Saturday, July 15, 2006


The death of Red Buttons came as a surprise. Not that he was much in the public eye of late, and o'bviously I did know he was quite up there in years, but I thought he might have been hale and hearty enough to still be working. In fact, only two weeks ago I made a casting suggestion in this blog for him:

I don't know anything about vascular disease, whether it results in a long and debilitating deterioration or if it strikes quickly, but last year at this time Mr. Buttons was still a vital and quick-witted soul as evidenced in this very entertaining blog report from Alan Sepinwall of the Star-Ledger:

By the time I was born, Red Buttons was already considered washed up in Television, even when the business was basically still in its toddler stage. But he rebounded from that with his Academy Award win for Best Supporting Actor in "Sayonara", and he went on to make more movies like "The Longest Day" and "The Poseidon Adventure".

During the 1970s, he also perfected a routine for the 'Dean Martin Roasts' about all the famous people who never had a dinner in their honor. It was a great bit that allowed him to touch on previously taboo subjects in a roundabout manner.

There's one particular Toobworld moment of his that I always remember because I could see it for what it was meant to be - filler. It was in an episode of 'Vega$', perhaps the pilot, in which Red was a character who seemed to be invincible with the slot machines. And it's not like he was playing one certain machine that was fixed; he was picking his targets at random and still hitting them for big payoffs.

When his scam was finally uncovered by Dan Tanna, he spent several minutes doing "patter" with his goodbyes before Dan had him tossed out of the casino. It was an old vaudevillian trick to stretch out the time and yet not be so vital to the plot that it couldn't be cut later for additional commercial time.

It's been about thirty years on now...... I wouldn't be surprised if that bit has been entirely edited out to make room for more blipverts.

But Red Buttons will never end up on the cutting room floor of our memories, not so long as there are his movie appearances and his TV work in such shows as 'Roseanne' and 'ER'. His contributions via 'The Double Life Of Henry Phyfe' may have long since faded into obscurity, but those two series at least will have a long shelf life in syndication.

I may not get the chance now to see Red Buttons as Eric Murphy's grandfather on 'Entourage', but at least I know some of his characters have immortality in Toobworld.

And as Toobworld is just a fantasy universe anyway, I can always imagine him as E's gramps... at least until an actual episode of 'Entourage' comes along to say otherwise.

My porkpie hat's off to you, Red. I hope you finally get your dinner.

"The Red Buttons Show" (1952) TV Series .... Himself (Host) (1952-1955)
"Knots Landing" (1979) TV Series .... Al Baker (1987)
"The Double Life of Henry Phyfe" (1966) TV Series .... Henry Wadsworth Phyfe (1966)

The New Original Wonder Woman (1975) (TV) .... Ashley Norman/Carl

"ER" - Jules "Ruby" Rubadoux
- Ruby Redux (2005) TV Episode
- The Right Thing (1996) TV Episode
- True Lies (1996) TV Episode
- Dead of Winter (1996) TV Episode
- A Miracle Happens Here (1995) TV Episode
"Street Time" - Sam Kahan
- Reversal of Fortune (2002) TV Episode
- Random Act (2002) TV Episode
- Pilot: Part 1 (2002) TV Episode
- Pilot: Part 2 (2002) TV Episode
"Roseanne" - Jake
- Body by Jake (1994) TV Episode
- Playing with Matches (1993) TV Episode
"Vega$" - Tommy Cirko
- Serve, Volley and Kill (1978) TV Episode
- High Roller (1978) TV Episode

Reunion at Fairborough (1985) (TV) .... Jiggs Quealy
Off Your Rocker (1982) (TV) .... Seymour Saltz
Side Show (1981) (TV) .... Harry
Leave 'em Laughing (1981) (TV) .... Roland
The Dream Merchants (1980) (TV) .... Bruce Benson
Power (1980) (TV) .... Solly Weiss
The Users (1978) (TV) .... Warren Ambrose
Telethon (1977) (TV) .... Mart Rand
Alexander, Alexander (1973) (TV) .... Alexander Foster
Breakout (1970) (TV) .... Pipes

Alice in Wonderland (1985) (TV) .... White Rabbit

Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (1979) (TV) (voice) .... Milton
"Bob Hope Presents the Chrysler Theatre"
- Murder at N.B.C. (1966) TV Episode
Hansel and Gretel (1958) (TV) .... Hansel

