Wednesday, January 20, 2010

MARSHAL DEALIN'

It's surely one of the most basic tenets of Toobworld: when a show is cancelled, those characters - at least the ones still alive at the end of the series - continue to live on in the TV Universe. We've seen some of them come back long after their show has ended - Alan Brady, Bones McCoy, Bret Maverick, and Amos Burke, for example.

But eventually we have to admit that mortality must take its toll on these characters; they're only immortal within the boundaries of the reruns. Certainly some characters outlive the actors who played them, but when the actor passes away sometimes it's better to think that the character left the stage as well (rather than risk seeing somebody else assay the role.)

And due to circumstances concerning those characters within their
show, we have to assume the character died before the actor. The Toobworld Timeline plays a big role in this, of course. David Carradine died last year, but even had he lived, Kwai Chang Caine must have died about eighty years ago or so. (I think he was last seen in 1906 in "The Gambler: Luck of the Draw", but could have been around for another twenty years or more.)

Because of his affliction with MS, we have to assume that former President Josiah Bartlet will die before Martin Sheen. (And probably by his own hand before the disease takes its full toll.)

So what of all those other TV characters? Eventually we have to assume they reached the end of their lives, one way or the other, in Toobworld. And sometimes we could make assumptions about their deaths in order to clear out the Tele-Folks Directory. I postulated something along these lines when the TV version of "The Poseidon Adventure" aired a few years ago - finding a number of TV characters who might have been aboard that ocean liner when it capsized. And I did the same with the collapse of the Twin Towers in the real world because so many shows incorporated it into their storylines, from 'Becker' to 'Without A Trace'.

This is all a long-winded way of saying that I may have found another possibility regarding an off-screen death for an established TV character, with this past week's episode of 'Fringe'.....
.
Rose:
You think killing those Federal officers is the best way to put a stop to this?
Sheriff Velchik:
It did the last time.
That Federal Marshal a few years ago....
No one came looking for him, did they?

And that was all that was said about this character; we never learned the name of this Federal Marshal. So why can't we attribute his fate to one of the established Federal Marshals of Toobworld?

I'm thinking Winston MacBride, played by Jeff Fahey in 'The Marshal'....
We've seen Fahey since then, most notably as Frank Lapidus in 'Lost'. But it's unlikely we'll ever see him as Marhal Winston MacBride again, unless he makes a special appearance in some future episode of 'Justified'. Sure, it would be nice to think his character lives on, but at the same time his occupation is a highly hazardous one.

Here's a description of 'The Marshal' from the IMDb: "MacBride is a U.S. Marshal and his job is to guard criminals, protect witnesses, and pursue escaped convicts. His job takes him all across the country where he meets all kinds of people."


That would certainly apply once he reached the city limits of Edina, New York! But it could be that he was caught off-guard by the sight of these mutations outside the reach of the "hum", and that's all that was needed for the Sheriff to get the better of MacBride and dispatch him.

Don't get me wrong - I liked 'The Marshal'; I thought it was brilliant casting to bring in Robert Mitchum as MacBride's dad. But if MacBride's death in the line of duty can make a theoretical link to 'Fringe', then Toobworld Central would have to put personal preferences aside for the greater good.

The greater good....

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: JAY LENO & "COUSIN" CONAN

In keeping with the latest TV news...

JAY LENO & CONAN O'BRIEN

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Darrell Hammond (Jay Leno)
Bill Hader (Conan O'Brien)



BCnU!

WHEN TOOBWORLD GOES BAD



Close, but no cigar (whew!)

BCnU!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

AS SEEN ON TV: PETRAEUS & SALEH

GENERAL DAVID PETRAEUS & PRESIDENT ALI ABDULLAH SALEH

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Will Forte - General Petraeus
Fred Armisen - President Saleh



BCnU!

Monday, January 18, 2010

THE 2009 TOOBITS AWARDS (FINALE!)

So here we are, down to the last batch of the 2009 Toobits Awards.....

BEST NEW TV SERIES
COMEDY:
'Better Off Ted' & 'Modern Family' (TIE)
This was way too close to call. The shows have different tempos and attitudes but both succeeded in their main O'Bjective: to make me, watching alone at home, laugh out loud. And they did that several times each episode.

DRAMA:
'No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency'
What a breath of fresh air this was, even if it was hot and dusty but especially because it took place in Africa. Not once did the show lean on the old stand-by of a murder investigation and was more concerned with character than the mystery. I'm hoping this will come back with a second season, but if not, there's always the series of books about Precious and her friends....

