SAY WHA???

It's the first episode of 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show back in 1970....

For whatever reason, Mary Richards finds herself in the men's room at the WJM-TV studios in Minneapolis.
Ted Baxter is there doing his business at the urinal, but upon her entrance, he zips up and spins around, holding out his hand in greeting.

"We haven't met. I'm Ted Baxter."

Mary stares at the hand in revulsion.

"Aren't you even going to wash that first?"

"I keep a very clean penis."

You don't remember that scene? Don't worry; you're not getting forgetful in your old age like Denny Crane. That snippet of conversation actually occurred on Denny's show 'Boston Legal' this past week. But instead of Ted Baxter, substitute Alan Shore. And his scene partner was Shirley Schmidt, not Mary Richards.

(I'm fairly certain you've already figured out that it took place in a Boston men's room, not in Minneapolis.....)

What I was trying to show is that the exchange was perfectly in keeping with the character of Alan Shore. (And that conversation only got better. Trust me! Catch it in reruns.) But when you try to imagine some other TV character saying such things....

It's not that Mary Richards didn't have her own edge. When her mother left Mary and her father alone one evening to get to know each other better, Mrs. Richards said, "Don't forget to take your pill."

Both Mary and her father replied, "I won't."

Okay, it seems tame by today's standards, but for the mid-70s (and ANY MTM character!) that was edgy.

I've found myself lately lifting lines of dialogue out of today's TV series and ascribing them instead to classic TV characters of the past. Just one of those little TV-oriented amusements, like re-writing those interminable email jokes that get passed around endlessly so that they are about TV characters (or sometimes family members!) instead.

Here's another example - when Marni Fliss and Nate Solomon were getting to know each other on their accidental blind date in the pilot episode of 'Committed', Marni trilled:

"So then I said, 'Hey, you can't touch me there! You're my uncle!' (Laughs) Aaah, family......."

Let's face it. For a sitcom, that's way past "edgy". That's pretty sick. (It sure goes a long way to splain why Marni is so off-the-wall though!)

But if you think that's bad enough as it is, take it out of context and give it to some other TV character to recite........

"So then I said, 'Hey, you can't touch me there! You're my uncle!' (Laughs) Aaah, family........"
- Jody Davis
'Family Affair'

You've just raised the "Ewwwwww" content by 47%!

Although I don't have any examples to hand, I've also taken some rather prickly quotes by Dr. Gregory House of 'House' and had 'Marcus Welby, M.D.' saying them instead.

Picture Jack Bauer's interrogation style on '24' being used by Captain Kangaroo while talking with Bunny Rabbit......

Why not give it a try yourself? And of course, I'd love to see what you come up with. Send them to me at Tubeworld@aol.com and I'll share them on the Inner Toob blog.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"I", "I", AYE CARAMBA, PANCHO!

If you have a really good cable system, you've got yourself a really great research library for making connections in the TV Universe. I have access to at least ten different cable networks which showcase classic shows from the past in which I can find those little bits o' trivia which I might not have noticed when those shows first aired; back before I began hunting such items down in earnest.

Here's a case in point: the GoodLife Network has a great schedule full of such shows as 'Maverick', 'Cheyenne', 'Kung Fu', '77 Sunset Strip', 'Hawaiian Eye', and 'The Man From UNCLE'.

They also show 'I Spy'. And this past week they broadcast the pilot episode, which didn't make it on the air until the 14th week of the series:

"Affair in T'Sien Cha"
Kelly and Scotty's investigation of the disappearance of an old Chinese train between Hong Kong and the Communist mainland leads to an ancient walled city, a beautiful American schoolteacher, and a secret cargo someone is willing to kill for.
b: 29 Dec 65
w: Morton Fine & David Friedkin d: Sheldon Leonard

During the episode, a local schoolteacher tells Kelly that she saw him play tennis three years before in Forest Hills, Queens. He was beaten (in straight sets, I believe) by Pancho Segura.

That means, even though it was off-camera, Pancho Segura makes himself an official Toobworld character in 1962.

I love these little mentions of real people in fictional scenarios during a TV show. Most of the time you can then link that person's "character" to other appearances in which they portrayed themselves. George Burns, Milton Berle, Sammy Davis Jr....... they're among the celebs who were most famous for this.

And Pancho Segura was no exception. True, he didn't appear in this episode, but it was stated as fact by the schoolteacher and so it really did happen in the TV Universe. (And the fact that Kelly backed up the statement - by requesting that she not remind him of that particular loss - cements the deal.)

