THE HAT SQUAD 2014

ACTORS
Larry D. Mann ('Police Surgeon')
Carmen Zapata ('Santa Barbara', 'Viva Valdez', 'The New Dick Van Dyke Show')
Sheila Guyse ("The Green Pastures")
Roger Lloyd Pack ('Only Fools And Horses', 'The Vicar Of Dibley')
Russell Johnson ('Gilligan's Island', 'Black Saddle', 'Owen Marshall, Counselor at Law')
Pierre Jalbert ('Combat!')
Sarah Marshall ('Miss Winslow And Son', 'Scruples')
Luis Avalos ('Electric Company', 'ER', 'Condo')
Maximilian Schell ('Wiseguy','Peter The Great', 'Der Fürst und das Mädchen', 'The Thorn Birds: The Missing Years', 'Der seidene Schuh')
Philip Seymour Hoffman ('Liberty! The American Revolution', "Empire Falls", 'Happyish', guest turns in 'Arthur', first role in 'Law & Order')
Richard Bull ('Little House On The Prairie', 'Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea')
Christopher Jones ('The Legend Of Jesse James')
Ralph Waite ('The Waltons', 'Roots', 'Days Of Our Lives')
Ken Jones ('Porridge', 'The Liver Birds')
Mary Grace Canfield ('Green Acres' - Ralph)
Christopher Malcolm ('Absolutely Fabulous')
Cynthia Lynn ('Hogan's Heroes')
Wendy Hughes ('Homicide: Life On The Street', 'A Woman Named Jackie')
Med Flory ('Maverick')
James Rebhorn ('White Collar', 'Homeland')
Patrice Wymore Flynn (''Never Too Young', 'F Troop', 'The Monkees')
Kate O'Mara ('Doctor Who', 'Dynasty')
Marc Pratt (dancer in "Oklahoma" & "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers", 'The Life And Legend Of Wyatt Earp', 'Hotel de Paree', 'Sky King', 'Matlock')
Mickey Rooney ('Hey, Mulligan', show biz legend)
Mary Anderson ('Peyton Place', one of last 'Gone With The Wind' cast)
Phyllis Frelich (deaf actress - 'Santa Barbara', 'Barney Miller', 'ER', 'CSI')
Bob Hoskins ('Pennies From Heaven', 'Thieves Like Us')
Efrem Zimbalist Jr. ('77 Sunset Strip', 'The F.B.I.', 'Maverick')
Assi Dayan (Israeli actor)
Lee Marshal (second voice for Tony the Tiger)
Matthew Cowles ('All My Children', 'Oz', 'Lonesome Dove', 'The Bold And The Beautiful')
Herb Jeffries (the Bronze Buckaroo - 'The Name Of The Game', 'I Dream Of Jeannie', 'Where's Huddles?', 'Hawaii Five-O')
Leslie Carlson ('Custard Pie', 'The X-Files', 'Highlander', 'The New Avengers')
Doug Hale ('The West Wing', 'Mad Men', 'The Rockford Files', 'Night Court')
Barbara Murray ('Doctor Who')
Ann B. Davis ('The Brady Bunch', 'Love That Bob!')
Lee Chamberlin ('The Electric Company')
Anna Berger ('Ryan's Hope', 'Singer & Sons', 'Seventh Avenue', 'Civil Wars')
Mona Freeman ('Maverick', 'Perry Mason', 'The Millionaire')
Martha Hyer (Oscar nominee, six roles on 'Burke's Law')
Rik Mayall ('The Young Ones', 'The New Statesman', 'Bottom')
Ruby Dee (Stephen King's 'The Stand')
Sam Kelly ('Allo, Allo', 'Porridge')
Francis Mathews ('Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons')
Meshach Taylor ('Designing Women')
Bob Hastings ('McHale's Navy', 'All In The Family')
Dick Jones ('Buffalo Bill, Jr', voice of Pinocchio)
Don Matheson ('Land Of The Giants')
Rosemary Murphy ('Columbo', played mothers of Washington, FDR, and JFK in 3 different miniseries, Emmy winner for "Eleanor and Franklin")
Zohra Sehgal ('The Jewel In The Crown')
Elaine Stritch ('Two's Company', 'Trials Of O'Brien', '30 Rock', original Trixie in 'The Honeymooners'}
Skye McCole Bartusiak ('24', 'Storm Of The Century', 'Lost' - only 21)
Steve London ('The Untouchables', 'The Lucy Show')
James Garner ('Maverick', 'Bret Maverick', 'The Rockford Files', 'Nichols', 'Chicago Hope', '8 Simple Rules', 'Man Of The People'.  One of my biggest TV idols)
Alex Argulo ('Periodistas', 'Hermanos & Detectivos')
Dietmar Schönherr ("Space Patrol - the Fantastic Adventures of the Spaceship Orion")
Robert Cawley ('Walker, Texas Ranger', 'Dallas')
James Shigeta (best known for "Die Hard" and "Flower Drum Song" but many TV guest roles)
Kenny Ireland ('Benidorm', 'Drop The Dead Donkey', 'House Of Cards')
Ron Castro ('Search', 'Columbo', 'Adam-12', 'Mission: Impossible', 'Lou Grant', 'Ironside', 'Monty Nash')
Bea Silvern ('The Secret Of Midland Heights', 'Dallas', 'Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman')
Norm Skaggs ("Decoration Day", "Shadow of a Doubt", "Chrome Soldiers", "the Flood" and "Getting Out"
Charles Keating ('Another World', 'Brideshead Revisited', 'Crown Court', 'Going To Extremes')
JJ Murphy ('Game of Thrones')
Robin Williams ('Mork & Mindy', 'The Crazy Ones')
Lauren Bacall ('The Rockford Files', 'The Sopranos')
