JURY DOODY II [AMENDED]

My jury duty is at an end. I don't want to say anything about the experience. I'll just get angry again.

Instead, I'll let Toobworld speak for me.....

"I know what they mean by a really well-hung jury."
First Judge
'Monty Python's Flying Circus'

"One lone juror....

They should have said, 'One lone dingbat'."

Archie Bunker

'All In The Family'

"Remember these are people of conscience and compassion.
You have to remember these are people too stupid to get out of jury duty."
Alan Shore
'Boston Legal'

"People make me sick. I'm glad I'm not one of them."
Doctor
'That's Life'

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"LOST" IN THOUGHT: THE HANSO BLIPVERT

"THE HANSO BLIPVERT" - sounds like the name of a Ludlum novel.....

If you're like me, with an avid interest in 'Lost' but inherently lazy, you were probably intrigued by that commercial for Hanso.org that aired during the show last night.

And yet you didn't bother to try calling the phone number.

It's probably just as well since the phone banks apparently were swamped with people trying to call through.

You would have had better luck calling overseas to the UK were their number was broadcast about six hours earlier.

The last time I called in a televised phone number was to hear a taped message from Dennis Miller after his first talk show had been yanked off the air.

Before that, it was back in college when we drunkenly, (stonedly?), stupidly tried to call (212)555-1066 during a "Save England" telethon sketch on 'Saturday Night Live'. That's when I first learned about the '555' rule.
I think we caused that phone operator to take early retirement......

Anyway, check out this link:

http://lost-and-gone-forever.blogspot.com/

They've done all the work for you in regards to the Hanso.org phone number. And they've even posted all the info from the accompanying website, including "photostats" of notes and documents.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"HOUSE" KNOWS JACK

In the second half of a 'House' two-parter last night, Dr. Cutty warned that the mysterious illness that killed a cop and threatened the life of Dr. Foreman was a level three contagion.

Dr. House wasn't notably impressed.

"Ooh! Level three!" he sneered. "Better call Jack Bauer!"

Jack Bauer is the main character in '24', a fellow show on the FOX network. Based on the popularity of the series, I bet you already knew that.

But this isn't technically a Zonk!, one of those discrepancies in which one TV show mentions another when both should be in the same dimension.

'24' and 'House' aren't in the same TV dimension. For 'House', the President of the United States is George W. Bush. As for '24', even though it's set several years in the future, the president is the quisling Logan. And even though '24' is set in the future, that same future will never be in the cards for 'House. For the POTUS will always be whoever holds the office here in the Real World in the main TV dimension, where 'House' currently resides.

So, even though '24' could be an alternate dimension to Earth Prime-Time, it could also be a TV show seen in Toobworld.

But this scene opens up a new question that leads to a new possibility - if Jack Bauer of '24' is a counter-terrorist agent in his version of Toobworld, who is he in the main TV dimension?

I've posted my theories in the past that although Josiah Bartlet is the President in 'The West Wing' dimension, and Leo McGarry was the White House Chief of Staff and a Vice Presidential candidate before his character died in that same dimension, on Earth Prime-Time they are a Boston doctor ('St. Elsewhere') and a police detective ('Touched By An Angel') respectively. So the same change in occupation could have occurred for Jack Bauer.

Taking the snarky comment by 'House' as a clue, perhaps Jack Bauer is some kind of super-celebrity first-responder in the CDC. Maybe he's specialized in pandemic contagion in the past and in such a way that he would be familiar to both Drs. Cutty and House. (And as such, there are two TV series in which we might have eventually met this version of his character - had the shows survived: 'The Burning Zone' and 'Medical Investigations'.)

Maybe this Jack Bauer led several test scenarios at that medical facility in connection with Homeland Security, and this is how both Cutty and House know him.

And based on the way House referred to him in his exchange with Cutty, Jack Bauer doesn't rate very high on his respect meter.

Probably jealous of the attention Cuddy paid to him!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"LOST" IN THOUGHT: ANA-L EXTINCTION

I don't often warn of spoilers. Based on the type of topics I usually cover, it seems a moot point that I might be discussing things that have occurred within an episode of a TV show.

But there may be some folks who haven't yet seen Wednesday night's episode of 'Lost'. If so, turn away. Feel free to visit the many fine Toobworld-worthy sites linked to the left.

Anyways.....

