ONE LAST COMMENT.....

"Mars is amazing!"
Calvin

'Robot Chicken'

FULL OF WINDY

Not to be read if you haven't seen the British version of 'Life On Mars'. That means you, Uncle Brian-El. Go back to Krypton and sit this one out.

I guess the same could be said for anyone who didn't see the American version either.....

Back in November, I felt confident enough about what I knew so far concerning the American version of 'Life On Mars', that I decided to theorize about what was going on and how two different versions of the same story could share the same Toobworld.

Is Sam clicking Windy's button?

At the time, the producers had not yet said anything about what the show's ultimate revelation would be, specifically that they were not going to follow the British template. So I was operating under the assumption that the American Sam was in a coma, and that he was hallucinating his own version of British Sam's 1973 world - based on purloined psych reports that somebody in Great Britain had passed on to American Sam because of the coincidence of names and certain situations between their two lives.

But of course, that sort of suggestion depended on Sam Tyler really existing in 2008.

I think the hope that both series can exist in the TV dimension (without driving each other crazy - oops. Sorry about that, Chief!) can still be maintained. It just means that somebody else in the series had access to the psych profile of Sam Tyler of Manchester, England.

And everyone knows it's Windy.*

Not meaning to break my arm by patting myself on the back, but I figured Windy was truly a construct of Sam's imagination back on November 7th in another blog post: "NYPD Detective Sam Tyler in 'Life On Mars' (the US version) has a neighbor named Windy (whom I think is an hallucination within a hallucination, which may have already been established)."

But I never guessed she'd be revealed in the finale to be the on-board computer guiding not only the spacecraft, but also the neural stim dreams each of the crew had during the trip while in suspended animation.

By 2035, computers are going to be so advanced, they'll be able to hold all the world's information in storage banks even smaller than they are now. So it's pozz'ble, just pozz'ble that "Windy" (I didn't catch what the computer's actual monkier was - WND4B?) had access to everything in the world ever stored on a computer, even if it had nothing to do with the Mars mission. And it could utilize this info to enhance the dreams of all the astronauts on board.
I'm thinking "Windy" was a more advanced version of "Ziggy", used decades earlier by that 'Quantum Leap' project in the secret New Mexico mountains facility. Ziggy had access to all sorts of arcane and trivial information based on thousands of news reports fed into the databanks. Decades later, Windy had access to that same information... information... information, with the storage capacity for plenty more - including police psychological profiles from over a generation before and from all over the world.

Based on what we learned from the final episode, astronaut Sam Tyler had chosen the milieu of 2008 to be the basis for his neural stim dream to keep his mind active during suspended animation. Now, it's always been the contention of Toobworld Central that TV characters are the same age as the actors who play them, unless otherwise stated.

(Take Roaring Chicken, Hekawi medicine man on 'F Troop' as an example - I think he was supposed to be over one hundred years old! Edward Everett Horton, who played Roaring Chicken, was in his 80s when he died. And in the opposite direction, Terry O'Quinn is playing John Locke several years younger than he really is on 'Lost'.)

So I'm thinking that Sam Tyler, based on Jason O'Mara's age, is about 37. That means he was about ten years old back in 2008. Why he chose a detective as his persona, I have no idea, but something about that time period meant a lot to him and he wanted this chance to explore it again.

But then there was the meteor strike that damaged the computer system, specifically the neural stim dream being fed to Sam. (This would be at the moment in Sam's dream when he was struck down by the car.) So Windy had to improvise and feed him a new set of information. That's when it open the stored files about Manchester police detective Sam Tyler - It was probably the name that tripped Windy's access as it scrambled to create the parameters for a new dream sequence.
Windy used the same scenario as Sam reported back in the late 2000's, but because of the damage caused by the meteor, there were glitches.

Sam remembered the 2008 scenario even as he was immersed into the world of 1973.
Windy had to cull the avatars for the other crew members to supply a "cushion" around Sam in order to protect his mind. On a deep, sub-conscious level, he knew that he could trust these other four with whom he "worked". And it could be that some of their neural stim dreams were seeping into Sam's program as well. We only know about the nature of one other dream sequence - that of Ray Carling. He said that his choice had been a desert island fantasy where he was surrounded by only beautiful women... and men with no penises. Since Windy didn't contradict him, that's probably true. And it could explain Sam's distaste for Ray within the context of the 1973 dream.

And it also created an avatar for itself in the form of Sam's neighbor in 4B. (Like the computer Agnes in that 'Twilight Zone' episode with Wally Cox, Windy may have developed emotional sentience and then fallen in love with Sam in that dream world. It did seem strange that "she" wound up in his bed in the final episode - probably "her" only chance since he was close to waking up from his induced sleep.....)

It may be that most of the 1973 flavor to Sam's mental world was being supplied by the neural stim dreams of his father, Major Tom Tyler. He must have been one hell of a scientist to be allowed on the trip at the age of 70 - which means he was about 8 years old in 1973. And for alls I know, as Stuart Best would say, it was his revenge fantasy against his father that fed into Sam's dream. After all, Sam's dream father didn't look like a young Major Tom. ("Gene Hunt" as we knew him through most of the series.) But it was Major Tom as Gene Hunt who eventually gunned down Sam's dad in the dream.

The name of Sam's dad in that dream-state? Vic... as in "victim"? Ahhh, I'm probably reading too much into that. But Vic Tyler was probably Sam's grandfather, and Tom Tyler was the one who had problems with him, which he could have been wrestling with in his own dream.
If there are any discrepancies in the facts about 1973, - if a song was used on the soundtrack that hadn't come out yet in 1973, let's say - they could be ascribed to the damage done to Windy's memory banks by the meteor. That would clear up a LOT of Zonks for the show.

We'd have to look at the pop culture references made during Sam's dream to see if they could be splained away in connection to them being supplied by the ship's computer. And there are three that come to mind.

1] Sam mentioned that Mary Tyler Moore was on TV, and how she could turn the world on with her smile.

Not a problem - in Toobworld, Mary would be an actress, and instead of quoting a theme song lyric, Sam was merely stating a fact.

2] The avatar that Windy created for herself wanted to know if Sam knew who Steve McGarrett was, and he replied sure - McGarrett was connected to "Five-O".

In the massive data dump which it had accessed to, Windy would have police files from Hawaii as well as from Manchester, England. The same would be true of Lt. 'Columbo' from the Los Angeles Homicide division, mentioned by Ray in the final episode.

