AS UNSEEN ON TV - THE BLACK MASK

'THE LIBRARIANS'

"AND THE FABLES OF DOOM"

Recently for a round of my daily "Who Dat?" game on Facebook, I submitted this picture as the contest.  It was quickly guessed as being John Larroquette, seen as Jenkins in 'The Librarians'.

I had written about the expanded picture in the past, talking about the TV connections for some of the items listed - like how the notation of "Tesla's Death Ray" would be a link to an episode of 'Murdoch Mysteries'.

So while looking at this close-up shot, another notation caught my eye as to being worthy of research:

"The Black Mask"

Here's what the wiki for 'The Librarians' had as its entry:

The Black Mask was mentioned by Jenkins among the immortals that could be injured, but not killed.[1].

In "And the Fables of Doom" it is implied the Black Mask can do strange things, possibly reality-warping, as one of the options for what could be causing fairy tales to be coming to life [which] Jenkins writes on the board. However, Jenkins quickly dismisses it, saying that "the Black Mask is not worth mentioning at this point."

I was curious as to whether or not there was some basis for the Black Mask in fantasy or mythology, so I conducted a Google search and I came across two pozz'ble entries:

The Black Mask is a key item in Final Fantasy II. It is obtained on the Tropical Island, and along with the White Mask, is necessary in obtaining the Crystal Rod.

and 

Black Mask's most prominent ability is his utilization of an ebony black mask which he wears. Per the events of the New 52, the mask possesses hypnosis-like mind controlling abilities that extend through the material of the masks that his henchmen wear, rendering them under his direct control. He has also killed his victims by applying toxin-filled masks to their faces, poisoning them to death and leaving their faces hideously shriveled and blackened.

If I'm not mistaken, "Final Fantasy" has been adapted for a movie, but it has not been used for TV.  The second Black Mask is from the comics world of "Batman" and that is well-ingrained in Toobworld, in fact in several of its alternate dimensions as well.  So even though "Final Fantasy" probably suits 'The Librarians' better, I'm going with the 'Batman' option since that Black Mask was also a person.

The official 'Batman' for the main Toobworld is the 1966 TV series starring Adam West, plus the movie spin-off during its run.  Every other series relating to the Caped Crusader would be trundled off to other TV dimensions - 'Gotham', 'Birds of Prey', those TV specials with the "celebrity" roasts....  Plus all of the animated 'Batman' shows would be bundled together into the Tooniverse.

Although 'Batman' of Earth Prime-Time ended in 1968, the lives of its characters continued off-screen.  And based on mentions made by characters in other TV shows, Batman continued in his work fighting crime.  But the general public now knew that Batman was in fact millionaire Bruce Wayne and that he worked out of a subterranean facility dubbed the Batcave.

Eventually, the original Batman was forced to retire, perhaps due to injury, at some point in the mid-1970s.  (In the TV dimension for 'Birds of Prey', it appears that their Batman had died.)  Yet TV characters continued to speak of him as still being active, even today.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine:
Payback 
Charles:
I love this!  We're like Batman and Alfred!
Jake:

You'd rather be Alfred than Robin? 
He has access to the batcave, 
plus, he gets to drive all of Batman's girlfriends home and dish.

See?  Spoken of in the present tense.

It's my theory (just in terms of Toobworld; doesn't have to be applied everywhere) that after Bruce Wayne was so severely injured in battle with one of his arch-nemeses he retired and Dick Grayson took his place as the new Batman.  In the meantime, Bruce Wayne revealed his secret identity in a tell-all book, which is why there are mentions in other shows of Wayne as Batman.  

Along with that autobiography, the shadow ops group known as UNREEL produced a TV show during the 1960s (starring Adam West) to convince the general public that Batman and Robin were fictional characters.  And that's how Jake and Charles knew about Alfred Pennyworth being the butler at stately Wayne manor. 

But in that book, Bruce Wayne never let on that he was no longer the Batman.  He wrote it as though he was still in action, thus taking the focus off of Dick Grayson as he continued on with the tradition.  (Of course, Wayne manor had to become a highly fortified compound with modern technology to ward off any intruders.  I'm thinking force field.)

Eventually, Grayson was taken out of action as well and since then there have been a slew of new Batmen serving Gotham City, each one taking on the identity of Bruce Wayne in much the same way as each new generation's Phantom was known to be Kit Walker.

So.  Where were we?  Oh yeah.  The Black Mask.

The Black Mask first appeared in the "Batman" comic books in the 1980s.  And since Toobworld's Batman was off-screen since 1968, I see no reason why the incarnation of the Caped Crusader in operation at that time couldn't have fought the televersion of the Black Mask.  We just weren't able to witness it on-screen from the Trueniverse.  

And although it seems that Batman's Black Mask was not an immortal, that doesn't mean it has to be the same situation in the TV Universe.  We've seen liberties taken before in the adaptations of 'Batman' to the small screen, especially in 'Gotham'.  Or it could be that the criminal somehow got the immortal's mask and used it for his own purposes.

Since that time when the Black Mask battled the Batman of the 1980s, the immortal/criminal is still at large in Toobworld, which is why Jenkins added him to the list of reasons why fairy tales were coming to life.  Ultimately the Library would like to acquire that black mask for its archives, if they don't get beaten to it by the agents of 'Warehouse 13'.

Sadly, Bruce Wayne finally passed away just this past year, as did Adam West who portrayed him on Toobworld TV....

BCnU!

HIGH NOONE AND IMMORTALITY IN TOOBWORLD

‘THE LIBRARIANS’

“AND THE DARK SECRET”

‘The Librarians’ series is back for its fourth season, opening with two back-to-back episodes. 

With this first episode, the showrunners made a major shift by bringing back my favorite character from the original TV movie “The Librarian: The Quest For The Spear” – Library Guardian Nicole Noone.  However… we have a recastaway.

 Nicole was originally played by Sonia Walger, one of the bright shining lights of ‘Lost’ as Penny.  But now the role is being assayed by Rachel Nichols.  And there is no confusing the two….

As Team Toobworld should know, I don’t like recastaways.  Toobworld is a visual shared universe and so splainins must be found to cover up such discrepancies.  Standby splainins include the mundane plastic surgery, but also quantum leaping, magical transformations including shape-shifters, clones, replicant androids, and alien glamour devices.

Luckily ‘The Librarians’ wallows in magic, so finding a reason as to how Nicole’s appearance was altered is not only easier, but the wilder the better and still plausible.

Here’s a quick run-down of her return:

While trying to retrieve H.G. Wells’ time machine, Flynn had fixed it to explode should anyone tamper with it, until they were ready to return it to their own time and/or to the Library.  However, he didn’t expect Nicole to trigger the device and he thought she had died in the explosion.

But what happened was that she found herself hurled back in Time five hundred years to the 1500s. 

Ezekiel Jones:

Pardon me? 500 years?
How are you still alive?
Jenkins:
Immortality artifact, which she stole.
Along with countless others.

In order to survive so that she could live long enough to get back to the man she loved (although Jenkins was convinced that she did it to get revenge on those people in the future she blamed for abandoning her), Nicole raided the Library of that time for an immortality artifact. And that means we can rule out any non-Library reasons for her immortality.... unless it came from another TV show before the Library’s acquisition.  (But it definitely rules out seeking Endora or some other witch for a magic spell.  Then again, maybe she made a deal with Mr. Cadwallader or some other representative from “the other place”.)