CK Sample III of TVSquad.com may have been the first to notice this trend - in "Two For The Road", although the episode was Ana Lucia-centric (she had the flashbacks; she had the hot island sex), she was also the character who ended up shot in the gut and dead.

The last time a female character had the flashbacks as well as sex with another Lostaway, she also ended up getting shot in the gut and then dying.

(How CK put it: "As we all know from Shannon and Sayid's romance, if you are an unwed female on the island, and you have sex with a man, you're doomed to die in that same episode.")

If Shannon and Ana Lucia represent a pattern, we may have slipped out of Toobworld and into the pocket of the Cineverse where slasher movies exist; only with guns rather than knives.

(This could be why we never saw Mary Ann making sweet love with Gilligan, or Ginger doing the nasty with the Professor. Being married, Lovey Howell was exempt from the curse.)

And based on those match-ups, either the Skipper would turn out to be the Slasher, or they'd have to bring back Vito Scotti yet again to play the part......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK - 5/3/06

Because this is such a chaotic week for me, what with working my overnight shift AND doing jury duty during the day, I have not been able to get caught up on the new season of 'Doctor Who'.

And I KNOW that all three of the episodes aired in the UK so far can be linked to other shows!

As for the TV shows that were accessible to me here in the States, I've now got three videotapes full of shows I need to catch up on since last week.

So I'm in a jam for the Crossover of the Week. And that's why I'm glad I decided to keep any possible TV commercial crossovers on standby for just this sort of emergency. Since blipverts air constantly for long periods of time, there was no rush to get them entered into contention.

So here's this week's:

'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'
&
'SIERRA MIST'
&
'SUBWAY'

For the most part, characters from 'Saturday Night Live' find new life in the Cineverse ("Wayne's World", "The Coneheads", "The Blues Brothers"). "The Coneheads" also found themselves animated in the Tooniverse with their own TV special/pilot.

But now they're gaining employment as pitchmen in TV commercials.

The Sierra Mist ad had its big showcase during this year's Super Bowl, but still airs throughout the nation. In it, Kathy Griffin and Jim Gaffigan play security officers at the airport who covet the Sierra Mist of Ian Michael Black. They even threaten him with a full body cavity search to get him to relinquish the refreshing liquid.

And how do they get away with such boorish behavior and yet not lose their jobs?
Easy. They work for Total Bastard Airlines.

It's right there on the logo embossed on their uniforms - "TBA".

Total Bastard Airlines was first seen in an episode of 'Saturday Night Live' hosted by Helen Hunt. David Spade continued his TBA employee in another sketch the following year.

For all I know, his character later left the airline to work for a credit card company that specialized in just saying "No", as seen in blipverts for Capital One Visa.

As for the Subway sandwich shop commercials, who else could Jon Lovitz be playing but "Master Thespian", the over-the-top actor who rivalled Tommy Flanagan the Pathological Liar for best character in the Lovitz ouvre.

Next week, come what may, the Crossover of the Week will deal with the "New Earth" episode of 'Doctor Who'.

It's the cat's meow!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Intercom: This concludes the safest part of our journey. Thank you for flying Total Bastard Airlines. As we indicated at the start of the flight, we at Total Bastard Airlines are bitter about the career paths we have taken, and we do then to take that out on our passengers. We at Total Bastard Airlines realize that in your travel plans you have a choice of many airlines, but we'd like to thank you for flying the blue skies of Total Bastard.

(from the first "Total Bastard Airlines" sketch on 'Saturday Night Live')

WISH-CRAFT REPLAY: FOOTBALLIN' AGAIN

From the BBC Online:

ITV drama 'Footballers' Wives' is coming to an end after five series, it has been confirmed.

The programme's demise was mutually agreed by makers Shed Productions and ITV, after the show suffered declining ratings during its latest run.

"We're proud that we created one of the most talked about TV shows of recent times," said Shed director Brian Park.

Sky One earlier announced that their footballer drama 'Dream Team' was also coming to an end.

So here's my dream - that before both footballin' dramas end their runs, they cross networks and do crossovers on each other's shows.

It'll probably never happen, but think of the publicity they both could reap from it!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

TV CROSSOVER HALL OF FAME: MAY 2006

Jamie Ross is one of the few characters to have grown within the framework of the 'Law & Order' franchise. She's also one of the few 'L&O' characters whose personal life played a factor in the series.

Jamie started out on 'L&O' as an ADA, crossed over to 'Homicide: Life On The Street' to work cases with the Baltimore detectives, and then left the DA's office to work as a defense attorney, ultimately becoming a judge.