BEST TV MOVIE
"Virtuality"
Granted, it left us dangling at the end with no resolution because it was meant to be a pilot for a TV show which never materialized. Still, it had interesting characters with intriguing "lives" in virtual reality and a central mystery that should have been explored further. There was enough there to justify this award for the way it helped expand the vision of life in Toobworld.

BEST MINI-SERIES
'Torchwood: Children Of Earth'
Devastating and probably the bravest piece of TV writing I've ever seen. I can't picture any TV network in America allowing their main character to make the decision that Captain Jack Harkness faced by the end.....

BEST ONLINE TELEVISION
Paul McCartney, 7/16/09 "rooftop" concert at Ed Sullivan Theatre (I was there!)
Susan Boyles, 'Britain's Got Talent'
BEST COMMERCIAL
"Alec In Huluwood"
WORST COMMERCIAL
Boost Mobile - the girl with long-haired armpits
Disgusting!

BEST PUBLIC SERVICE COMMERCIAL
The cast of 'Monk' warning about heart disease, in memory of cast member Stanley Kamel who passed away suddenly.
BEST IMPORT
Comedy:
'Kingdom'
Drama:
'Murdoch Mysteries'
With both of these, I was late with the introductions. But better late than never, as they each made me feel welcome to the worlds they depicted. With 'Murdoch Mysteries', it was the Toronto of the Victorian era, while 'Kingdom' took place in one of those small towns of Toobworld filled with the eccentricities I take delight in.

BEST EPISODE, ANY GENRE
'Torchwood: Children Of Earth' - "Day Five"
BEST EPISODES
DRAMA:
'MAD MEN' - "Close The Door, Have A Seat"
DRAMADY:
'Chuck' - "Chuck vs. The Colonel"
COMEDY:
'Modern Family' - "Fizbo"
BEST TWO-PART EPISODE
'Lost' - "The Incident (1&2)
BEST MOVIE THAT SHOULD BE ADAPTED INTO A TV SHOW
"Avatar"
And not just because it's an incredible world that should be seen on a weekly basis. It's more because of the motion capture technology which could be used to revolutionize the look of the aliens that could be introduced on shows like 'Star Trek' and 'Doctor Who'. No more need for those stupid forehead molds or Zastupnevich zippers running up the back!

And ladies and gentlemen, I do believe that's a wrap on the 2009 Toobits Awards. Thanks for checking them out! Onwards and upwards! In fact, we've already got several candidates for a lot of the major awards and we're not even out of January yet. So stay tuned!
BCnU!

BRETT & BART

I know it's not August, when Toobworld Central usually celebrates the Old West of TV Land, but I just felt like saluting my favorite pair of brothers on the Toob....



BCnU!

THE 2009 TOOBITS AWARDS (PART EIGHT)

Here we are with still more awards to be handed out in our annual presentation of the Toobits Awards!

BEST SEASON FINALE
'Lost' - "The Incident (1&2)

'Lost' has had a stranglehold on this category for the last couple of years. The only reason it shouldn't get it next year is because it would be more fitting in the Best Series Finale category. At any rate, how could you top the heart-break of seeing Juliet striving to fulfill the hopes of the Lostaways by smashing Jughead's basic bomb at the very end - and then have the end title be seen inverted on a white screen?

BEST SERIES FINALE

'Monk' Everything - including that attraction between Lt. Disher and Sharona Fleming that we all knew was there - was tied up neatly by the end of the series. Adrian Monk found out who killed his wife, was happily reunited with a part of her life that he never knew about, and was as restored mentally as he could ever hope for - to the point where he could go to work wearing a turtleneck rather than his buttoned up brown shirts. And at least we know he's still on the case there in San Francisco... should Tony Shalhoub ever want to revisit the role.

But if Monk had been killed off, the way this show has always played up his attachment to the spirit of Trudy, I would have been okay with that as well. At least they would have been together....

WORST SERIES CONCLUSION

'Kings' They should have realized this was a show that would not be so big a smash that it would ever get a second season. They should have told the story all in one season and be done with it. But no, they left it dangling and we'll never know how it plays out in the kingdom of Gilboa.

BEST HISTORICAL RECREATION

"Little Dorrit" on 'Masterpiece Theatre' It was more than just a (fairly) faithful adaptation of the Dickens' novel; it evoked the times and places which Dickens railed against.

BEST SENSE OF ONE'S OWN HISTORY

'Doctor Who' - "Waters Of Mars" During the episode there were references back to the following episodes:

"The Fires Of Pompeii"

"The Stolen Earth"

"Journey's End"

"The Impossible Planet"

"The Satan Pit"

"Planet Of The Dead"

"Rise Of The Cybermen"

"Gridlock"

"Utopia"

"The Sound Of Drums"

"Last Of The Time Lords"

"The Seeds Of Death"

"The Monster Of Peladon"

plus references to K-9 and the Cloister Bell. (There may have been even more which I may have missed...)

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD HISTORY
Pepsi ad "Generations"


BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD CELEBRITY

'Bollywood Hero' Several celebrities besides Chris Kattan portrayed wacked versions of themselves in this mini-series, including Maya Rudolph, Jennifer Coolidge, and Kattan's own dad Kip King. Best of all though was Keanu Reeves in the first episode.

Runner-up:
'Free Radio'



Again, another show I discovered only this past year....

Sorry, but there's still more to come in our presentation of the 2009 Toobits Awards! BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: MONICA LEWINSKY

On this date in 1998, Matt Drudge broke the story about the affair between President Bill Clinton and White House staffer Monica Lewinsky........
MONICA LEWINSKY

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Molly Shannon

What? We featured Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. last year!

BCnU!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

CARE FOR A MACADAMIA?

This isn't my fault. I blame 'The Mentalist' which featured the original song this past Thursday, in a story about a murder investigation during a 15th year high school reunion.

I just figured I'd make it more palatable before inflicting it upon you, gentle reader....




(Dot laughs)
Y+W : Helloooo, nurse!
Yakko : Uhhh...

Dot : (spoken) I am NOT trying to be annoying.

Y+W : Aie!

Dot : I act like a nut, so they call me Macadamia
I dance like a klutz on a show called Animania

Dot overdub: Am I a cutie?
Absolutey!
And a beauty, you can bet your patootie!

D+N+Minerva: But if you touch me, or even get near me
I'll have you arrested, do you hear me?

Y+W : Dot is a nut, so they call her Macadamia
She's cracked in the head, and kooky in the brainia
Each line in this song sounds pretty much the sameia
Oy, Macadamia!

Ralph : Daaah...

Y+W : Donde que vas a Nintendo Macadamia
Hola que pasa you grande sack o' grania
Qui a coupé le fromage, we abstainia
Oy, Macadamia!

(Wakko burps)

Dot : Now, please don't mention my brother
The one they call Wakkoreno

(Wakko burps)

Dot overdub: He's always burping
Every hour

Dot : So I threw him out of the tower.

Wakko : Whoooaaaaaa!
(Dot laughs)

Dot : (spoken) Now come on, what did you want me to do?
He was grossing me out!
And I'm just a cute little thing.
So don't cross me!

Y+W : She's cracked like a nut, so they call her Macadamia
Whenever she gets mad, you'll experience painia
Cuts and bruises you will sustainia
Oy, Macadamia!

Pinky : Narf!

Y+W : Lava tus manos, por favor, Macadamia
The world is the goal for Pinky and the Brainia

Dot : Otra vez on y vas the repetitive refrainia

Y+W : Oy, Macadamia!

Brain : Ye-e-ess!!!

Dot : (spoken) Don't hate me because I'm cute.

(Pesto beats up Squit)
Squit : Ow!

Yakko : Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Oy, Macadamia!

Skippy : Spew!

Yakko : Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia

Y+W : Oy, Macadamia!

Boo : B'gawk!

(Dot laughs)
(Skippy laughs)
(Pinky laughs)
(D+Sk+P+HN+M laugh)
Slappy : (spoken) I don't get it. What's the joke?
D+Sk+P+HN+M: Uhhh...
Yakko : Uhhh...

Dot : I'm a nut who's known as Macadamia
But you can call me by my other nameia

Dot overdub: Louisa
Francesca
Banana-Fanna
Bo Besca.

Dot : Or just plain Dot, the name I flirt to
But if you call me Dottie, I'll have to hurt you.

YW+D : Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Oy, Macadamia!

Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Mac, Mac Mac, Mac, Mac, Macadamia
Oy, Macadamia

Nuts!

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: AUGUSTUS CAESAR & LIVIA DRUSILLA

When we've turned to the timeline of the real world for inspiration in our daily "As Seen On TV" feature, usually we find the televersions of historical figures in connection to their birthdays or the date of their deaths.

But today we're celebrating a wedding!

AUGUSTUS CAESAR and LIVIA DRUSILLA

AS SEEN IN:
'I, Claudius'

AS PLAYED BY:
Brian Blessed (Augustus Caesar/Octavian)
Sian Phillips (Livia Drusilla)

On January 17th, 38 BC, Octavian married Livia Drusilla.....

BCnU!