3] Frank Morgan told Sam that he was in love with Angie Dickinson as Pepper Anderson on 'Police Woman'; he wanted to go to Maine and make babies with her.

Not a Zonk here either. In Toobworld, Pepper Anderson must have become famous enough that they made a TV show about her. And in Toobworld, their version of the show aired a year earlier than the one we know in the real world.

So anyhoo..... I think I've blathered on enough about Windy the computer. Time to go into sleep mode......

BCnU!
Toby O'B

* The song "Windy" has another rainbow reference to tie in with the "Wizard Of Oz" theme: "Who's bending down to give me a rainbow?"

LIFE(TIME) ON MARS

I've already gone into detail about why I liked the finale to the American version of 'Life On Mars' as a viewer. But as a caretaker for the Toobworld concept, in which all TV shows should be connected, sharing the same universe, there's another reason why I liked it so much.

It fits quite nicely into the Toobworld timeline:

2032
A manned Earth mission to Mars, the Ares IV, took place under the command of Lieutenant John Kelly.
(VOY: "One Small Step"; ENT: "Demons")

2035
Project Aries spacecraft lands on Mars.
('Life On Mars')

2097
A Mars colony is established.
('Mercy Point')

2100
Mars is colonized.
('Babylon 5')

2103
Mars is colonized by humans.
('Star Trek') The dates that don't fit well into the timeline for Earth Prime-Time are those for Ray Bradbury's stories; they took place far earlier - if our world followed his chronology, we'd be living on the Red Planet by now. So Ray Bradbury's "Martian Chronicles" should be in an alternate TV dimension, more than likely by itself, unless there are other shows which have such an accelerated timeline.

In 2067, an alien race known as the Mysterons builds a base on Mars. They have no physical form and are willing to establish peaceful contact with the people of Earth. But when their surveillance equipment is mistaken for weaponry, the Humans launch an attack on the Mysteron base. This will happen in the TV series 'Captain Scarlet And The Mysterions', but because that was populated by puppets who have replaced real humans, they should be relegated to a dimension shared by 'Davy And Goliath', 'Moral Orel', 'Robot Chicken', and the other Gerry Anderson programs. (Supermarionation be damned!)

And all the events on Mars by the year 3000, as depicted in 'Futurama', take place in the Tooniverse, of course. In a previous post, I said that the Ares IV was a one-mission. Looking over that description above, it looks like there was more than one crew member on board. No matter. I think with an accelerated mission to Mars, the trips would overlap. By the time the Aries Project crew (on the Hyde 1-2-5?) arrived, the Ares IV crew might even still be there, performing the prep work for terra-forming. If not, they probably passed each other in their space commutes.

Now there are three different dates listed for colonization of Mars, thanks to 'Mercy Point', 'Babylon 5', and 'Star Trek'. I see no problem with this; it's a matter of semantics, I guess. The 'Mercy Point' date is when it was established, so that means when it began. The 'Star Trek' date is probably when the project was completed. And as far as the 'B5' date goes, somebody probably just rounded it off.

(Notice that the 'Star Trek' entry says that Mars was colonized in 2003 - by humans. Of course, we already know - from 'My Favorite Martian', 'Doctor Who', 'The Twilight Zone', 'War Of The Worlds', and 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents' - that Mars was already populated by several sentient species......) So since 'Life On Mars' didn't cause any major Zonks when it came to the timeline, I welcome it into Earth Prime-Time.

As to both versions of 'Life On Mars' sharing the same TV Universe, that'll be dealt with in a later post today.

BCnU!
Toby O'B

[Thanks again to MediumRob for supplying the pics!]

AS SEEN ON TV: BUZZ ALDRIN

So!

Since all of the other posts today are about the series finale for 'Life On Mars', we might as well tie the "As Seen On TV" feature to it as well.

So here's a picture of Buzz Aldrin as he appeared in 2008's docu-drama "Moonshot".

Yes, I know he went to the Moon, and not to Mars. We won't be going to Mars for decades!

BUT! Aldrin was played by James Marsters!

Aha!

Come on.... Mars - Marsters? BCnU!
Toby O'B

RED ROCKS

As was the case with the original version of 'Life On Mars', the American counterpart had a killer soundtrack from the early 70's. The final episode was named after one of those songs, and "Life Is A Rock" crazily summed up the entire era and its music. It was the perfect song to illustrate that this would be the wrap-up as well for the series.

One reason: in the lyrics David Bowie is mentioned. (Immediately followed by my all-time favorite group, Steely Dan. See? It's always about me!) For both series and even for 'Ashes To Ashes' (the sequel to the UK's version), Bowie's music has been an inspiration.

The second reason (and my favorite): The lyrics suggest a connection to "The Wizard Of Oz", which played out to the very end of the 1973 sequence (and with the return of Frank Morgan in the 2035 sequence).

"Life is a rock but the radio rolled me

At the end of my rainbow lies a golden oldie"

"Life Is A Rock" is an infectious song and probably impossible to sing along. So here's a YouTube video that helps out with a picture guide......

BCnU!
Toby O'B

ARES v. ARIES

Perhaps in an attempt to keep the audience from guessing the secret as to why Sam found himself in 1973, the producers had the mysterious powers that be identified as "The Aries Project". With that spelling, a homonym of "Ares", I think they didn't want us to consider "Life On Mars" to have a literal meaning.

Ares is, of course, the God of War in Greek mythology, a real entity in Toobworld (perhaps best known as played by the late Kevin Smith in 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys). Aries is a Zodiac sign, that of the ram.

But at least we know that the producers knew the difference. The logo for the Aries Project was of a ram's head.

Just a few years earlier, there was a manned space flight to Mars, the Ares IV (mentioned in 'Star Trek: Voyager' and 'Enterprise'), with only one astronaut. This project had to be ready to go, considering the time for travel to Mars; they were probably just waiting to hear if that space mission was a success before launching.

In the meantime, there was probably some public relations imbroglio over the use of the name Ares, considering its connections to the idea of war. Since it was an all-American crew (At least I'm assuming so - Commander Norris didn't speak much; perhaps she was English, or Canadian.), maybe some country who'll be antagonistic to the USA by that point in time objected to the mission on general principle that it was being used as an act of aggression.