It seems to me that had Jamie remained working in the DA's office through the years and through the changes at the top, she would have eventually shared the same fate as Serena Southerlyn - dismissed by DA Arthur Branch for having the heart of a defense lawyer. (Which is probably code for "liberal".)

Although she did utilize questionable tactics when she faced off against her former mentor Jack McCoy in a school shooting case, Jamie was able to parlay her skills to get elevated to a judgeship at some point between that 11th season guest spot on 'Law & Order' and her two episodes on 'Law & Order: Trial By Jury'.

Thanks to a fanfic site dedicated to 'Law & Order' (and to Sam Waterston, especially, it appears), here are the backstory details for Jamie Ross:

Jamie Ross - Assistant District Attorney, New York County
Marital Status: divorced from high-powered defense attorney Neal Gorton; one daughter, Katie (Causa Mortis, LA Trilogy, Justice); became engaged in Season 8 to a man named David, whom, we assume, she eventually marries.

Other Facts: has three brothers (ID); former defense attorney (Causa Mortis); leaves the DA's office to marry David and fight for custody of her daughter; shows Jack new "family" pictures in School Daze.

You can find more background info on other 'L&O' characters

http://home.insightbb.com/~kdjoly/backstory.htm

Here are the shows which have guaranteed Jamie Ross a place in the TV Crossover Hall of Fame:

'Law & Order'
'Homicide: Life On The Street'
'Law & Order: Trial By Jury'

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"Lawyers and tarts are the two oldest professions in the world.
And we always aim to please."
Horace Rumpole
'RUMPOLE OF THE BAILEY'

NEW @ TOOBWORLD CENTRAL

On Tuesday, we were given a two-hour lunch break from jury duty, so I headed over to J&R Music World to check out their TV DVDs.

I went down into the basement, entered that particular section far off in the back of the store, and as I stood there in awe, my inner Toob let off a warning:

"Tele-Toby, spend only cash. Otherwise, you'll never get back to the courthouse in time!"

I mostly focused on the bargain-bin styled treats to be found of vintage TV. The only thing I picked up that was more than ten bucks was a special gift for a second cousin. All of the other selections were under ten dollars and mine, MINE, MINE!

Here's my loot:

'Ned Blessing'
'Ned Blessing: The Hooded Man'
I never got the chance to see this short-lived Western when it showed up on CBS back in 1993. I still hope to track down the episode in which Stephen Fry appeared as Oscar Wilde.

The first entry must have been the pilot, with Daniel Baldwin playing the title role. But by the time it went to series, Brad Johnson had stepped into the boots of Ned Blessing.

I also picked up other TV Western collections:

"Legends of the Old West" - 'Stories of the Century'
I first learned of this show from a website of Corinth Films, which had a page for every episode they had available. Each segment was about a notorious outlaw of Western history who just happened to come up against a railroad detective played by Jim Davis (of 'Dallas' fame).

There are 21 episodes in this two disc set, featuring such infamous figures as Billy the Kid, The Dalton Gang, Jesse James, Doc Holliday, and Crazy Horse.

"Western TV"
Over 13 hours, 29 episodes, on 3 discs.

Disc 1 - 'Wagon Train' and 'Shotgun Slade'
Disc 2 - The Lone Ranger' and 'Buffalo Bill Jr.'
Disc 3 - 'Range Rider' and 'Judge Roy Bean'

Of them all, it's the episodes about Judge Bean - as played by Edgar Buchanan - that I'm most eager to see.

Whenever I would read about Boris Karloff and Television, it was about his shows 'Thriller' or 'Colonel March of Scotland Yard' (another series I'd like to track down!), or his guest appearances on 'The Wild Wild West' or 'The Girl From UNCLE'. And of course his narration of 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas'.

But I picked up a five episode disc of 'The Veil' which sounds like a precursor to 'Thriller'. Karloff appears in some of the shows and narrates the others.

And finally, a big thrill:

'Rocky Jones, Space Ranger' - "Silver Needle In The Sky"
I'm sure this show had to be before my time; I only know it from pictures in various TV memory books in the massive library of Toobworld Central (and from a website called "The Solar Guards").