Like I said, the immortality artifact could have come from some other TV show before becoming part of the Library’s collection.  So what could it have been?

Here are the most popular sources for immortality to be found in world mythology:

• Eating a Mermaid-like creature: Japanese Mythology.
• Cinnabar: Taoist Mythology. ...
• Ambrosia: Greek Mythology. ...
• Peaches of Immortality: Chinese Mythology. ...
• The Philosopher's Stone: Medieval Mythology.
• Amrit: Hindu Mythology. ...
• Buckthorn-like Plant: Sumerian Mythology. ...
• Holy Grail: Christian Mythology.

There was a tenth way of gaining immortality, but it involved taunting Jesus to his face.  As Nicole only went back in Time to the 1500s, that isn’t a viable option.  A shame, because the legend says that it happened during his ordeal of walking to the site for his crucifixion. And that has been depicted several times in television.  And of course, it’s hardly considered as an artifact.)

The Peaches, the Golden Apples. and Ambrosia have all seen their origin mythologies depicted on TV – ‘Journey To The West’, ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’, and ‘Xena, Warrior Princess’ as major sources.  Perhaps a mixture of cinnabar and the buckthorn-like plant were all used in the elixir that was mixed for Walter Jameson by the mysterious alchemist.  I’m not sure if Taoist mythology figures in any TV series but the plant is from the legends of Gilgamesh and he showed up in an episode of ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’.  As for amrit, mostly I found that listed as a feminine first name for both characters and actresses, but there was a documentary in 2012 called “Amrit, The Nectar Of Immortality”.  The go-to reference for the philosopher’s stone is the ‘Harry Potter’ mythos, but that as yet is not part of the TV Universe, save for Skitlandia which doesn’t suit our purposes here.  On the other hand, the Holy Grail was the Maguffin of “Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade” and even though it is part of the Cineverse, it has been absorbed into Earth Prime-Time thanks to ‘The Indiana Jones Chronicles’.

But most of those don’t address Nicole Noone’s physical transformation.

I watched that episode of ‘The Twilight Zone’ about Walter Jameson again.  He tells his potential father-in-law about the mysterious alchemist who conducted experiments on him over 2,000 years before, which resulted in him gaining immortality.  Who could have been on Earth Prime-Time during the 1500s who could have “experimented” on Nicole to not only grant her immortality but to alter her appearance as well?

There could have been a priestess from the Sisterhood of Karn on Earth at that time…..

From the TARDIS Data Core wiki:
The Sisterhood of Karn was a female society dedicated to protecting the Sacred Flame, which produced the Elixir of Life. They originally came from Gallifrey, but resided on the planet Karn.

Karn was once a colony planet of Gallifrey. It was later the home of the powerful Sisterhood of Karn and bolt-hole of the Time Lord criminal Morbius.

The Sacred Flame, or Flame of Life, was the heat source that created the life-prolonging Elixir of Life, guarded by the Sisterhood of Karn.

The Elixir of Life was a product of the Sacred Flame, used by the Sisterhood of Karn to give them extended life.

Here is the link to the TARDIS Data Core entry for the Sisterhood of Karn.  From there you will find hyperlinks to articles on Karn, the Sacred Flame, and the Elixir of Life.

That’s just my opinion, of course.  But it carries some weight among the members of the Toobworld Central Council – especially as I am the only member.

Jenkins did say that she stole an immortality artifact from the Library.  Perhaps that artifact was a sealed vial of the Elixir of Life, good for one use and it extended Nicole’s life for the next 500 years.  But it also might have caused something akin to the regeneration of the Time Lords so that her appearance and even her personality underwent a radical change.

Or maybe not.  I suppose the Golden Apples would be a better choice; it would certainly have made for a great fanfic story in which Idun – now working in the Library as its gardener – joined with Jenkins (at that time going by the alias he used before Jenkins, if not his actual name of Galahad still) to track down Nicole.  But it would be 400 years before she would be captured and by then she had finally eaten all of the apples she stole.

And as for the alteration to her appearance?  Maybe she did undergo a magical transformation thanks to a witch.  Maybe not Endora, certainly not Aunt Clara!  But perhaps a young witch by the name of Samantha who believed Nicole’s story and so gave her a means to escape detection from Galahad and Idun by giving her a new face.

Just sayin’, is all……

THURSDAY THEORY OF RELATEEVEETY - THE TWO FACES OF JANUS

JANUS

'QUINCY, M.E.'
"CRIB JOB"

MILO JANUS
'COLUMBO'
"EXERCISE IN FATALITY"

THEORY OF "RELATEEVEETY"
Father & Son

Allow me to introduce a former railroad man, Mr. Janus.  We don't know his first name, but I'm going to put forward the suggestion that his name was Milo.  That's because I'm proposing a theory of relateeveety for him - that he is the father of Milo Janus the physical fitness advocate, making him Milo Janus, Jr. (although it never came up in his TV showcase.)  Milo Janus Jr. gave his name to a franchise of owner-operated fitness centers and made a very substantial side profit from bilking those owners from the overpriced equipment he forced them to buy.

One of those owners, Gene Stafford, balked at this arrangement and began to investigate the financial paper trail.  He was going to cause trouble for Janus and so Milo Junior put into motion an elaborate plan to kill Stafford.

As neither character mentioned their relationship, I also believe that they had been estranged for many years.  This would be evident just from the fact that the elder Janus was living in a building recently condemned by the city of Los Angeles and he only had a month in which to move out.  Had he and his son been on better terms, Milo Junior would surely have helped him out long before this change in his life.  But by this point in Mr. Janus' life, his son had been in prison for about three years already.  And most of the fortune he had accrued had been spent on his defense at the trial.

(O'BSERVATION: According to the Ultimate Lt. Columbo Site, Milo Janus would have had the case dismissed due to insufficient evidence.  However, I think Columbo nailed him dead to rights.)

Sadly, Milo Janus, Sr. died not long after the medical examiner Dr. R. Quincy had interviewed him about an old friend of his, nicknamed Browny.  It was probably his heart that gave out because of the stressful exertion during his forced relocation.

O'BSERVATIONS:
Janus was played by Frank Faylen, best known in Toobworld for the role of Herbert T. Gillis, the father of Dobie Gillis.  For movie-lovers, perhaps he is most recognized by the many fans of "It's A Wonderful Life" in which he played Ernie (which is why I'm running this today, as part of the Christmas season.)

Robert Conrad played Milo Janus in the 'Coumbo' episode.

The 'Quincy' appearance was Frank Faylen's last role; he died seven years later.  Because that eviction from his home provided a plausible splainin for Janus' death, I figured this would be one case where the TV character didn't live as long as the actor who portrayed him.

BCnU!

OF FUTURE NOTE - FOR INCLUSION IN THE TVXOHOF

Voice on Speaker: 

Welcome to Burger Barn; 

How may I help you?
'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'

Someday when I put more places into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame, this will be an end-of-year Multidimensional - Burger Barn!

Burger Barn has been seen in at least four shows so far, three of which are found in Earth Prime-Time.  The other one is from Skitlandia.  It's O'Bviously a national chain, but probably not connected to any real Burger Barns in the Trueniverse.

'The Suite Life of Zack & Cody'
Comedy about identical twins living at the Tipton Hotel with their single mother who is a lounge singer at the hotel.

Zack Martin: 

It says, this is the same stuff used by the CIA!