So to placate those who objected to "the Ares Project", an "i" was inserted into the name. O'Bviously it could be seen as a thumb to the nose towards the protesters. (I could even see them promoting it as "Now there is an 'i' in 'team'.", since this would be the first team mission to Mars.

Not saying this is what happened, just that it's a pozz'ble splainin.

BCnU!
Toby O'B

ELECT MALIA IN 2032!

In the finale of 'Life On Mars', we learn that President Obama wanted to be on hand to greet the astronauts when they awoke from their two-year sleep in suspended animation. Unfortunately, her father was ill, so she and her sister had gone back to Chicago to be with him.

So the implication is that one of the Obama daughters grows up to be the President of the United States. But we never learn if it was either Malia or Sasha.

I'm leaning towards Malia, as she would be 37 in 2035. (Born July 4, 1998)

However.... several people, especially among the excellent commenters at Alan Sepinwall's blog, "What's Alan Watching?" (link to the left, citizen), have pointed out that neither of the two girls would have been old enough to be elected President, according to the Constitution of the United States of America.

Article 2 of the Constitution establishes a minimum age limit of 35 in order to be president:

"No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States."

The last election by 2035 will have taken place on November 2, 2032. (One month before, on October 15, it is predicted that Phoebe Buffay from 'Friends' will pass away.) Malia will only be 34 and ineligible to run for the office.

So I thought that maybe she could have been on the 2032 ticket as the Vice Presidential candidate. Maybe at some point after the inauguration but before 2035, the President will have died and so Malia Obama is sworn in as the new POTUS.

And then the 12th Amendment put a kibosh on that:

"But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States."

So much for that... at least, as the Constitution stands now.

Between now and 2032, there is plenty of time to enact a new Amendment that would lower the age to say, 30. There are factions out there trying to amend the Constitution so that foreigners can for the Presidency, for Ah-nuld's sake; so why not lower the age limitation at the same time?

Remember, it's all Toobworld, not the real world. Who knows? Probably by then talking horses will be allowed to run for office as well as vote.

Why not? In the real world, we've already got plenty of asses in government......

BCnU!
Toby O'B

PS:
Remembering that Lisa Bonet's name had been in the opening credits, I thought maybe the producers originally wanted her to portray President Obama, thus showing how she was integrated into Sam's neural stim dream. But I guess she was merely relegated to a voice-over quote as Sam was waking up.

FADE TO RED

"There is nothing wrong with your television set."
The Control Voice
'The Outer Limits'

Regarding the finale of the American version of 'Life On Mars': I liked it; I really liked it. (Cue up "Out Here In The Sally Fields")

The producers played fair with the audience - at least since they came back from that obscenely long hiatus imposed by the network suits* - by planting clues through the second half of the season. And even the mystery behind Windy was evident from the series beginning, which - patting myself on the back - I nailed back in November of last year.

The answer was always there right under our noses, before our eyes each week in the title, which they cleverly tied in with the true meaning of the name "Gene Hunt".

In a way, that big reveal at the end reminded me of 'The Prisoner', another show that told its story in 17 episodes (and left a lot of the audience angry at the payoff.) With 'The Prisoner', the big reveal could be found in the opening dialogue heard almost every week:

SIX: Who is Number One?
TWO: You are Number Six.
Now read that again, with an appropriately placed comma......

I have no faith in the general American TV audience; I've stated that here in the past. If they had any real spark of discernment, shows like 'American Idol', 'America's Top Model', 'Project Runway', 'The Biggest Loser', 'The Apprentice' and 'The Bachelor' would not be so popular.

So I know the audience at large would never have accepted the original series ending. The PTC would have been leading the charge of protest, probably in league with the Church.

Working with what they had, and wanting something different from the original to maintain the suspense, the producers took all the basics (They even had a splainin for the 2008 car crash!) and came up with an ending that - to me - felt very American. After all, haven't we always seen ourselves as pioneers? And from the earliest days of Television, haven't we always gotten our sci-fi geek/freak on?

My favorite bit in that finale - mention of President Obama, but we never find out if she's Malia or Sasha.

Taken for all in all, I think the producers were successful in wrapping up the storyline. And how many shows with poor ratings ever get that chance? 'Pushing Daisies' didn't; not 'Eli Stone' or 'Coronet Blue'... certainly not 'Reunion'!

For my quatloos, it was a better ending than 'The Sopranos' - and unlike 'Life On Mars', in my opinion, that show ran way too long.

And how could you beat that final image? It's my computer wallpaper now! (Sorry, Rhiannon.....)

[Thanks to MediumRob for the fantastic frame grabs - and more to come, because I'm not done with this topic, mmmmkay?]

BCnU!
Toby O'B

*Network suits should be nibbled to death by ducks.

SEEING ACTION IN SOUTHLAND

NBC next Thursday in the berth that had been the home for 'ER' (which ended tonight). In fact, its producer is John Wells, who oversaw 'ER' as well.

So I just finished watching the episode. As far as the TV Universe goes, it was pretty realistic. But it's just not something I'll be watching on a regular basis; in fact, I'll probably treat it like 'ER' - tune in if an interesting guest star (or one of my friends) shows up in an episode.

However, I did get a theoretical Toobworldly connection out of it. After the rookie Ben shot down a cop-shooter, his mentor asked him where did he shoot like that - "At the Beverly Hills Gun Club?"

There used to be a Beverly Hills Gun Club indoor shooting range. There's now a blog using that name, since 2007. It served as a location in the movie "Beverly Hills Cop II". But for Toobworld purposes, I'd like to think that his character of Officer John Cooper was referring to a movie by that name, written by Adam Rafkin and produced by Peter Dragon - as seen in the TV series 'Action'.

Also, it's pozz'ble - until some future episode when it could get disputed - that Officer Cooper is the son of John Cooper, as played by Bo Hopkins on a few episodes of 'The Rockford Files'...... BCnU!
Toby O'B

AS SEEN ON TV: BENITO MUSSOLINI

During World War One, Benito Mussolini was a freedom fighter trying to drive the Hun out of northern Italy. He was possessed by the ghost of Emperor Nero, who helped him and his comrades in destroying a Nazi ambush. At least that's how History plays out in an episode of 'The Time Tunnel'. By the end of "Nero's Ghost", it's suggested that Nero will remain in possession of Mussolini's body and lead him and Italy to their infamy during World War Two.

