques
What do you mean? You must have been washing your face?
Joseph
Oh yes, my face, I wash my face... but my legs... my stomach ... my chest, they're filthy.
Jacques
Well, I don't wash my stomach every day.
Joseph (with increasing self-remorse)
Ah, but you wash far more than me ... you are the cleaner of the Montgolfier brothers.
Jacques
This is nothing, Joseph...
Jacques
Well, it's getting late. I must go and have a wash.
Joseph
What will you be washing?
Jacques
Oh ... just my face and neck ... perhaps my feet... and possibly ... but no ... no ... lock up the plans, Joseph... tomorrow they will make us the toast of France. 'The first ascent by the Montgolfier brothers in a balloon'. Just after Ballcock and just before Bang... what a position!
CAPTION: 'THE END'

[edited down from the original 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' sketch in order to eliminate any inadvertant Irishmen.....]

BCnU!
Toby O'B

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