Segura did, however, appear in a later episode of 'I Dream Of Jeannie':

"Always on Sunday"
(episode # 2.2)
19 September 1966
032 - Thinking Tony works too much and too hard, Jeannie makes one Monday a Sunday. For relaxation, she sends him to a safari in Africa, and then to play tennis. Ignoring Tony, she makes every day Sunday.

Tony, thinking it's Monday, sounds insane to Roger and Dr. Bellows when they drop by.

According to the IMDb.com, the only other TV appearance made by Segura happened during a show hosted by Jimmy Connors on ESPN. And although it would ultimately count, it lacks the oomph of a fictional setting.

But we'll keep looking. The TV Crossover Hall of Fame could always fit somebody who chases his balls in Toobworld.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

SEX AND THE SODA

We have our first crossover for 2005!

In a new commercial for the new soda, 7-Up Plus, we see Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon at a spa. They are being pampered by well-muscled, quite handsome attendants; all of them with boy-toy potential.

Ms. Davis points out the young man bearing the lunch tray: "Here comes lunch!"

And Ms. Nixon vixenishly responds, "And he's bringing grapes!"

They aren't named as such, but it's obvious that 7-Up would clearly like us as the audience to identify them not as the actresses Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon, but as the characters they made famous in 'Sex And The City' - Charlotte York and Miranda Hobbes.

And being one so fervent in the idea of the ever-expanding TV Universe, I have no problem with that sentiment.

Ultimately, this means that 'Sex And The City' is linked to 'Space: 1999', as it was Orlando Jones' use of a laser cannon that caused a massive explosion on the moon back in that year during another 7-Up commercial. And that massive explosion detonated the atomic fuel waste dumps which put Commander Koenig into a permanent coma; a coma in which he dreamt that the moon had been ripped from its orbit around Earth and sent hurtling into the unknown reaches of outer space.

(That's a theory I put forth back in 1999 as to why the moon was still visible in later TV shows after the events of 'Space: 1999' supposedly had taken place; indeed, why the moon even had its own amusement park in the year 3000. It's not like the moon finally reversed course and parked in its reserved space.*)

Ms. Nixon and Ms. Davis are not the first alumni of 'Sex And The City' to trade on their most famous TV characters with commercials suggesting that they still exist in the TV Universe. Just before the holidays, Sarah Jessica Parker bopped around in a series of ads for the Gap. And even the New York Times felt that urge to tag her as Carrie Bradshaw rather than as Mrs. Matthew Broderick:

"In Ms. Parker's newest television appearances, a string of holiday advertisements for the Gap now in heavy rotation, time's arrow seems to have shot even further backward. The three spots, which have been running since mid-November, show Ms. Parker giving and getting gifts at Christmas parties where the other guests look as if they have just completed their end-of-semester exams. Did Mr. Big turn out to be too middle-aged? "

All that's left is for Kim Cattrall's Samantha Jones to make an appearance in an ad.

Charlotte and Miranda have done the ad for 7-Up.... Considering her licentious lifestyle, perhaps Samantha can do something with a Coke bottle?

Or maybe she might take her cue from Carrie.

Let's see.......

What's another word for "gap"......?

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

* If you missed reading the "moon boom" essay years ago (and I'm not sure it can be googled or found in any of those Internet archive sites), I'll be more than happy to send you a copy of it. Just write to me and ask.

MAL DE MER

Here's another "Lost In Thought"......

'Lost' finally returned from its holiday hiatus. Huzzah huzzah!

Sorry. Just wanted to continue with that "H" alliteration.

A curious thing struck me near the end - not surprising, in that so much of the show leaves me wondering what's going on by the time an episode ends.

During this episode, Shannon had been helping Sayid in deciphering the French notes of Danielle Rousseau in hopes that they might reveal a clue as to what the island was all about.

Shannon remarked that there was something familiar about the phrases and then it finally occurred to her. They were the lyrics to a song she heard over and over again on a video belonging to her French boyfriend's son.

And then she began singing the song in French. It was "Beyond The Sea", popularized by Bobby Darin.*

Although sung by Robbie Williams, the song is used in the movie "Finding Nemo".

Yet when Shannon referred to the movie, she only said it was "a fish movie; you know, one of those computer ones".

Why did Shannon dance around the title? It would have been much easier to just say "Finding Nemo", especially as it was a world-wide sensation. There was even a big plagiarism case against it lodged in the French courts before the plane crash.