Ed Nelson ('Peyton Place', 'The Silent Force', "The Return Of Frank Cannon", MANY guest spots!)
Marjorie Stapp ('Cheyenne', 'The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show', 'The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet', 'The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp', 'Dragnet', 'The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis', '77 Sunset Strip', 'The Brady Bunch', 'Quantum Leap' and 'Columbo'.)
Stephen Lee ('Nash Bridges', 'Dark Angel', 'City', 'To Have & To Hold', 'Gung Ho')
Bill Kerr ('Hancock's Half Hour', 'Anzacs')
Molly Glynn ('Chicago Fire')
Richard Kiel ('Barbary Coast', 'The Twilight Zone' - "To Serve Man", 'The Wild Wild West')
Donald Sinden ('Two's Company', 'Never The Twain', 'Our Man At St. Mark's')
Denny Miller ('Wagon Train', 'Mona McCluskey')
John Bardon ('EastEnders', 'Rumpole of the Bailey', 'Up The Elephant and Round The Castle')
Angus Lennie ('Crossroads', 'HMS Paradise', 'Monarch Of The Glen', 'All Night Long')
Edward L. Jones ('The Real Ghostbusters')
Yoshiko "Shirley" Yamaguchi (Japanese film star - 'Robert Montgomery Presents', 'The Red Skelton Hour', 'The U.S. Steel Hour')
Polly Bergen ('The Polly Bergen Show', 'Desperate Housewives', 'Commander In Chief', 'Baby Talk', 'The Winds Of War', 'War And Remembrance')
Eric Lynch (Howard Stern sidekick, 'Fringe', 'In Plain Sight')
Don Keefer ('The Twilight Zone')
Stefan Gierasch
Maggie Stables ('Doctor Who: Real Time')
Marian Seldes ('One Life To Live', 'Good and Evil', 'Studio One', 'Playhouse 90')
Geoffrey Holder (The Un-Cola Man!, "Cole Porter's Aladdin", 'It Takes A Thief')
Sarah Goldberg aka Sarah Danielle Madison ('Seventh Heaven')
Iva Withers ('Musical Comedy Time')
Jan Hooks ('Saturday Night Live', 'Designing Women', '30 Rock')
Elizabeth Pena ('I Married Dora', 'Matador', 'Shannon's Deal', 'Resurrection Blvd.')
Elizabeth Norment ('House Of Cards')
Richard Schaal ('Phyllis', 'Rhoda', first Chuckles the Clown on 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show')
Carol Ann Susi ('The Big Bang Theory')
Warren Clarke ('Dalziel and Pascoe')
Rebekah Gibbs ('Casualty', 'Holby City')
Steve Dodd (Australian actor)
Ken Takakura (Japanese Clint Eastwood, 'Chiroru no banka')
Ken Weatherwax ('The Addams Family')
Stephanie Moseley ('Hellcats', 'Hit The Floor', "Girl vs. Monster")
Mary Ann Mobley (TVXOHOF member, first April Dancer in 'The Girl From UNCLE' pilot)
Virna Lisi (Italian actress, 'Beauty Centre', 'My Daughters', 'Christopher Columbus')
Billie Whitelaw ('Time Out For Peggy', 'Napoleon And Love', 'Born To Run', 'Dixon Of Dock Green')
Luise Rainer (first back to back Oscar winner, lived to 104, appeared in episodes of 'Combat!' and 'The Love Boat' and several anthology series)
Edward Hermann ('Gilmore Girls', 'Franklin & Eleanor', 'St. Elsewhere')
Christine Cavanaugh ('Rugrats', 'Dexter's Laboratory', "Babe")
PERSONALITIES
Phil Everly ('The Ed Sullivan Show', '60 Minutes')
Samantha Juste Dolenz ("Disc Girl" on 'Top Of The Pops', ex-wife of Mickey Dolenz)
Ralph Kiner (Mets baseball player, broadcaster)
Shirley Temple Black ('Shirley Temple's Storybook')
Maggie Estep (poetry slams on HBO, PBS, MTV)
Sid Caesar ('Your Show Of Shows')
Charlotte Dawson (Australian TV personality 'Australia's Next Top Model', anti-bullying crusader)
Jim Lange ('The Dating Game')
Tim Wilson (comedian, 'Tonight Show', 'WDRB In The Morning')
Geoff Edwards ('Jackpot', 'Treasure Hunt', 'The Big Spin', 'The Love Experts', 'Starcade')
David Brenner (most appearances on 'Tonight' show)
Clarissa Dickson Wright ('Two Fat Ladies')
Eddie Lawrence ("The Old Philosopher", Bunky)
Peaches Geldof ('OMG! with Peaches')
Eric Hill ('The Bachelorette')
Frank Giudice ("Real Housewives of New Jersey")
Ken Schram (KOMO radio and TV personality)
Steve Rossi (Half of comedy team Allen & Rossi, appeared on 'The Ed Sullivan Show' with Beatles)
Caleb Blankston ('Survivor' constestant)
James Harness ('Gold Rush')
Mike Smith ('Late, Late, Breakfast Show', 'That's Showbusiness', 'Friday's People')
Michael Johns ('American Idol' Season 7)
Edith Flagg ('Million Dollar Listing')
Don Pardo (announcer - 'Jeopardy!', 'The Price Is Right', 'Saturday Night Live')
Skip E. Lowe (public access host in L.A. and NYC)
Joanne Borgella ('American Idol 7', 'Mo'nique's Fat Chance')
Diem Brown ('Real World/Road Rules Challenge')
Ryan Knight ('Real World', 'Challenge')
Roberto Gómez Bolaños, (Mexican comic aka "Chespirito")
Damien Gurganious ('The Biggest Loser')

