'RAW' TALENT

[A 'GREAT LINK' ESSAY]

"I'm sorry, the FCC is not going to tolerate this, and neither will I," McMahon said. "I'm not going to have a locker room of deviants. This is the WWE, this is not the NFL and it damn sure is not the NBA. This is the kind of sexual titillation that would send you up into the stands and attack the audience."

When Vince (not Vin*) McMahon broke up the impending liaison between Trish Stratus and Shelton Benjamin, he was more concerned with the effect of their "relationship" on the narrow-minded witch-hunters at the FCC led by Michael Powell.

Therefore this televersion of McMahon must have known that he was in fact a TV character living in a TV world.

The word for this is "tele-cognizance", and of course, not many people wield this power. Otherwise there would be chaos within the framework of many TV series.

David Addison is the leading example of a TV character who knows that they are part of a TV show. But mostly it is the realm of Serlinguists, those people who are able to talk directly through the Fourth Wall and address the audience viewing at home.

(Because of the root word, I've named this after Rod Serling. But George Burns should be recognized as one of the first practitioners and the one who made it a popular practice.)

So Vince McMahon now reveals himself as being a tele-cognizant in much the same way as newscasters, commercial spokespersons, televangelists, and old-time kid show hosts are.

Walter Cronkite, Julia Child, Billy Mays, Captain Kangaroo.... You all better set another place at the table for Vince McMahon!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

*My fellow Iddiots will understand that reference.....

TOWELING OFF

[THE CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK]

For the second week in a row, that steamy intro for 'Monday Night Football' which featured Terrell Owens, Nicollette Sheridan, and a quickly discarded towel, has provided the Crossover of the Week.

Perhaps I should spell that "Crossover of the Weak".

On the Monday night following the headline-making 'MNF'/'Desperate Housewives' promo, African-American wrestler Shelton Benjamin was in a locker room at the beginning of 'Raw', the WWE program on Spike TV. Suddenly busty female wrestler Trish Stratus walked in wearing a towel. For some reason, she was also wearing a face mask.

"What about my needs?," she said, mimicking Nicollette Sheridan's line in the ABC spot. "What about Trish?"

Just as Stratus was to drop her towel, a la Sheridan, McMahon burst into the locker room shouting.

"This is unconscionable," McMahon said. "This is scandalous. I can see the moral fabric of America disintegrating right before my very eyes. The sexual overtones, the racial overtones..."

Besides joking about the end of the moral fabric, McMahon also took direct shots at the NFL and the NBA, which is dealing with the fallout from last week's Pistons-Pacers' fan rumble.

"I'm sorry, the FCC is not going to tolerate this, and neither will I," McMahon said. "I'm not going to have a locker room of deviants. This is the WWE, this is not the NFL and it damn sure is not the NBA. This is the kind of sexual titillation that would send you up into the stands and attack the audience."

With that line, I guess the intro can also link to the live TV presentation of the riot at the Pistons-Pacers game at Auburn Hills.

Since the 'MNF' intro was presented as a TV show within a TV show, this means that McMahon was referring to what he must have seen on TV as well. And since Susan Mayer and Lynette Scavo of 'Desperate Housewives' were also watching that same TV within TV intro, then technically one could link 'Raw' to the new ABC hit series.

Like I said, it's weak, but it may be the best that can be summoned up in a week where everybody's attention was instead drawn to the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Ah, for the good old days when sitcoms like 'Seinfeld' and 'Friends' and 'Who's The Boss' could all be linked together by the parade!

('Raw' & 'Monday Night Football' & 'Desperate Housewives')

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"There's a frood who really knows where his towel is!"

The Book

'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy'

3 BOOBED TOOB - ZONK!

[A Splainin 2 Do Essay]

Just prior to Thanksgiving, (In Toobworld time, that is; in the Real World, we saw it ON Thanksgiving.), Grace Adler related a sex dream she had.

In the dream, "that hot gardener from 'Desperate Housewives'" put a hand on Grace's breast. And then "that hot smart guy from 'Jeopardy'" put a hand on her other breast. Finally, "that hot Korean guy from 'Lost'" put his hand on her third breast.

That was a bit of trivia she forgot to establish: in the dream she had three breasts.

This was different from other dreamZonks; it was related to the audience, not acted out. JustJack's analysis was that the dream signified her fear of dentists, but then he remembered that he was the one with a fear of dentists. (And that his own dentist was also hot, smart, and Korean - Jack was probably drawn to the fact that his name was "Hung".)

What the dream truly meant - besides Grace's need for sex - isn't of importance here. What matters is that she ticked off three shows that take place in the TV Universe as well.

But have no fear! We have splainins!

