"GALACTICA" ZONKS "MARS"

'Veronica Mars' had the potential for a massive Zonk this week with a long high-five to 'Battlestar Galactica'. Her client Max talked in detail about how he bonded with a girl named Chelsea at ComicCon (THE big sci-fi convention) who shared his passion for all things 'Galactica' (including the observation that the spaceships look like the Batmobile in flight).

But unlike the Zonking of 'Studio 60' by 'Heroes', there's an easy way around this. First off, for the entertainment of the viewing audience, all of the references to 'Battlestar Galactica' are meant to be about the remake of the series currently airing on Sci-Fi. And as a remake, the show does not exist in the same dimension as 'Veronica Mars'. So right there, a Zonk is defused.

But there is a 'Battlestar Galactica' that did take place in the main Toobworld. It was set decades ago and in its own sequel, the ragtag fleet finally made it to Earth about 27 years ago. Once they arrived on Toobworld, the Galacticans wasted no time in embedding themselves into the fabric that makes up Earth Prime-Time, with links to 'Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman' and its spinoffs (with the TV network UBS), and with McCloud (thanks to an appearance by Sgt. Grover as played by Ken Lynch).

In the quarter century plus since they've been in the main TV dimension, the Galacticans have possibly gone on to infiltrate Toobworld society further. It's my contention, for example, that certain rebel members of their race contributed to the aggressions of the Eugenics wars of the 1990s.

And eventually, the news of their existence living among us came out (probably in an untelevised situation in which they were able to deflect and destroy the invading Cylon fleet that followed them to Sol). As such, it's believable that TV characters in other shows are aware of their existence and will sometimes mention the flagship of their spaceships (which have probably all been cannibalized to further the scientific advancements on Toobworld which separate TV Land from the real world).

As I mentioned once before in a post about 'Gilmore Girls', even the slang of the Galactican refugees would find its way into the language of native-born Terrans. Even if they had no clue their friends, neighbors, and co-workers may have come from alien worlds like Caprica, the people would pick up the usage of the epithet "frak" and freely adapt it to their own use.

There is, however, one reference that can't be attributed to the original version of 'Battlestar Galactica'. Veronica, in dissing the whole fan-boy obsession over 'BG', mentioned a girl named "Six".

On the remake, Six is an evolved Cylon android who doesn't look like the tin-can original, but is instead almost human in appearance, right down to the cellular structure. (One of them even bred with a human to produce a child!)

But for the original series, the Cylons always were the clinking, clanking, clattering, calliginous piles of junk.

So who could be Six in relation to the original 'Battlestar Galactica' as seen on Toobworld?

It's my belief that the reference is once again drawn from common knowledge among the Toobworlders. Six could be Six LeMeure, a character who was the "fast-talking, boy-crazy" best friend of 'Blossom'. But instead of being an evolved Cylon, she is a Galactican raised on Earth and who probably gained notoriety for being an alien child.

Assuming Six LeMeure is the same age as the actress who plays her (Jenna Von Oy), Six would have been born in 1977 (by Terran years). As the space fleet didn't reach Toobworld until 1980 (can't fight the facts of a title!), she couldn't be the equivalent of Virginia Dare of Roanoke, by being the first of her kind to be born in the New World.

That's my splainin, and I'm sticking to it!

For good measure, there were fleeting mentions of 'Star Trek' and "Star Wars", but both of those shows have been given their "Get Out Of Zonkdom Free" cards long ago and this has been way too long as it is to go back into those discussions!

Zonk averted. "So say we all."

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"STUDIO 60": ZONKED ON THE SUNSET STRIP

Masi Oka guest-starred as himself on this week's episode of 'Studio 60'. The episode can either be considered as the first part of an unnecessary two-parter, or as the middle segment in a tediously drawn-out trilogy. (Gods of Kobol, I hope the Harriet dinner storylines end next week!)

The actor's contribution to the episode showed him filming promos for the show-within-a-show, also known as 'Studio 60 (Live On The Sunset Strip)'. It's a great premise for utilizing quick cameos by the guest stars - the promos for 'Saturday Night Live' have been a staple on the air for years (and sometimes they're even funnier than the show they're promoting!)

But with these promos, much ado was made about Masi Oka starring in 'Heroes': he came right out and said that he was starring in NBC's mega-hit; 'Studio 60' cast member Harriet Hayes appeared in the promo with him dressed as a cheerleader and whispering "Save me, save the show!"; and he had to explain to her that the character she was spoofing was indestructible while his character could bend time.