Cody Martin: 

Cool! Where did you get it?

Zack Martin: 

Burger Barn!

'My Secret Identity'
The adventures of a superpowered teen and his scientist friend.  14-year-old Andrew Clements, who while looking one day for his friend, Dr. Benjamin Jeffcoate (McGrath), trips and is hit by a photon beam, causing him to develop superpowers. He uses these abilities to fight crime, to solve personal problems, and to help others. He hides his powers from his mother, sister, and friends with the exception of Jeffcoate. Andrew initially called himself Ultraman, but this was later dropped.

Andrew:

Look, I have to walk home from school,

And you have to walk home from school.

Why don't we walk home together?

Caroline:

I can't do that....

But I can meet you at the Burger Barn at five o'clock.

'Days Of Our Lives'

Barney's Burger Barn was mentioned in May 2000. Alice wanted to take Shawn Douglas there so they wouldn't intrude on Bo and Hope's romantic dinner.

Although we never saw Buddy's Burger Barn, we saw Vivian and Ivan's costumes when they got jobs here during the summer of 1997. Vivian was dressed as fries while Ivan was a burger. Ivan had to say, "Bigger Better Beefy Buddy Burger," while Vivian said "Free French fries" as she handed out discount coupons for fries. The Burger Barn is mentioned often when people talk about grabbing a quick meal. Apparently when Jenn was in Africa, she craved Buddy's food, especially the "double deluxe explosion" burgers (1/2 beef, 1/2 pork, cheeseburger with a mountain of fries)

O'BSERVATION:

I think both establishments were the same business but which underwent a name change once the ownership.

And the fast-food franchise also exists in the sketch comedy dimension.....

SKITLANDIA

'Saturday Night Live'

This restaurant was featured in a sketch titled "Burger Barn Drive-Thru", which aired during the May 18, 1991 episode hosted by George Wendt.

Here's the full transcript.

If you ever find yourself in Toobworld and feeling a bit peckish, why not drive up to the window at Burger Barn?

BCnU!

TOOBWORLD CELEBRATES BOXING DAY

Happy Boxing Day!

As this is Toobworld Central, we don't O'Bserve a traditional boxing day......

In the greater TV Universe, just about everything is alive - cars, washing machines, toilets, various foods, liquid cleansing detergent, aerosol insect repellent, maple syrup bottles....

And now we have the boxes used in shipping products bought through Amazon.

There MIGHT be a splainin for why the boxes are alive.  The books of the Library planet were made from the pulped trees of that world, which had been the home of the shadow creatures the Vashta Nerada.  In this case, maybe the Amazon boxes to be found in Toobworld were made from the recycled pulp of the televersions of Living Trees, like Tolkien's Ents in a way.  There were the trees which were actually humans transformed by the Rani.  The way the Amazon rain forests are being plowed under, that type of tree could be the source of these living boxes.  (And in a way, ironic - Amazon to Amazon.)

That could be why the ancestors of the Forest of Cheem decided to escape Earth... while they could.

At any rate, if you happen to be a TV character visiting here in the real world, keep that in mind, that the delivery boxes for Amazon are alive.  So treat them gently when opening them up......

BCnU!

TVXOHOF, CHRISTMAS 2017 - WE'RE HAVING FISH FOR CHRISTMAS!

Just like the Queen (a member of the TVXOHOF), the Television Crossover Hall of Fame has its own Christmas Honors List.  Usually the honor goes to a Multiversal character - one who exists in at least three different metafictional universes, with a TV dimension being at least one of them.  Bilbo and Frodo Baggins are examples of Multiversals in the Hall - BookWorld, the Cineverse, the Tooniverse, and Skitlandia.

But the "honorific" at Christmastime, as with the Birthday Honors list, can also be a chance to ease up on the restrictions for membership.  It should be that a member has three credits to his name that are independent from each other.  For instance, a TV series, a TV movie, a commercial; crossovers into other TV shows as well as spin-offs and sequels.  Theatrical movies with the original cast can be absorbed into the TV Universe and thus count for membership.  Allowances are also made for other TV dimensions besides Earth Prime-Time, like the Tooniverse and Skitlandia, which would establish the inductee as a multi-dimensional.

And that caveat can be stretched just a bit further as well....

But first, let's take a look at our "honoree" for this year,
Phil Fish......

From Wikipedia: 

Detective Phil Fish is a fictional NYPD detective in the TV series 'Barney Miller' and later in the spin off series 'Fish'. He was played by Abe Vigoda.

Fish was an odd character for a television detective: aged, grumpy, and suffering from a variety of maladies for which he constantly needed medication. The most recurring malady was inflamed hemorrhoids where he would bring a donut cushion to his desk chair. The detectives' bathroom was as important to him as his desk.

Fish's wife was Bernice, played by Florence Stanley, who made occasional visits to the squad room and whose name the aging Fish once forgot during breakfast.

After retiring from the 12th precinct, the character of Fish became the center of his own series, 'Fish', in which he and his wife served as foster parents for a number of troubled children, referred to euphemistically as PINS, or "persons in need of supervision".

His successor at the precinct was Det. Arthur P. Dietrich. Fish visited the 12th precinct once more after his retirement from the force and the end of the series Fish (in the episode "Lady and the Bomb"), but it proved to be a bit of a let-down for him.

Here are his credits on the show:

"Barney Miller" 

61 episodes

"Fish"

35 episodes

Here we have a publicity photo for two of ABC's most popular sitcoms in the 1970s - the 'Welcome Back, Kotter' "Sweathogs", jailed by two detectives of the 12th Precinct, Phil Fish and the Precinct Captain, 'Barney Miller'.

This was never seen on either of the two sitcoms; it was just a publiicity stunt.  But just as I sometimes absorb a theatrical movie into the greater Toobworld Dynamic, I think I can make allowances so that we can consider this a potograph from within Toobworld.  Probably taken by Officer Levitt?

Hey, it's Christmas......  I'm ruling the picture can stay in.  Especially if we can then claim that it establishes a precedent.  Because that way, these other pictures can be used in evidence as well.

Detective Phil Fish, center,

With Marshal Sam McCloud and Lt. Frank Columbo

Detective Fish and Captain Miller again,

with detectives from 'The Rookies', 'Felony Squad'
'SWAT', 'Naked City', & 'The Mod Squad'

And therefore, thanks to a Christmas miracle, Detective Phil Fish is now a member of the Television Crossover Hall of Fame.

BCnU!

O'BSERVATION

And besides... we've got such a nice picture of him in a Santa suit.  It would be a shame to waste it......

VIDEO WEEKEND - "A STAR IN THE NIGHT"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

THE 2017 TOOBITS AWARDS

So without further ado, let's have at it:

BEST NEW TV SHOW

DRAMA

‘The Orville’

Yes, a lot of it is comedy - it’s by Seth McFarlane, how could it not be?  But it’s mostly a rousing and moving space opera on a par with ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Babylon 5’.  My only concern is whether I can keep it in the dimension of the main Toobworld.  It appears that it takes place in the same time period as the two aforementioned series; something’s gotta give.

COMEDY

‘Great News’

It’s from Tina Fey so there’s a guarantee and Andrea Martin makes the most of her role as Carol.

WORST NEW TV SHOW

‘Class’

This might have been acceptable had it not been a spin-off from ‘Doctor Who’.  