BCnU!
Toby O'B

ASHES TO ASHES, ZONK TO ZONKY

Coming up in the second season of 'Ashes To Ashes', Alex Drake will have another vision via her TV set of her life back in the "real world". And this time, the venue for that vision will be a classic British children's series, 'Grange Hill'.

Unable to get involved, Alex will watch her daughter Molly get sent to Mrs. McClusky's office (Was she the principal?) after fighting with one of the show's most famous characters, Tucker. (Tucker apparently told Molly that her Mum was dead.)

And as Mrs. McClusky talks to Molly, it dawns on the girl that something must have happened with her mother.......
I'm not going to make any speculation about this until I actually see the scene. Will 'Grange Hill' be mentioned as a series? Could we just assume that Alex is hallucinating any school of that era? (I'm assuming the scenes in which Molly is interjected were culled from episodes broadcast back in the early 80s?)

But I'm not going to be surprised if this turns out to be another Zonk of a headache!

BCnU!
Toby O'B

[Thanks to MediumRob for pointing the way to this story.]

TVXOHOF, 04/2009-A: THE DONALD

We're going for a "foolish" theme for April when it comes to the TV Crossover Hall of Fame inductees; and for the first week, celebrating the League of Themselves, we wanted to show that just because you're rich, that doesn't mean you're not a fool.

And so, Donald Trump... You're inducted. [Trump is seen here with a future Hall of Famer, probably in the Fool category as well - Larry King.]

The list of his credits - qualifications for induction - would be so much longer if we included all the reality shows like 'The Girls Next Door' (with fellow inductee Hugh Hefner), and appearances on such shows as 'Saturday Night Live' and 'MMC' (the latest incarnation of 'The Mickey Mouse Club'. But we'll do just fine with those series in which Trump's fictional televersion appeared, without even calling on 'The Apprentice':

TV SERIES
'Days of Our Lives'

'Da Ali G Show'

'The Job'

'Sex and the City'

'Spin City'

'Night Man'

'The Drew Carey Show'

'Suddenly Susan'

'The Nanny'

'The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air'

TV SEQUEL
"Hart to Hart: Secrets of the Hart"

TV MOVIE
"Lady Boss"

TV MINI-SERIES
"I'll Take Manhattan" BCnU!
Toby O'B

WEST STOPS

It was a great week for TV Crossover Hall of Famer Adam West, with appearances on '30 Rock' and 'Family Guy'.

And like his special place in the Hall of Fame, the actor appeared in both animated as well as live-action form in 'Family Guy'.

Adam West was inducted in November of 2005, both for his appearances in "toon" form ('The Simpsons', 'Family Guy', and 'Johnny Bravo') and for his League of Themselves appearances on various shows.

And he certainly showed that he could poke fun at himself in both series!

BCnU!
Toby O'B

PERACLITUS WAS RIGHT! ALL IS IN FLUX!

I'll have more to say about the series finale of the American version of 'Life On Mars' later, but I just wanted to say this now:

So much for my original theory on keeping both shows in the same TV dimension! BAM! POW! ZOOM! To the moon with that idea! Or perhaps even further......

Oh, I think we can still keep them in the same TV dimension... for now. (Don't want to spoil it just yet.) But this finale will need me to don my splainin shoes and start dancing!

By the way, that original theory was my 3200th post. This entry marks my 3711th. Didn't even notice Number 3700 coming up!

BCnU!
Toby O'B

CASTLE KEEP

The new romantic mystery on ABC, 'Castle', officially entered the TV Universe this past Monday with the episode "Hell Hath No Fury".

Author Rick Castle's daughter urged him to check out the review of his latest book on the website for the NY Ledger.

After nearly twenty years, every TV crossover fan should know that the NY Ledger is the major newspaper in the 'Law & Order' franchise. It even got to "star" in one of the spin-offs - 'Deadline'.

BCnU!
Toby O'B

ECHOES: NOT SO GREAT EXPECTATIONS

"Hope forever, Miss Welles. Expect nothing."
Professor Maximillian Arturo

'Sliders'

"You can't get disappointed if you have no expectations."
Elle Bartowski
'Chuck'

AS SEEN ON TV: WINNIE MANDELA

Later this year the BBC will air "Mrs. Mandela", a TV movie about the life of Winnie Mandela, the former wife of Nelson Mandela. As the BBC says, the movie will be "a love story, a triumph and a tragedy, charting Winnie Mandela's progression from innocent country girl to politicised fighter against apartheid, from adoring wife to revolutionary firebrand."

Sophie Okonedo stars as Winnie Mandela while David Harewood will portray Nelson Mandela. David Morrissey will play the role of police interrogator Theunis Swanepoel.

BCnU!
Toby O'B

LUCY TOONS!

Thanks to TVTattle.com, here's a link to a story about the long-lost cartoon version of 'I Love Lucy' finally coming out on DVD!

BCnU!
Toby O'B

NEVER TOO OLD FOR THIS STUFF

For those curious about those Canadian "McElroy And LeFleur" movies that Robin mentioned in this week's episode of 'How I Met Your Mother', there's no need to trouble yourself with looking them up at the IMDb; TV columnist Rich Heldenfels takes a look at their history....

BCnU!
Toby O'B

[Thanks to Alan Sepinwall for pointing the way.]

"TIED-UP": THE IAMSFW NEWSLETTER

Welcome to another edition of "Tied-Up". I'm your editrix, Mrs. I.M. Raipt, and this is the monthly newsletter for those dabbling in speculative "slash" fiction based on TV shows. We're probably the most reviled bunch of rip-off writers working illegally on the internet today, so it's always safer to be in numbers - and that's why our group, the IAMSFW, was started.

So let's take a look at what some of our members have been working on:

"MR. MONK SAID YOU'LL SPANK ME LATER"
L.E. Gildborg has come up with yet another in his long line of 'Monk' rip-offs. This time around, Adrian Monk experiments with bondage. But as always, the novel ends up with a four-way orgy involving his assistant Natalie and his friends in the police department, Captain Stottlemeyer and Lt. Disher. There is a twist, however. Sharona comes back to join in the fun, which freaks out Mr. Monk - he never did care for odd numbers.....

"TIME FOR HER TUNNEL"
Having finished with his re-imagined series of "skinjob" porn for 'Battlestar Galactica', R. Mooron is having a go at creating a series of rape fantasies centered around 'The Time Tunnel'. He promises that each short story in the collection will either feature Dr. Anne MacGregor being sodomized by someone in the Operation TickTock facility, or Tony and Doug having their way with the women they meet throughout History. Here we see Dr. Ray Swain sodomizing Anne in one of the lighter stories.....