Louis Armstrong - Chicago Style (1976) (TV) .... Red Cleveland
George M! (1970) (TV) .... Sam H. Harris

"It's Garry Shandling's Show."
- Force Boxman (1987) TV Episode .... Himself
Joys (1976) (TV) .... Red Buttons
... aka Bob Hope Special: Bob Hope in 'Joys'

"Presidio Med"
- Milagros (2002) TV Episode .... Chick
- The Curse of the Klopman Diamonds (2002) TV Episode .... Murray Klopman
"Family Law"
- Second Chance (2000) TV Episode .... Carl Porter
"Early Edition"
- Pinch Hitters (1999) TV Episode .... Walter Stites
- My Dinner with Methuseleh (1997) TV Episode .... Mr. Tibbles
"The Cosby Show"
- Cliff and Jake (1991) TV Episode .... Jake Bennett
- The Audit (1987) TV Episode .... Toots
"Fantasy Island"
- King of Burlesque/Death Games (1983) TV Episode
- Cornelius and Alfonse/The Choice (1979) TV Episode .... Cornelius Kelly
- Return/The Toughest Man Alive (1978) TV Episode .... Tony Emerson
"The Love Boat"
- Vicki's Dilemma/Discount Romance/Looser & Still Champ (1983) TV Episode .... Jimmy
- Doc's Ex' Change/Gift, The/Making the Grade (1979) TV Episode .... Bud Redmond
- The Where Is It Written?/Julie's Aunt/Big Deal (1978) TV Episode .... Uncle Cyrus
"Little House on the Prairie"
- Circus Man (1975) TV Episode .... William "Willie" O'Hara
"Love, American Style"
- Love and the Advice Givers/Love and the Geisha/Love and Take Me Along (1969) TV Episode .... Norman (segment "Love and the Geisha")
"The Danny Thomas Hour"
- The Zero Man (1967) TV Episode .... Al Risko
"Ben Casey"
- Journeys End in Lovers Meeting (1965) TV Episode .... Bill Jacoby
"The Greatest Show on Earth"
- The Last of the Strongmen (1964) TV Episode .... Walter Wallace
"The Eleventh Hour"
- Sunday Father (1964) TV Episode .... Cody Evans
"Saints and Sinners"
- All the Hard Young Men (1962) TV Episode .... Joe Roganyan
"Frontier Circus"
- Never Won Fair Lady (1962) TV Episode .... Earl Youngblood
"General Electric Theater"
- Tippy-Top (1961) TV Episode .... Tippy-Top
- The Tallest Marine (1959) TV Episode .... Lieutenant George Poole
"The United States Steel Hour"
- The Case of the Missing Wife (1960) TV Episode
"Death Valley Days"
- The Million Dollar Pants (1960) TV Episode .... Levi Strauss
- Something Special (1959) TV Episode .... Joe Henders
"Playhouse 90"
- A Marriage of Strangers (1959) TV Episode .... Jerry
"Studio One"
- The Tale of St. Emergency (1956) TV Episode .... St. Emergency
- Merryman's Murder (1951) TV Episode

[Thanks to the]


Thursday, July 13, 2006


Although everything that is broadcast on TV constitutes another addition to Toobworld in some form, it would be nice to ignore news broadcasts, talk shows, and reality shows. But sometimes they make that impossible when there is plenty of synergy between shows on the same network.

For instance, when 'Family Matters' featured a plot involving 'American Gladiators', or when 'Big Brother' became a plot point on 'Yes, Dear'. Look at how many newscasters appeared as themselves on 'Murphy Brown' (and of course, "Uncle" Walter Cronkite appearing not only on that show, but in a classic episode of 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show' as well.)

Recently, Jimmy Kimmel tried to tie in his late night talk show with the phenomenon of 'Lost' by having a representative from the Hanso Organization appear on the show. But they ended up talking about the show as a show and not as reality, even though the Hanso Group is a fictional component of that show.

It was enough to give me nosebleeds.

And now here's a new one.....

CNBC anchor Joe Kernen was reporting on the box office winners for the weekend this past Monday morning, and as everybody else in the news biz pointed out, the sequel to "Pirate Of The Caribbean" ("Dead Man's Chest") was not only the big winner, but that it raked in more than 132 million quatloos at the box office.