But I've always had this fascination with those early attempts at sci-fi in Toobworld, with the antique feel they must have, even though I've never seen most of them: 'Captain Z-Ro', 'Tom Corbett', 'Rod Brown of the Rocket Rangers', 'Atom Squad', 'Space Patrol', 'Jet Jackson', 'Commando Cody', and of course, 'Captain Video'.

This disc also contains two bonus 'Superman' animated shorts: "The Electric Earthquake" and "Mechanical Monsters".

I'm not sure when I'll ever get around to seeing any of these - the stacks at Toobworld Central are full of DVDs still in their shrink-wrap, - but it's nice to know I have them at hand whenever the urge comes over me.

So you see, kids? There are benefits to doing your civic duty in jury service.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

We got a two hour lunch break today while I was on jury duty at 100 Centre Street. As I headed for J&R Music World to check out what they had in TV DVDs (and hoo boy! More on that later.), I stopped to watch a few minutes of filming a scene for 'Law & Order: SVU'.

It was the standard issue walk down the steps of the august courthouse at 60 Centre Street, which we've seen hundreds of times in the Big Daddy of the franchise. The scene involved Detective Stabler, ADA Novack (?) and a female cop who may or may not have been Connie Nielsen. (Although I don't think she was starting as Mariska Hargitay's replacement until this fall. But with shooting schedules the way they are, perhaps they're already filming for the next season. After all, the season finale is coming up in just a few weeks; surely, they weren't waiting until the last minute to film it?)

In the shot, the female cop breaks from the others and pulls out her badge as she confronts somebody on the steps. It had all the earmarks of somebody getting the chance to re-affirm who he/she is. It was as though she was approaching the guy and proclaiming "I'm a cop, dammit!"

Perhaps she had been the one to go through some kind of trial or hearing and was able to overcome whatever legal hurdles were preventing her from doing her job.

Well, we'll see. I don't normally watch 'SVU' (or as Christopher Moltisante called it on 'The Sopranos', 'The SUV'.), unless there's a high-voltage guest star. But now I'll have to check out the next batch of episodes and even into the fall.

Just to see if there's a rather large gentleman wearing a denim jacket walking away in the background of the shot......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

DENNY & KATE

Citizens of the Real World don't have to join the League of Themselves to have an impact in Toobworld; they don't even need a televersion to stand in for them "as seen on TV". Many times their lives are fictionalized in the Television Universe within the dialogue or by the actions of other characters.

For example, the ashes of venerable Chinese philosopher Confucius, who died in 479 B.C., were washed away down a Los Angeles sewer drain in 1968. ('The Outsider' - "As Cold As Ashes")

Egyptian President Anwar Sadat was assassinated by The Viper, once considered "The Deadliest Man Alive". (The Viper later met his match against 'Walker, Texas Ranger'.)

And this past week in the "Race Ipsa" episode on 'Boston Legal', we found out that Denny Crane allegedly made love to Kate Smith, the national treasure best known for singing "God Bless America".

I say "allegedly" because one never knows if Denny is telling the truth, boasting as though he was channeling Colonel McBragg, or experiencing addled memories due to his mad cow disease and/or Alzheimer's affliction.

But the picture he painted of the affair wasn't pretty, as he rhapsodized about making love to her mountains down to her prairies.

Didn't Kate Smith also sing "America The Beautiful"? Because Denny could have gone further, with a reference similar to one from 'The Sopranos' about "whistling through the wheat".

Or in Kate Smith's case, amber waves of grain.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"Some men try to climb mountains.

Others just date them."

LOUIE DEPALMA

'TAXI'

JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH, "SKITS-OID MAN"

John Kenneth Galbraith was a world-renowned economist, diplomat, and author who passed away at the age of 97.

Those are all worthy items of note for anyone's obituary, but who cares about all that when you can claim to be fictionalized in one of the dimensions of Toobworld?

In July of 1982, 'SCTV' presented "SCTV Sports: Battle of the PBS Stars". In Part 3 [Football 75], William F. Buckley found himself a ringer for his team who could flatten the hopes of the otherwise superior team led by Carl Sagan.

Dick Cavett - Rick Moranis
Howard Cosell - Eugene Levy
William F Buckley - Joe Flaherty
Milton Friedman - extra
James Baldwin ringer - extra
Carl Sagan - Dave Thomas
Jeff Greenfield - Ron James
John Kenneth Galbraith - extra
announcer - staff announcer

A sketch on 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' would fit in nicely with this concept, in which a championship heavyweight boxer took on Sir Kenneth Clark.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby