AS SEEN ON TV: SIR MICHAEL CAINE

SIR MICHAEL CAINE

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Phil Hartman

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: OZZY OSBOURNE

OZZY OSBOURNE

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Phil Hartman

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: SENATOR TED KENNEDY

SENATOR TED KENNEDY

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Phil Hartman

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: ADMIRAL STOCKDALE

ADMIRAL JAMES STOCKDALE

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Phil Hartman

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: BARBARA BUSH

BARBARA BUSH

BARBARA BUSH

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Nora Dunn

Phil Hartman

Two for Tuesday!

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: THOMAS EDISON

THOMAS EDISON

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Phil Hartman

BCnU!

HEY, KIDS! WHAT TIME IS IT?

You should know what this means in blog-lore. See you on the flip side.......

BCnU!

TVXOHOF BIRTHDAY HONORS LIST: THE MASTER

Two years ago for the Birthday Honors list of the TV Crossover Hall of Fame, we inducted Archibald Beechcroft from 'The Twilight Zone' episode "The Mind And The Matter". According to the rules, a member of the Hall should have three different TV series, commercials, TV movies, or mini-series to their credit in order to be considered for inclusion. But Beechcroft wasn't even in the whole series of 'The Twilight Zone', just that one episode. But Beechcroft's eligibility was based on inference that for one day he was in other TV shows, all of them in fact (save for the period pieces like Westerns and futuristic sci-fi programs). In that episode Beechcroft turned everybody in Toobworld into a version of himself just by using the power of his mind. This included the characters in all of the TV shows that were taking place on that day (not just the ones being broadcast) as well as all of the TV characters from cancelled shows who would have been still alive in the TV Universe.

This year we have the same situation for our Birthday Honors candidate - the Gallfreyan Time Lord known only as the Master, from 'Doctor Who'. "The End Of Time" was the final story written for 'Doctor Who' by Russell T. (Thank you. Goodbye!) Davies and the last to feature David Tennant in his role as the 10th incarnation of the Doctor. At the end of part one, the Master used some alien doohickey to turn everybody in the world into a carbon copy of himself. But unlike Beechcroft's many clones, none of the multiple Masters kept their original identities. Even in thought, they were all still the Master.

The effect barely lasted that one day - Christmas of 2009 - but he was able to link to so many more TV shows than Beechcroft, considering the proliferation of cable output and the expansion of the world-wide market. (Not to mention the exponential growth of the global population since the early 1960's.)

Besides all of the "Master Race" populace we saw in that episode, the Master also became:

Beaver Cleaver

Ben 'Matlock'

Lt. 'Columbo'

Mary Richards

'The Manimal' - but only in his human form

Ronald McDonald

McDreamy & McSteamy

Ginger and Mary Ann

Sgt. Saunders and Colonel Klink

Batman and Robin, but not Superman - he died back in the early 1960's

Dr. Sam Beckett, as well as anybody he might have leapt into on Christmas day, 2009

The surviving members of 'The 4400'

Everybody at Crane, Poole, & Schmidt

Everybody living on 'Coronation Street' and 'Emmerdale Farm'

Everybody living in the towns of 'Eureka', 'Dallas', Llanview, Genoa City, and Hooterville

Maybe Sherlock Holmes, if the Royal Queen Bee jelly was still working its mojo on him

Every member of the casts in the 'Law & Order' and 'CSI' franchises, including the foreign adaptations

All of the 'Ugly Betty's from around the world (and all of the working drones in the international clones of 'The Office')

Since the real-time events of 'Lost' ended in 2007, Hurley and Ben both became the Master during their guardianship of the Island.

WAAAAAAAAAAALT!

'Chuck' Bartowski would have become the Master, so for a time the Intersect was under his control.

All of the world's population became the Master, so that means people who played themselves on TV, like Jerry Seinfeld, Garry Shandling, Larry David, and Kirstie Alley, but in fictional settings, all became - You guessed it! - the Master. As seen in the episode, American anchorwoman Trinity Wells, who is black, and the soldiers in the Chinese army were transformed, so that means it didn't matter if you were of a different race. George Jefferson, Ed Chigliak, Divya Katdare, and even Lily - the baby daughter of Cameron Tucker and Mitchell Pritchard - would all have become the Master. As was the case with Beechcroft, characters like Big Pussy, Livia Drusilla, Captain Janeway, Jamie McCrimmon and Zoe Heriot, Bret Maverick, John Sheridan, Pinky Pinkham, Maid Marian, Nurse Chapel, John Locke, and Christopher Foyle would not have been affected because they were either already dead or not yet born.

Although many characters live on after the deaths of the actors who played them, there are those who should be considered dead in Toobworld, like Archie Bunker and Buddy Sorrell and Dorothy Zbornak. And therefore they weren't affected. But Gloria Stivic, Sally Rogers, and Blanche and Rose would all have become the Master.

(Speaking of Roses, I just wish we saw a few quick scenes in which certain former companions of the Doctor had been transformed into the Master - like Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, Peri Brown, Tegan Jovanka, Ben Jackson, and Polly.)

In Bristol, England, a werewolf named George and a vampire named Mitchell would have been transformed into the Master, but not a ghost named Annie. I don't think any of the ghosts we know from TV series over the years would have been affected by that alien machine. Androids like Hymie the Robot and 'My Living Doll' would not be transformed, unless their synth-skin contained human DNA. But any aliens living on Toobworld disguised as humans - Martians, Orkans, the Solomon "family", the survivors of that ragtag fleet shepherded by the original Battlestar Galactica, and at least one Vulcan - they should have been affected by that alien machine and thus became the Master.

Even Archibald Beechcroft became the Master. How do you like them apples?

If anybody was having sex during that period of transformation and conceived a child, its DNA would be that of the Master's. Even if we never get to see them, there will be clones of John Simm all over the world born before the year is out - and not only boys! If Simm ever plays a character in the Toobworld timeline set forty years or so hence, we can assume that character was a product of the "Master Race".

So because of all that, the Master has the lock on this year's Birthday Honors. Not that it'll do him any good, wherever he is..... BCnU!

TOOBNOTES:

Chief Inspector Christopher Foyle had to be dead by 2009; after all, if he was the same age as the actor who played him, then Foyle would have been 125 in 2009!

It's always pozz'ble, just pozz'ble, that the 2nd incarnation of the Doctor arrived on Earth with Jamie and Zoe on Christmas Day, 2009, but I think it's unlikely.

Unless Jack Bauer and Jed Bartlet have doppelgangers in the main Toobworld, they wouldn't be affected. We're only dealing with Earth Prime-Time here and not the alternate TV dimensions.

HIGH ON NOONE

While working up my theory of relateeveety about three characters played by Honor Blackman on TV (Sorry - no Pussy Galore!), I grabbed this picture of Cathy Gale from a music video for "Kinky Boots". That song was a minor hit back in the sixties for Patrick Macnee and Ms. Blackman; and the video keyed it nicely to their scenes in 'The Avengers'.

When I saw how she looked, frozen at this moment, I knew there was the perfect actress out there to play Cathy Gale's daughter: Sonya Walger.

Of the three hypothetical triplets, only Cathy Gale had the best chance to have become a mother off-screen in Toobworld, since the last time we saw her was in the mid-1960's. Because Cathy Gale was born in 1932, she would have been only about 32 when she parted ways with John Steed - plenty of time for her to have children.

And if we make the suggestion that one of Sonya Walger's characters is the daughter of Dr. Gale, her acting resume neatly provides us with the perfect candidate:

Nicole Noone in "The Librarian: The Quest For The Spear".

(Sorry, my fellow Lostaways... I would have liked to have named Penelope Widmore as "The Candidate," especially with the fact that we never learned the name of Charles Widmore's off-Island lover who gave birth to Penny. But Penny comes with far too much baggage to make the connection Zonk-free.)

Here's the Wikipedia description of her character:

Nicole Noone is an adventurer who works for the library, and usually serves as the brawn to the Librarian's brains. She is the youngest of three siblings and the only girl. Her mother is English, and her father is South American (Argentine), but she never bothered to learn Spanish. She never had any pets, and her favorite stone is jade. She is fearless, loves adventure, and is an excellent fighter. [See above] She developed feelings for the previous Librarian, Edward Wilde, and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt when he was apparently killed. (Head librarian) Judson told Flynn to "trust no one", a pun of Nicole's surname Noone. Cathy Gale was an adventurous soul as well, having even fought for Castro's revolution in Cuba, apparently. (I'll have to check with Win Scott Eckert if that was based on TV information or is a Wold Newton addition.) And she was the curator of the British Museum before Steed came along and made her a talented amateur in service to the Crown. So that lifestyle would be second nature to Nicole growing up. And having an English mother makes it an even better fit.

Like mother, like daughter:
Ready for action!

It's hard to believe Nicole never learned to speak Spanish, though... especially since her mother knew the language well:



It's probably what helped her in the early stages of courtship with Nicole's father.....

With Nicole's father described as being Argentine, then we can ignore the suggestion made in a tie-in novel for 'The Avengers' that Cathy Gale's romantic involvement with another former partner of Steed's, Dr. David Keel, might have led somewhere. Which is okay - they're separate but equal universes based on Mankind's creative output. And there are plenty of discrepancies between TV shows and the novels based on them - we've seen that a couple of times with 'Doctor Who' adaptations of novels and short stories.

But "Noone" doesn't make for a very Argentinian name. Therefore, it's the Toobworld suggestion that Nicole was once married, probably at a young age and before she fell in love with the previous Librarian, Edward Wilde.

One reason we need Cathy Gale to have had children in Toobworld is to support another tangent in the theory of relateeveety, first proposed in that original post about the Fitzharris Triplets - that another Honor Blackman character, who will die nearly 1000 years into the future, was part of the same family tree. (Professor Sarah Lasky in 'Doctor Who') And as such, we don't even have to lay that burden on Nicole Noone; after all, according to her thumbnail bio, she has two older brothers.
As to who those two siblings might be, I don't know if I'll catch lightning in a bottle again in finding any male TV characters of the appropriate age who look as though they might have had Honor Blackman as their mother. But then they might have taken after their father in the tele-genetics department. All we'd need would be two TV characters from Argentina with the same last name and with some mystery about who their mother was. Surely there must be a tele-novela out there who could supply two such brothers!

I could have run this post any time since Wednesday, but I decided to save it for today, Sunday June 6. That's because Sonya Walger, like me, was born on this date.

Happy birthday, Ms. Walger, from all of me at Toobworld Central! BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON

PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Phil Hartman

BCnU!