BEST TV MOVIE

“Psych: The Movie”
It was great to see the old gang back to tie up a few loose ends.  Hopefully, we can get periodic updates on the characters, with a bit more participation by Lassie next time.

WORST TV MOVIE

“Sharknado 5” - By now it should be a given  If it’s a “Sharknado” movie, it’s bad.

BEST MINI-SERIES

‘Remember Me’
This came out in the UK back in 2014 and I don’t remember ever seeing it listed on my PBS stations when I lived in NYC.  But it’s playing now (July 2017) and I’m enjoying this ghostly tale, especially for the chance to see Michael Palin and Mark Addy.

BEST DOCUMENTARY

“Tour De Pharmacy”

Okay, Best Mockumentary - Supposedly about the 1982 Tour de France with an all-star cast  (varying degrees) that works in fictional family members, fictional Muppets, fictional instructional cartoons, and soft porn masquerading as a fictional Finnish credit card commercial.

BEST ONLINE TV

‘Frankie Drake’ webisodes
Taking place about 15 years after ‘The Murdoch Mysteries’ follows a female private investigator in Toronto in the 1920s.  Two major characters from “The Murdoch Mysteries” appeared in the “series” to help kick it off.

BEST COMMERCIAL

Spectrum - “Evil Commute” franchise
The Grim Reaper, a Mad Scientist, a demon, a mummy, a werewolf, and a ventriloquist dummy.  These guys are fun to hang out with!

BEST EPISODE, ANY GENRE

‘Twin Peaks: The Return’ - “Part 8”
What an acid trip this was!

BEST BLEND OF GENRES

‘Mozart In The Jungle’ - “Not Yet Titled”

This was actually two genres in one - a dramady and a documentary film.  

BEST TWO-PART EPISODE
“Great Balls of Fire Parts 1 & 2” - ‘Murdoch Mysteries’

I’ve always said that TV is a teaching tool and I never even heard of the Great Toronto Fire before this.  They did an excellent job in blending fiction with fact and all the main characters in the show were well served, especially Constabe Henry Higgins.  (When is he finally going to meet George Bernard Shaw?  If it’s 1905, the show is fast approaching the period during which Shaw wrote “Pygmalion”.)

BEST SERIES RETURN

‘Twin Peaks’

We waited 25 years for this and Lynch & Frost haven’t disapponted - so long as you accept the pace they’re setting.  

BEST SEASON FINALE

‘Doctor Who’ - “The Doctor Falls”
The show would probably carner this with just the threat of regeneration.  But add in the First Doctor, even as a recastaway (but one with a history), and it’s a winner.  (I’m just hoping the Christmas special will give me a good splainin for the difference in the First Doctor’s looks.

BEST SERIES FINALE

‘Grimm’ - “The End”
A rarity these days - a very satisfying conclusion to a long-running series with such a rich mythology.  And it had a peek at the future, 20 years down the road in Toobworld with the promise of 20 years of fanfic adventures ahead of us and who knows what else lies ahead for all of the characters after Earth Prime-Time syncs up with Earth Prime (if we make it that far!)

BEST CLIFFHANGER

‘Legends of Tomorrow’ - “Aruba”

The promise of a 2017 Los Angeles over-run with T-Rexes and Allosaurs and Velociraptors guarantees that I’ll be checking in next season!  (But if they don’t show me a triceratops, I’ll be angry!)

WORST SERIES RETURN

‘Will & Grace’
Sorry, I love the two leads, but Just Jack and Karen get on my nerves.

WORST SEASON FINALE
‘Mozart In The Jungle’

Maybe it’s because I binged Season Three, but it was only two days ago from this writing and I can’t remember how it ended.

WORST SERIES CONCLUSION

‘Broadchurch’
This could have been so incredible, as it was for the first season.  (I don’t even want to think about the second season.)  I was expecting the death of DI Alec Hardy - they certainly gave off enough clues that he was heading down that road.  And the revelation of who the killer was should have been somebody totally unexpected and heart-wrenching.  And with such a history behind those rapes, it should have been somebody around since the show began, not a colorless character only introduced this season.  Who would I have chosen?  Arthur Darvill’s character Reverend Paul Coates.  That would have been a gut-wrencher!  

The whole thing just makes me worried about the future of ‘Doctor Who’ under Chibnall…..

BEST SPIN-OFF

‘Young Sheldon’
So glad the format is different from ‘The Big Bang Theory’.  It’s more like ‘The Wonder Years’.  And it’s great to see the formative years and family life for Sheldon Cooper.  The kid playing the role is fantastic.

WORST SPIN-OFF

‘Star Trek: Discovery’
It’s ‘Star Trek’ in name only.  It doesn’t have the look, it doesn’t have the feel needed for Roddenberry’s vision.  ‘The Orville’ even with its dick jokes comes closer to being a true ‘Star Trek’   And those Klingons?  They look like humanoid bugs now.  Not my ‘Star Trek’....

BEST SEQUEL

‘THE GOOD FIGHT’
The only problem is, it debuted on CBS but only the first episode was shown on the broadcast network.  The rest of the season would only be available on their online platform CBS All-Access.  I can wait until it’s available on Netflix or dumped back onto the network during the summer rerun season.

BEST REMAKE

There wasn’t one this year.

WORST REMAKE

‘Dynasty’
Just one big blerg which tarnishes the memory of the over-the-top eighties phenom.  And I didn’t even like that one!

BEST ONE SEASON WONDER

‘Downward Dog’
It took me awhile to get in tune with the dog’s vocal style and attitude, but once I treated it like trying to relate to an alien race, it worked for me.  Plus in a way it supports my theory that dogs in Toobworld that all dogs are reincarnated humans.

BEST NEW SERIES TITLE

‘Kevin (Probably) Saves The World’
I checked out the first episode and it didn’t speak to me but I do like the title.  There’s something whimsical about it.

WORST SERIES TITLE

‘Class’

BORRRRRING! You’re the latest spin-off from ‘Doctor Who’, for (jack)Lord’s sake!  You should have a title that stirs excitement.  ‘Coal Hill’ would have been better!

BEST NEW EPISODE TITLE (TIE)

“CAMELOT/3000” & “Helen Hunt” - ‘Legends of Tomorrow’

A nice fake-out attempt to make comic book geeks think that the TV show was going to incorporate DC’s early experiment in direct market titles.  But instead of visiting the reincarnated souls of the characters from the Camelot legend, the Legends first visited the year 3000 before going back in Time to the court of King Arthur.

WORST NEW EPISODE TITLE

“Part 8” - ‘Twin Peaks’

Odd that the best episode of any TV show this year should also have the worst title.  The only thing that will help me remember such a generic and boring title will be that “8” is one of the numbers in the Valenzetti Equation from ‘Lost.  But when you think about what happened in this episode, what could possibly be a good title?  (Actually, Jeff Jensen of EW, who was the guide to all things ‘Lost’, kept insisting in his review of “Part 8” to call it “Gotta Light?” And that works on several levels.)

BEST HISTORICAL RECREATION

‘I’m Dying Up Here’
I have a Facebook friend who lived during those times and knew the LA comedy scene and she says it wasn’t true.  But “true” is for documentaries.  I felt this 70s Los Angeles felt as real as the one seen in shows like ‘The Rockford Files’.

BEST SENSE OF ONE'S OWN HISTORY

‘Doctor Who’

Could there be any doubt?  Let’s look at what came back this season: Mondas, Mondasian Cybermen, the Master before Missy, Alpha Centauri, Queen Victoria, the visions of so many companions, and of course the return of John Simm’s Master and  the First Doctor.

