Sunday, January 29, 2006


In the latest episode of 'Monk' ("Mr. Monk And The Captain's Marriage"), a homeless man was a witness to a murder. His only friend in the world was a small white mouse named Devo, to whom he would feed apple slices and read mystery novels.

He claimed that Devo was a genius; that he was able to do impressions, including that of a hamster.

Well, of course he was a genius! That little white mouse was, in fact, the protrusion into our dimension of a hyper-intellegent pan-dimensional being, descended from the same beings who were in fact responsible for the creation of the Earth.

All that time we thought we were doing experiments on mice, they were the ones who were experimenting on us. All of those times when they ran down the wrong corridor of a maze, or ate the wrong bit of cheese, or suddenly dropping dead from the injection of plague, those were just examples of their research into humans. (The stuff with the cheese etc was just a front!)

In fact, when Devo Mouse was tossed back and forth between Lt. Disher and Natalie and finally stuffed into the pocket of Adrian Monk, it was probably a major breakthrough in their research on us.

The mice created the Earth, per the instructions of the super-computer Deep Thought, in order to find the question to the ultimate answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything... which is of course, "42". But five minutes before they were to get the answer, the Vogon Constructor Fleet came along and destroyed the Earth, blowed it up real good.

That happened back in 1981. So why are we still here and don't remember it? Because a lone Earthman, Arthur Dent, with his alien friend Ford Prefect, was thrust back in time to the dawn of the Neanderthals age. Traveling with them was a spaceship full of Golgafrinchan phone sanitizers who bolluxed the whole project by inserting themselves into the computer program. They became the true ancestors of Mankind, not the badly evolving Neanderthals.

And thus the course of History was changed. In this new timeline, the Earth was not destroyed by the Vogons and Mankind never knew how they had been totally destroyed, to be remembered only as being "Mostly Harmless".

But the pan-dimensional beings would not give up hope that they could salvage something from their project. So they continue to experiment on humans in various ways, including daredevil stunts to help their "owners" meet women over a Bud Light. A few brave souls have learned the truth about the mice, but were generally discounted as being crackpots, like the former Army officer who went to Blush Magazine with his expose on those intelligent white mice from outer space on an episode of 'Just Shoot Me'.

But whether or not their renewed research into finding the Question for the Ultimate Answer comes to fruition may soon be revealed. The power of that number "42" is begining to be felt throughout the world, especially when it is combined with a series of other numbers.

Specifically, "4 8 15 16 and 23".

You know what I'm talkin' about.... or are you 'Lost'?


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