Let's start with the easiest one first. There was no inherent Zonk involved when Grace invoked 'Jeopardy'. It's long been established that game shows that we watch in the Real World also exist in Toobworld. The actual depiction of fictional games within episodes of other TV shows ('The Simpsons', 'Cheers', even in a few TV commercials like for Holiday Inn Express) has guaranteed that Alex Trebek will be inducted into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame.

Next up would be the mention of 'Lost'. Again, this doesn't prove to be a problem.

Well, not much of one....

Nothing really nailed this down to the current ABC hit show about the plane crash survivors on a strange and mystical tropical island. In fact, there are several movies by the name of "Lost"; any one of these could be the reference Grace was making. And since Jack and Karen seemed to know what she was talking about, they probably had seen the movie as well. Maybe it was a DVD they rented from the Toobworld equivalent of Netflix.

Knowing the shallow natures for both of those secondary characters (who are the main reasons I'm not a fan of this show), I would have to figure that the movie of "Lost" had to be recently released. I don't think either one of them has the patience to watch silent movies, nor would they comprehend the artistic value of black-and-white films from the 30s to the 50s in which literate dialogue had more meaning than mindless action scenes.

But there is one qualifier: it has to be a version of "Lost" in which there was a Korean character. So please talk amongst yourselves while I pop over to the IMDb.com and check out the cast/character lists for all of the "Lost" movies.....

I'm baaaaack! Miss me?

So........ There were fourteen different movies with the one-word title of "Lost". And of them all, it looks like the one we'd want to go with is from 1970. It's actual name is "Mei"; made in China, its international/English translation was "Lost".

It could be that they all saw this movie on DVD and that's why Jack and Karen understood the reference. And yes, the actors were Chinese, not Korean. But remember - Karen and Grace both made out with a guy on Thanksgiving whom they both thought was far older than his sixteen years of age. They're all so self-centered and fairly ignorant of anything outside their own interests; therefore I can believe that they thought Chinese actors in a Chinese movie were Korean.

Now we come to the really tricky one - the hot gardener from 'Desperate Housewives'.....

Unfortunately, this is a really specific title, unlike the more generic "Lost". There are thousands of google entries for it and they all refer back to the same thing - the ABC hit series which should exist in the same universe as 'Will & Grace'. (There are also a few message board entries for lonely guys looking for "desperate housewives to romance". Ain't nobody in 'Will & Grace' that could match either side of that equation!)

But here's a way we can rescue this from being a total Zonk - Doesn't the title of 'Desperate Housewives' summon up the image of a cover painting on one of those steamy paperback novels, the type from Harlequin Romance?

Perhaps in the Toobworld variation, it's a bodice-ripper that was edited by Martin Tupper of Whitestone Publishers in New York. ('Dream On')

None of that should have been a problem for (or even of any interest to) Grace Adler. Whatever the source for those characters in her dream, it made sense to her and it was understood by Jack and Karen.

What should have concerned Grace however was her self-image in the dream. Three breasts? Could it be that her sub-conscience in its deep sleep cycle had somehow tapped into the memories of her soul's earlier incarnation?

The Minbari ('Babylon 5') believed their souls travelled across space to be reborn in human vessels on Earth. Perhaps this happened with the sentient races of other worlds as well.

Maybe in a previous life Grace Adler had been an inhabitant of Eroticon 6, whose best known emissary was Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore who said Zaphod Beeblebrox was the best bang since the big one. ('The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy')

Or maybe Grace had too much Twip with dinner and it just didn't agree with her.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