BEST EXAMPLE OF LIFE DURING PRIME-TIME

Life-Alert, “Home Alone”
Are you like me?  Someone who thought the Life-Alert commercial of “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” was funny?  Well, have I got a blipvert for you!  Now a daughter and grand-daughter visit Mom only to find her dead on the floor!  Cracks me up every time.

BEST CLASSIC TV EXPERIENCE

IMPORT

‘The Three Musketeers’ (1966)

I’m a big fan of the story and the whole swashbuckling genre, and I’ll watch anything with Brian Blessed in it.  (Yes, even “Phantom Menace”!)  Plus Jeremy Brett as D’Artagnan gave me an excellent theory of relateeveety!

DOMESTIC

‘Barney Miller’
When my life situation changed in the Fall of 2016, I found that daily reruns of this great show (which I was not able to watch very much when it first aired due to my life situation back then) relieved me of the “homesickness” I had for my job.  The oddities who entered the squad room were not all that different from the people who used to approach my desk at work.

PART TWO

BEST CROSSOVER SINGLE EPISODE

“Duet” - ‘The Flash’

It wasn’t just the return of ‘Supergirl’ to Comix Toobworld-DC2, but also Malcolm Merlyn of ‘Arrow’ and Martin Stein of ‘Legends of Tomorrow’.  Good choices for guest stars since it was a musical.

BEST CROSSOVER MULTIPLE EPISODES
‘Supergirl’ & ‘Arrow’ & ‘The Flash’ & ‘Legends of Tomorrow’
“Crisis On Earth X”
See the next entry.

BEST CROSSOVER PLOTLINE

‘Supergirl’ & ‘Arrow’ & ‘The Flash’ & ‘Legends of Tomorrow’
“Crisis On Earth X”
All of the cast members from all four shows versus the Nazis of Earth X, sent to capture Supergirl for her heart.

BEST HISTORICAL CROSSOVER

‘Legends of Tomorrow’:

“The Fellowship of The Spear”

“Aruba”

World War I on the battlefield, with J.R.R. Tolkien

BEST HOLIDAY CROSSOVER

BEST TRIVIAL CROSSOVER

The names of S. Foreman, R.D. Pink, and C. Oswald on the memorial tribute board in the hallway at Coal Hill Academy in the first episode of ‘Class’

BEST MULTIDIMENSIONAL CROSSOVER

‘Supergirl’ & ‘Arrow’ & ‘The Flash’ & ‘Legends of Tomorrow’
“Crisis On Earth X”
All of the cast members from all four shows PLUS the return of Captain Cold and Eobard Thawne and the introduction of The Ray, with doppelgangers of Arrow and Supergirl.

BEST MULTIVERSAL CROSSOVER
‘Legends of Tomorrow’ & ‘Vixen - The Movie’

The Tooniverse is more than just another TV dimension.  It takes in almost all of the cartoons made for feature film distribution.

BEST THEORETICAL CROSSOVER OF THE YEAR

‘Imaginary Mary’ with ‘Moone Boy’ & ‘Supernatural’

It’s because those other two shows assert that not only do imaginary friends exist, but that they interact with each other.

BEST COMMERCIAL/SERIES CROSSOVER

EARTH PRIME-TIME

‘The Late Show with Steven Colbert’

&

Xyzal

BEST CROSSOVER WITH A DIFFERENT MEDIUM

GEICO & “The Guardians Of The Galaxy”

Ford Echo Sport & “The Guardians Of The Galaxy”
Sure, they’re both day-dreams but even so….

BEST THEORETICAL CROSSOVER WITH A DIFFERENT MEDIUM

Progressive Insurance & ‘Robot Chicken’
The stop-motion photography and style of models are reminiscent of Seth Green’s long-running series on Adult Swim.

BEST TOONIVERSE CROSSOVER

‘Late Show with Stephen Colbert’ with ‘Schoolhouse Rock’

Bill, the Health Care Bill, was interviewed by Colbert and then tried to kill himself when he found out what a monster he was.

BEST ONLINE CROSSOVER

‘Frankie Drake’ webisodes
Thomas Brackenreid and Inspector Watts from ‘The Murdoch Mysteries’ showed up

PART THREE

BEST CROSSOVER CHARACTER FOR THE YEAR
Retired Inspector Thomas Brackenreid, ‘The Frankie Drake Mysteries’
Visiting from ‘The Murdoch Mysteries’ fifteen years after the current season, the best thing about seeing the Inspector is that we’re guaranteed he survives the eventual finale of the original series.

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE CROSSOVER

Joe Buck

‘Brockmire’

“Tour de Pharmacy”

Buck has his detractors but he does a great job in poking fun at himself.

BEST TRIVIAL CROSSOVER CHARACTER

Francis Armitage - ‘Doctor Who’ & ‘Class’

Head teacher at Coal Hill School - Unfortunately, he’ll never get the chance to qualify for the TVXOHOF.

BEST COMMERCIAL CROSSOVER CHARACTER
Nigel the Owl of Xyzal appeared on ‘Late Night with Stephen Colbert’

BEST RECASTAWAY

The Man From Another Place, ‘Twin Peaks’
That strange, dancing little person, “The Arm” had prophesied twenty-five years ago that the next time Cooper saw him, he would not look the same.  Couldn’t get more different than going from a midget to a talking Brain Tree!

WORST RECASTAWAY

Mr. Mxyzptlk, ‘Supergirl’
I think he should have looked as he does in the comic books.  It was done before in the series ‘Superboy’.  But here he wasn’t a Zrffian imp, just a Brit git.

BEST HISTORICAL RECASTAWAY

MALE
Albert Einstein, ‘Genius’

FEMALE (TIE)
Bette Davis
Joan Crawford, both for ‘The Feud’

BEST NEW MALE CHARACTER

DRAMA

Hooten, 'Hooten and the Lady'

COMEDY
Jim Brockmire, ‘Brockmire’

BEST NEW FEMALE CHARACTER

DRAMA

Bill Potts, ‘Doctor Who’

It just doesn’t seem right that she’s limited to just the one season.  Thankfully she’ll be in the Christmas special and I hope she gets to see the Doctor regenerate.

COMEDY

Carol, ‘Great News’

I’ve already mentioned what a pistol Andrea Martin is in this role.  What more do you want from me?

SPECIAL CATEGORY

‘Imaginary Mary’

It’s definitely not a very good show, but I’m all for imaginary friends come to life.  And she’s got an interesting design to her.

WORST NEW CHARACTER

Pope Pius XIII (Lenny Belardo), ‘The Young Pope’

I don’t even want to make a theoretical connection to some other alternate Toobworld like that in ‘The West Wing’ or ‘The Royals’.  This guy was detestable and not interesting to watch.

BEST NEW MALE SUPPORTING CHARACTER

DRAMA

Yaphet, ‘The Orville’
As with the show, Yaphet is played for laughs.  But with excellent CGI and the vocal contributions of Norm McDonald, Yaphet has been shaped into a real personality.  Mostly a jerk one, but still….

COMEDY

Larry Henderson, ‘Trial & Error’

With John Lithgow, how could it fail?  He carried off the balancing act between believability and farce with aplomb.  And he was the one thing that kept me interested for the finale.