But then he went on to say that "The previous three-day record was 'Aquaman' at $120 plus, which beat out the $115 million which was set by 'Spider-Man' back in May of '02."

But the thing is, that only happened in Toobworld.

It was a major plot point this season in 'Entourage' that they needed "Aquaman", starring Vince Chase, to do a specific number in the box office on opening day, with the idea of even beating "Spiderman 2" and the record it set on opening day just a dream. However, they not only passed that mark, they demolished it with the 120 mil.

But even though "Aquaman" was directed by James Cameron, it's fiction, babe. It never got made; it doesn't exist.

HBO didn't help things when they blended our reality with TV reality by placing an ad congratulating "Aquaman" for its box office record in Variety.

And Joe Kernan never came out of that report with a "Just kidding, folks" of any kind. And during the report, there was no indication in his vocal timbre nor in his facial expressions that the story wasn't to be taken seriously.

And that's how the story was originally reported, but it wasn't the complete story. Apparently just before that box office report, Kernan was talking about 'Entourage' and the "Aquaman" subplot. More than likely, he probably continued with the reference, thinking everybody who was watching had seen the earlier comments.

But in the end, it doesn't matter, as they got it wrong anyway. The figure for the "Pirates" movie represented the take for the entire weekend. Whereas the figure for "Aquaman" represented the take on opening day. That's a big difference!

And in Toobworld, "Aquaman" left Captain Jack Sparrow in his wake.



Wednesday, July 12, 2006


Barnard Hughes has passed away at the age of 90, and for me personally, as a big fan of character actors, this is a sad day.

One of the high points in my Broadway theatre-going once I moved to NYC was to see Mr. Hughes perform the lead role of "Da" the night after he won the Tony Award for Best Actor. The audience and the actors were charged up by the recognition of his talent.

Born July 16, 1915 to Irish immigrants in Bedford Hills, NY, his full name was Barnard Aloysius Kiernan Hughes. He was acting since the 1930s with a time-out for a stint in the Army. While rehearsing a show to be performed in military hospitals in 1946, he met actress Helen Stenborg and they married in 1950.

He first came to prominent notice for me in 'All In The Family', in his recurring role as Father Majeski. And from there it also led me to one of the TV movies that made quite an impression on me, "Dr. Cook's Garden".

For Toobworld, he's embodied historical characters such as William Casey, the CIA chief during the Reagan years, and the voice of newspaper publisher Horace Greeley in a televised portrait of Abraham Lincoln. He's played classic characters like Shakespeare's Dogberry of "Much Ado About Nothing" and "The King" in Twain's "The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn", as well as the legendary Merlin in modern times. He also appeared in the first of the adaptations of Mary Norton's "The Borrowers", which happens to be the book I brought along to read on vacation.

Although this is a blog dedicated to the TV Universe, two theatrical movie releases stand out for me as well. In 'Cold Turkey', Barnard Hughes played Dr. Proctor, the town physician who had the second worst addiction to tobacco in his small town. (Tom Poston played the guy who had it REALLY bad.)

The image that I always conjure up when thinking about this movie is that of Mr. Hughes, along with Dick Van Dyke and Bob Newhart, writhing on the ground with gunshot wounds to the gut while all about them the town is celebrating their rewards for kicking the cigarette habit for a month.

This movie was a Norman Lear/Bud Yorkin production, and thanks to it Mr. Hughes gained two of his recurring roles in Toobworld. He worked for Lear and Yorkin again as Father Majeski on 'All In The Family', and he played Newhart's dad Herb Hartley in several episodes of 'The Bob Newhart Show'.

The other movie is "The Lost Boys", and it has special resonance for me and Toobworld in that he had the following quote as the grandfather:

"If you've got TV Guide, you don't need TV."

A lot of times, I've found that to be true as I go about my Caretaker duties.

Barnard Hughes won the Emmy award for Best Guest Star in a Dramatic Series for an episode of 'Lou Grant' wherein he played a judge. He played a lot of judges during his long career; so many in fact, that he told the NY Times once that he could have played the roles “without pants.”

“I was always sitting behind something like a desk. I was a judge or a businessman or a lawyer or a doctor. Nobody saw my bottom half.”

“I’m a feeler,” Mr. Hughes said of his acting approach in the interview with The Times. “As a matter of fact, I think if we had more feelers and less thinkers we’d be a hell of a lot better off — not only in the theater, either.”