Shannon always takes the easy way out; you'd think she would have just saved herself the hassle and said "Finding Nemo". And if Sayid still didn't understand, tough guppies.

I would have thought that at least behind the scenes, some synergy should have been employed. Especially as ABC - who broadcasts 'Lost' - is owned by Disney.

Ah, but Disney was basically just the distributor for "Finding Nemo"; Pixar was the animation company that created it.

And Disney and Pixar are having a parting of the ways. The evil empire of the rodent probably didn't want to give Pixar any more publicity, even though Disney would still reap profits from the movie.

I guess it's just a case of cutting off the nose to spite the fish......

["Beyond The Sea" was the favorite song of Dana Scully's father. He was a Navy man.... Was he somehow involved with the mystery of the island before he died?

Remember what his clone up in Twin Peaks said - "The owls are not what they seem......"

Okay, I'm rambling now.....]

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

* Good timing in the use of the song "Beyond The Sea" since the movie starring Kevin Spacey as Darin is now out in the theatres.

Bad timing with the sequence at the beginning, in which the beach was being destroyed by large waves. Everyone affected by the tsunami - and there are still 2,500 Americans alone missing from it - must have had some uneasy emotional responses to it.

And just a reminder - if you haven't already, please help in whatever you can with the disaster relief programs of the charity of your choice.

Thanks.

GIMME CAGNEY!

In response to my suggestion that Brian Dennehy should be considered as a retired cop now D.A.'s investigator to replace the late Jerry Orbach on 'Law & Order: Trial By Jury', my Toob buddy Hugh had this response:

"I was expecting you to pull out someone from Toobworld though --maybe a Hill Street alum."

I must be slipping. Why didn't I think of that???

That's the Toobworld way to go - find a cop from another old show and have him crossover to 'Trial By Jury'. And since Toobworld doesn't believe in the borders of network divisions, we can roam about at will to find a suitable cop.

Let's start with Hugh's suggestion of 'Hill Street Blues'. We know characters from the un-named city where the Hill Street precinct was located could go to New York City. Buck Naked, the flasher from 'Hill Street Blues', showed up twice on early episodes of 'NYPD Blue'.

But I'm not feeling the power from any of the surviving Hill Street cops. Too much of an ensemble show, perhaps. Or maybe it really was just too long ago and has lost its vitality.

Mick Belker could be the only possibility and he's too wacked to work for the D.A. - Arthur Branch would want nothing to do with him. More than likely they'd be prosecuting cases stemming from his involvement!

I don't think Frank Furillo would want to go back to actual detective work. He's probably quite comfortable in a position with some high-tech firm as a consultant by now.

And too many others from the original cast who played detectives have passed away.

Perhaps from the aforementioned 'NYPD Blue'? John Kelly might have been a possibility, but there's this lookalike of his named Horatio Caine who's working down in Miami, ('CSI: Miami'), and that might make it tough to bring Kelly back to the screens.

You don't want to go too far back; I think Adam Flint ('Naked City') is wayyyy too old to get back into a daily grind. And unfortunately, the Theo Kojak of the main TV Universe has passed away. (There's another Theo Kojak, soon to be found in the alternate Black TV dimension. Come back in February - Black History Month - for an explanation of that world.)

So here's a possibility - why does it have to be a retired MALE cop? Why not a woman?

And so I'm thinking.... why not one of the Lady Blues of 'Cagney & Lacey'?

For the same reasons mentioned in regards to John Kelly, I don't think we could get Mary Beth Lacey to take on the job with the D.A. We can blame it on a judge's mom up in Hartford, Connecticut. ('Judging Amy')

But there's always Chris Cagney.

Yes, I know. The same argument could be made because there's a waitress down in Pittsburgh who's very supportive of her gay son; she's a real broad-minded broad. ('Queer As Folk')

But the role isn't that central to the show, and if they've already got most of their latest season filmed, there shouldn't be too much of a scheduling conflict anyway. Besides, it doesn't seem as if the producers of 'Law & Order: Trial By Jury' were planning on putting too much of that show on the shoulders of Jerry Orbach. So maybe they could cut the same kind of slack for Sharon Gless while she juggled both roles.

I have no idea how Bebe Neuwirth will be playing her role as the A.D.A. on 'Trial By Jury', but even if it isn't a character as tightly wound as her brilliant portrayal of Lilith Sternin Crane on 'Cheers' and 'Frasier', I think there would still be a wonderful contrast of style with the more flamboyant and brassy Chris Cagney.

So there's another, more Toobworldian, suggestion for the new investigator for the D.A.'s office.

Hrmmm..... I wonder if Fox "Spooky" Mulder is looking for a job.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"TRIAL BY JURY": A CASTING SUGGESTION

When Jerry Orbach passed away a week or so ago, he had only completed three of the first six episodes of the latest spin-off from 'Law & Order', 'Trial By Jury'. Luckily for us who were fans of his work, we'll be able to see these when the show premieres in March. And we'll be able to say goodbye one more time to a great TV character.

But TV is a business, and I get this feeling that even as Orbach was dying, the suits were already trying to figure out who should replace him on the show. Not as Lennie Briscoe, obviously, but as another seasoned, veteran detective now retired and working for the D.A.'s office.

It would have to be somebody with the "oomph" to convey the experience of a cop who had seen it all in NYC, I would think. An actor who generated not only star power, but also the believability of his character's years in the trenches.

The other day the New York Daily News published pictures of those celebrities who attended Jerry Orbach's memorial service. And among them was an actor who worked with him in a movie back in the late 1980s. And just looking at him in his trenchcoat as he entered the chapel convinced me that the producers of 'Law & Order: Trial By Jury' should at least consider this suggestion, if not actually approach him with an offer.

Brian Dennehy.

Like I said, it's just a suggestion. But I think it's a winner from the perspective of not only the producers - who would be getting a powerhouse of an actor, - and of Mr. Dennehy - who would have the luxury of a settled location for working and in the heart of the theatre world to boot! - but also from the vantage point of the audience.

Hopefully somehow this suggestion has already come to mind for those who have some say in the casting......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

JUST ONE MORE THING....

To kick off the yearlong birthday honors list of inductees into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame, and because the theme for January is TV Classics, we have chosen the most famous TV detective known only by one name - Columbo.

He's been a legendary TV icon for over 30 years, recognized the world over by his shabby raincoat, cheap cigar, and the shuffling demeanor that has tripped up nearly all of his suspects.

In the TV Universe, Lt. Columbo (as played by Peter Falk) first appeared in a pilot movie 'Prescription Murder' which was based on a Broadway-bound play by Levinson & Link. (This play had earlier been made for TV as "Enough Rope", an episode of 'Suspense' with Bert Freed as Columbo.)

A second pilot was ordered which brought forth 'Ransom For A Dead Man'. This led to the inclusion of 'Columbo' into the 'NBC Sunday Night Mystery' wheel, along with 'McCloud' and 'Macmillan & Wife', among others.

Years after 'Columbo' finally left the airwaves of the Peacock network, the police lieutenant showed up, older and even more rumpled, at ABC in a series of specials that continue to this day.

There is a format to 'Columbo' that can be as tradition-bound as some religious ceremonies. For instance, in the best episodes, the murderer is tripped up by either that which he killed for in the first place, or by something that he loves the most.

Those few experimental episodes that have strayed from the classic style ('Undercover' being the best - or rather, the worst - example) have not been too successful.

When an episode remains true to form, there's no more compelling TV, no matter how many times you view it.

The secret was never in the actual mystery. 'Columbo' dispensed with the conventional 'whodunnit'; it was more of a 'how to figure it out' mystery. In fact, because you always knew who the murderer was and because you followed his or her story first before ever meeting Columbo, it could be said that the guest murderer was the star role and Columbo a supporting player.

The secret to the longevity of 'Columbo' is the interplay between the adversaries; as best explained by the title of a later episode: "It's All In The Game".

Some might argue that despite two pilot films and two versions of the series on different networks, 'Columbo' should count as one long run. And therefore the Lieutenant doesn't meet the requirements of three different appearances.

I disagree. I do see these as four separate entries, and thus, more than eligible for induction.

As for the Bert Freed version and the Falkless "spin-off" first known as 'Mrs. Columbo', I brush them aside. The episode from 'Suspense' took place in an alternate TV dimension, and Kate Mulgrew's character was married to a different Lt. Columbo in the L.A. police force. (There's no law saying there could be only one.)

But there are two other appearances by Lt. Columbo, as played by Peter Falk, which I do include as part of his overall contribution and which therefore would make him eligible to the naysayers. But there is some fancy footwork involved, which is why the Lieutenant is being inducted this year rather than by the usual means.

First up, there was a convention for police detectives in Hawaii which was seen in an episode of the CBS TV show 'Magnum, P.I.'. There were several detectives at that convention who were unnamed, but it was obvious by their appearance that they were famous TV characters from other shows. Lt. 'Kojak' was one, recognizable by his bald head and lollipop. And another was 'Columbo'.

These little cameos weren't by the original actors playing them, of course. But the camerawork tried to stay far enough away to be good enough for the instant recognition without giving away too much detail.

The other appearance by Lt. Columbo took place during an episode of 'The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast of Frank Sinatra'.

Columbo made a surprise appearance on the dais to salute Ol' Blue Eyes, and never once was he identified as Peter Falk. He remained true to the character, going on and on about how the Mrs. loved Sinatra, and the fact that they came from the same place.... All of it was pure Columbo, just delivered in a humorous fashion.

It shouldn't be too surprising that Columbo would be so entertaining in front of the cameras like that. He had experience on TV before, when he appeared on Norman Paris' cooking show.

And it's not surprising that Sinatra and the others act as though they knew who he was. By that point in his career, Columbo had investigated several very high-profile cases in which those involved - like publisher Arthur Kennicutt or psychiatrist to the stars Ray Flemming, - might have been friends to these celebrities. And then there were always those cases Columbo investigated which we never saw on screen!

So, questionable yet basically legitimate appearances in a rival network's detective show and a comedy roast; add those two to the more accepted output of 'Columbo' and the character deserves one more accolade to go with all of the others (which include being in the Top Ten most memorable TV characters of all time).

Just one more thing....

As will be established later this year, 'Columbo' did make a theoretical connection to another TV show with the episode "Identity Crisis". The murderer was Nelson Brenner, a double-agent played by Patrick McGoohan.

It's our belief that this character was none other than Number Twelve, the spy who was brought into "the Village" as a look-alike to 'The Prisoner' Number Six. Now, it looked like that character was killed off by "Rover" AKA Orange Alert, but as we learned from the last two episodes of 'The Prisoner', Death wasn't always permanent due to their scientific advancements.

And that's a fourth qualification, if accepted. And since this year's inductions are in celebration of my birthday, what I say goes.

Therefore! By the powers invested in me, I name Lt. Columbo a member of the TV Crossover Hall of Fame. This old man got the call. Now he can play "Knick-Knack" in the Hall.

Knick Knack, Paddywhack.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

HAPPY SECOND SEASON!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2005 marks my half-century in the Real World. [I've been a part of Toobworld since 1961, when I received my Citizen of Joyville certificate from 'The Hap Richards Show'.]

I'm cool with the idea of turning fifty. I know that inside, I'm still fifteen. In fact, I think my voice is finally changing!

But it does give me the excuse to expand the Birthday Honors Roll for the TV Crossover Hall of Fame so that it runs the entire year.

Some of the past inductees on the Birthday Honors List might not have made it into the Hall of Fame otherwise.

Some of their qualifications are less than official; in all but name they might have appeared in other shows. (Like Dr. Miguelito Loveless)

Some of them depend on connections to the movie universe. (There will be at least one of those this coming year.)

And others have been inducted in the past for their contributions to the world of TV in general. (Suzie MacNamara had only two series under her belt, but as she took place in the crossover that's generally accepted as the first, she got special notice.)

For 2005, you can expect to see off-the-wall honorees every month of the year.

And an especially odd - yet apt! - choice will be made for the actual Birthday Honors berth.

Stay tuned!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

BRISCOE COUNTED

In my own small, bloggish way, I'd like to pay tribute to Jerry Orbach.

Much has already been written about his popularity as Detective Lennie Briscoe during his 12 year run on 'Law & Order'. But he also made another contribution to the TV Universe with the spin-off of his recurring character from 'Murder, She Wrote': 'The Law & Harry McGraw'.

In his memory, the 2006 roster for the TV Crossover Hall of Fame will be devoted entirely to inducting 'Law & Order' characters. (2005 has already been set in stone, due to a personal milestone.)

And as January is dedicated to TV classics, there could be no better inauguration for such a theme than Lennie Briscoe.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Mike: Get this return address: "476 Avenue Bearing the Initial of Our Lord into the New Kingdom."
Lennie: Great. This time of day it's gonna' take us an hour to get downtown.
Mike: Since when do you have a roadmap to heaven?
Lennie: I don't. But I've been up and down Avenue C.
['Law & Order']

IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR [AS WE VIEW IT]

Now that we've reached the end of the calendar year, but not the end of the TV season, I'd like to salute those shows and characters who made the best contributions to the TV Universe.

They aren't necessarily recognized for expanding the universe through the means of spin-offs and crossovers, but because they enriched - or as they say in 'The Simpsons', embiggened - the possibilities and various aspects of Toobworld.

BEST NEW TV SERIES
'LOST'
Striking out on its own, this drama has picked up the mantle of such off-beat, quirky, spooky shows as 'Twin Peaks' and 'The X-Files' without following in either of their footsteps.

It's been described as an unholy hybrid of 'Gilligan's Island', 'The Twilight Zone', 'The New People', 'The Outer Limits', and 'Survivor'. Yet it's none of the above and all of them and something else altogether.

For the first time in a very long while, I'm waiting for the next installment of a show as soon as the end credits are rolling for the current episode.

BEST TV MOVIE
'THE LIBRARIAN: QUEST FOR THE SPEAR'
The premise for this flick built on projects that had come before it - most notably 'The Raiders Of The Lost Ark' - and gleefully, shamelessly ripped them off. With its premise of a modern library housing the world's most magical antiquities, 'The Librarian' was able to be linked to a variety of other shows - 'Hercules', 'Arthur Of The Britons', 'Roar', 'Lois & Clark' etc.

And with the possibilities of sequels, its links can continue to be forged.

BEST NEW MALE CHARACTER
DR. GREGORY HOUSE - 'HOUSE'
It's been over twenty years since 'St. Elsewhere' forced us to lose our outdated views of all doctors as 'Marcus Welby, M.D.'. But not even Dr. Mark Craig could hold his own against such an unmitigated prick as 'House'. The world of medicine might not benefit from his presence, but Toobworld certainly gains.

BEST NEW FEMALE CHARACTER
GRACE McCALLISTER, 'JACK & BOBBY'
Like Dr. House, she certainly is not an easy character to like. But her hard-edged, bull-headed, opinionated attitude is certainly believable for molding the boy who would be President into everything he will be, as well as won't be.

BEST NEW MALE SUPPORTING CHARACTER
TONY BLUNDETTO, 'THE SOPRANOS'
For someone who was supposed to be so integral to Tony Soprano's early family life, "Tony B" seemed to come ouf of nowhere, rather than fresh out of prison. But it didn't take long to accept how Tony B's very existence was a shattered reflection of everything Tony S was and should have been and whom he would never be.

When Tony S finally killed his cousin himself, he had convinced himself it was to save Tony B from a far worse death. But it may be that he was removing that constant reminder of his own flaws.

Tony Blundetto was the most devastating blood relation Tony Soprano had since his mother Livia.

BEST NEW SUPPORTING FEMALE CHARACTER
BOBBI, 'JOEY'
There's no denying how bad I find this spin-off from 'Friends', but whenever Jennifer Coolidge shows up as Joey's boy-toy hungry carnivore of an agent, the stultifying shackles are thrown off and she sends this sitcom into loopy, giddy heights.

It's just a shame that such a brassy broad is stuck in such a leaden vehicle.

BEST CAST ENSEMBLE
THE SURVIVORS OF 'LOST'
Everybody on board Oceanic 815 has a secret. Nobody is as they appear, either. And the show's creators delight in dangling tantalizing little clues to keep us coming back for more, and willingly.

Everybody in the cast is so perfect for their roles that it would be a shame to lose any of them. But the producers have stated that a major character will die by the end of teh season. Yet even the worst of them are rich enough in backstory to hang around for years.

BEST NEW GUEST APPEARANCE
ARIK SOONG, 'ENTERPRISE'
It took three seasons, but it looks like 'Enterprise' has finally learned what made 'Deep Space Nine' better - a grasp of the rich history of 'Trek'.

And no one was a better link to all of that than the mad geneticist Dr. Arik Soong. "Grandfather" to the android Data of 'Star Trek: The Next Generation', disciple of the goals fought for in the Eugenics Wars, Soong had a playful malevolence found in the best of villains.

And he had a fine eye for green-skinned Orion slave girls!

Finally, here are a few quickies:

BEST SERIES FINALE - 'Frasier' ('Friends' suffered from a built-up sense of overkill hype.)

BEST SENSE OF ONE'S OWN HISTORY - 'Enterprise', runner-up: 'Law & Order'

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD HISTORY - 'Deadwood'

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD CELEBRITY - 'Entourage'

BEST SPIN-OFF - 'Boston Legal'

WORST SPIN-OFF - 'Joey'

BEST CROSSOVER - 'All My Children' & 'One Life To Live' (the baby-swapping storyline)

WORST CROSSOVER - 'Monday Night Football' & 'Desperate Housewives' ('The Towel')

BCnU!
Tele-Toby