IN THE NEWS

The premium cable channel HBO has picked up 13 episodes for a series starring Lisa Kudrow as a one-time sitcom star who is trying to revive her career. Kudrow and former 'Sex and the City' executive producer Michael Patrick King co-wrote the pilot script for 'Comeback' and will executive produce the series. In the pilot, directed by King, Kudrow was joined by co-stars Robert Michael Morris, Damian Young, Laura Silverman, Malin Akerman, Robert Bagnell and Lance Barber.
~~~~~~~~~
OfficeMax's funky office supply guy, the "Rubberband Man," gets animated in a new holiday commercial from DDB/Chicago. Playing off earlier live-action spots, "Santa's Helper" casts the character in a stop-motion winter wonderland created by Chel White of Portland's Bent Image Lab. In a style reminiscent of holiday specials like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the RM goes about his business passing out office supplies to all the girls and boys, backed by a remix -- courtesy of Chicago music house Spank! -- of the Spinners classic that inspired the campaign.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The outlandishly unfashionable puffy shirt worn by Jerry Seinfeld on his hit TV show went on display Friday at the Smithsonian, alongside Kermit the Frog, Archie Bunker's chair and Dorothy's magic slippers from "The Wizard of Oz."

At the end of its nine-season run, 'Seinfeld' - the "show about nothing" - left lots of well-loved lines but few tangible relics suitable for enshrinement in the National Museum of American History. Thus, The Puffy Shirt, which appeared briefly in a single episode. What makes that bit of wardrobe so memorable is that it serves as an icon, not only of 'Seinfeld' but American popular culture.

"It looks funny and it sounds funny, and that's a good combination for a joke," Seinfeld told The Washington Post at a donation ceremony Thursday night. Before the puffy shirt episode aired in 1993, Seinfeld said, he had no idea it would become a classic.

In episode No. 66, comedian Jerry nods politely even though he can't make out what his pal Kramer's girlfriend is asking - she's a "low talker." Later to his horror, he learns he's agreed to wear the goofy, puffy shirt she designed when he appears on the "Today" show.

"This might be the first joke inducted into the Smithsonian Institution," Seinfeld noted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW YORK - Look out kids. SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney and Clifford the Big Red Dog are joining forces to rerecord the disco tune "We Are Family" to promote diversity and tolerance in classrooms.

A video starring the three children's characters plus nearly 100 others, including Dora the Explorer and Arthur, will be distributed to 61,000 public and private elementary schools nationwide, along with lesson plans for teachers. It will air simultaneously on Nickelodeon, the Public Broadcasting Service and the Disney Channel in March. "This is an unprecedented event. For the first time characters from all of the important kids shows came together to appear in the same video," said video producer Christopher Cerf. "The producers and performers from each show embraced the spirit and message of this project." The We Are Family Foundation was founded by singer-songwriter Nile Rodgers, who wrote the song recorded in 1979 by Sister Sledge. The nonprofit organization creates and supports programs about diversity and multiculturalism. The video was financed by a grant from the Toni Mendez Shapiro estate. "Cooperation and unity are the most important values we can teach children. We believe that this is the essential first step to loving thy neighbor," Rodgers said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony-winning actor Rene Auberjonois has been bumped up from guest star to series regular status on ABC's freshman legal drama ``Boston Legal.'' Auberjonois has made several appearances on the David E. Kelley-produced series as one of the partners in the criminal defense firm run by Denny Crane, played by William Shatner.
~~~~~~~
Pope John Paul II has told an actor who is portraying him in a television drama about his life that he is "crazy". Polish actor Piotr Adamczyk had an audience with the 84-year-old Pontiff when he made the admission. "You're crazy to make a film about me. What did I ever do?" he said. The actor admitted to being lost for words when he met the pontiff. The new two-part film is being made especially for Italian television.

"I felt like a seven-year-old child", said Adamczyk, recalling the time when he first saw the Pope on an early visit to his Polish homeland. "When I learned that the Pope would receive me I was very moved, but at the same time worried, what would I have to say to him?" said the actor. The film, Karol Wojtyla: The Story Of A Man Who Became Pope, will be shown in two parts on Italian TV next year. The 10m Euro (£7m) project has been largely financed Mediaset, a company owned by Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. The film begins in Poland with the Pope as a 10-year-old boy, and culminates with his election in 1978.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plans to create a US soap based on the BBC's EastEnders have reportedly been drawn up by the Fox TV network. EastEnders' head writer Tony Jordan and music mogul Simon Fuller are involved in the project, according to reports in the Hollywood Reporter trade newspaper. It said scripts have been commissioned for a series about a community of working class people in of Chicago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COLUMBUS, Ohio - The original Mr. Wendy is back.
Pictures of Wendy's founder Dave Thomas, who died of liver cancer in January 2002, will be featured in a series of ads celebrating the fast-food chain's 35th anniversary, company officials told The Associated Press.

The first television and print ads will be out Friday and more TV spots will air for a month beginning Monday, said Bob Bertini, spokesman for Wendy's International Inc. The ads will reference Thomas' business philosophies such as "Just be nice" and "Don't cut corners."

Thomas pitched Wendy's hamburgers, fries and other fare in more than 800 TV ads over 12 years, emphasizing the quality of the chain's offerings with a folksy, straightforward delivery. After his death, the company switched to a campaign that focused on the quaint appeal of Thomas and Dublin, the upscale Columbus suburb where Wendy's is based. More recently, the company's ads featured Mr. Wendy, an "unofficial" spokesman who often embarrassed his wife by promoting the Wendy's menu everywhere he went.

The humor-based campaign, which the company will abandon, distracted from Wendy's emphasis on the quality of its food, said Rao Unnava, a marketing professor at Ohio State University.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's a news item from months ago......