And we will definitely feel his absence from the TV Universe......

"Blossom" (1991) TV Series .... Buzz Richman (1991-1995)
"The Cavanaughs" (1986) TV Series .... Francis 'Pop' Cavanaugh
"Mr. Merlin" (1981) TV Series .... Max Merlin
"Doc" (1975) TV Series .... Dr. Joe Bogert
"As the World Turns" (1956) TV Series .... Mr. Barton (1969-1970)
"The Secret Storm" (1954) TV Series .... Wilfred Hollister #1 (1968-1969)
"Dark Shadows" (1966) TV Series .... Stuart Bronson (1966)
"The Guiding Light" (1952) TV Series .... Dr. Bruce Banning #2 (1961-1966)

"The Bob Newhart Show" - Herbert Hartley
- Grizzly Emily (1978) TV Episode
- Making Up Is the Thing to Do (1976) TV Episode
- An American Family (1974) TV Episode
"All in the Family" - Father John Majesk
- Edith's Conversion (1973) TV Episode
- Edith Flips Her Wig (1972) TV Episode
- Edith's Accident (1971) TV Episode
"The Trials of O'Brien" - Judge
- A Horse Called Destiny (1966) TV Episode
- No Justice for the Judge (1965) TV Episode

Kix Cereal (1996)

Blossom (1990) (TV) .... Grandpa

Lincoln (1992) (TV) (voice) .... Horace Greeley Guts and Glory: The Rise and Fall of Oliver North (1989) (TV) .... CIA Director William Casey
Day One (1989) (TV) .... Secretary Stimpson
Little Gloria... Happy at Last (1982) (TV) .... Justice John Francis Carew
Kill Me If You Can [The Caryl Chessman Story] (1977) (TV) .... Judge Fricke
Guilty or Innocent: The Sam Sheppard Murder Case (1975) (TV) .... Attorney Philip J. Madden
Pueblo (1973) (TV) .... Secretary of the Navy

American Playhouse: Under the Biltmore Clock (1986) (TV) .... Ludlow Whitney
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1985) (TV) .... The King
Much Ado About Nothing (1973) (TV) .... Dogberry

Past the Bleachers (1995) (TV) .... Ed Godfrey
Trick of the Eye (1994) (TV) .... Harry Pitt
Miracle Child (1993) (TV) .... Judge
The Incident (1990) (TV) .... Doc Hansen
Home Fires Burning (1989) (TV) .... Jake Tibbetts
A Hobo's Christmas (1987) (TV)
Night of Courage (1987) (TV)
The Sky's No Limit (1984) (TV) .... Arthur Bennett
A Caribbean Mystery (1983) (TV) .... Mr. Rafiel
A Conflict of Interest (1982) (TV)
Homeward Bound (1980) (TV) .... Harry Seaton
Sanctuary of Fear (1979) (TV) .... Father Brown
See How She Runs (1978) (TV) .... John Matusak, Betty's Father
The World Beyond (1978) (TV) (as Barney Hughes) .... Andy Borchard
Tell Me My Name (1977) (TV) .... Uncle Tyler
Ransom for Alice! (1977) (TV) .... Jess Halliday
The UFO Incident (1975) (TV) .... Dr. Benjamin Simon
A Memory of Two Mondays (1974) (TV) .... Jim
Another April (1974) (TV) .... Marion Weston
The Borrowers (1973) (TV) .... Mr. Crampfurl
The Holiday Treasure (1973) (TV)
Look Homeward, Angel (1972) (TV) .... Dr. McGuire
All the Way Home (1971) (TV) .... Joel Lynch
Dr. Cook's Garden (1971) (TV) .... Elias Hart
The Borgia Stick (1967) (TV) .... Doctor Helm
The Million Dollar Incident (1961) (TV) .... Wallace

- Daniel in the Lion's Den (2000) TV Episode .... Judge Panicio
"Homicide: Life on the Street"
- In Search of Crimes Past (1995) TV Episode .... Sam O'Donnell
"The Marshal"
- Twoslip (1995) TV Episode .... Judge Tuttman
"The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd"
- Here's Who Ordered the Pizza (1988) TV Episode .... Shimkin
"The Love Boat"
- Ace in the Hole/Uncle Joey's Song/Father in the Cradle (1984) TV Episode
- Passages (1984) TV Episode .... Joe Freilich
"Tales from the Darkside"
- Trick or Treat (Pilot) (1983) TV Episode .... Gideon Hackles
"Lou Grant"
- Judge (1977) TV Episode .... Judge Felix Ruthman
"Hawaii Five-O"
- A Capitol Crime (1977) TV Episode .... Clinton Palmer
"Wide World of Mystery"
- The Two Deaths of Sean Doolittle (1975) TV Episode .... Warren
"Love Story"
- All My Tomorrows (1973) TV Episode .... Andrew Corby
- Dead Pigeon (1971) TV Episode .... Jack Riker
"The Nurses"
- Show Just Cause Why You Should Weep (1963) TV Episode .... Harold Myle
"Naked City"
- Prime of Life (1963) TV Episode
"Route 66"
- Two on the House (1962) TV Episode .... Al Forrester
"The Defenders"
- The Boy Between (1961) TV Episode
"'Way Out"
- William and Mary (1961) TV Episode .... Dr. Foster
"The United States Steel Hour"
- Little Charlie Don't Want a Saddle (1957) TV Episode .... Leo
"Armstrong Circle Theatre"
- Four Homes for Danny (1957) TV Episode .... Mr. Dubois
"Kraft Television Theatre"
- Papa Was a Sport (1954) TV Episode

[Thanks to the]

One Toobworld note: It's a shame Barnard Hughes never did an episode of 'The West Wing'. I could see him playing one of those professors emeritus, or a senior senator or congressman, or a justice on the Supreme Court.

And although he wouldn't have been the right type to play the father of Jed Bartlet as written, I think he would have made a great elder of the Bartlet clan, or even as the father of Stockard Channing's Abby (especially since Martin Sheen worked with Mr. Hughes in the film version of "Da" back in 1988.....)



A couple of off-beat theories of relateeveety connected to 'The Closer':

William Pope of the Los Angeles Police Department ('The Closer') is descended from Adam Cartwright of 'Bonanza'. Aside from the fact that both Pernell Roberts and JK Simmons share a cranial feature, I came up with this idea while watching Roberts in an episode of 'Alias Smith & Jones' on the Western Channel ("Exit To Wickenburg"). Every so often there was something about the timbre of his voice that put me in mind of Simmons.

In this week's episode of 'The Closer', we found out how much Lt. Provenza loves the Los Angeles Dodgers, and to what lengths he'll go to get to a game.

I think that love for the team began back when they were still the Brooklyn Dodgers, and that Provenza grew up back in New York City. That's where he also found his interest in becoming a police detective, due to the influence of a family member who was a member of the NYPD.

There is a slight resemblance between Lt. Provenza and Detective Frank Arcaro from the TV series 'Naked City' and portrayed by Harry Bellaver. So until otherwise contradicted, I'm going to go the Wold-Newton route and say that Arcaro must have had a sister who married a man named Provenza......


Tuesday, July 11, 2006


June Allyson will be most remembered, and rightfully so, for her movie work. I would think "The Glen Miller Story" has to be up there at the top of the list. But that's just my perspective.

She also made her mark in Toobworld, however, both as her televersion and for the various characters she contributed to TV shows, movies, and anthologies.

As Red Skelton would have said, "May God Bless....."


"The DuPont Show with June Allyson" (1959) TV Series .... Herself/Various Characters (1959-1961)
... aka The June Allyson Show

These Old Broads (2001) (TV) (uncredited) .... Lady in Hotel
The Kid with the Broken Halo (1982) (TV) .... Dorothea Powell
Three on a Date (1978) (TV) .... Marge Emery
Curse of the Black Widow (1977) (TV) .... Olga
Letters from Three Lovers (1973) (TV) .... Monica
See the Man Run (1971) (TV) .... Helene Spencer

TV commercials and print advertisements for Depend Absorbent Undergarments (1985-1990s)
TV commercials for Wilson's Stores (1980s)