NEWS & SPORTS
Chet Curtis, WCVB anchorman
Marty Plissner (CBS political beat)
Garrick Utley (NBC news)
Bill McLaughlin (CBS news)
Knowlton Nash (CBC news)
Steven H. Scheuer ("TV Key" columnist, “TV Movie Almanac & Ratings”)
John A. Hamilton ('Watch On Washington', 'With John Hamilton', 'The 51st State')
Jess Marlow (anchorman for KCBS & KNBC, hosted public affairs show on KCET)
Bruce Morton (reporter for CBS then CNN)
John Slattery (WCBS-2 reporter)
Terry Keenan (Financial analyst, CNN then FOX)
Brian Farrell (Irish presenter, 'Today Tonight' and 'Prime Time')
Richard C. Hottelet (last of the CBS "Murrow Boys")
Emerson Stone (CBS news)

WRITERS
Ben Starr (In a lengthy television career, Starr co-created the 1980s sitcom "Silver Spoons," helped develop "The Facts of Life" and was a regular screenwriter for the popular series "Mister Ed," "All in the Family" and "Diff'rent Strokes." He also wrote for such comedy favorites as "The Brady Bunch," "Chico and the Man," "Maude," "The Andy Griffith Show," "Petticoat Junction" and "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis")
Juanita Bartlet ('The Rockford Files', 'Nichols', 'Young Maverick', 'The Greatest American Hero', 'Scarecrow and Mrs. King', 'Tenspeed and Brown Shoe', 'Alias Smith and Jones', and 'The Magician'. Produced 'In The Heat Of The Night')
Eric Bercovicci ("Shogun")
Bob Larbey ('The Good Life', 'As Time Goes By', 'Mulberry', 'Ever Decreasing Circles')
Allan Folsom ('Desperate Intruder', 'Hart To Hart')
Stanford Whitmore ('The Fugitive', 'Johnny Staccato', 'Night Gallery', 'The Wild, Wild West')
Jerry McNeely ('Trauma Center', 'Owen Marshall', 'Lucas Tanner', 'Dr. Kildare', 'Marcus Welby')
Rick Mittleman ('The Dick Van Dyke Show', 'The Odd Couple', 'Get Smart', 'M*A*S*H', 'The Red Skelton Show', 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show', 'That Girl', 'The Flintstones') 
Wilton Schiller (produced the series ending episode of 'The Fugitive' and wrote episodes of 'The Adventures of Superman', 'Leave It To Beaver', 'Have Gun Will Travel')
Theodore J. Flicker (co-created 'Barney Miller')
Lee Maddux ('Night Court')
Ernest Kinoy ('Roots', 'Naked City', 'The Defenders')
P.D. James ('Dalgliesh', 'Death Comes To Pemberly')
Ann Marcus ('Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, 'Knot's Landing, 'General Hospital')
Norman Bridwell (creator of "Clifford The Big Red Dog")

DIRECTORS
Christopher Barry ('Doctor Who')
Vera Chytilova (Czech documentaries)
Sandy Grossman (directed 10 Super Bowl broadcasts)
Hal Cooper ('Maude', 'The Dick Van Dyke Show')
Noel Black ('McCloud', 'Kojak', 'Hawaii Five-O', 'Quincy, M.E.', and the 1980s revival of 'The Twilight Zone')
John Fasano ('Woke Up Dead', "Jesse Stone", "Saving Jessica Lynch")
Andrew McLaglen ('Gunsmoke', 'Have Gun Will Travel', 'Rawhide', 'Perry Mason')
Larry Auerbach ('One Life To Live', 'All My Children', 'Another World', 'As The World Turns')
Joseph Sargent ("Miss Evers' Boys", "The Marcus Nelson Murders", "Love Is Never Silent", "Miss Rose White", "Caroline?"

PRODUCERS
John Filerman ('Dallas', 'Knots Landing', 'Falcon Crest' )
Lorenzo Semple, Jr. (created the TV version of 'Batman')
Madeline Amgott ('Not For Women Only', '30 Minutes', 'In Search Of The Constitution')
Martin Tahse ('ABC AfterSchool Special')
Robert Halmi Sr. ('Lonesome Dove', 'Gulliver's Travels', 'Noah', 'The Odyssey', 'Merlin')
Alan Landsburg (Emmy winner, 'The Undersea World Of Jacques Cousteau', "The Ryan White Story")
Stanley Chase ('Bob Hope Presents The Chrysler Theatre', 'An American Christmas Carol', "Fear On Trial")
Susan Sollins (creator and producer of PBS' 'Art21')
Arthur Gardner ('The Rifleman', 'The Big Valley')

MUSIC
John Cacavas ('Kojak', “Hawaii Five-O,” “Matlock,” “Columbo,” “Lady Blue,” “The Equalizer”)
Bob Casale (member of Devo, music videos)
Mitch Leigh (composer of "Man of La Mancha", jingles for American Airlines and Polaroid, wrote "Nobody doesn't like Sarah Lee.")
Ken Thorne (composer, "The Return of Sherlock Holmes," "Diana: Her True Story" and "Liz:The Elizabeth Taylor Story.")
Ian Fraser (composer/conductor for Julie Andrews specials, Bing Crosby & David Bowie duet, award shows)