Tuesday, August 31, 2004
On September 14, Spike TV and Ol’ Dirty Bastard will premiere a new reality series called “Stuck To ODB,” where a normal individual must stay within 10 feet of the rapper for five full days. Should he achive the daunting task, he will win $25,000. After the first showing, it will be seen on Tuesdays at 10:00 PM (ET) and 11:00 PM (PT).
Source: AllHipHop.com

That was then. This is now......

Ol' Dirty Bastard's manager announced that there are still plans to press on with the release the late rapper's reality TV show, 'Stuck To ODB'. In the show, contenders were offered a cash prize of $25,000 if they could stay within three metres (10 feet) of O.D.B for five full days. A date for the show's debut has yet to be announced.

The eccentric rapper who would have turned 36 on November 15th, shocked fans, friends and family when he died suddenly at a recording studio in New York on November 13th.

So why wasn't the show broadcast as originally planned? It's not like they had some psychic premonition that he would die.... did they?

Why do I get this Chayevskeyesque "Network" vibe from the whole deal?

RIPPED BY THE HEADLINES?

BY DAVID HINCKLEY
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Guardian Angel leader and radio host Curtis Sliwa, infuriated by the portrayal of a Sliwa-inspired character on "Law & Order," said yesterday he may sue the popular NBC show.

Sliwa's character was played by Jose Zuniga as a hypocritical, philandering, self-righteous, publicity-seeking phony who sacrifices his principles for the lure of a satellite radio show.

"As Seinfeld used to say, I was 'bizarro'd'," Sliwa groused yesterday. "This was a world where everything up was down. My character was so despicable that he deserved to get shot."

The "Law & Order" episode used as its springboard the shooting of Sliwa in 1992, allegedly on the orders of mob heir John A. (Junior) Gotti.

At the end of the show, the Sliwa character declined to identify his assailants from the witness stand, seduced by the payoff of the satellite radio show.

"That was the worst part," said Sliwa. "Twelve years I've been waiting to get on the stand and finger those guys. That will be a highlight of my life."

After Sliwa was shot, there were rumors he arranged it to cover up an affair.

While recent real-life government disclosures have since pinned the hit on Gotti, the TV show ran with the affair angle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boo hoo hoo.

I don't know what Curtis Sliwa is complaining about. The character was named Kristoff; and while the crime started out with some similarity to what happened to the founder of the Guardian Angels, it ended up following a different path to Destiny.

This wasn't the Real World; it's Toobworld. It was a work of fiction inspired by the life of Sliwa, not a portrait of him.

Why don't we see lawsuits against all of those roman a clef novels, like Joe Klein's "Primary Colors"? Everybody knows it was based on the lives of the Clintons, but I don't see them taking Klein to court. And what about 'That's My Bush!", the sitcom on Comedy Central? There was no hiding behind false identities for such characters as Karl Rove, Laura Bush, Dick Cheney, and the Prez himself.

Hey, if Curtis Sliwa was so intent on protecting his image from being distorted, he should have been suing the producers of "We're Fighting Back", a 1981 TV movie starring Kevin Mahon. His character of Morgan "Case" Casey was also based on Sliwa, but so far as I can tell, it passed unnoticed in the legal system.

Sliwa hasn't been the only high-profile celebrity to have been put through the 'Law & Order' "ripped from the headlines" wringer. I've already written about the less-than-stellar episode about the gay governor involved in kickbacks and illegal freebies. It was a mixture of the problems faced by Governors Jim McGreevey of New Jersey and John Rowland of Connecticut. The gay issue could be pinned on McGreevey, while it was Rowland with the ethical issues that forced him to resign.

What was worse for Rowland was that the fictional governor was at the helm of Connecticut. I would've made it a different state, - and why not make it New York to cover the whole tri-state area? (I'll tell you why - the producers didn't want to bleep off Pataki and lose any production deals they've got from the state and the City.)

I think Sliwa should take his cue from Jim McGreevey: he should suck it up and take it like a man.

Which is what apparently got McGreevey in trouble in the first place.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

RINSE AND SPIT

For over a decade, I've been fiddling about with a novel based on the concept of an alternate universe in which everything that happens on TV actually takes place. At times this little opus of mine has threatened to overtake my apartment as well as my life. Maybe, like Grady in Michael Chabon's "Wonder Boys", I'd be better off if the pages all flew off into the river.

I toyed with the idea of creating a fantasy species for this world but with sci-fi elements - a sort of "Elves from Outer Space" concept. And I may yet use them if I ever get around to future stories set in this new world.