"Burke's Law"
- Who Killed the Toy Maker? (1995) TV Episode .... Shelly Knox
- Little Wolf (1986) TV Episode .... Martha Stewart
"Crazy Like a Fox" - Hearing Is Believing (1986) TV Episode
"Misfits of Science"
- Steer Crazy (1985) TV Episode .... Bessie
"Murder, She Wrote"
- Hit, Run and Homicide (1984) TV Episode .... Katie Simmons
"Hart to Hart"
- Always, Elizabeth (1984) TV Episode .... Elizabeth Tisdale
"The Love Boat"
- Vicki's Dilemma/Discount Romance/Looser & Still Champ (1983) TV Episode .... Shirley
- Tony's Family/Minister and the Stripper, The/Her Own Two Feet (1978) TV Episode .... Audrey
"Simon & Simon"
- The Last Time I Saw Michael (1982) TV Episode .... Margaret Wells
"House Calls"
- I'll Be Suing You (1980) TV Episode
"The Incredible Hulk"
- Brain Child (1979) TV Episode .... Dr. Kate Lowell
- High Roller (1978) TV Episode (uncredited) .... Loretta Ochs
"The Sixth Sense"
- Witness Within (1972) TV Episode .... Mrs. Desmond
"The Name of the Game"
- High on a Rainbow (1968) TV Episode .... Joanne Robins
"Burke's Law"
- Who Killed Beau Sparrow? (1963) TV Episode .... Jean Samson
"The Dick Powell Show"
- The Time to Die (9 January 1961) - Julie Stevens
- Special Assignment (25 September 1962) - Jeri Brenr
- The Doomsday Boys (16 October 1962) - Guest Hostess
- Days of Glory (13 November 1962) - Guest Hostess
- The Third Side of the Coin (26 March 1963) - Rosalind Cramer
- The Old Man and the City (23 April 1963) - Guest Hostess
"The DuPont Show with June Allyson"
- Ruth and Naomi (21 September 1959) - Ruth
- A Summer's Ending (12 October 1959) - Sharon Foster
- Child Lost (16 November 1959) - Vivian Wadron
- Edge of Fury (4 January 1960) - Janet
- So Dim the Light (1 February 1960) - Nancy Evans
- Sister Slugger (14 March 1960) - Sister Mary Anne
- Intermission (2 May 1960) - Amy Lawrence
- The Lie (29 September 1960) - Janet Ramsey
- The Test (20 October 1960) - Ruth Taylor
- The Women Who (3 November 1960) - Louise Robertson
- The Desperate Challenge (15 December 1960) - Carol Evans
- The Defense Is Restless (9 January 1961) - Joanna Burnham
- An Affair in Athens (23 January 1961) - Betty Allen
- Without Fear (6 February 1961) - Eleanor Baldwin
- The Old-Fashioned Way (20 February 1961) - Elsa Wilson
- The Moth (27 February 1961) - Stephanie Cate
- The Man Who Wanted Everything Perfect (13 March 1961) - Ann Larson

"Zane Grey Theater"
- Cry Hope! Cry Hate! (1960) TV Episode .... Stella

[Thanks to the]


Jack Smith, a singer and recording artist who was host of the popular 'You Asked for It' television show, died of leukemia on July 3 at his California home at the age of 92.

Mr. Smith began a singing career in the early 1930’s and worked many years in radio, but is best remembered as host of the ABC series for its final season in 1958 of ,You Asked for It,. The show invited viewers to send in suggestions for unusual things that they wanted to see on the air, like people with uncommon talent or seeing the inside vault at Fort Knox.

Mr. Smith returned as host of a syndicated version of 'You Asked for It' in 1971-72 season, and the show was produced sporadically until 1977.

Jack Smith appeared as his own televersion in an episode of 'Happy Days', which featured the Toobworld variation on his TV show: 'You Wanted To See It'.


[Most of this report compiled from the AP story.]


I had to come up to Connecticut to find the Crossover of the Week, and in the few days I've been here so far, I've seen several variations of it already.


There are several commercials running for Silk Soy Milk which feature humanoid bovines in domestic settings. In the first I saw, the cow-wife (Barbara) tries to get her bull-headed husband (Paul) to try the taste of Silk Soy Milk in his breakfast cereal instead of whatever she might have produced.

Of course he resists but finally acquiesces, and makes it sound as if it had been his idea all along to use the stuff.

In another, the two cows (I'm not sure if it's Barbara again and her teenage daughter or just two roommates) are arguing over the fact that the Silk Soy Milk has been all used up. One of them might has well have had blonde hair she was so ditzy.

Like the TV show 'Dinosaurs' before it, these cows belong in the main Toobworld. And what gives them that privilege and provides the Crossover of the Week to boot?

A 1997 failed sitcom attempt by Eddie Izzard called 'Cows'. (Even Izzard admits it was cow-flop. As he describes it on his official website, 'Cows' was "critically received like a long-lost relative who turns up at the wrong house with an overdue Christmas card."

All that exists is the one-hour pilot which was screened on C4. The main characters were the Johnsons, "a typically wacky sitcom family who just happen to be cows".

As with 'Dinosaurs', the cast wore elaborate, full-body cow suits and were still able to give the bovines personality and individuality. Just as in the Silk Soy Milk blipverts, the cows walked on their hind legs and tried to be more like their human neighbors, but their basic instincts still reflected their cattle origins.
The plotline for the introductory episode had the son Rex bringing home his girlfriend Pinky to meet the family. The trouble was, Pinky was human.

It's a relationship like that which probably gave birth to the Minotaur.

I'm not sure how the cows gained their humanoid status, but apparently it was all revealed in the opening sequence. They revealed themselves to be sentient and able to walk about on their hind, and insisting on equality with humans. But apparently Rex's attempt at "mooscegenation" was rebuffed on both sides.

If it had been due to radiation exposure, then these 'Cows' could have shared a common origin with 'The Cowboys Of Moo Mesa' over in the Tooniverse.

At any rate, even though the pilot failed to secure a berth on the regular TV schedule, the life of these 'Cows' continued in Toobworld even though we couldn't see them. And since the cow family of the Silk Soy Milk ads speak with American accents, apparently the evolution of cattle to sentient beings continued and flourished, spreading across the world.

However, they are probably being kept quarantined on "reservations" away from human society at large, who probably don't even know of their existence. This protects the Cowfolk from human prejudices, and keeps the human way of life safe from the threat of being replaced by cud-chewers.

Gary Larson ought to give the concept a shot for TV. He'd be the one to make it fly.

No, wait. That would be pigs who fly....


Monday, July 10, 2006


Summertime and the living is easy. But here are a few little thoughts to ease back into the blogmill:

Does anybody else hear the music used in the BP Chase Visa card and automatically think of the music used in 'Hustle'?
The most blatant product placement around today can be found in connection to 'Kyle XY'. The mysterious title character is addicted to Sour Patch Kids.

And guess who sponsors the show.....?
Ex-Golden Girls Rue McClanahan will star in a half-hour original series for gay network here! The show, which it targeted for a 2007 launch, will feature McClanahan as the "crazy and wise" grandmother of a gay teenager "coming of age and coming out."

Fellow Iddiot Bobt muses:
The guy on the Suzuki commercial where he's leaving his house, kisses wifeygoodbye, she hands him his briefcase - just like every good wifey does ;>) -and then at the end of the front yard walk is a cliff, he sky dives andlands near his SUV parked at the bottom of the mountain. The mystery: howdoes he get back up there when he comes home?

Well, o'bviously, he uses a catapult! Sheesh!

At, you can have the chance to interact with uber-agent Ari Gold by enduring a job interview with him.

His personal assistant and flunky Lloyd even helps you get your head into the game:"Just picture him in a red thong, like I do."

These are the types of questions Ari clobbers you with:

"What do you want to say to the master?"

"What makes you so special?"

And then after you respond, he demolishes whatever self-esteem you might have had.
Well, I wasn't successful in making the claim that the Josiah Bartlet of 'The West Wing' was the parallel universe counterpart of the one from 'St. Elsewhere'. But I can still stand by the claim that Leo McGarry's counterpart in the main Toobworld became a police detective in an episode of 'Touched By An Angel'.

Now I have another dimensional doppelganger from 'The West Wing'. Lee Garlington played Toby Ziegler's lawyer Alana Waterman in three episodes:

"Welcome To Wherever You Are"
"Here Today"
"Red Haven's On Fire"

In the main Toobworld, Ms. Garlington played Joel Carlington's lawyer in "Passing Go", an episode of 'The Practice'.

Since she wasn't named in that episode, why couldn't she be Alana Waterman.
I guess I can forget the dream that Denis Leary would bring a few of the characters from NBC's 'Third Watch' onto 'Rescue Me' for cameos to show it's a united Toobworld.

In the latest issue of "Entertainment Weekly", Leary used an "S" word to describe it. It either sucks or it's shit.

For the next two weeks, I get to watch 'Alias Smith & Jones' and 'Big Valley'. Life is good.