I gotta tell ya, to me this looks like an insurmountable Zonk. In a perfect Toobworld, 'Studio 60' and 'Heroes' should be existing in the same dimension, and not think of each other as being TV shows. I've dodged a few Zonk bullets in the past in regards to 'Studio 60' - a show about the behind-the-scenes machinations of a late-night TV show is bound to have them! - but this time I think I've met my match.

In the past I would have done the pretzel logic thang - twisting myself into a chiropractic nightmare until I came up with a suitable splainin to keep both shows in the same TV dimension. I did this for 'Studio 60' when a "Bartlet 4 America" poster showed up on the wall of one of the dressing rooms.

But the thing of it is, I just don't think it's worth the trouble anymore. I had such high hopes for 'Studio 60' when I first saw the pilot via Netflix. And then the next three episodes made me alternate between anger and nausea as I watched Sorkin basically use his show as a combination soapbox and cudgel. There was a glimmer of hope that things were improving as the Christmas break approached, but these last two episodes (the first since the show's return) have dashed those hopes.

Trading in the soapbox for old cliches is certainly not the step in the right direction.

It's a shame too, because there are characters I really like on this show - Matt, Lucy, Cal, Jack, Wilson White, and Mark McKinney's staff writer, - and I hate to see them wasted like this. (Not that it probably matters, but I had tired of Bradley Whitford as Josh on 'The West Wing' before the role expanded with the Santos campaign, and I'm finding his character of Danny on this show to be creepy.)

So I'm ready to just wash my hands of the whole show and banish it into the Toobworld corn-field - some other TV dimension where it can Zonk away at its heart's content.

I don't really care which dimension to place it, although I think the one where characters think of all other TV shows AS TV shows (where 'Hi Honey, I'm Home' resides) might be the best fit. But I do know that it probably can't be the same dimension where you'll find 'The West Wing' (and 'Mr. Sterling' and 'Smallville') even though that "Bartlet 4 America" poster could be seen on the show. Despite the Sorkin connection, I'm fairly certain that George W. Bush is the President of the United States as far as 'Studio 60' is concerned, and not Matt Santos.

So adios, 'Studio 60'. I'm leaving you locked out on the Toobworld roof. I'm not ready to give up on simply watching the show just yet, but then that's due more to the fact that I'm taping prime-time while I sleep/get ready for work/commute to my overnight job, and there's really nothing else on at 10 pm on a Monday night that interests me.

Not much of a recommendation, that.....

The only one coming out of this Zonk smelling like a Rose is Masi Oka. Despite the fact that 'Studio 60' is now banished to an alternate dimension, there is no adverse effect on his tally for inclusion in the League of Themselves. If he can appear in three more TV series as himself, he could eventually be inducted into that wing of the TV Crossover Hall of Fame!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"Through a dozen adventures, which have had no resolution,
We now come to an end to this, this morality play."
Wo Fat
'Hawaii Five-O'

THIRD EARL OF KENT

One of the many ways in which the Television Universe differs greatly from that of the Trueniverse, our world of "reality":

Among the letters of recommendation solicited by 'Studio 60' producer Danny Tripp to impress the woman he wanted to woo was one from the Third Earl of Kent.

I'm no expert on the peerage, but here in the real world it looks like the title of "Third Earl Of Kent" was rendered "extinct" in 1407.

Apparently, the title is still in use today in Toobworld. If the Third Earl of Kent ever does show up on 'Studio 60', it would be nice to bring in another Sorkin alumni to play the role - Roger Rees, who was Lord John Marbury in 'The West Wing'. (And would it be too much to hope for that his name should be Clark?)

Or perhaps in Toobworld, the Third Earl of Kent is a hip-hop artist's stage name or some such. Maybe the name of an entire rock band.

Good thing 'Studio 60' doesn't take place in the sketch comedy dimension. Because then Jordan would have received a letter of recommendation from Lord and Lady Douchebag!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Ladies and gentlemen, the Third Earl of Kent has left the building!

GALACTICAN BANDSTAND

Television theme songs don't really play a role in the lives of Toobworld residents. They're part of the overall universal "atmosphere", along with credits and commercial interruptions, that is experienced by the real world audience. Sometimes their lyrics are quoted by other TV characters and this is either an indication that the character is tele-cognizant (aware of his surroundings as a TV show), or it's just a Zonk that would have to be dealt with.

So the fact that tonight's episode of 'Battlestar Galactica' uses a lyric from the theme song for 'Cheers' isn't of major concern in Toobworld televisiology. Not only is "Taking A Break From All Your Worries" a song lyric but it's also a title, and no one on board the Galactica in Joe's Bar should have any awareness of it.

Besides, there's also no Zonk violation in its use even if Lee or Sam or some other battle-weary Galactican utters it. 'Cheers' and this new version of 'Battlestar Galactica' are part of the TV Universe, but in alternate dimensions. 'Cheers' is to be found on Earth Prime-Time, the main Toobworld, while 'BG' is still wandering through their own final frontier in search of Earth Prime-Time/Remake.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

WHAT BECOMES A LEGEND MOST?

Members of the League of Themselves don't have to actually appear in a TV show to add credits to their body of work in Toobworld. All that is needed is for a TV character to mention something that they did, prefereably something fictional.

For example, we actually saw Tom Hanks getting his pants zipper worked over by a waitress in a four star restaurant, thanks to 'The Naked Truth'. So that established the televersion of the two-time Academy Award winner in Toobworld. But thanks to 'Unhappily Ever After', we know he also clobbered the main character with his Oscar.

We didn't see it happen, but we were told it did, and that's good enough.

So with that in mind, we can now use the League of Themselves to link 'Studio 60' to 'The Sopranos', thanks to the legendary Lauren Bacall.

In his disturbing pursuit of his boss Jordan McDeare, Danny Tripp flooded her office with letters of recommendation from noted celebrities in all walks of life. (When she begged him to stop, - to stop the entire courtship idea, - he could have done the noble thing and accepted that she was not interested. Instead, he told her no. TV critic Alan Sepinwall had a word for his behavior: "squicky".)

One of the letters of recommendation was from Ms. Bacall, who last year was mugged for her celebrity gift basket by mobster Christophuh Moltisanti in an episode of 'The Sopranos'.

So Ms. Bacall is the link between 'Studio 60' and 'The Sopranos'.

Technically, Martin Scorcese also links the two series. He also sent a letter of recommendation to Jordan on Danny's behalf, and he was also seen in 'The Sopranos'. However, he was portrayed by a lookalike and so didn't actually appear as himself.

But the lookalike was seen so fleetingly and was so convincing in the look, that I'm willing accept him as the real thing.

The film director did portray himself in another HBO series, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm', in which he directed Larry David in the role of a mob boss.

I guess those scenes can only be seen in the Toobworld version of "The Departed".....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

BROTHERS & SISTERS & ANGELS

It was another case of serendipiteevee....

After I defused those three Zonks from 'Veronica Mars', I decided to watch my tape of 'The Knights Of Prosperity'. I set it up after an episode of 'Brothers & Sisters' from before Christmas which I had not yet seen, so I decided to watch that first.

And during the episode, it was mentioned that the character of Holly Harper had been in the movie "Being There" and in 'Charlie's Angels', one of those shows I had de-Zonked for 'Veronica Mars'.

The first thing I did was to check the IMDb.com for Patricia Wettig's credits, to see if she had been involved with either production. If so, it would have qualified for an in-joke. But her career - at least, officially, - began after "Being There" was released.

I dismissed the Peter Sellers movie right off, as there was no reason to blend the movie universe with Toobworld to include it.

With 'Charlie's Angels', I couldn't just dismiss the reference as being about the movies since I accepted them as part of the TV Universe that same day.

So I decided to use this latest Zonk attempt to illustrate my splainin.

Nora Walker mentioned that she set her DVR to pick up "Holly Harper" appearances and she recorded her at 4 am in 'Charlie's Angels'. For in the real world, that could have meant either the TV series or the movies.

But for the denizens of Toobworld, it refers to the hyupothetical reality show that might have been made about Charlie Townsend's detective agency.

In that previous splainin about 'Charlie's Angels', I talked about the reality show as being filmed after the events of the second movie. But it could just as easily have happened prior to the first one, in those twenty plus years since the series ended.

The character of Madison Lee in the second movie proves that life went on for the Angels. The reality show could have been flimed back in the 1980s, and Holly Harper might have been a client caught up in that taping.

But wouldn't it be cool if Charlie had hired Holly for her skills as an actress to assist in some case back then, doing undercover work? And it was all caught on tape so that in 2006, Nora Walker finally saw it as part of a reality show called 'Charlie's Angels'.

Zonk averted. One less headache for Ojai Foods.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

PS:
I never did watch that 'Knights Of Prosperity' episode.......