"HULK SCREW POOCH!"
Continuing her series in which TV superheroes delve into bestiality, Ms. J. Asspinchin presents this adorable little tale - or is it tail? - in which 'The Incredible Hulk' causes some poor dog to explode. I'm sure it will prove as popular as her story last month, which featured 'The Greatest American Hero' and an emu......

"ROGER? RAM THIS!"
J. Whored has come up with a real beaut when it comes to cartoon slash-fic, as he explores the obscene phone calls made by General Brassbottom from the 'Roger Ramjet' series. It's all presented as dialogue, something like a one-man play......

"A ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS"
Jumping on the 'Kings' bandwagon before NBC yanks it off the air, M. Gangreen takes us to the royal bedchamber where Silas subjects David to a very special "investiture ceremony". The story really heats up though, when David introduces Silas to "Little Goliath"....

"AC69"
I don't think "Tied-Up" has ever had such a combination of slash-fic as S.J. Cannelingis presents this week, with his mix of a news broadcast and puppetphilia..... And finally.....

"WHO IN THE WORLD IS IN MATT LAUER?"
We have an anonymous submission this month, which takes a "probing" look backstage at the 'Today' show. Rumor has it that the story was written by one of the on-screen personalities involved!

I don't know about you, but the whole idea gives me the Willards.....

Well, that wraps it up for another "Tied-Up" email newsletter for IAMSFW, the society of slash-fic writers. But before we go, let me just add......

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S!

THE HAT SQUAD: ANDY HALLETT & MONTE HALE

Two actors who enriched Toobworld have passed away in the last few days. Andy Hallett died on Sunday of heart failure; he had coronary problems since 2004. He's best known for playing Lorne, a somewhat fey demon who ran a nightclub for the supernatural. (I'm supposing the name Lorne was an in-joke because he was green, although the Toobworld splainin was that it was short for his full name.)

Andy Hallett
"Angel" .... Lorne (76 episodes, 2000-2004)

"The Enforcers" (2001) TV mini-series .... Wallace

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" .... Student
- Hush (1999)