BEST NEW SUPPORTING FEMALE CHARACTER

DRAMA

COMEDY

BEST NEW RECURRING MALE CHARACTER

Abe Leonard, ‘Designated Survivor’
Abe was a Pulitzer winner (in that Toobworld) who an old school schlub of a reporter.  His first appearance was about a week after the death of Jimmy Breslin and the combination was a reminder of the glory days of journalism, before they were maligned as the “lying media”.

BEST NEW RECURRING FEMALE CHARACTER

Alessandra, “La Fiamma”, ‘Mozart In The Jungle’

Considering she almost killed Rodrigo on live global TV, they took the story as far as they could, but while she was on, Monica Bellucci stole the spotlight from the Venetian setting.

BEST RECASTAWAY ADAPTED FROM ANOTHER MEDIUM

The Monkey King, ‘The Librarians’

The ability of demi-gods to alter their physical appearance was already well-established, so there was no Zonk here.  Besides, the case could always be made that this Monkey King was the latest to assume the title from his father.

BEST CROSSOVER CHARACTER FROM ANOTHER MEDIUM

The Ray, ‘The Flash’ & ‘Legends of Tomorrow’
A great introduction for Russell Tovey’s superhero who will move over to his own animated series.

BEST NEW CAST ENSEMBLE

The Evil Characters in the Spectrum commercials

The Grim Reaper, the Mummy, the Evil Scientist, the Wolfman, the Vampire, the Demon, and Gary the Ventriloquist Dummy

WORST NEW CAST ENSEMBLE

‘Class’

The kids of this show are high school students at Coal Hill.  However the actors are all about 25 years old and they look it!

BEST ADDITION TO AN EXISTING CAST
Bill Potts, ‘Doctor Who’
Ralph Dibny, ‘The Flash’

WORST ADDITION TO AN EXISTING CAST

Inspector Mallory, ‘Father Brown’

I’m sure Jack Deam is a very good actor in other roles, but he really puts me off as Mallory - with the way he smirks and sneers the epithet “Padre”.  Look at the files, you schmuck.  Father Brown runs rings around you as a detective.

BEST NEW GUEST APPEARANCE

FEMALE

Senator Julia Rombauer, ‘Designated Survivor’

The oncoming threat of early onset Alzheimer’s was perfectly played by Linda Purl.

MALE

BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER

Albert Einstein, ‘Genius’

WORST HISTORICAL CHARACTER

Ben Franklin, ‘Makin’ History’

BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER REVISION

William Shakespeare, ‘Will’

It’s utterly daft, but still believable even with the Baz Luhrmann embellishments.  

WORST HISTORICAL CHARACTER REVISION

Eliot Ness, ‘Timeless’

I never could wrap my head around the way this show kept changing history, and this too-short guest appearance by Mischa Collins is a good example.  By this point in the series, they had already created so many divergent timelines, they were far from the original Earth Prime-Time and so this had no effect on the TV Ness we all know from ‘The Untouchables’.

BEST NEW ALIEN CHARACTER

Darullo, ‘The Orville’

Miss Quill, ‘Class’

BEST NEW ALIEN RACE

The Pink Petals, ‘The Class’
Something quite different from the usual; and with no explanation of who they were or where they came from. And that’s good enough when sci-fi should be exploring the unknown.

WORST “NEW” ALIEN RACE
The Klingons, ‘Star Trek: Discovery’
Yeah I know the Klingons have been around since the beginning of ‘Star Trek’, but have you seen these guys?  They look like Kevin Spacey in “A Bug’s Life” only black.  I won’t be happy with them until some type of retcon is produced.  “Oh, did we say Klingon?  We meant Tlingon.  Our bad.”

BEST NEW "CHILD" CHARACTER

‘Young Sheldon’ Cooper
This kid is good.  We get to see the nascent mannerisms of Sheldon and he imitates the older Sheldon while still making the role his own.

BEST NEW PUPPET CHARACTER

Julia, ‘Sesame Street’

The  long-running children’s show introduced a Muppet with autism to help others understand the condition and to reach out to their autistic viewers.

Honorary Mention:
Huey Black of ‘Sesame Street’
(At least as seen in the mockumentary “Tour de Pharmacy”)

CHARACTER MOST DESERVING TO BECOME A REGULAR

Erica - ‘Doctor Who’
I almost felt as though Moffat was introducing a Chibnall character so that they could easily bring her in to the fold.  Rachel Denning was marvelous in the role and deserving to be a Companion.  

Ralph Dibny, ‘The Flash’
But I think he’ll be scooped up by ‘Legends of Tomorrow’

CHARACTER(S) MOST DESERVING TO GET THEIR OWN SPIN-OFF

Bill Potts & Heather, ‘Doctor Who’
Definitely they’ll be starring in plenty of fanfic!

BEST NEW COMMERCIAL CHARACTER

Gary The Ventriloquist Dummy, ‘Spectrum’

WORST NEW COMMERCIAL CHARACTER

Mr. Stevens, 2018 Audi Q5

“The FBI calls Mr. Stevens a brave man after he's provided them with a testimony that they say will save lives. They give him a new identity to protect him in the aftermath. He is advised to become invisible and drive an inconspicuous SUV, but he chooses to take his chances in the 2018 Audi Q5.” Which means Stevens doomed people to their death by not testifying.

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN A SERIES

Monica Bellucci, ‘Twin Peaks’

It was an appearance in a dream by FBI chief Gordon Cole, but it means that she does exist as her own televersion in Toobworld.

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN A COMMERCIAL

Melissa McCarthy, for Kia Niro
She blew away the competition in that Super Bowl commercial.  Had that not been around, Susan Lucci might have had a chance with her appearances in those Progressive Insurance soap opera spoofs.

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

The cast of the musical adaptation of “A Christmas Story” dedicating the production to the first responders of the California wildfires.

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN SKITLANDIA
Jon Stewart, Samantha Bee, John Oliver, Ed Helms, Rob Corddry - Reunion of ‘The Daily Show’ cast on ‘Late Night With Stephen Colbert’ (S2 E145)  And there was the added bonus of current ‘Daily Show’ host Trevor Noah in the opening sketch riffing on Baby Groot’s big scene in ‘The Guardians Of The Galaxy, Volume 2’.

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES CROSSOVER IN A COMMERCIAL

George Clooney and the Muppets in the Nespresso blipvert

BEST TELEVERSION

(SKITLANDIA - TIE)

Sean Spicer & Jeff Sessions, ‘Saturday Night Live’

SPECIAL CATEGORY

President Trump, ‘The President Show’

I don’t know whether this counts as Skitlandia, Doofus Toobworld, or what……

BEST CHARACTER RETURN
FBI Agent Dale Cooper, ‘Twin Peaks’

And we’re getting at least two other versions of Cooper, Dirty Cooper and Dougy Jones.

Honorary:

The Master, ‘Doctor Who’

I knew John Simm was coming back this season.  I knew he was coming back in the two-part finale.  Still wasn’t prepared and was caught off-guard by “Mr. Razor”.  Well played, Mr. Simm, and kudos to the make-up department.

Skitlandia:

Sulu of ‘Star Trek’ played by Akira Yoshimura
The SNL production designer has played the helmsman four times since 1976, the last time in 1994.  However, his return did highlight the fact that SNL has never had a cast member of Asian heritage.

Tooniverse:

Just A Bill from ‘Schoolhouse Rock’ on ‘Late Show with Stephen Colbert’

O’Bservation:
I never considered the return of the First Doctor in ‘Doctor Who’, in case you were wondering.  Since a recastaway was involved, it rendered him ineligible.

BEST CHARACTER RETURN IN A CROSSOVER

Just A Bill from ‘Schoolhouse Rock’ on ‘Late Show with Stephen Colbert’

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES RETURN

The former cast of ‘The Daily Show’ on ‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’

BEST ALIEN RETURN

The Mondasian Cybermen, ‘Doctor Who’

Upgrade them all you like.  The originals are still the creepiest.  I just wish at least one of them still had the speech inflections we heard from the very first one.

BEST NEW ALIEN VILLAIN

Zerstörer, ‘Grimm’

BEST NEW MALE VILLAIN
The Landlord, ‘Doctor Who’’
Of course, the fact that he was played by David Suchet played a large role in that, but he infused the Landlord with nuances which suggested an old man whose maturity was stunted because of the tragedy in his life.  (Still, I would so love to have seen Suchet as Hercule Poirot with the Doctor.)

BEST HISTORICAL VILLAIN

Richard Topcliffe, ‘Will’

BEST NEW FEMALE VILLAIN

Lucia Morell, ‘Father Brown’

She was so vile, you might find yourself actually cheering her demise.

PART FOUR

BEST EXIT FOR A CHARACTER

Lady Olenna Tyrell, ‘Game of Thrones’

What a classy exit for the Queen of Thorns!  And Dame Diana Rigg deserved nothing less.  Besides, we got to see her grisly demise as Mrs. Gillyflower in an episode of ‘Doctor Who’ so that was enough.

BEST DEATH SCENE

Eobard Thawne, ‘Legends Of Tomorrow’

SADDEST DEATH SCENE

Martin Stein, ‘Legends of Tomorrow’

WORST (GRISLIEST) DEATH SCENE

Detective Hank Griffin, ‘Grimm’
Thanks to the cosmic reset button, it was undone.  But even so, I didn’t know that going in.

MOST SURPRISING DEATH SCENE
Alex Kirkman, ‘Designated Survivor’
Did not see that coming!

FUNNIEST DEATH SCENE

Margaret Henderson, ‘Trial & Error’

Death by Owl with an all-too-brief appearance by Andie MacDowell as Margaret.

FIRST MAJOR TV CHARACTER TO DIE

Ronnie and Roxy Mitchell, ‘EastEnders’
It feels as though the British soaps are always the first to kill off a major character every year.  But I don’t think anybody epected it to be a two-fer.

MOST DESERVING TO DIE

Eobard Thawne, ‘Legends Of Tomorrow’

BEST NEW CHARACTER NAME

Zerstörer, ‘Grimm’

WORST NEW CHARACTER NAME

Captain Ed Mercer, ‘The Orville’

It just lies there.  Does nothing for me.

BEST NEW ALIAS

Miss Quill, ‘Class’
The real name for the Rhodrian Andra’ath

BEST DISGUISE

Mr. Razor, ‘Doctor Who’

It was masterful!

WORST ZONK [VISUAL]

The Mayor of New York City, ‘Mozart In The Jungle’

Danny Glover is a great actor, and I thought he was great in the role.  However, there are three TV series which have established Bill De Blasio as the current NYC mayor in Earth Prime-Time, in keeping with Earth Prime.  I love this show and don’t want to lose it from the main Toobworld.  So it looks like quantum leaping will be called into play to splain it all away.

BEST MOVIE REFERENCE

The call-back to “Empire Strikes Back” during ‘Late Night with Stephen Colbert’ while talking to Just A Bill.

BEST LINE

"The things that make you strange are the things that make you powerful." - Ben Platt, The Tony Awards

“The stars turn, and a time presents itself.” - Margaret the Log Lady, ‘Twin Peaks’

“You got that right, Kid Show Thing.” - Mark Wahlberg, AT&T commercial

“I have something to say here.  Donald Trump, if you’re watching: First of all, you’re a bad President.  Please resign.” - Steven Colbert, ‘Late Night With Steven Colbert’

BEST EXCHANGE OF DIALOGUE

Nardole:

Why is she here?

The Doctor:

Because she isn’t anywhere else.

‘Doctor Who’

BEST SPEECH/MONOLOGUE

DRAMA

‘Doctor Who’ and Peter Capaldi gave it everything he had.

“Winning? Is that what you think it’s about? I’m not trying to win. I’m not doing this because I want to beat someone … or because I hate someone or because I want to blame someone. It’s not because it’s fun. God knows it’s not because it’s easy. It’s not even because it works because it hardly ever does. I do what I do because it’s right! Because it’s decent. And above all, it’s kind. It’s just that. Just kind. If I run away today, good people will die. If I stand and fight, some of them might live … maybe not many, maybe not for long. Hey, maybe there’s no point in any of this at all, but it’s the best I can do, and I will stand here doing it until it kills me. You’re going to die, too, someday. When will that be? Have you thought about it? What would you die for? Who I am is where I stand. Where I stand is where I fall.”

COMEDY

I give you Jim ‘Brockmire’, calling his last Major League Baseball game in 2007:
    “You know, folks, the great Vin Scully once told me that the only way to call a baseball game is to keep your eyes open and to tell the truth. As Ibanez swings and misses at a fastball, 0 and 1.

    Folks, here's the truth: Today is the 20th anniversary of the very first time that I told my lovely wife Lucy that I loved her. And ever since that day, as many of you know, I've signed off every single game the exact same way, with a message to her. Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ball game is over, as Pedro delivers a slider into the dirt. Count even, 1 and 1.

    Any-hoos, I had some time at the ball park this afternoon to reflect upon this wonderful anniversary as Ibanez slashes one foul into the right side. And I decided to go on home and surprise my wife Lucy with some gardenias. They're her favorite flower…..

    Please imagine my surprise when I opened my front door to find about a half-dozen naked folks sprawled out in my living room, engaged in what can only be described as a desperate and a hungry account of a love-making, and right in the center of it all was my wi-# My wife, Lucy. She was wearing a strap-on, and she was plowing our neighbor, Bob Greenwald, and folks, I do mean right in the ass. Fastball misses. Just low. Count goes full 3 and 2.

    Hey, for you kids at home, a strap-on is a belt with a dildo on it that mommies use to penetrate daddies as Ibanez strikes out on a high fastball. That'll bring Clark up to bat. Clark having himself a heck of an afternoon with two doubles. Bob Greenwald. Bob Greenwald! I mean, that two-faced S.O.B.! I hosted his kid's Bar Mitzvah. I hosted his kid's Bar Mitzvah!

    Here's the kicker. Here's what kills me. My wife Lucy has the stones, she has the unmitigated gall to turn to me and tell me that she is a sexual astronaut. I mean, what is that? What does that even mean? I mean, granted, Bob Greenwald's ass might be as big as the goddamn moon. That does not mean that my wife has been to outer space, okay? And that is a deep fly ball to right center field. - That one is way back there! That's either out of here or lost inside my wife's big, fat, cheating vagina!”
[‘Brockmire’]

BEST ZONK LINE
"Hey, Wally, can you reverse the polarity on the neutron flow?" - Cisco, ‘The Flash’
To many, that will just be a shout-out to ‘Doctor Who’ - Jon Pertwee is famous for saying that quite often during his tenure as the Third Incarnation of the Doctor.  But it is O’Bviously something that can actually be done because Cisco didn’t say it as a joke - Cisco doesn’t joke around when it comes to his techno-babble.  And Wally agreed to do it, so he understood what needed to be done.  (What makes a Zonk good is the ability to splain it away.)

BEST ZONK DIALOGUE
QUILL: Look at you all. The cream of the crop. High achievers. No wonder this country only exports ‘Downton Abbey’.
APRIL: I like ‘Downton Abbey’.
TANYA: Of course you like it. It's a bunch of white people being nice to each other.
RAM: You'd watch it if Idris Elba were in it.
(‘Class’)

The reason I chose that is because mentions of ‘Downton Abbey’ are Zonk-proof.  It’s a TV show based on historical fact.  We see the actual events, while those in Toobworld see a recreation (which featured Freddie Thornhill in one episode.)

WORST ZONK DIALOGUE
And from the same episode:

QUILL: No, wait. Wait. You can't seriously expect these juveniles to deal with whatever is going to come through these tears in space and time?
RAM: Through the what?
APRIL: It's like the Hellmouth.
TANYA: Or that town in ‘Once Upon A Time’.
CHARLIE: Or ‘The Vampire Diaries’.
RAM: You watch ‘Vampire Diaries’?
CHARLIE: Everyone is very attractive.
RAM: Yes, it's true.
(‘Class’)

This dialogue tries to have it both ways.  The mention of the Hellmouth has no attribution with it, so we can assume April is referring to an actual Hellmouth.  Because she calls it “The Hellmouth” it could be the one from Sunnydale, California, which would probably be widely publicized by now.  Or it could be a new one perhaps only recently exposed and maybe even located somewhere in Great Britain.  But then they have to go ruin things by dragging Storybrooke into it.  I pretty much had that worked out with regards to all the recastaways so that ‘Once Upon A Time’ could exist in the main Toobworld, but they had to refer to the title.  Why couldn’t they just say Storybrooke and leave it at that?  (No worries on ‘The Vampire Diaries’ - that’s to be found in Nosferatoob and not the main Toobworld.)

BEST NEW COINED WORDS
“Repultrigued” - a combination of “repulsed” and “intrigued” (from “The Climb”)
“I'm telling you, we are living in the age of repultrigue.”

BEST NEW PHRASE
“Bunghole in Time” (from ‘Class’)

BEST MUSICAL EPISODE
“Duet” episode of ‘The Flash’

BEST MUSICAL MOMENT

‘Madam Secretary’ - Using the opening number from “Company”

BEST DREAM SEQUENCE

‘The Flash’ - “Duet”

Flash and Supergirl were trapped in a dream dimension by the Music Meister, who seems to be a combination of Sweet the Demon and the Dream Lord.

BEST NEW TOOBWORLD LOCATION

World

USA

‘Midnight, Texas’

BEST NEW ALIEN LOCATION

The Other Side, ‘Grimm’

BEST NEW ALTERNATE TV DIMENSION

‘The Orville’
I’d love to keep this in the main Toobworld, but unfortunately it’s set in the same time period as ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Babylon 5’.

BEST NEW FICTIONAL COUNTRY

BEST MAKE-UP

The Kinoshobe, ‘Grimm’|

BEST FIGHT SCENE/BEST ACTION SEQUENCE

“Crisis on Earth X” (in the ‘Legends of Tomorrow’ finale)

BEST NEW FICTIONAL BOOK

“Killing My Career” by Bill O’Reilly

(‘The Late Show with Steven Colbert’)

Couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.  And no reason to feel sorry for him - Bleeper got 25 million dollars in severance.

BEST NEW FICTIONAL MOVIE

“They All Were Witnesses” - a mockumentary from ‘9JKL’

BEST NEW FICTIONAL TV SHOW

‘The Breakdown’ on MMN, as seen in ‘Great News’

BEST NEW FICTIONAL SONG

“It's called "Happy Toes," and it was written during World War I by Cornelius "Eight Fingers" Gimble.” - Sam Dresden, ‘You’re The Worst’

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

DOMESTIC

‘The Father Dowling Mysteries’

IMPORTED

‘The Doctor Blake Mysteries’

BEST/WORST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (aka MEDIUM)

“A Christmas Story”
This would have been better had it not been a musical.

BEST MOVIE THAT SHOULD BE A TV SHOW

BEST BOOK THAT SHOULD BE A TV SHOW

The Sheriff Dan Rhodes series of books by Bill Crider
I read my first one last summer - “Survivors Will Be Shot Again” and have two more from the series after that.  They appear to be easy-going in nature and my only fear is that they would be hyped up for ratings.  But there are plenty of niche networks where the pace would fit in.

PART FIVE

So without further ado, let's have at it:

BEST REALITY MOMENT

The mix-up of envelopes at the Oscars.  “La La Land” was announced as the winner, but “Moonlight” actually won.

MOST EXCITING REALITY PROGRAM

The LI Super Bowl between NE Patriots & Atlanta Falcons

Patriots won in dramatic overtime come from behind victory, baby!

BEST BINGE-WATCHING EXPERIENCE

COMEDY

‘Mozart In The Jungle’ Season Three (Domestic)

DRAMA

‘Stranger Things 2’

WORST TV EXPERIENCE

Trump’s response to the Charlottesville debacle

WORST PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Microsoft Surface as seen in the “Stretched” extended scenes connected to ‘The Flash’

BEST CRITIQUE BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER

PROFESSIONAL

And then there’s Peter Capaldi. That speech! That grand speech he gives to the two Masters! If that doesn’t deserve to go viral, then I don’t know what does. That’s the speech we need for today, delivered with passion and vulnerability in the same episode that dares to name Donald Trump an inevitability. Throughout this entire episode he’s regenerating, and Capaldi makes us feel it in every line, every gesture, every step he takes. I do not know how he can possibly top his performance here at Christmas, but damn I hope he gives it everything, assuming he’s got more to give. Of course he does — the man’s been a revelation. I dig Tennant. I groove on Smith. I love Peter Capaldi. He has without a doubt been my Doctor for this new incarnation of Doctor Who that’s wrapping up its tenth season, and we have been nothing short of fortunate to have been blessed with his talents.
- Ross Ruedigger, Vulture

MY BEST O'BSERVATION OF A TV SERIES

This is the first show I'm watching - so far as I know - in which the actors playing high school students are already a quarter century old. Not for me shows like '90210' which did the same thing.

Once they lost me on that believability, it was hard to then accept the rest of their premise.

The need to have actors skilled enough to handle the material clashed with their stubbornness in keeping this DW-connected via Coal Hill Academy. If they made these young people students at St. Cedd's, both needs could have been reconciled.

Aside from that, it's bogged down by its need to drench the show in teen angst. I've seen comparisons to the Scoobies, but no matter how dark it got, 'Buffy' kept a light tone.

The basic concept - I like. Miss Quill has potential. And the reasons to keep them together were well-planned. But it lacks too much to make it appointment toobing.....

BEST CONTRIBUTION TO TOOBWORLD

HONORARY MENTION

Norman Stanton, ‘Grimm’

Even with the series heading to its conclusion in a shortened season, they still found the time to tell a story that is affecting more of my friends and family every day - even if we’re not Wesen.  And elderly shape-changer suffering from Alzheimer’s (and thus becoming a danger to himself and others) was given a painless coup de grace from the Wesen version of Dr. Kevorkian.