PRODUCT UNBECOMING: WHERE THE "MONK" DON'T SHINE

In one of the commercial breaks for 'Monk', there was a blipvert for the Swiffer. Soon after that word from their sponsor, Mr. Monk asked for a Swiffer to check the dust gathering on the nose of some bust.

Nothing unusual in that for 'Monk'. They've combined commercials with product placement before on that show. Off-hand, I can remember one with a heavy emphasis on Glad trash bags.

But here's the kicker. During 'Psych', there was a promo for 'Monk' which was obviously a dream sequence for the detective. People with perfectly manicured lawns using a bevel to make sure the hedges were even; pet owners wearing outfits to match their pets.

And all of the little school girls who were cleaning the parking meters usually touched by Monk were using Windex to wipe them clean.

Shozbot! That had to be a first - product placement within a promo!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

3 ZONKS OF "VERONICA MARS"

'Veronica Mars' came back from its winter hiatus this week, and challenged Toobworld Central (without even being aware of our existence, no doubt) with three Zonk attempts in the episode "Show Me The Monkey!"

First up:

"What are we? On 'The View'?
Who am I, Rosie O'Donnell?"
Dick Casablancas

When it comes to the game shows, talk shows, variety shows, news programs and reality programming of the real world, Toobworld has their (nearly) exact duplicates as well. So 'The View' as seen by us can also be viewed by TV characters like Dick. And for them, Rosie O'Donnell is now a member of 'The View' team.

"All that's missing is a big hole in the wall shaped like the Hulk."
Cindy "Mac" MacKenzie

From 1977 until 1990, TV America was terrorized by a misunderstood monster that was known as "The Hulk". The Hulk was actually a scientist named David Bruce Banner, who had given himself an accidental overdose of gamma radiation. And when he got really agitated or even angry, you wouldn't like him when he was angry. That's because the rise in such emotions would trigger his transformation into the Hulk.

The Hulk showed up all across the United States in Toobworld, from New York City to Oregon, so the whole country was aware of his existence. But for over fifteen years, he's not been seen or heard from. A generation is now growing up in Toobworld for whom "The Hulk" is nothing more than a boogeyman cited to get them to go to sleep or eat their beets.

And that's why Mac was able to joke about the Hulk, when for her parents the green-skinned behemoth was a real threat.

"All we need is one more angel and we've got a show!"
Veronica Mars

Charlie Townsend's detective agency exists in the same TV dimension as the Keith Mars detective agency; same state, in fact. So even though Veronica should be aware of "Charlie's Angels" as her Dad's professional rivals and from news reports about their exploits, she should NOT know them as a TV show.

The two theatrically-released movies based on the TV show (with Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu as Charlie's latest angels) fall into the same category as "Maverick", the ten 'Star Trek' films, and the 1966 movie version of 'Batman'. They are films which extend the TV Universe into the realm of the movies, the "Cineverse".

Had the voice of Charlie Townsend been provided by anybody other than John Forsythe, or if the three actresses were recreating the roles of the originals, we could have just ignored the two movies as having no connection to Toobworld. Instead, they brilliantly went the sequel route and these three angels were just the latest in a long line of operatives working for Charlie.

And that means that Time marches on for them still. It's been almost four years since the last "Charlie's Angels" film, so what have they been up to during that time?

It's pozz'ble, just pozz'ble, that they subjected themselves to the scrutiny of a TV reality series.

Here in the real world we've seen "reality" shows about restaurants, airlines, funeral parlors, motorcycle repair shops, and even one about a bounty hunter. So why not one about a detective agency? And perhaps Charlie's reason to allow the intrusion is because it ties into a case that he's working on.

If so, it would be to this show that Veronica was referring, not the original 'Charlie's Angels' , nor to the movies.

Three Zonks averted! Neptune, California, is safe once more.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

MEETINGS WITH REMARKABLE TV CHARACTERS

The BBC has confirmed that Sir Derek Jacobi will be in at least one episode of 'Doctor Who' in the coming series, the second season for David Tennant as the Doctor.

But they would not confirm that he plays a character called the Professor who helps the Doctor and his new assistant, Martha Jones, to save the Earth. (This was a report that came from the Mirror.)

So there's still some hope for one of my recent Wish-craft ideas which I've been puttering with - that Jacobi might reprise his role as the Roman Emperor Claudius, which he portrayed in the adaptation of Robert Graves' "I, Claudius".

At 68, he's certainly at the right age to play the role now with little make-up to achieve the illusion.