And I wanted to create the semblance of a language for them (Yes, I was a Tolkien geek from way back!), but one which deliberately used the names of actors from the Real World for their words. I would have intentionally used names that best reflected an easy grasp of what the word meant in English. For instance, "Burr" would be the word used to denote cold weather or snow.

Here are just a few other examples:

Aykroyd - mechanical man; robot
Duhamel - a beast of burden from the elf/alien homeworld
Eubanx - a newly married couple
Radner - a charismatic leader
Wendt - verb for 'to go'
Zmed - bodily waste; fecal matter; insult. "You're full of zmed!"

"Pei tyrFalc, Pei tyrBrekk, Pei tyrTorq!" - A blessing or invocation to a trio of godlings/spirits/saints in the elf/alien religion.

I bring this up because in the last few weeks I've been watching 'The West Wing' and they've introduced a character played by Kristen Chenoweth. It looks like she'll be the new press secretary for the Bartlet administration.

I've never seen Ms. Chenoweth as an actress before. I went to see 'Wicked' back in March, but she was out that night. (I was mostly interested in seeing Idina Menzel and Joel Grey, so I was fine with that.) And somehow I missed her limited-run sitcom when it aired.

So this was my first exposure to her. And to her voice......

The elf/alien vocabulary has just been expanded.

Chenoweth - root canal.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"Be true to your teeth, and they won't be false to you."
Soupy Sales
'The Soupy Sales Show'

WEEKLY ROUNDUP

THE YADA-YADA
Television probably has become the most evocative,

Widely observed signpost we have.

Robert McC Adams

Secretary, Smithsonian Institution

THE CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK
The intro for this past week's 'Monday Night Football' featured Nicollette Sheridan seducing Philadelphia Eagles star Terrell Owens in the Philly locker room while Susan Mayer and Lynette Scavo watched on TV.
('Monday Night Football' & 'Desperate Housewives' & 'The Larry Sanders Show')

[See the blog entry 'Crossover Of The Week' from Friday]

THE GREAT LINK
At the taping of the 2004 Vibe Awards, violence broke out and a man was stabbed. But when the tape aired, all mention of the incident had been expunged. So did it actually happen as far as the TV Universe is concerned?

[See a previous blog essay - "Bad Vibe".]

BLIPVERTS
The plight of the multi-fingered mutant in today's society
('Dell Computers')

ZONK
There was more than one TV station in TV Land with the call letters of WWEN.
('Crossing Jordan' & 'Good Morning, Miami' & 'Scorch' & 'Days Of Our Lives')

[See the blog entry - "Where WWEN?"]

SPLAININS
Dr. House liked to watch 'General Hospital'
('House')

Splainin: The 'General Hospital' watched by Dr. House may not be the same soap opera watched by the audience viewing at home. In fact, the footage didn't have the feel of the ABC show at all; which is not surprising since it's doubtful ABC would have given the rights to FOX to show clips from their show.

Frank Barone told his wife Marie that he needed a "Cone of Silence" surrounding him to restore his mental balance.
('Everybody Loves Raymond')

Splainin: It's not the first time the malfunctioning CONTROL contraption has been mentioned in a TV show other than 'Get Smart'. Johnny Smith mentioned it in an episode of 'The Dead Zone'.

Most likely there was a general sell-off of Cold War technology and declassification of top secret spyware after the Berlin Wall fell in 1989. Once the copyright opened up for the Cone of Silence, TV equivalents to the Sharper Image stores probably sold them as novelty items of intimacy....

"Sawyer" called Jack "Dr. Quinn" as an insult.
('Lost')

'Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman', is part of the history of Toobworld, and as history, she may have come to the notice of "Sawyer". (His name is in italics, because we don't know his true name now.)

Either in his schooling back in Tennessee or in his readings or travels at some point in his life, "Sawyer" must have learned about Michaela Quinn, the woman who braved the frontier and advanced the cause of women in Colorado Springs back in the 1870s.

And he must have figured Jack knew of her as well, so that the gender of the doctor would be obvious as an insult.

THE LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES
Ed McMahon
('Las Vegas')

Rip Taylor
('Will & Grace')

Randy Travis
('Extreme Makeover: Home Edition')

Smith
('Chevy Trailblazer' ad)

BY ANY OTHER NAME

In 1955, secret agent Barney Collier ('Mission: Impossible') met comedy writer Rob Petrie ('The Dick Van Dyke Show').

[See the blog essay "The Game Of The Name".]

FAMILY TIES

Salvatore Barone

Joseph (Giuseppe?) Barone

Frank (Franco?) Barone

Robert____Raymond
('Everybody Loves Raymond')

LA TRIVIATA
There was a poster for the Thea Foundation hanging in the offices at Arcadia High School.