Only a few months ago, I was making the Wish-craft that Hallett should appear as Lorne in an episode of 'Supernatural'; it would have been - ahem! - a natural. But now that can never be....
~~~
Monte Hale may well have been the last of the B movie Western stars, and the last of the Singing Cowboys at that, like Gene Autry and Roy Rogers. I'm assuming that the amount of work he did for the movies played a large role in why he didn't show up that often in all of the TV Westerns of the 1950's.

Monte Hale
"America 2-Night"
- Monty Hale (1978)

"Gunsmoke"
- Uncle Finney (1968) TV episode .... Bank Teller
- Blue Horse (1959) TV episode .... Sergeant

"Honey West" .... Sheriff Johnson
- How Brillig, O, Beamish Boy (1966)

"The Texan"
- Image of Guilt (1959)

"Tales of Wells Fargo" .... Sergeant Bergman
- The Deserter (1958)

"Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok" .... Doyle Fetcher
- The Runaway Wizard (1958)

I'd like to think that the Sergeant he played in the 1959 episode of 'Gunsmoke' became the bank teller he played nearly ten years later on the series. And who knows? Maybe that Sergeant was the Sergeant Bergman in the 'Tales Of Wells Fargo' episode. But of course that all depends on their fates in those episodes.

Both Andy Hallett and Monte Hale couldn't have come from two more different genres, but they both shared the same Toobworld. And Toobworld Central tips our toob top to them.

Good night, and may God bless....

BCnU....
Toby O'B

AS SEEN ON TV: SASQUATCH

"As Seen On TV" celebrates those real world people, both living and dead, who are portrayed on Television by actors or drawn for the Tooniverse. Or even portrayed by puppets.

For today's showcase, we're taking a look at the real-life historical figure of Bigfoot, otherwise known as "Sasquatch".

In "The Secret Of Bigfoot", an episode of 'The Six Million Dollar Man', Colonel Steve Austin tangled with the legendary beast-man while searching for some missing seismologists.

Austin fought with Bigfoot which revealed that the creature was bionic as well, and serving as the sentry for an alien encampment to protect them from the outside world which was alien to them.

But even though this Bigfoot was more machine than creature, it didn't negate the Truth - Bigfoot exists!

One of its species adopted a human family named the Hendersons and they gave it the name of Harry.

Another one served as a companion and guardian to a feral teen raised in the forests and known as Wildboy.

And in the alternate TV dimension in which one could find the research compound known as 'Sanctuary', a Bigfoot works for Dr. Helen Magnus at the facility.

SHOWS CITED:

'The Six Million Dollar Man'

'Harry And The Hendersons'

'Bigfoot And Wildboy'

'Sanctuary'

"Bigfoot" (a TV movie)

BCnU!

Toby O'B

SLASH FICTION

When Serena found the list of people her mother Lily had slept with, she said with exasperation, ""Mom. Slash? Really?"

Slash (AKA Saul Hudson) is a musician best known for his connection to Guns 'n' Roses. But he does have a televersion, albeit one with a strange pedigree. He appeared in an episode of 'The Drew Carey Show' and then apparently he crossed over to the Tooniverse. First he made contact with that animated dimension in an episode of 'Space Ghost: Coast To Coast', and then appeared in an episode of 'South Park' and several episodes of 'Kid Notorious', fully animated himself.

I suppose one could consider his appearance in the Kentucky Derby episode of Anna Nicole Smith's reality show to be another notch in his belt for Toobworld appearances, but that's just too sad to think about......

So Slash is just as much a TV character as Serena and Lily, and therefore - like Larry Sanders with Roseanne and Ellen DeGeneres (but not together!) - capable of having sex with Lily.

BCnU!
Toby O'B

SHOWIN' A ZONK WHO'S THE BOSS!

New show started last week on ABC called 'In The Motherhood'. I was going to check it out, but Alan Sepinwall was so adamant about how bad it was in his own blog ("What's Alan Watching?" - the link is to the left, Dahlingks!) that I decided to skip the experience.

But according to TVGal, there was at least one Zonk that needed to be disabled. Because even though I didn't watch it, that doesn't mean the show didn't become part of Toobworld. This is Horatio and Jane and he brought up the Zonk to her:

"I know you have this whole Angela/Tony - 'Who's The Boss' thing going on."

Ooookay.....

Well, I think we could assume that Horatio was referring to two friends of theirs whom we in the TV audience will never get to meet. And the 'Who's The Boss' thing is just a classification nickname given to a situation in which a married couple struggle for dominance over each other.

So their friends Angela and Tony are in a spiritual tug of war when it comes to their relationship.

I know that I usually get tripped up when I try to surmise about a show which I didn't see, but hopefully this splainin will hold up.

And even if it doesn't, I get the feeling that 'In The Motherhood' won't be around long enough to really make any difference.....

BCnU!
Toby O'B

YA CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE

Monday's "Washington Post" took the TV series '24' to task for its inventions of locales in the Washington D.C. area, including a Port of Alexandria, a container shipping facility on the Potomac River. And they had terrorist go scuba diving right up underneath the White House and then tunnel their way in.

Howard Gordon, "24's" executive producer, admitted that he and his writers weren't that knowledgeable about the cartographic details for our nation's capital, but he also argued that they only have to be plausible, not literally accurate.

Linda Stasi of the "New York Post" had a similar complaint a few years ago about the fictional subway lines mentioned in the baseball series 'Clubhouse'.

But I have to argue against the need for an exact recreation of the geography - these shows are taking place in an alternate universe (and from there in separate TV dimensions. 'Clubhouse' is in Earth Prime-Time, the main Toobworld, and '24' has its own dimension - let's say... "Earth Prime-Time/24".)

I even have a splainin as to why the White House is sitting on top of a body of water. In an old episode of 'The Wild, Wild West' in which Edward Andrews played a villain named The Brain, there were caverns underneath the White House from which he plotted to replace President Grant with a look-alike. At least in that alternate world of '24', I'd argue that those caverns were flooded in order to prevent any other madman from ever trying to attack the Commander-In-Chief from that direction. (Just because '24' and 'The Wild, Wild West' don't share the same dimension, that doesn't mean the world of Jack Bauer and the CTU didn't have Secret Service agents Jim West and Artemus Gordon in its past.....)

In that article, Gordon went on to say that "The only people who really care about this are people with too much time on their hands."

And that would be me.....

BCnU!
Toby O'B

CLAN BORAK

I know; it sounds like a story about Klingons....

Looking over that web page of "Repeat Offenders" which I mentioned in my "Jury Prudence" post, I found this bit o' trivia: over the many years that 'Law & Order' has been on the air, three different actors have played Borak the medical examiner:

Chip Zien
Timothy Britten Parker
Josh Pais Chip Zien was the first to play the role, in the first season episode "Happily Ever After". (Slightly off-topic, I wonder if the casting director had Zien in mind for that episode because he made a connection between "Happily Ever After" and "Into The Woods", the Sondheim musical about fairy tales?) Then Timothy Britten Parker took on the role in the second season episode "His Hour Upon The Stage". But then he was AWOL from the series until the 13th season, in which he returned as Borak in the episode "Mother's Day". Between those two appearances, Josh Pais played Borak from "American Dream" in the fourth season to the 13th season episode of "True Crime". Pais also played an unnamed medical examiner in two first season episodes - "Poison Ivy" and "Mushrooms". But to reduce the surplus population of Toobworld, I think we can safely assume that both of these were also Borak.

'Law & Order' is probably the most unadorned of TV shows; in the relative terms of television, it's probably the most "realistic". So even though it shares the same dimension as - and is closely linked to - 'The X-Files', 'Law & Order' doesn't lend itself to wild Toobworld splainins for recasting characters, like quantum leaping or alien impersonations.