Claudius - as played on TV by Jacobi - is one of several TV historical characters I'd love to see the Doctor encounter, especially since the original purpose of the show was for the Doctor to visit historical time periods and meet the legends out of the past.

As for others, how about Al Swearengen & Seth Bullock - characters portrayed by Ian McShane and Timothy Olyphant respectively in 'Deadwood'?

And it doesn't have to be limited it to historical characters. Established TV characters throughout the history of Toobworld could be met by the Doctor - just so long as the original actor was around to play the role, of course!

Here are some examples:

Brisco County, Jr. - The encounter would have to take place early in the 20th Century of course, to account for the aging of Bruce Campbell. The man's still in great shape, I'd say, but ten plus years have taken their toll. ('The Adventures Of Brisco County, Jr.')

Willow Rosenberg - Gallifreyan science must mesh pretty well with the rules of magic; otherwise, how else could the sonic screwdriver resurrect "Ursaslab" in "Love & Monsters"? So helping out the lesbian witch battle demons at some hellmouth might seem like business as usual for the Doctor. ('Buffy The Vampire Slayer')

Ross Geller - Working with the nerdy paleontologist would be a great way to cash in on the popularity of 'Night At The Museum'. Alien of choice? The Silurians and/or the Sea Devils, of course. ('Friends')

Jake Axminster - Wayne Rogers' private eye would now be working in a Los Angeles inundated with flower power, so both he and the Doctor would feel out of place, out of time. And it'd be great if they had to deal with as crazy a hippie character as Benjy "Blue Boy" Carver of 'Dragnet' infamy. ('City Of Angels')

Conor - There must be plenty of opportunity for the Doctor to find alien influence in the legeds that grew out of fifth century Ireland. Good luck though on getting Heath Ledger to come back to the small screen to once again play Conor! ('Roar')

Mickey Bricks & crew - Maybe Jamie or Albert could part the Doctor from his sonic screwdriver or even better, his psychic paper. And in exchange for their giving it back, he could help them pull a con on some alien who's done Mickey wrong in some way.

What would be especially great about this team-up would be the Doctor looking at Danny Blue and wondering, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" ('Hu$tle')

Emma Peel - Of course, we'd be dealing with the talented amateur Mrs. Peel as she is today in 2007 (or nearabouts in either direction on the timeline). I gotta say, I'm really looking forward to seeing Dame Diana Rigg in 'Extras' next Sunday on HBO! (Lucky all of you who've seen the episode already over in the UK.) ('The Avengers')

Jean Luc Picard - Isn't it about time for Television Sans Frontieres? Let's have a grand crossover between 'Doctor Who' and 'Star Trek'! I think they'd make for a great combination! ('Star Trek: The Next Generation')

Geoffrey Tennant - Fancy a trip to Canada in the TARDIS, Martha? And while they're oot and aboot, perhaps they could take in a Shakespearean play in New Burbage. Their theatre is known for its share of ghosts, as Oliver Welles can attest. The setting would make for a great return visit by the Gelth!

By the way, there would have to be room found for some kind of in-joke regarding Geoffrey's last name! Also, if the producers ever should look beyond to Canada for a future Time Lord, Paul Gross might just fit the bill. And his wife, Martha Burns would be great for a return of Romana in a new regeneration! ('Slings & Arrows')

So there you have it, just some more fantasy wishing from this televisiologist. A great way to pass the time on this very cold day!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHARLES LANE!

Charles Lane is a character actor who's been around forever, or so it seems. The movie most frequently mentioned for him is "It's A Wonderful Life" - his character worked for Mr. Potter.

But for Toobworld, he was Homer Bedloe on 'Petticoat Junction', Lucille Carmichael's first boss on 'The Lucy Show', and Judge Petrillo on 'Soap'. (That character might have been related to Sophia Petrillo of 'The Golden Girls'.) Those are just a few of the many roles he created for the TV Universe.

If you don't know him by name or recognize his credits (listed at imdb.com), you'd recognize his description - flinty, sour-pussed, mean, weaselly and wearing wire-framed glasses. Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine that he was ever a young man.

Playing such old characters certainly must have agreed with him; it's possible that it acclimated him to the fact that eventually he would become old, because today we're celebrating his 102nd birthday!

He's been out of the public eye for about two years. His last appearance was at the TV Land Awards after he turned 100, and he let the industry know that he was still available for work. I loved that!

Happy birthday, sir! Toobworld would be a poorer place without you.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby