THE BALLAD OF THE BALLARDS

Tom Ballard was a retired accountant who spent his final years in the Bayview retirement home where he became lovers with former photo-journalist Diana Trent. Tom had a very active imagination and would often regale other Bayview residents (especially the ladies) with tales about his adventures as an explorer and of his prowess as a Hollywood actor.

Tom's father may have had a brother who also had a son - Samuel Ballard, often referred to disparagingly as "Soapy Sam" by fellow counsel Horace Rumpole. Sam Ballard took advantage of Rumpole's journey to Africa on a case to become the head of Chambers, which kept him in constant conflict with Rumpole.

Sometimes it's best to make these theories of relateeveety about cousins rather than claim they could be siblings. There just might be a line of dialogue in one episode out of so many that could have slipped by, which would negate the premise. ("I'm an only child" - that sort of thing.) But how often do people really mention their cousins?

Besides, there's a better candidate for a brother for Tom Ballard, although I suggested in a previous post that he could be related to a Patrick McGoohan character.

I went with that theory because I was offered a bribe, and I still haven't collected......

SHOWS CITED:
'Waiting For God'
'Rumpole Of The Bailey'

 BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: ELIOT NESS

On this date in 1903, American lawman Eliot Ness was born.......

ELIOT NESS

AS SEEN IN:

'The Untouchables'

"The Return Of Eliot Ness"

AS PLAYED BY:

Robert Stack

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

From Wikipedia:

Eliot Ness (April 19, 1903 – May 16, 1957) was an American Prohibition agent, famousfor his efforts to enforce Prohibition in Chicago, Illinois, and the leader of a legendary team of law enforcement agents nicknamed The Untouchables.

Following the election of President Herbert Hoover, U.S. Treasury Secretary Andrew Mellon was specifically charged with bringing down gangster Al Capone. The federal government approached the problem from two directions: income tax evasion and the Volstead Act. Ness was chosen to head the operations under the Volstead Act, targeting the illegal breweries and supply routes of Capone.

With Chicago's corrupted law-enforcement agents endemic, Ness went through the records of all Prohibition agents to create a reliable team, initially of 50, later reduced to 15 and finally to just eleven men called, "The Untouchables". Raids against illegal stills and breweries began immediately; within six months Ness claimed to have seized breweries worth over one million dollars. The main source of information for the raids was an extensive wire-tapping operation. An attempt by Capone to bribe Ness's agents was seized on by Ness for publicity, leading to the media nickname, "The Untouchables." There were a number of assassination attempts on Ness, and one close friend of his was killed.

The efforts of Ness and his team had a serious impact on Capone's operations, but it was the income tax evasion which was the key weapon. In a number of federal grand jury cases in 1931, Capone was charged with 22 counts of tax evasion and also 5,000 violations of the Volstead Act. On October 17, 1931, Capone was sentenced to 11 years in prison, and following a failed appeal, he began his sentence in 1932.

Collaborating with Oscar Fraley in his last years, he co-wrote the book, The Untouchables, which was published in 1957, a month after his death at age 54, following a heart attack.

ELIOT NESS

AS SEEN IN:
'The Untouchables'

AS PLAYED BY:
Tom Amandes

TV DIMENSION:
The World of Remakes

Ness' appearance in 'The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles', like the appearance of all the historical figures on that show, was filtered through the memories of the aged Indiana Jones. All of his other appearances in TV movies and docu-drama recreations could be assigned to other TV dimensions.

Two for Tuesday!

BCnU!

"AMC" & "OLTL": THEIR TELEVERSIONS

Even though they were all supposed to share the same TV dimension, many TV shows would reference either 'One Life To Live' or 'All My Children', the two ABC soap operas which will be going off the air - as announced at the end of last week.

So Toobworld Central had to accept that TV shows were made about the lives of these "real" people in the towns of Llanview and Pine Valley, Pennsylvania, with actors who bore remarkable resemblances to them.

The IMDb had two such Zonks listed for 'One Life To Live':

'Friends'
"The One with Joey's Award" (#7.18)" (2001)
- The show is mentioned at the Soapie Awards.

'Castle'
"Nanny McDead" (#1.2)" (2009)
- Castle says his first novel was inspired by the daytime soap.

I think mostly because of the influence from Susan Lucci's portrayal of Erica Kane, there were a lot more references to 'All My Children':

'Mystery Science Theater 3000'
1]  "Master Ninja II (#4.24)" (1992)
- Servo: "I'm missing 'All My Children.'"
2]  "Alien from L.A. (#6.16)" (1993)
- Mike: "Guys, it's Ted from 'All My Children'!"
3]  "Angels' Revenge (#7.22)" (1995)
- Crow: "They can get 'All My Children'."
4]  "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie" (1996)
- Crow: "Quiet everyone, 'All My Children' is on."

Sometimes it was just mentioned by name:

'Seinfeld' - "The Stand-In"
'The Nanny' - "A Fine Friendship" & "Once a Secretary, Always a Secretary"
'Mad About You' - "Just My Dog"
(Jamie also mentions Susan Lucci.)
"Ugly Betty' - "Petra-Gate"
(Henry says that he used to watch 'All My Children' with his mom.)

There was no getting around that 'All My Children' was a TV show in Toobworld as well, not when there were references made to its actual production:

'Friends'
1]  "The One Where Eddie Won't Go"
- Gunther says he is a former soap-opera actor: "I used to be Bryce on ll My Children'.
2]  "The One with the Race Car Bed"
- Joey mentions he has an audition for a part in this show.
3]  "The One with Joey's Award"
- The show is mentioned at the Soapie Awards.

'Just Shoot Me!'
"Hostess to Murder"
- Larry mentions that the script for the murder party is written by some of the writers for this show.

'Twice in a Lifetime'
"Healing Touch"
- Two nurses discuss Susan Lucci not winning an Emmy.

'The Knights of Prosperity'
"Operation: Oswald Montecristo"
- Rockefeller mentions Mark Consuelos's character Mateo from 'All My Children'.

And because of Victoria Chase's background as an actress on soap operas, and especially because she had a long-running feud with Susan Lucci (that "conniving little teacup poodle"), 'All My Children' ended up playing an important role in 'Hot In Cleveland':

1]  "Pilot"
- Elka mentions she likes the show with Susan Lucci
2]  "Sisterhood of the Travelling SPANX"
- Melanie Moretti gets offered a role on this show
3]  "I Love Lucci: Part One"
- Victoria appears on a version of this show
4]  "I Love Lucci: Part Two"
- Victoria and Susan film a scene together on the set of this show

We got to see scenes from the televersion of the soap opera in the 'Desperate Housewives' episode "Not While I'm Around" (a clip of Jeff Martin kissing Erica Kane from 'All My Children' was shown on the television during a scene at the prison) and in the 'Modern Family' episode "Chirp".

And it turns out that an entire episode of 'All My Children' as seen in the Trueniverse was really the broadcast of the show from Toobworld, thanks to the participation of Victoria Chase.

Even in the Tooniverse, 'All My Children' had a presence as a soap opera:

'King of the Hill'
"Hanky Panky: Part 1"
- The show is mentioned by name.

I would not be surprised if other TV shows continue to mention at least 'All My Children' long after it's off the air in the Trueniverse. You KNOW that Victoria Chase will be gloating over Lucci's loss of a job!

Finally, 'All My Children' contributed to the expansion of Toobworld with two other soap operas. First there was 'Loving' in 1983 and then 'The City' picked up where 'Loving' ended in 1995 and ran for another two years.

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: PATRICK COX (AND DANIEL)

It's that time of year again......

PATRICK COX

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Jason Sudeikis

”Are you being audited?

Have you not filed tax returns for years?

Has the IRS come to your home or place of business?

The IRS will relentlessly pursue you for unpaid taxes.

TaxMasters can get between you and the IRS.

We’ll make sure they treat you fairly and treat you with respect.”

 

From the TaxMasters' website:

Patrick Cox is President, CEO, and Board Director of Tax Masters, Inc. (TAXS), a company dedicated to helping consumers solve their tax problems. Patrick Cox is a tax expert who founded Tax Masters in 2001, which has become one of the most effective IRS tax representation firms in the IRS tax relief industry. Before founding Tax Masters, Patrick Cox served as Vice President of Finance for Kemper Insurance Companies and owned a small CPA firm in Houston, Texas.

Houston based Tax Masters has served tens of thousands of clients and had incredible success with settling federal tax debt, defending clients in audit, setting up monthly IRS payment plans, and filing past-due tax returns. The company is publicly traded under the stock symbol TAXS.

But in Skitlandia, Patrick Cox has a "twin brother" attached to his head, like some mutant seen in "Total Recall".

Here's what they said about the sketch on the TaxMaster's website:

Imagine our surprise when we saw Jason Sudeikis near the end of 'Saturday Night Live' standing in front of the gold background and Tax Masters logo. The folks at 'SNL' even got the music right!

The cast of 'SNL' put together a very interesting take on why Patrick Cox stands just the way he does in the television ads and why that camera angle never seems to change. The way we see it, you might as well have an attached twin brother named Daniel as any other explanation.

I will say this. When we are on set shooting those commercials, the director is nowhere near as good looking as Jane Lynch. Maybe we could talk her into guest directing our next shoot!

Jason Sudeikis did a fantastic job with a subject who can be difficult to imitate. And no matter how much the cast and crew didn’t want to hang with you, Jason, if you happen to show up at the offices down in Houston we’ll be glad to buy you a beer.

BCnU!

IN SEARCH OF... "HOTEL RESCUE" & "HOTEL INSPECTOR"

A friend of mine is looking for a few British TV shows on DVD (playable in an American DVD player, that is) or at the very least, a reliable bit torrent site that might have the shows available for download.

He's looking for 'Hotel Rescue' with Susan Watson and 'Hotel Inspector' with Alex Polizzi.

I realize this may be an impossible request; I had a hard time just finding some decent video clips to illustrate what he wanted!

Here are some highlights from 'Hotel Inspector' showing Alex Polizzi in action. I think you'll figure out why a lot of guys tune in....

Trust me. That is NOT why my friend wants the show.....

If you know of any way he can get his hands on these two series, as many seasons as possible for each, feel free to contact me here at Toobworld Central......

BCnU!

"ARC OF INFINITY" - THE TRAILER

How about a little more 'Doctor Who' for this weekend?

The late Michael Gough, who passed away a few weeks ago, appeared in the series not only as the Celestial Toymaker, but also as a renegade Time Lord bent on bringing about the return of Omega, one of the first Time Lords.  (Both the Toymaker and Omega have been rumored to be returning to 'Doctor Who'.)

Here's a fan-made trailer featuring Gough in that other story:

BCnU!

M*A*S*H-UP: THE STEPTOES CHECK IN AT FAWLTY TOWERS

I look at this mash-up between 'Steptoe and Son' and 'Fawlty Towers' to be the video equivalent of a picture book....

As it exists, I don't think it can be considered part of any TV dimension.  But it does suggest what might have happened off-screen at some point more than thirty years ago...
 
BCnU!

MUSEUM PIECE: "THE ENTERTAINERS"

With the announcement of the death of director Sidney Lumet last week, I went searching for something specific from his early TV work - Boris Karloff as Don Quixote. I especially wanted a picture of that for my year-long project for 2012 - the ASOTV showcase featuring only literary characters.

I couldn't find a picture from that; it may be lost to Time, for alls I know. But I did come across this moldy oldie from the early 1960's.

And I use the term "moldy oldie" only because of the graveyard setting. I'm thinking this may have been broadcast around Halloween. (Karloff would certainly have been an apt guest star for that time.....)

BCnU!

APRIL 15, 1912: A SKIT TO REMEMBER

This past week marked the 99th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Here's the true story of what happened... at least as far as the Skitlandia dimension was concerned.....

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: CAPTAIN EDWARD SMITH

CAPTAIN EDWARD SMITH

AS SEEN ON:
'Saturday Night Live'

AS PLAYED BY:
Zach Galifianakis

TV DIMENSION:
Skitlandia

From Wikipedia:
Captain Edward John Smith, RD, RNR (27 January 1850 – 15 April 1912) was an English naval reserve officer, and ship's captain. He was the officer in command of the RMS Titanic and died when the ship sank in 1912.

It is not known how Smith died on the night of the sinking. historians and Robert Ballard's book, "The Discovery of the Titanic", claim that Smith went into the bridge at 2:13 AM, 7 minutes before the final sinking and went down with the ship. Some sources state that Smith quietly wandered off to the bridge, while others had Smith actively helping with the radio room, morse lamp and distress rockets.

Working near Collapsible B, Junior Marconi Officer Harold Bride reported seeing Smith dive into the sea from the open bridge minutes before the final plunge began. One story states he carried a child to the overturned collapsible B after the sinking and swam off to freeze in the water, but according to historians featured in the A&E Documentary "Titanic: Death of a Dream", that story is generally considered a romantic fiction.

There is a statue to his legacy in Beacon Park, Lichfield, England.

Skitlandia, however, tells a different story. Apparently, J. Bruce Ismay wasn't the only man to escape the disaster dressed as a woman.....

BCnU!