Therefore, to clear up this case of recastaways, I'm going to suggest that all three Boraks were members of the same family who went into the same line of work. I have no problem thinking of them all as brothers; I've seen worse casting when it came to finding genetic similarities.

An interesting side-note: both Pais and Parker played a character named Cioran in first season episodes of 'Law & Order'. (First Pais in "The Reaper's Helper" and then Parker in "Life Choice" nine episodes later.) I admit I haven't done the research to find out who Cioran was and if they should be considered the same character or not.)

BCnU!
Toby O'B

AS SEEN ON TV: PEDRO ZAMORA & "THE REAL WORLD" CAST

On Wednesday night, MTV will premiere "Pedro", a movie about the life of Pedro Zamora, who appeared on 'The Real World: San Francisco'. The movie will simulcast on mtvU, LOGO and MTV Tr3s at 8PM, with a special introduction by former President Bill Clinton.

From the press release supplied by MTV:

In 1994, Zamora captured the hearts of millions as the first-ever openly gay, HIV-positive main character on TV—on MTV’s 'The Real World: San Francisco'. Zamora’s time in the house on Lombard Street brought a face to the AIDS crisis. President Bill Clinton has long credited Zamora with personalizing and humanizing the epidemic, and he will introduce "Pedro" when it makes its world television premiere April 1st.

“To this day, Pedro Zamora remains an extraordinary example of what a huge impact one young person can make in our world,” President Clinton said. “I’m glad to have known him, and I’m grateful his life has been able to inspire and enrich so many others.”

Told through the eyes of his friends and family, the film "Pedro" celebrates the extraordinary life a young man who found out he was HIV positive at 17, then made the courageous decision to dedicate his life to speaking out about the disease. Zamora testified before the United States Congress to argue for more explicit HIV/AIDS educational programs aimed at youth of color before auditioning for 'The Real World' in 1993.

Zamora’s story heightened awareness of the AIDS/HIV epidemic in America, and now 15 years after his death MTV will tell his story. From his early life in Cuba to his death at the age of 22, "Pedro" will give viewers a look into the life of this great man.

Pictured above are the actors from the TV movie, portraying the cast of that San Francisco chapter of 'The Real World'. Pedro is in the striped blue shirt.

Another, more infamous, resident of the Frisco house is behind him to the far left: Puck.

It just seems a shame that if they really wanted to get this message out, they wouldn't have scheduled it opposite 'American Idol' and 'Lost'.....

BCnU!
Toby O'B

TOOBWORLD LOOKS AT BSG: PART TWO

From the April 28, 2006 edition of "Inner Toob":

It would be nice to fill out that particular dimension a bit, so that it's not so void of TV shows. Therefore, as far as I can see, since 'Firefly' is set in the future, and 'Galactica' hasn't reached Earth yet, for the time being I see no reason why it can't share the same dimension as 'The West Wing', 'Mr. Sterling', and 'Smallville'.

After first visiting the burnt-out cinder of a planet which was their fabled version of "Earth", the Galactica fleet reached our concept of "Earth" about 150,000 years ago. (Kara Thrace knew "there's got to be some kind of a way out of here" when the brokered peace with the Cylons fell apart - she went for broke and jumped the old battlestar, based on musical notes that also served as coordinates. And that's how they ended up in the Sol system in "the prehistoric dawn on a small blue-green planet in the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy.") So part of that quote of mine above no longer holds true. Not only had they reached Earth, but had done so many thousands of years in the past.

I have friends who have asked me to consider both versions of 'Battlestar Galactica' for inclusion in my vision of Earth Prime-Time, the main Toobworld. Their argument basically is that the new version happened in the distant past, and then History repeated itself as the original series took place in the decades leading up to 1980. But I still have to hold that this re-imagining of the series has to find a new home in some alternate TV dimension. Such a repeat of History is too great a coincidence, not that it's impossible in Toobworld. Depending on how this Thursday's finale of 'Life On Mars' plays out, I'm hoping to keep the American version in Earth Prime-Time just like the original British series; there are ways to splain around it. But this kind of repeat of events and characters goes beyond the realm of believability.

And it's not just the original 'Battlestar Galactica' that would be duplicated. There's also a key segment of the TV version of 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy' to consider - when the Golgafrinchams crashed on Earth and became the real ancestors to the human race. So I'm thinking the first part of my original premise can stand - the whole enterprise would be better suited for a particular alternate TV dimension, that in which Matt Santos is the current President of the United States, the dimension of 'The West Wing'. Other series already included in this dimension are:

'Mr. Sterling' (meant by its creator to be in that same world)
'Smallville' (since Clark Kent had not come to be known as Superman yet - and STILL hasn't)
'Raising The Bar' (different NYC D.A. than 'Law & Order', which is a powerhouse Toobworld staple)
and possibly the USA version of 'Life On Mars'.........

It's not bad company to be keeping, so I can't see why there should be complaints. I rather like the idea that two of the most critically acclaimed series of all time share the same dimension. In fact, some of the characters from 'Battlestar Galactica' could be distant ancestors to those in 'The West Wing'.......

BCnU!
Toby O'B

AS SEEN ON TV: LAWRENCE LESSIG

In the sixth season episode of 'The West Wing' entitled "The Wake-Up Call", Christopher Lloyd appeared as Lawrence Lessig, author of "The Future Of Ideas" (about copyright law, I believe), who was brought in to the White House to advise a Belarus delegation on the drafting of their own constitution.Save those people who appeared as themselves on 'The West Wing' - like Jay Leno, Penn Jillette, and Yo-Yo Ma - no real-life figures were shown to be portrayed by actors... except for Lawrence Lessig.

Here's a thumbnail biography for Lessig, courtesy of Wikipedia:

Lawrence Lessig (born June 3, 1961) is an American academic and political activist. He is a professor of law at Stanford Law School and founder of its Center for Internet and Society, and will soon re-join the faculty at Harvard Law School. Lessig is a founding board member of Creative Commons, a board member of the Software Freedom Law Center and a former board member of the Electronic Frontier Foundation. He is best known as a proponent of reduced legal restrictions on copyright, trademark, and radio frequency spectrum, particularly in technology applications.

As an expert on intellectual property law, I'm sure he'd have plenty to say about "Inner Toob"!

Toobworld is used to TV characters based on real world people looking nothing like the original: Ross Perot = Richard Crenna, Ryan White's Mom = Judith Light, Pappy Boyington = Robert Conrad. So it's not that odd that Christopher Lloyd looks nothing like the actual Lessig:
I really can't figure out why Christopher Lloyd was chosen to play the part. As great as he is, he's almost thirty years older than Lawrence Lessig!

Well, this all takes place in the 'West Wing' dimension, so it's not a real sticking point. But if Lessig was to be portrayed in a show set on Earth Prime-Time, then I have a better suggestion for the actor: Christian Clemenson is only three years older than Lessig, a much better match that way.

Here's what Lessig had to say about the 'West Wing' portrayal:

"The story is based (loosely) upon a true story. I was involved in the drafting of one early version of the Georgian constitution. But the story ended up in the 'West Wing' because I told the story to my students in Constitutional Law at Harvard, and a current writer for 'the West Wing' was in that class.

And so is "fame" made: My story is on 'the West Wing' because I was at Harvard -- not because the brilliance of my intervention had been noted and reviewed, but because I was teaching talented kids who would prove to be important. Indeed, so has the most important of my "fame" been made: Did Justice Jackson pick me to be his special master because he had determined I was the perfect mix of Holmes and Ed Felten? No, I was picked because I was a Harvard Law Professor teaching the law of cyberspace.

Remember: So is "fame" made."

BCnU!
Toby O'B

THE HAT SQUAD: BOB ARBOGAST

Voice-over artist Bob Arbogast has passed away.

Mark Evanier writes of him:

"How to describe Arbogast? Bob Arbogast was a comedy writer, a radio personality, a voiceover specialist, a creator of funny commercials and a TV host...and even that doesn't begin to tell you who he was..... Among folks who do funny voiceovers, he was kind of a legend."

Arbogast did several voices for cartoon series, but also appeared in live action shows as well, including 'Mork And Mindy' and 'Mathnet'. And he also was a writer for 'The Nut House', a live-action pilot by Jay Ward.

Bob Arbogast's most famous Tooniverse character would probably be General G.I. Brassbottom of 'Roger Ramjet'.

TOOBWORLD
"Mathnet" .... Byle Dupe
- The Case of the Missing Air (1988)

"Square One TV" (1987) .... Mr. Beasley

"Mork & Mindy" .... Policeman
- In Mork We Trust (1979)

THE TOONIVERSE
"The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo"
- It's a Wonderful Scoob (1985)

"Galtar and the Golden Lance" (1985) .... Ither

"Monchhichis" (1983) .... Snogs

"Smurfs" (1981) .... Additional Voices

Faeries (1981) .... Kobold/Trow/Hunter

Carlton Your Doorman (1980) .... Parrot/Undertaker

"I Am the Greatest" (1977)

"Hot Wheels" (1969) .... Doc Warren / Jack "Rabbit" Wheeler

"Skyhawks" .... Buck Devlin
- Devlin's Dilemma

"Roger Ramjet" (1965) .... Gen. G.I. Brassbottom

"The Jetsons" (1962) .... Additional Voices

Good night and may God bless.....

BCnU.....
Toby O'B

AS SEEN ON TV: POPE PAUL III

It's a Lenten Sunday again this week, and so here's another Pope "As Seen On TV". Inner Toob covered Pope Paul III last year in a Tiddlywinkydink post when he first appeared on 'The Tudors', so I'll just point you towards that post and instead share a few pictures of him here today. Just as a reminder, 'The Tudors' takes place in an alternate TV dimension, more than likely the classic evil mirror universe we know from the various 'Star Trek' series and from shows like 'The Middleman', 'Buffy' and 'Hercules'.

BCnU!
Toby O'B

TOOBWORLD LOOKS AT BSG: PART ONE

From the April 28, 2006 edition of "Inner Toob":

It would be nice to fill out that particular dimension a bit, so that it's not so void of TV shows. Therefore, as far as I can see, since 'Firefly' is set in the future, and 'Galactica' hasn't reached Earth yet, for the time being I see no reason why it can't share the same dimension as 'The West Wing', 'Mr. Sterling', and 'Smallville'.

I could always be proven wrong later, but that's the wonderful thing about Toobworld - it's always in flux.

And so here we are, three years later, and the "re-imagined" version of 'Battlestar Galactica' basically rode west into the Sun. Literally.

It's no secret to regular visitors to Toobworld that I wasn't watching 'BSG'. I caught a few episodes, mainly because of the promise revealed in their promos - like the discovery of the burnt cinder of a planet that was their "Earth", a season-ending cliff-hanger to make us wonder if it was ours as well.

And when asked why I wasn't watching what many have hailed as one of the best series ever to grace our screens, I'd say it was because Earth Prime-Time, the main Toobworld, already had its own 'Battlestar Galactica', the original one. Sure, it wasn't great TV, but it still served as an inspiration to Ron Moore and his co-creators for the new version, right? Besides, the original was too deeply imbedded into Toobworld already, with connections to 'McCloud' and the 'Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman' franchise. My main concern, my particular bailiwick as a Toobworld caretaker, would then have to be for the original series.

But actually, there was another reason I couldn't bring myself to watch the series.

See, I started to; just because it was in some alternate TV dimension wasn't reason enough to keep me from checking it out. There was no way 'The West Wing' could be part of the main Toobworld, but that wasn't going to stop me from making Wednesday night "Must See TV" because of it. ('Lost' has since picked up its mantle.) And currently, I'm enjoying 'Kings', also on NBC, in which there is a Kingdom of Gilboa that basically serves the same purpose as the traditional United States of America. (Although I'm not sure where Gilboa and its neighbor to the north, Gath, are supposed to be located.)

So I started to watch the original 'Battlestar Galactica' mini-series, and I only lasted a short time; looking back now, it was probably only a few minutes.

When that Cylon "Six" reached into the baby carriage and there was that sickening snap.....

Okay, so I'm squeamish; sue me. But something told me that there was no way Six was going to get her come-uppance quickly for such an act. Not when she was such a stunner; it went against all the rules of TV. And I knew from experience that the longer such characters are allowed to remain in a series, the softer their characters are made until they're no longer quite the villain they started out to be. (A good case in point: Luke Spencer of 'General Hospital'.)

And I think that the finale bore this out, as we saw "Head Six" (which is how I think she was referred to?) having the last laugh in Times Square 150,000 years after the events of the series.

Yeah, I watched the 3 hours of the finale, "Daybreak" parts 1 & 2. I thought it would make for a nice experiment to see if it would work for someone who had not invested 80+ hours into the entire project. It's not like I was going in blindly, however. I was quite familiar with where the story had been going all through the series, thanks to weekly episode synopses and excellent reviews in blogs like Alan Sepinwall's. (The link for "What's Alan Watching?" is to the left, Skinjobs.)

And so, now I know that my original quote above does need to be revised, as far as 'BSG' is concerned*. Like I said, the great thing about Toobworld is that it's always changing.

And that will be addressed in Part Two of this essay. (This was just the confessional warm-up.)

So say we all at Toobworld Central....

BCnU!
Toby O'B

* I'll get to the 'Firefly' reference in some future post. Today is for 'Battlestar Galactica'. Besides, its placement in the Toobworld timeline - and in what dimension - could be even more problematic......

ANNATAZ EM EVIG

Back in January of 2006, in my semi-annual "Bit O' Wishcraft" (in which I name some characters from other media I'd like to see on TV), I wished for Zatanna to make an appearance in Toobworld:

Over in an alternate dimension, Clark Kent of 'Smallville' has already met his world's versions of Aquaman and The Flash; perhaps Zatanna might make for an interesting addition to those reinterpretations of DC characters as college students. And since Kal El is supposedly susceptible to the powers of magic, it would make for an interesting initial conflict between the two.

And I got my wish this past Thursday, as Zatanna tangled with Clark, Chloe, and the Green Arrow to boot!

Here's a little background on the character, also from that previous post:

Zatanna was created by Gardner Fox and Murphy Anderson in 1964, debuting in "Hawkman" #4. She is the daughter of Golden Age comic book character John Zatara and Sindella, of the "homo magi" offshoot of the human race. Her family tree includes Leonardo DaVinci, Cagliostro, Nostradamus, and even the King of Atlantis. These genealogical touchstones would anchor her well in the TV Universe.

The catalyst for her magic is the incantation of her spells in reverse. This effect could be easily accomplished without the actress having to learn the tricky phonetics. Just run her speech backwards, a la the Dancing Midget on 'Twin Peaks' and Walt on 'Lost'.

I also had some suggestions for how she should appear on TV:

I think it should be darker, more in keeping with the zeitgeist of the Buffyverse. Zatanna should be sexy to the point of slatternly in her fishnet stockings; so ample of bosom that there's a threat that she might bust her buttons on her shirtfront.

And because I've been such a faithful acolyte to Toobworld, like a John Locke to its Island, the TV Universe saw fit to grant my wish:
(That's Serinda Swan, who plays the role on 'Smallville'.....)

UnCB!
Toby O'B