ANIMATION
Hal Sutherland ('Star Trek: The Animated Series', 'Tarzan', 'Superman', 'Fat Albert', 'The Archies', 'Gilligan's Planet', 'The Lone Ranger')
Michael Sporn (Emmy nominated for "Abel's Island")
Arthur Rankin, Jr. ('Frosty The Snowman', "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer", many more)
Treadwell Covington ('Go Go Gophers', partner in Total Television Productions)

PUPPETEERS
Brian Henson (played Sweetums, among others.  Son of Jim and Jane Henson)

HYPHENATES
Harold Ramis ('SCTV' performer, movie director and screenwriter and actor)
Stanley Rubin (writer/producer, one of the first Emmy awards for "The Necklace")
Nancy Malone (actress: 'Naked City' and 'Guiding Light', director: 'Dynasty', 'Voyager', Emmy for the Bob Hope 90th birthday special)
Maya Angelou (author, poet, actress, singer - 'Roots', 'Moesha', 'Sesame Street')
Karlheinz Bohm (actor, humanitarian - 'Burke's Law')
Johnny Mann (composer, musical director - 'The Danny Kaye Show', orchestra leader - 'The Joey Bishop Show', host - 'Stand Up And Cheer')
Robin Williams (actor/comedian - 'Mork & Mindy', 'The Crazy Ones', "Live At The Met")
Lord Richard Attenborough (actor - 'Oliver Twist', director - "Ghandi")
William Greaves (documentarian, host of 'Black Journal')
Leigh Chapman (actress - 'The Man From UNCLE', 'The Monkees', 'Ripcord', writer - 'Burke's Law', 'The Wild, Wild West', 'My Favorite Martian', 'Walker, Texas Ranger')
Jeremy Lloyd (actor - 'Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In', writer - 'Are You Being Served?', 'Allo, Allo')

OTHERS
Dennis Johnson (Showtime executive)
Ed Hookstratten (agent for Carson, Brokaw, Vin Scully)
Jack Stephan (owned 2 plumbing companies in LA with memorable TV commercials in the 1960s)
Abby Singer (Production manager - 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show', 'Hill Street Blues', 'St. Elsewhere', inspiration for the "Abby Singer Shot")
Richard Brick (NYC commissioner for broadcasting in early 1990s)
Lucy Hood (TV Academy president)
Lacey Holsworth (seen on 'CBS Sunday Morning' - the 8-year-old who became close friends with Michigan State basketball star Adreian Payne and who became a fixture at Spartans games)
Michael Travis (costume designer for Liberace and 'Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In')
George H. Heilmeier (inventor of the LCDs which led to flat-screen TVs)
Kenneth Tomlinson (chairman of the Public Broadcasting System)
Marilyn Beck (Hollywood columnist)
Pat McDonagh (designed the outfits for Mrs. Peel on 'The Avengers')
Senator Howard Baker (the televised Watergate hearings)
Barry Moss (casting director, 'The Cosby Show')
Tom Rolf (editor, 'The Big Valley')
Dick Smith (make-up artist - "The Godfather", "The Exorcist" TV: "Mark Twain Tonight!", 'Monsters', "Alice In Wonderland", "Cyrano de Bergerac", "Victoria Regina", 'Golden Years')
Edward M. Joyce (CBS News President)
James Brady (Reagan press secretary seriously wounded by John Hinckley.  Portrayed by Beau Bridges in "Without Warning: The James Brady Story")
Szabolcs Imre Cseh (Romanian stunt coordinator - 'The Seawolf', "Les Adventures de Tom Sawyer", 'Polizeiruf 110')
Mary MacCracken (author who was portrayed by Jane Alexander in "A Circle Of Children" & "Lovey")
Bryce Dion ('Cops' sound operator - shot and killed by the cops he was working with during a standoff)
David Garth (political advertising guru for most of the winning NYC Mayor contests of the last forty years)
Dick Rich (advertising leader in the 1970s - among them the Alka Seltzer spots)
Brandon Stoddard (ABC chief who shepherded 'Roots', 'Rich Man, Poor Man', 'The Winds Of War')
Timothy Dowd (NYPD detective who caught Son of Sam.  Dowd was portrayed by Stephen Lang in the mini-series "The Bronx Is Burning")

TUESDAY NEWS DAY - FROM BOOKWORLD TO TOOBWORLD

Another invasion from BookWorld will arrive in the Toobworld Dynamic, but not into the dimension of Earth Prime-Time: "Childhood's End", a classic science fiction novel by Arthur C. Clarke, is being adapted into a six hour mini-series by the Syfy channel.

The novel tells about the arrival of a race of aliens known as "The Overlords" who provide a Utopia on Earth - and all the Terrans have to do is surrender their identity and cultures.

The only major casting news at this point is that Charles Dance will be playing the Overlord ambassador, named Karellen.  He is a master in the use of comforting words (something Dance was a master at in 'Game Of Thrones'), and he wins the approval of the human population at first.  But after a few decades, the people grow restless and the fact that Karellen won't reveal his true appearance eventually inspires a rebellious backlash against the Overlords.

(There have been many depictions of the Overlords through the years, but I think the best interpretation is from "Barlow's Guide To Extraterrestrials".  If you can find this book, pick it up!  It serves as an excellent introduction to some of the best science fiction stories of the past sixty years.)

The main Toobworld has always found room for adaptations from BookWorld - "The Winds Of War", "Pride & Prejudice", the Sherlock Holmes novels, "Little Women", "Huckleberry Finn", "War And Peace", the aforementioned "Game Of Thrones" books (collectively known as "A Song Of Ice And Fire") even if that series takes place on Earth's twin planet of Mondas.  But "Childhood's End" would seriously jeopardize the basic timeline for Earth Prime-Time and so, like the TV series "Defiance" just recently, it must be relegated to its own dimension.

BCnU!

THEORY OF RELATEEVEETY - QUIGLEY DONE OVER

'THE GEORGE BURNS AND GRACIE ALLEN SHOW'

"GEORGE AND GRACIE GOING TO THE OPERA 'CARMEN'"

Gracie Allen: 

Mr. Vanderlip said you were a music critic. Now just what do you do?

Mrs. Quigley: 

Well, the newspaper usually gets me two seats for all the musical events 

and I go and cover them.

Gracie Allen: 

Oh? Oh, you're just being sensitive. 

You may be a little larger than most women, 

but you couldn't cover more than one seat.

Mrs. Quigley wrote a newspaper column about opera for one of the Los Angeles publications.  I'd like to think it was either the L.A. Tribune, the L.A. Sun, or the L.A. Chronicle.

At the end of this episode, everybody returned to the Burns' home after the for coffee and sandwiches.  In this screencap, we have Harry Morton, Mr. Vanderlip and his wife Lucille behind the couch with George Burns off to the side.  Seated on the couch are Gracie Allen and Mrs. Quigley.  (Blanche Morton is just off-screen to the left.)

But Mr. Quigley wasn't there and there was no indication that he even went to the opera.  

We can't splain this away by saying that Mr. Quigley was dead or that they were divorced.  Mrs. Quigley mentions to George that she and Mr. Quigley enjoy watching the Burns and Allen TV show.

But after the episode, the only one in which Mrs. Quigley appears?

I believe that if we had seen Mr. Quigley in that Burns and Allen episode, he would have been named Justin and he would have been played by Burt Mustin.  I think it was Mrs. Quigley who passed away and after she died, her husband moved back East where he was from - to New York City.

Eventually, Justin Quigley moved into the Sunshine Home for retirees in Queens, where he met Edith Bunker who volunteered there.  Quigley ran away from the home and he was taken in by the Bunkers - over Archie's objections of course.  But Quigley reassured him that his friend Joe Nelson was coming to get him and they would move in together.  

That made Archie happy... until he found out that Joe Nelson was actually Jo Nelson - Josephine Nelson.

After the birth of their son Joey, Mike and Gloria Stivic adopted Justin and Jo to be their honorary grandparents so that Joey could have more family than before.

Sadly, Jo Nelson died just over two years later.  Mr. Quigley surrendered to the inevitable and returned to the Sunshine Home where he remained until he finally passed away in 1983.

(Burt Mustin died in 1977.  But he was playing Mr. Quigley as being six years younger than he actually was.  So Justin Quigley deserved to have as much time living on Earth Prime-Time as Mustin did on Earth.)

BCnU!

TELE-FOLKS DIRECTORY - THE PRINCESS CRUISES

'RUN FOR YOUR LIFE'

"THE INHUMAN PREDICAMENT"

When Paul Bryan introduced his table companion to his old friend Ramon de Vega, he stumbled hesitantly over her name: "Ingrid... Svenska."

Ramon recognized her, however.  And Paul's use of a code name to serve as an alias probably couldn't fool anybody.  Svenska is the native language of Sweden and parts of Finland.  And as we learned that Ingrid was a princess in one of Europe's last ruling monarchies, I think it's safe to say that she was a member of Sweden's Royal Family... if only in Toobworld.

Princess Ingrid was probably a cousin, a member of the "kungliga familjen" - part of the extended family not recognized as royal by the government and who does not carry any official duties for the monarchy.  Nevertheless, Princess Ingrid had to observe the state rules of protocol which dictated her life.

Princess Ingrid is not the first fictional character in Toobworld related to actual people from the Real World.  Megan Russert (Tim Russert), Vera Gorman (Art Carney), and Sherlock Holmes (Horace and Claude Joseph Vernet) are some of the others who hold that distinction.  

But she may be the first to have a modern royal connection and not be from an alternate TV dimension.....

SHOWS CITED:

• 'Homicide: Life On The Street'
• 'Alice'
• 'The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes'

BCnU!

THE MALTESE FALCON THAT WASN'T

The Television Universe has plenty of abnormalities that mark it apart from the "Trueniverse". Androids, aliens, talking animals, new nations, etc - it makes me laugh when politicians complain about how a certain situation from "Earth Prime" is portrayed in "Earth Prime-Time", because it has no bearing on the original.

One way in which Toobworld differs from the real world is in the use of "reruns". Not the type of reruns we expect from our TV shows, but in the carbon copies of people and situations that arise from TV show remakes sharing the same world as the original TV series.

In case that's confusing - Sorry about that, Chief! - here's an example: Earth Prime-Time has a proliferation of remakes for the Columbian TV show 'Betty de la Fea', including the American version 'Ugly Betty'. One might expect that each of these remakes would be sent packing to some other TV dimension, but there are enough differences - names of characters, companies, and definitely locations! - to allow them all to remain in Earth Prime-Time. The same goes for all of the international 'Office' clones as well as 'All In The Family' and its British inspiration 'Death Do Us Part'.

Exceptions include the clones for 'Shameless' and 'Being Human'. They were just too exact in their remakes, right down to character names. ('Being Human' had different character names but the situation? A vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost share an apartment. If only the American version had used at least one different category of "monster" for the room-mates - a witch instead of the over-used vampire, perhaps.)

There are certain motifs which are replayed all the time in Toobworld - main characters holding out in a jury vote; pregnant women in the elevator when it goes on the blink; seasonal motifs like rehashed versions of "It's A Wonderful Life" and/or "A Christmas Carol". And my personal favorite - the magician who dies in a sealed coffin that was at the bottom of a pool in front of witnesses... and who was shot to death! (I've seen it done three times so far, a Levinson & Link classic! And the third time was in the sequel to the first depiction.)

Sometimes if enough time has passed between the lives of such replayable character types, I make the claim that it is a case of reincarnation with them reliving their lives. My best example of this would be aristocratic Ross Poldark and his gypsy wife Demelza of Cornwall. Two centuries later, they were reunited in San Francisco as uptight yuppie Greg Montgomery and his hippie wife Dharma Liberty Finkelstein.

I've also noted "bleed-throughs" from other fictional universes, and a good example of this would be the characters from Dashiell Hammett's "The Maltese Falcon". This classic detective novel is better known for its second movie incarnation with Humphrey Bogart but it has never been adapted for television, not even during the heyday of movie adaptations in the anthology TV series from several of the major movie studios.

However we have seen the archetypes of those classic characters played out in Toobworld on several TV shows including 'Get Smart', 'It Takes A Thief', 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'. Usually it comes down to the bad guys being the overweight mastermind and his weasely accomplice, sometimes with a hired gun and a femme fatale in tow.

Although they didn't resemble the Gutman, Joel Cairo, and Wilmer the gunsel from "The Maltese Falcon", we did see those archetypes in an episode of 'The Rogues' - "The Laughing Lady Of Luxor".

The MacGuffin, the object everybody was chasing, wasn't a falcon statue, but a bas relief portrait of Cleopatra which was a cheap copy. However, the wire used to hang it on the wall was a recording of top secret information smuggled out of the Soviet Union.

 

And the stand-ins for the archetypes were:

Dubrovin - a Russian agent (for Caspar Gutman)

Spiro Deleanos - a Greek scrounger/thief (for Joel Cairo)

Lawrence Creighton - Dubrovin's hired "muscle" (for Wilmer)

Catherine de Montrachet - the femme fatale working both sides (for Brigid O'Shaughnessy)



They may not have looked the parts, but they served the same functions as the characters in the book and in the movies.

BCnU!

LITTLE BIG SCREEN - "THE PINK PANTHER"

The year is winding down for our look "Little Big Screen" theme about the connections between Toobworld and the movies. And on November 6th, two different series shared their riffs on the classic slapstick film that spawned a franchise about the French police inspector, Jacques Clouseau - "The Pink Panther".

'A To Z'
"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

 

"The Pink Panther" was a seminal film in the lives of Andrew and Stu when they were little kids. Andrew was taking lessons in karate and in order to keep him in fighting shape, Stu would often hide in unexpected places (like a school locker) and attack Andrew when he least expected it. The inspiration for this came from Inspector Clouseau's assistant Kato in the movie..... 

'White Collar'

"Borrowed Time"

In what may be the over-riding arc for this final season of the show, con artist Neil Caffrey and his FBI handler Peter Burke hatched a plan to infiltrate a gang of high-stakes thieves who called themselves the Pink Panthers. O'Bviously they took their inspiration from the movie.
The movie has been mentioned in several other TV shows:

• 'Caroline In The City' 
• 'Modern Family'
• 'Orange Is The New Black'
• 'House M.D.'

among others.

 

And even the tie-in merchandise (mostly from the cartoon spinoffs based on the movie credits) have been seen in Toobworld, most notably a stuffed Pink Panther doll owned by 'Mr. Bean'.

At one point during Claudia Donovan's career with 'Warehouse 13', she asked "Are these the Pink Panther's calling cards?"

Forgive her; she's young. She was probably referring to the cartoon character, but she could easily have meant Inspector Clouseau in much the same way as a previous generation thought "The Thin Man" referred to William Powell as Nick Charles when in fact it was to the murder victim in the first movie. 

Should reference ever be made to the unique diamond known as the Pink Panther, in such a way as to suggest it exists in Toobworld, I'd have no problem with that. It would be easy enough to claim that the movies were based on the "real" life events. And the fact that the movies date back to the early 1960s doesn't matter either....

After all, diamonds are forever.

BCnU!

THE 2014 TOOBITS AWARDS PART FIVE - BRINGING UP THE REAR......

2014 TOOBITS AWARDS

It's that time of year again, when we all make lists and think back over the past year, in whatever field of interest concerns us, and chronicle the high points and the lows. For the past few years I've been presenting this compilation as an awards show, the Toobits, which of course celebrates my two bits about Toobworld.

As it is with any such list you'll find in TV columns across the country these last few weeks, these are my opinions. You're welcome to your own and I hope you'll share them, but I'm sticking to my weapons of choice. (It could be you won't see something that was a favorite of yours because I just never got around to seeing it. There's only so much time in the world - even for a do-nothing-else-anyway sort like me! - and I've only got the two eyes, even if they do operate independantly of each other at times.)

Unlike the Emmy Awards which will just keep handing out trophies to some shows forever, only shows, characters and what-not that debuted in 2013 can be considered. (And by "debuted", I mean that which I first came in contact with in 2013. It could be a few years old, but if it's my first time seeing it, it's new.)

This one-time-only rule includes characters who have been recast; those are still the same characters who already exist in Toobworld. (But there were a few notable appearances that deserved honorable mention, and they get it.)

So without further ado, let's have at it:

-------------------------------------------------------------------
WORST NEW SERIES TITLE
'Married'

BEST ADVANCEMENT FOR TOOBWORLD
The Ascension space program, 'Ascension'

BEST CLASH BETWEEN TOOBWORLD & THE REAL WORLD'Modern Family' and the California Wildfires
"Best" is a relative term here, but when Cam and Mitchell's wedding was interrupted due to a wildfire, several wildfires were in fact blazing across the area.

MOST TRIVIAL CLASH BETWEEN TOOBWORLD & THE REAL WORLDThe Lakewood Shopper, an Orthodox Jewish newspaper from Lakewood, New Jersey, reported the capture of Mexican cartel leader Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman’s capture.

Instead of using El Chapo’s photo, however, the Shopper used the mug of Luis Guzman, everyone’s favorite actor from the Lower East Side of New York City, known for his roles in “Carlito’s Way” and “How To Make It In America.”

WORST CLASH BETWEEN TOOBWORLD & THE REAL WORLD
CNN

Piers Morgan Live

March 10, 2014

9:43 p.m. Eastern

PIERS MORGAN: How do you spend your life when you’re not working? What would be your life here be this week? What will you do?

CHELSEA HANDLER: Well, I am working this week.

MORGAN: After the show, where do you go? What do you do?

HANDLER: Well, I have to come here and tolerate this nonsense and then I have to ...

MORGAN: What is nonsense? It's designed to flag your tawdry book.

HANDLER: I know. I'm going to go do a book signing at Target in Westwood ...

MORGAN: Yeah.

HANDLER: ... and then I go on the road every weekend and perform live stand-up comedy and do book signings and you know, that's it. I'm just -- I'm a workhorse. I'm a workaholic.

MORGAN: You tweet very amusingly.

HANDLER: I wish you did. I mean, in the middle of the commercial break, I want your viewers to know, I mean, they must know because they're probably following you on Twitter. I mean, you can't even pay attention for 60 seconds. You're a terrible interviewer.

MORGAN: Well, you just weren’t keeping my attention. That's more of an issue for you than me.

HANDLER: Well, but that’s not my problem.

MORGAN: What is your problem?

HANDLER: This is your show. You have to pay attention to the guest that you invited on your show.

MORGAN: If they’re interesting enough.

HANDLER: Yeah, listen. It doesn't matter how interesting I am. You signed up for this job.

MORGAN: Of course it does.

HANDLER: Well maybe that's why your job is coming to an end.

MORGAN: Wow.

HANDLER: Wow.

WORST TV EXPERIENCE
'The Maya Rudolph Show'

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A SHOW
'Ascension'
Only because I wish it had taken the other path......  (Don't want to spoil it.)

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A NETWORK

SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE:

ABC NY, you denied the end of "The 10 Commandments" for the late News. You 
cut off the movie... MY people never made it to the promised land. 
Moses could not go but they did not get there either.. What's up with 
that? - Sharon Goldberg

BEST CRITIQUE BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER

This ending is straight out of a fairy tale... "and they lived happily ever 
after."  I definitely prefer the ending written by Bays and Thomas.  The problem 
with their ending is the timing.  We get hit with a divorce and a death in 
minutes and have zero time to grieve, so it's hard to feel happy that Ted and 
Robin are finally connecting.  I understand it would have lost the impact if 
this had been spread over several episodes, but we would have had time to get 
used to the idea.  I had to keep telling myself, the kids had 6 years to deal 
with their mothers' death so they aren't being callous because they aren't 
crying. - Terr DC

WORST ANALYSIS BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER


Alan... I have to say, I'm disappointed your stance has softened with that "It's their show, it's their story," stuff.

In art, and I look at television as an art form, the art never belongs only to the artists, but to their customers, patrons, fans, etc as well.

We invested over 4500 hours of our lives in original viewings. Some of us have purposefully watched the show again and again on Netflix, or when flipping the channels between 4pm an 8pm or 11pm and midnight.

This was OUR show as much as it was there's. And there was an inherent promise they made with this show, which instead of keeping, ripped-away from us with a cheap, tin-eared bait-and-switch maneuver so vile, it would make a used car salesman proud.

As you eloquently stated Monday night, the last nine years of our lives, 24 Mondays a year, was a giant con job by Bays and Thomas.

They do not deserve understanding. They do not deserve empathy.

They deserve derision and they deserve to be called onto the carpet for the horrible decisions they made that absolutely ruined the entirety of this show in perpetuity, and wasted NINE YEARS of all of our lives.

I will do everything I can to make sure no one I know thinks about watching the show on Netflix, and I will actively campaign against How I Met Your Dad and try to ensure it doesn't see a second season if its actually picked-up by CBS.

Bays and Thomas, those sonovabeetches, are dead to me. I'll never watch anything they ever have a hand in creating again.



BEST TELEVISIOLOGICAL ANALYSIS
PROFESSIONAL
"And we close on another sort of potential threat to the Lannisters with an extended suspense sequence featuring everyone's favorite buddy team of Arya and the Hound. [Too soon to pitch Maisie Williams and Rory McCann for "True Detective" season 2?]" - Alan Sepinwall

AMATEUR
"To confound matters further, there's a show on ABC called "The Returned," also based on a novel. Watch both "The Returned" and "The Leftovers," and you won't know whether you're coming or going." - Ivy Hurley

"Colonel Potter took a bunch of comics out of Radar O’Reilly’s desk, and right on top of the stack was an early Avengers from sixties. Maybe that explains why Radar could hear the casualty choppers before anyone else (hence his nickname). He was actually from the future, having traveled back to the Korean war from the Viet Nam era, bringing his beloved comics with him." - Michael Canfield

HONORARY MENTIONS 'The Murdoch Mysteries' (BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD HISTORY)

THE 2014 TOOBITS AWARDS PART FOUR - QUOTES AND OFF-WORLD STUFF

______________________________
BEST LINE

"Time is a flat circle." - Rust Cohle, 'True Detective'

"I'm gonna go Mjolnir on his ass!" - Donna Meagle, 'Parks & Recreation'

"Every time an old man starts talking about Napoleon, you know they're going to die." - Roger Sterling, 'Mad Men'


"If you didn't screw the cow, then she's not your cow." - Evanka, 'Louie'



BEST USE OF AN HISTORICAL QUOTE:
"The fox knows many things but the hedgehog knows one big thing." - Archilochus
('Crime Stories' aka 'Verbrechen nach Ferdinand von Schirach')

BEST USE OF A SHAKESPEAREAN QUOTE:
"When sorrows come, they come not single spies
But in battalions." - From "Hamlet", (quoted by Bobby, 'The Game')

BEST EXCHANGE OF DIALOGUESherlock Holmes: Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding. Who exactly would you pick?
Mrs. Hudson: I think you're a popular choice at the moment, Dear.
Sherlock Holmes: If someone could just move Mrs. Hudson's glass out of reach, that would be lovely.
('Sherlock' - "The Sign Of Three")

BEST SPEECH/MONOLOGUESherlock's wedding toast
“The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-around obnoxious asshole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the unhappy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anyone’s best friend. Certainly not the best friend to the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. John, I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But as I’m apparently your best friend, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually, now I can. Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable … I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down, and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.”
('Sherlock' - "The Sign Of Three")

Rustin Cohle:
"In this universe, we process time, linearly. Forward. But outside of our space-time, from what would be a fourth-dimensional perspective, time wouldn’t exist. And from that vantage, could we attain it? We’d see, our spacetime would look flattened. Like a single sculpture with matter in a superposition of every place it ever occupied. Our sentience just cycling through our lives like carts on a track. See, everything outside our dimension, thats eternity. Eternity looking down at us. Now, to us, it’s a sphere. But to them, its a circle…."
('True Detective')

BEST ZONK-FILLED DIALOGUE

POPS

Come on, Murray! A very special "love boat" is almost on! They're docking at "fantasy island"! They're crossing over!

MURRAY

Oh, my god! That's unprecedented!  All right. Gimme the remote.
POPS

What? I thought you had it.
MURRAY

I just came in the door! Why would I have a remote?

POPS

I-I don't know. I figured you took it to work.
MURRAY

Why would I take the remote to work?
POPS

Who the hell knows? You're a quirky guy.

MURRAY
Fine.  I'll use my hand like an animal.- Where's the knob?
BARRY

Do you mean this knob? I'm so sorry.  Are you missing something historical? Perhaps a crossover event of your two favorite shows that you'll never see, and it will haunt you for the rest of your life?
MURRAY

Gimme the knob.
BARRY
No.
MURRAY
Gimme the knob!
BARRY

No.
- Gimme the knob! –

No.  You took something I love. Now I'm taking something you love.
POPS
Well, what about me? I'm just an innocent bystander!
BARRY

Sorry, pops. Wrong place, wrong time.
POPS
But I got to see this show!

BARRY
Tattoo and Gopher in the same room!  How's that gonna end?
MURRAY

You are grounded, moron. Six months!

- 'The Goldbergs'

WORST REALITY TV QUOTE

"Tomorrow, President Obama is going to do interviews with meteorologists all across the country about a new climate change report. I hope they ask him about Benghazi." - Dana Perino, 'Fox News'

BEST NEW COINED WORD
"Brain-Grape" (from 'The Librarians')

WORST NEW COINED WORD
Framily

BEST THEME SONG'You're The Worst'

BEST TV COMMERCIAL MUSIC:Lifestyle Lift - It sounds familiar as if I should know it, but I'll be damned if I know the name of the song.

BEST MUSICAL MOMENT"December, 1963"
('Sherlock' - "The Sign Of Three")

BEST DREAM SEQUENCEProfessor Proton as Obi Wan Kenobi
'The Big Bang Theory'

BEST NEW TOOBWORLD LOCATIONWorld
Maarsdan, 'Van Veeteren' (better late than never)

USA
On board the spaceship "Ascension"

BEST NEW ALIEN LOCATIONThe Orient Express in space, 'Doctor Who'

BEST NEW ALTERNATE TV DIMENSION
"Rapture Toobworld" from 'The Leftovers'


BEST FIGHT SCENE
Between Melinda May and "Melinda May" (Agent 33), 'Agents Of SHIELD'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL BOOK
"Congratulations, You're Dying" by Jimmy Shive-Overly, 'You're The Worst'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL TV SHOW'Darkness At Noon' from AMC - 'The Good Wife'

BETTER LATE THAN NEVERDOMESTIC
'Crossing Lines' pilot

IMPORTED'Wallander' (The Swedish series version)

BEST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (aka MEDIUM)
TV TO MOVIE
"Veronica Mars"

COMIC BOOK to TV
'The Flash'