The mission statement for the Thea Foundation reads as follows:

"It is the mission of the THEA Foundation to create and operate a non-profit organization that promotes healthy, constructive action and communication within families through educationally oriented experiences and programs IN THE MOST THERAPUTICALLY EFFECTIVE AND COST EFFECTIVE AND INCLUSIVE MANNER POSSIBLE, and to be good stewards of all donations received."

It was founded in honor of Thea Leopoulos, a promising North Little Rock High School art student who was killed by a drunk driver in May 2001.

For more information, visit this site:
http://www.theafoundation.org/default.asp
('Joan Of Arcadia')

There's a new breakfast cereal for the kiddies - "Rainbow Rings".
('Electric Swiffer' ad)

Here's a new movie to add to Fox Mulder's personal collection - "Thrill Bill".
('Medical Investigations' & 'The X-Files')

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION
The new FOX medical series, 'House', and 'Bless This House' - a sitcom which starred Andrew "Dice" Clay - both take place in Trenton, NJ.

Something to keep in mind, dear Mr. Producer, for an episode during February or May Sweeps......
~~~~~~~~~
Several state parks line the Connecticut River in Toobworld: Holyoak, Connecticut River Valley, and Mt. Grace.
('Crossing Jordan')

REALI-TV
With forty-five seconds left to play in the Pistons-Pacers game at The Palace at Auburn Hills this past Friday night, Rod Artest hard-fouled Ben Wallace - even though his team was way ahead and there was no way for the Pistons to catch up. Wallace shoved Artest in the throat, and then all hell broke loose.

A fan tossed a cup of beer or soda at Artest as he was lying down on the scorers' table like the prima donna that he is, and then the Pacers' Chief Punk charged up in the stands to start beating on some guy who may or may not have been the guilty party. (He looked like Jared of the Subway ads to me.)

Other players charged into the stands to begin fighting fans, fans trespassed onto the court and got sucker-punched, and the players were bombarded with debris as they fled the court under guard.

As basketball, it was ugly, disgusting, and just plain wrong. All of the players involved deserved the punishments they received, but especially that Meat-head Artest.

But as Television, it was GrrrrrrRRRRREEEEEAATTTT!

Artest wanted time off from basketball so he could promote his new rap album, and now he gets his wish. And by this time next year, perhaps he'll be up for a Vibe Award.

He certainly has the temperament to fit in with THAT crowd!

ALT-TV
CNN's Bill Hemmer has a new anchor position in 'The West Wing' dimension.
[See the blog entry 'It's Hemmer Time!']

OBITUARIES

DEVAN MAGUIRE
Devan Maguire was a pathologist working for the Medical Examiner's office in Boston. While on a flight back from Washington, DC, Devan helped restrain a fugitive on board. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do to prevent the fumes which overwhelmed the passengers and crew. Because of her location on board when the plane crashed, there were no remains recovered, save for her cell phone.
('Crossing Jordan')

JUDITH MONTGOMERY
Judith Montgomery was a troubled teen with addiction and dependency problems. She was only just getting her life straightened out in Arcadia, New Jersey when she was stabbed to death by a drug dealer. She didn't realize it at the time, but God was right there with her all the time and never abandoned her at the end.....
('Joan Of Arcadia')

HISTORY, CHANNELLED
Salvatore Barone was so tough (How tough was he?), he was so tough that he made Benito Mussolini wet his pants.
('Everybody Loves Raymond')

UNSTUCK IN PRIME TIME
Since 1997, Sayid had been searching for his lost childhood friend, Noor Abet Jazim , also known as Nadia, whom he had helped to escape from an Iraqui prison where she was about to be executed.

Here are the main events from 1997 in the Iraqi timeline:

June 21 1997
UN demands Iraq allow inspection teams access to disputed sites.
October 23 1997
The UN disarmament commission concludes that Iraq has continued to conceal information on biological and chemical weapons and missiles.
October 29 1997
Iraq demands that Americans on UN inspection team leave. They go temporarily, but return on November 20.
November 13 1997
Iraq expel expelsAmerican members of the UN inspection team.

Perhaps it was at this time that Nadia was able to escape the country, hidden among the American contingent.
('Lost')

CROSSOVER HALL OF FAME
The characters of Susan Mayer and Lynette Scavo are 2/3rds of the way toward entry into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame this week with their appearances in that Monday Night Football intro film. Getting that last qualification may be tough as there is nothing else on the ABC sked that would make a good fit for a true crossover.

But who knows? I have to admit, I never would have thought of the Monday night game as being a choice for a crossover.....
('Desperate Housewives' & 'Monday Night Football')

And Nicollette Sheridan is now 2/3rds of the way towards induction as well because of that steamy intro.
('Monday Night Football' & 'The Larry Sanders Show')

In case anyone was interested in who the other 'Trek' inductees have been up to this point, here's the rundown of the year so far:

January - Captain James T. Kirk
February - Lt. Uhura
March - Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy
April - Commander Montgomery Scott
May - Yeoman Janice Rand
June - Zephraim Cochrane
Birthday Honors - The Cast Of The Original 'Star Trek':
William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, George Takei, Nichelle Nichole, Walter Koenig, Majel Barrett, Grace Lee Whitney
July - Ensign Pavel Chekov
August - Helmsman Hikaru Sulu
September - Gene Roddenberry
October - The Tribbles
November - Ambassador Sarek

Well, that's it for another week. Please stay tuned!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

THE MAILING TOOB

"'I say what I think' is another way of saying:
'I'm an asshole'."
Dr. Foreman
'House'

Present company excluded, of course!
_______________________________
A few weeks back, Bobt wrote about a child in his school who was asked what a duck says. The child's reply? "AFLAC!"

I used the story as an illustration of the power TV has over us.....

Toby: did you see the cartoon “Family Circus” in today’s paper? They must read tubeworld!!
Bob T
My Blog www.bobturba.com/blog

As it turned out, a week or so later, the "Family Circus" comic strip had the exact same story!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Toobworld's friend Mayr came to our remote control rescue with a rundown of suspects in the death of Paul Cramer on 'One Life To Live':

David Tom played Paul Cramer. Brother to Kelly Cramer, Dorean's niece.

He was married briefly to Babe. She is now married to JR Chandler from 'All my Children'.

Paul had stolen Babe's baby and given him to his sister, Kelly. She had had a miscarriage, and asked him to find her a baby so she wouldn't loose her husband, Kevin Buchanan.

Paul also had started a relationship with Natalie. She realized he was bad news, and broke up with him.

He needed money from a botched illegal job he was supposed to do for RJ, so he tried to black mail Jen. Jen's mother and Rex had an affair, and Rex had taped it. Paul stole the tape, and told Jen she had to sleep with him or he would put the tape on the internet. Jen chickened out, so Paul put it on the net.

SO...In summation (yeah...right):

Paul has RJ after him for the money he owes him.
Paul has Lindsey after him because the tape hit the net.
Rex is also after Paul because he hurt Lindsey and Jen (whom he loves).
Babe has found out what he has done with her baby, and wants him gone!
So does her dad (David) and her boyfriend (Jamie)
Natalie had a fight with him the night he was killed. He tried to rape her. She struggled, he beat her up, and so had his blood on her sweater...and all over the room he was living in.
David (from OLTL) and Dorean both want him gone because of the mess he has caused with Kelly and her baby.
Kevin wants him gone because of the same reason.

The last few weeks was putting all of this together. So, who knows who killed him?? Does that make any sense??"

Works for me.
Thanks, Mayr.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I heard from my "Kryptonian" friend and fellow Iddiott Brian-El regarding that taping of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire':

Hey, Toby! I was just about to reply to your other e-mail...yes, I sawyour blog & liked it, although you may want to correct that bit about mebeing a future contestant--I'm in the pool but I may not get picked (justlike two years ago, or ten years ago when I was in the Jeopardy!contestant pool).

NEway, I'm really glad you got in [to see the show]! I was worried about that--I kept wondering how that was going to work. But there were several people who showed up with friends before 11:45 and the friends were told to come back at 1:00 if they weren't auditioning, so I figured you'd get in if there was room.

BCnU, 2!!
Brian-El
++++++++++++++++++++
I heard from a girl I used to work with, Kelly; a real "swedie". (She'll get that joke, not many others.)

My hometown made it's mark on the toobworld map tonight. I was watching "ER", and Ray Liotta guest starred as a dying patient who had been incarcerated in the prison in Taylorville, Illinois - the dark abyss where I spent the first 15 years of my life (the town, not the prison)!

The prison opened after I was off at college. It's a high minimum-security facility, and Ray was supposedly in there for murder, for a whopping 9 years... hmmmm. Such is life in toobworld!

Don't you love it when a TV show makes that special connection with you?
+++++++++++++++++++
I don't think you can have crossovers in toobwyrld for reality type things, but, I had the food channel on (fortunately, with the sound off) and they got all the folks that do their individual shows into one room to be doing a goofy thanksgiving thing.....

Art Carey

Although I don't go out of my way to look for reality show crossovers, I think they would still count. After all, some of them do go on to have crossovers with fictional shows - like when characters from 'Yes, Dear' got involved with a houseful of 'Big Brother' contestants.

So I think it would have been cool to see this special line-up. But I just can't see myself going out of my way to check out the Food channel....
+++++++++++++++++++++
Everyday I run down through the essays I have on my Inner Toob blog, hoping to see if any of them has sparked a response in the comments section. But alas! It seems as though I'm just shouting into the wind.

There's no real sense of a traffic monitor for the blog, so I have no idea if anybody is even visiting the site at all.

And then I go and read the message boards for a few TV shows out there and realize that maybe, in the long run, I'm better off for working out my Toobworld theories under the radar!

I have a friend at work named Craig who recently appeared with his whole family in an episode of 'Nanny 911'. The producers took 250 hours of tape and had to boil its essence down to fit a 42 minute slot (allowing for the commercial time to fill out the hour).

And the results were not particularly well-received by those who saw the show........

I feel sorry for these children. I think lazy parents produce children with severe behavioral problems.

I think since Craig lets his kids walk all over him at home, he is probably a mean cop. Since he has absolutely NO authority at home, he probably makes up for it on the job. The mother is about the most ridiculous excuse for a mom that I've ever seen on earth! It would be like living in a zoo with a dad who is gone to work and a mom who is checked out emotionally all the time. Please wake up, people, for your kid's sake.

Have you ever seen such lazy parenting in your life? Tracy needs to get off her butt and discipline her children. I just am so angry watching this show I'd like to smack the parents as much as I'd like to smack the kids. She is lazy and disgusting. Her house is a wreck because she's letting these little monsters run it. SHE is the one who needs a nanny - not the kids.

She's bringing out the violence in me too!!! :) I have never seen someone put less effort into parenting in my life. She is the reason people should have to have IQ tests and maybe common sense tests before they get pregnant.

These parents deserve EVERYTHING they are experiencing as a result of being so irresponsible - not only to their own children - but more importantly to society!!!! SICKENING!

I do feel that the parents have brought all this on themselves, they chose to have 5 children and obviously they should had stopped at two.

I still think she is a SLUG, and the worst kind of mother.

I don't understand how the father can allow that considering he is a police officer. The mom has no clue, clearly. But her husband undermined her and told the kids "don't tell Mommy"

Why would you go on a T.V show, and then behave so immature and hostile.

Tracy get off your butt..honey !!!!

Let [this] family be a warning to all parents that the time to figure out things is with the first child ... not the fifth for Heaven's sake!

I was just watching the show and I have NEVER been more furious at a mother in my life. I find her LAZY, and WORTHLESS!!! But I also lay blame to the father too. He should have gotten up off his butt and laid down the law as my father would have done. In my opinion these people should have just stayed a couple and had some dogs NOT children.

I think that Craig should know how to disipline his children because he's a New York cop and New York cops discipline people in the mean streets of New York.

If you're going to breed em, at least try to raise 'em.

That cop should know better. There's a million cops out there that are good Dads, my dad was one of them. Most cops learn how to deal with situations without killing/maiming people. They aren't drunken Vikings on an idiot rampage..

That cop should know better, he's dealing with the results of what he's raising EVERYDAY.

I would rather be dead than Craig

Wow I never want to have kids

Both parents are infantile and self-gratifying, pretending to be helpless, and letting the kids run the show. T

$10 says he's so disrespectful to the wife by undermining her rules, and disgusted with the kids by neglecting educating them to be good adults------because he's already PLAYING the field. He's got one foot out the door already. He HATES the situation he's in, so he's passive-aggressively trying to destroy everybody. I'm surprised he isn't giving them Tequila shots! He just can't afford child support on so many brats, so he's STUCK! He'll eventually split though, nobody wants to live like that. And the "infantile" wife will pretend ignorance as to WHY he left.

Craig needs to step up and be a father. He didn't help one bit with his negative comments and giving the kids coffee behind his wife's back. If he didn't want to father five kids, he shouldn't have had them.

Bush changed his mind on abortion after watching Nanny 911.

Oh my god, they are playing in their own urine!

A worthless not too attractive wife and 5 rotten kids that dont look a thing like him

Are these people real? I think their parents are related. They look a lot alike, that might be the problem!

Yes, they don't look right. Especially the youngest two...twins maybe? The low hanging brows, the slack mouths, the weird eyes...the orange hair makes it worse.

They put themselves on national television and we as viewers have every right to comment on the content of the show. If they didn't want other to judge their lives then they should have hired someone privately for help.

And then there's the guy who went trolling for a little afternoon delight....

hey [Tracey], are you looking for a side dish when your husband is serving us proud on the streets of new york....

So now, I'm feeling better about my little blog. If you find yourself at Inner Toob, great. If not, that's probably even better!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby