"KIDNAPPED" ADVISORY

Well, I've finally had the chance to catch the last nine or so episodes of 'Kidnapped' which was too soon ripped from the airwaves on NBC last season. I was a fan of the show; it had a real cinematic quality to it. But I could see how it wasn't going to be allowed the time to find its audience. I'm hoping it will eventually. I would have gladly come back for another season to see Jeremy Sisto, Delroy Lindo, and Carmen Ejogo team up to work another season-long case.

I especially would have enjoyed seeing Ms. Ejogo return as Turner, who was following in the footsteps of some real sharp dames like Thelma Ritter. I've always enjoyed that tough as nails female sidekick character, but nothing says she can't be easy on the eyes as well.

If you haven't seen the series yet, do so. It's been available on disk for a while, but I don't know if it's still accessible on the web from the NBC parent site. But if you do watch in on DVD (as I did via Netflix), take my advice: Do NOT watch the extra feature "Ransom Notes" on the second disk until after you've seen the whole series. Stupid documentary gave away the whole ending! If you feel the need to blow the twist, at least save the feature for the final disk in the series!

Another stupid move by some network suit. May they be nibbled to death by ducks!

BCnU!
Toby OB

WON'T UFO BE MY NEIGHBOR?

I try not to pay attention to news about TV show pilots, because in general they never make it to become part of Toobworld. The best hope for these also-rans would be to get burned off on the air disguised as an anthology show.

But I liked the idea behind a new sitcom by Dan Fogelman, about a very special gated community......

When a family moves into one such neighborhood, they find that just about all of their neighbors are aliens - as in from outer space.

"This is a traditional family sitcom except that (the neighbors) are named after professional athletes and drool green goo out of their snout," said Fogelman.

So it looks like all of these aliens would be from the same planet, and one made up for the series. But I'd like to see the place serve as a safe-house community set up by the fine folks behind Area 51 to house a variety of aliens who, for one reason or another, are stuck here on Earth. In my dream of a perfect Toobworld, those who hold the rights to the classic TV aliens of the past would allow their creations to be seen living in this gated community.

Here are a few of my suggestions:

That Vulcan who stayed behind in Pennsylvania back in the 1950s. ('Enterprise')

Three-eyed "Venusians" from 'The Twilight Zone'

A variety of alien visitors from 'The Outer Limits'

Perhaps a Minbari Warrior-Priest from 'Babylon 5'; maybe even Bill Mumy as Lennier thrown back in Time

Perhaps a Vervoid or two from 'Doctor Who', just to brighten up the garden

And then there's 'Alf', but just for a special guest appearance during Sweeps

Of course, none of that will ever happen, but it's fun to imagine.....

BCnU!
Toby OB

SYNERGY CITY CRAPTACULAR

Well, I guess it counts as a crossover.....

Amber Siyavus and Danielle Donato got out of the 'Big Brother 8' house long enough to compete against each other on this week's installment of 'The Power of 10'. That's the game show which convinced CBS that Drew Carey was the man to replace Bob Barker on 'The Price Is Right'.

Amber outlasted Danielle, but that's not saying much - she was gone within ten minutes and with only $1,000.00 to take with her.

Technically anything broadcast on Television qualifies to become part of the Toobworld canvas. But so-called "reality" shows just don't add any spark to the landscape so we just tend to ignore their presence here at Toobworld Central.

However, the networks aren't about to let any opportunity to get these shows noticed pass by. So the suits (May they be nibbled to death by ducks!) have found ways to insert the programs into the consciousness of televisiologists like Yours Truly.

One way to do that is by crossing over a reality show with one of their sitcoms, as happened with 'Big Brother'. On the 'Yes, Dear' episode "Big Brother-In-Law", Jimmy Hughes got himself into the Big Brother house with eleven former playuhs on the program:

Amy Crews
Lisa Donahue
Justin Giovinci
Hardy Hill
Alison Irwin
Will Kirby
Roddy Mancuso
Michelle Maradie
Nathan Marlow
Marcellas Reynolds
Jun Song

In his attempts to make sure that Jimmy won the big prize so that he'd finally move out of the house, his brother-in-law Greg Warner eventually blew his chances because of his interference.

On the other side of this pairing, Drew Carey has a televersion, thanks to his appearances as himself on shows like 'The Larry Sanders Show', 'The Geena Davis Show', and 'Sabrina The Teenage Witch', not to mention his hosting duties on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' and 'The Green Screen Show'.

(That other Drew Carey, the one who never amounted to much outside of Cleveland, as seen in 'The Drew Carey Show', was the result of a secret scientific experiment with cloning at the nearby DrugCo headquarters back in the 1950s.)

Therefore, on a technicality, this crossover between 'The Power Of 10' and 'Big Brother 8' is more than just promotional synergy. But that doesn't mean we have to give it any more notice than this blurb.

BCnU!
Toby OB

Drew Carey:
"I’m interested in knowing what's it been like for you,
Knowing that you've had so much scrutiny on you in this house,
But you don't know what they’re scrutinizing?"
Amber Siyavus:
"Honestly, I don’t know what scrutinized means."
'The Power Of 10'

DATELINE TOOBWORLD: BORDERTOWN BABY

Zack Martin:
"Well, if you're so smart, what's the capital of North Dakota?"

Cody Martin:
"Bismark."

Zack Martin:
"I thought Bismark was the capital of South Dakota."

Cody Martin:
"No, that's Pierre."

'The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody'

AUGUST 30, 2007

Fifty years ago today, Pierre Fargo was cryogenically frozen against his will in the Global Dynamics facility of 'Eureka'. ("Family Reunion")

This is conjecture on my part, but then so is two-thirds of the blatherings I post here....

Douglas Fargo's grandfather is named Pierre Fargo. I'm thinking he was born in 1927 right on the border between the two Dakotas. As the family name was already Fargo, his parents decided to honor the blessed event of his dual statesmanship by giving him the Christian name of Pierre.

Can't prove it; probably won't ever need to.

BCnU!
Toby OB

Kelly Bundy:
"You know, they're not as nice as they seem on television.
Like today, when I, like the rest of the nation,

was wondering where East Dakota was,
The weatherman told the manager that either I went or he went."
'Married... With Children'

PICTURE TOOB II

Here at Toobworld Central, I'm slowly learning my way around my new computer, Artemus. For the first time ever, I'm burning CD-R disks of my collection of TV crossover pictures out of my floppy disks and it's great that I'm able to squeeze about 800 of them onto one disk! Once I get rid of all these floppies, what WILL I do with the room?

I'm working on a post about the cosmic burps of the TV Universe, in connection with this week's episode of 'My Boys', but I want to get a few more disks done (one being a blipverts collection and of course there's always my porn....).

In the meantime, here's another picture dredged up from the murky depths, yet one that still has a life on the last remaining page of my old Tubeworld Dynamic website. This one was also made by my Iddiot friends Jim 'n' Tay, also known as Tay 'n' Jim:

THE TELE-TOBIES

DON'T QUOTE ME. PLEASE!

Well, I got another TV quote from last night's viewing to add to my ever-growing collection on my favorite subject: me.

But I'm not exactly sure I want the word to be spread.....

"Everybody hates an auditor."
Lt. Provenza
'The Closer'

KYLE XYZONK!

A couple of Zonks out of the Pacific Northwest this week, courtesy of 'Kyle XY'. And both of them are connected to the character Hillary.

Exasperated with the relationship between her friends Declan and Laurie, Hillary exclaimed, "For the love of Peter Petrelli!" in the same declarative voice you would use "By the power of Grayskull!"

Peter Petrelli is the moody young man in 'Heroes' on rival NBC ('Kyle XY' is broadcast on ABC Family.) who has the power to absorb the powers of those around him... but without having to eat their brains as Sylar is rumored to do.

But throughout the show's first season, Peter never displayed his powers so openly in public that he would become a household name known clear across the country from NYC to Seattle. At least, not until the final episode when he began to overload on the nuclear power he absorbed from Ted Sprague, as well as all of the other powers held by Sylar. It was left unclear by the final moments whether he survived the explosion in the upper atmosphere, but I'm hearing enough about the sophomore season of 'Heroes' to know that he'll back.

In the meantime, it is pozz'ble, just pozz'ble, that the event was reported and investigated by journalists. Several months have now passed since then and there's been plenty of time for the news to even infiltrate the usually self-centered world of Hillary.

There's another theory that could splain away the Peter Petrelli reference. Like many kids of her generation, Hillary probably spends a lot of time on the Internet. It could be that in her excessive surfing of the Web, she stumbled across the home page dedicated to Nathan Petrelli's campaign for Congress. There, she could have found information and pictures about Nathan's brother Peter, and from that developed a crush on him.

As for the other Zonk, when Declan asked where Hillary was, Laurie told him something in reference to a 'Lost' marathon and that because of it Hillary bailed. (I played the scene over and over but couldn't get precisely what she said.)

The reference to 'Lost' doesn't necessarily have to be to the hit show on mother network ABC, as I once splained away in a post about its mention on an episode of 'Will & Grace'. Back then, I suggested it could have been the name of a movie. But since there was apparently a marathon, it's more likely that the 'Lost' of Toobworld is a TV show.

As of right now, the show we know as 'Lost' is still mired in the past, in December of 2004 (with a slight detour to the present day courtesy of this year's season finale). So even though the series won't end until 2010, it's possible that it will all be concluded in plenty of time for a TV show to be developed about the subject matter - should it become public knowledge - and to be broadcast.

Since we don't have to worry about that for another three TV seasons, we'll just put that Zonk on hold until we hopefully get the chance to backdate the information.

At least Hillary did contribute something to the expansion of Toobworld in this episode: a new word for the Lexicon.

"Fauxprah" - a fake Oprah. She used it to describe her failed attempts to counsel Declan and Laurie......

BCnU!
Toby OB

THE DOCTOR'S HOLLIDAY TREK

Usually during the summer months, it's been an Inner Toob tradition to induct a character or historical figure from the old West into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame (Dr. Loveless, Wyatt Earp, Bat Masterson, Lone Ranger & Tonto, etc.). This year there's a mini-theme around 'Doctor Who' and we could have brought in Doc Holliday into the fold since he has had a rich TV resume. The Doctor believed he met Doc in 1881, as seen in the episodes for "The Gunfighters".

Thing is, he didn't and he's never realized it.

I think the 'Doctor Who' audience has come to look upon the Doctor as some kind of perfect being. If he makes a mistake or is defeated, it's only temporary; the Doctor soon gains the upper hand in every situation and saves the day with the help of his Companions and his sonic screwdriver. (I think this image of the Doctor as some kind of god-like presence will only increase because of this season's finale (soon to be seen in America).

But he has made mistakes, and his belief that he got involved with the shootout at the OK Corral is proof of that.

Most of the blame can be attributed to his dependence on the TARDIS. But the TARDIS is a living creature and not infallible. It can also make mistakes. As an example, it brought the Doctor and his Companions Dodo and Stephen to the year 2268, rather than to October 26, 1881.......

Stardate 4385.3

The Federation of Planets wanted to establish first contact with the Melkot of Theta Kiokis II, a telepathic race who refused to interact with "outside", i.e., anybody who was not Melkotian. The Enterprise was sent on this mission and Captain Kirk was not going to take no for an answer, even though the Melkots were known to use their telepathic powers to punish the trespassers. (Anybody else see a correlation with how the Western world bullied its way into Japan back in the 1800s?)

From Kirk's mind they drew an appropriate punishment - he and his landing party would be forced to portray the doomed Clantons in a recreation of the gunfight at the OK Corral. When the Starfleet officers refused to kill their attackers - even if it meant sacrificing their own lives - the Melkots decided to relent and establish contact with the Federation.

Meanwhile, at around the same point in Time and Space, the Doctor was suffering from a terrible toothache and was in need of a dentist. The TARDIS locked in on the presence of Dr. McCoy on Theta Kiokis II, as his sickbay services on board the Enterprise would be perfect for treating the Time Lord. But they must have literally arrived on the heels of the departing starship and were now among the Melkots without their permission.

This must have thrown the Melkotian people into panic mode. With their telepathic prowess, they knew there was a Gallifreyan on board the TARDIS. And although they were a xenophobic race withdrawn in seclusion on their homeworld, the Melkots must have known about Gallifrey and probably feared the power of the Time Lords.

Sensing the human presence of Stephen and Dodo, the Melkots reconstructed their previous mirage of the OK Corral. But because these two humans were from England, their knowledge of that long-past American history skewed the appearance of the historical participants - which is why characters like Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday appeared differently from the way they did for the landing party.

The Melkots as they appeared to the Enterprise landing party:And as they appeared to the Doctor and his Companions:The Melkots had to expand much of their telepathic power to make the illusion more elaborate. Instead of just the flimsy facade, there had to be actual buildings. For the safety of their entire planet, the Doctor had to be convinced that he was on Earth in 1881 so that the sooner he got the treatment he was seeking, the sooner he would leave.

Those must have been actual Melkots hidden by telepathic glamours to appear as the various gunfighters and townsfolk. Whoever passed for a doctor/scientist among their people must have taken the form of Doc Holliday to perform the dental surgery on the Doctor. (Perhaps the guise had too strong an effect on the Melkoti and he came to think of himself as Holliday.)

At any rate, the illusion worked despite the conflict that ensued between the Melkots and the Doctor and his companions. The TARDIS eventually departed Theta Kiokis II in 2268 with everyone on board convinced that they had just visited Earth in 1881.

I can't prove this splainin, but it's a logical theory since there is no way that really was Doc Holliday in Tombstone of 1881. Of all the incarnations of the Doctor, the First held the strongest conviction in the immutability of History. And there were too many deviations from the facts of October 26, 1881 to maintain the original timeline. And had they made a closer examination of their surroundings - and what lay just outside of "Tombstone" - Dodo, Stephen, and the Doctor would have realized it was all a facade.

And that incessant ballad playing in the background didn't help the realism much, either!

SHOWS CITED:

'Star Trek' - "Spectre Of The Gun"

'Doctor Who' - "The Gunfighters"

BCnU!
Toby OB

"It goes to show that you have to be very careful what you pretend to be,
Because one day you may wake up to find that's what you are."
Bokonon
"Between Time And Timbuktu"

THE LITTLE BLACK BAGS

In 1952, Doctor Fulbright was down on his luck, his personal and professional life ruined by drink. As a last-ditch effort to get some cash, Fulbright went to see an old friend to pawn his medical bag full of instruments.

The pawn-broker remembered all of the good that his friend had done with his medical skills in the past, and took pity on him. In exchange for the old black bag and 20 bucks (some friend!), he gave Dr. Fulbright a little black bag which he was never able to pawn in the past. It contained tools of the trade unknown to the world of that time, as well as medicines yet undiscovered.

As it turned out, the little black bag was from 2450 AD and with it Dr. Fulbright was able to save the life of a young Mexican girl. She would have died if only conventional methods of the period were available.

Dr. Fulbright saw the little black bag as his redemption, but unfortunately his wife Angie was a greedy shrew who saw the bag as a means to gain obscene wealth. And only tragedy could result with such divergent agendas.

~
About twenty years later, another doctor had fallen even further onto hard times. Doctor William Fall was a wino living on the street. (I've also seen the name listed as Roger Full.) He scrabbled to survive with another bum by the name of Hepplewhite, who was little more than human vermin.

Another little black bag came into Doc Fall's possession and like Dr. Fulbright, he also used it to cure a young Hispanic girl. Doc Fall saw his chance to become a medical marvel, curing the ills of the world. But Hepplewhite saw it as a meal ticket. And he was willing to kill in order to gain it for himself....

~
The story of Dr. Fulbright was seen in an episode of 'Tales Of Tomorrow'. Doc Fall's experience was an episode of 'Night Gallery'. Both episodes were entitled "Little Black Bag" and were based on a short story by CM Kornbluth. (It was nominated for the Hugo in 1951.)

Normally I would have banished the later 'Night Gallery' version to the alternate TV dimension for remakes. But I would have hated to lose those very effective performances by Burgess Meredith and Chill Wills.

As it turns out however, I can keep both episodes in the main Toobworld. Although they may have occurred twenty years apart, they are still part of the same event. We have to look at it from the perspective of where the bags came from - 2450. (Both episodes make mention of the 21st Century, but the 'Tales of Tomorrow' version also mentions the more futuristic date. Considering the advanced medical knowledge within, I'm going to side with the year 2450 AD.)

Both little black bags were sent back at the same time and other bags may have been transported back with them as well. Should the Kornbluth story ever be filmed again for Television, we can re-use this splainin.

When the second medical bag was found in the early 1970s, the tech monitor from the future reported that it had been accidentally sent back. I'm putting forth the idea that they were both sent back through a time warp deliberately. And who would do such a thing?

Gallifreyan Time Meddlers.

Just because all of the other Time Lords supposedly no longer exist in all of their incarnations throughout all of Time, that doesn't negate their past deeds, for good or ill. Attempts by the Time Meddlers to alter the established timeline would remain in effect.

Not all Time Meddlers would attempt a temporal revision on the scale launched by the Monk, as seen in the multi-part Hartnell episode of 'Doctor Who' "The Time Meddles". Technically, according to "the butterfly effect", the most insignificant difference could have long-ranging consequences. And a medical bag from the future would be such an instrument of change.

(If I did think that the Monk was involved in this, I would have entitled the piece "Mr. Monk And The Little Black Bags".)

At least in these two instances, the Universe was spared irreparable harm without interference from the Doctor or some other Time Lord. But what of other little black bags that may still be out there?

Although his goal was similar, Dr. Harry Marshall is probably not the same person who sent back the bags. He invented a time machine with the intention of making a fortune by introducing penicillin to the world of 1910, before its properties were discovered. But again, the Universe exacted its own comeuppance to stop him. (As seen in "Past Tense", another episode of 'Tales Of Tomorrow' with Boris Karloff as Marshall.)

Medical advancements used in the past have been successful and so far as we know, they had no adverse effect on the Toobworld timeline. Dr. Leonard H. McCoy caused an elderly woman's liver to miraculously grow back while he was on a mission back to the early 1980s ("Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home"). And thanks to the Tula nanogenes released by the Time Lord known as The Doctor during World War II, a woman's leg grew back. (Although Dr. Constantine may have been able to convince her that she somehow misplaced it due to a war going on.)

It should be pointed out that "Bones" McCoy did alter the Universe with cosmically tragic results by going into the past in the 'Star Trek' episode "City On The Edge Of Forever" and performing a noble good deed. However, Captain James Kirk and Mr. Spock were able to right the wrong, even though it cost the life of Miss Edith Keeler.

Could there have been a doctor from the far future, perhaps a renegade Time Lord, who wanted to do some medical meddling in the past in order to change the future? If we were to round up the usual suspects, I'm thinking we should focus on those actors who played a lot of doctors in one-shot roles on various TV series.

It would sure beat having to use those old clone/identical cousin splainins as to why there were so many characters who looked alike!

I suppose there are a lot of character actors out there who could fit the requirements, but I have one in mind because he recently passed away at the age of 102: Charles Lane.

"Maude" - Arthur's Crisis (1977) TV Episode .... Doc Prichard
"Burke's Law" - Who Killed Harris Crown? (1963) TV Episode .... Dr. Lusk
"The Tab Hunter Show" - Personal Appearance (1961) TV Episode .... Dr. Spike
"The DuPont Show with June Allyson" - The Old-Fashioned Way (1961) TV Episode .... Dr. Shelley
"Perry Mason" - The Case of the Fiery Fingers (1958) TV Episode .... Dr. Williams

As all of those crusty and cantakerous sawbones, I'm sure Mr. Lane probably would have been overlooked as a Time Meddler. But each of those appearances could have given him an opportunity to stash away yet another little black bag. (Too bad we don't have an appearance by Mr. Lane as a doctor in Toobworld prior to 1952. Then we might have had the opportunity in which he placed the bag from the 'Tales of Tomorrow' episode.)

But that's all just conjecture and I'm not married to that aspect of this essay.

Anyhoo....

The same story, on two different shows and separated by decades, yet theoretically linked... all to keep as much of Television's content contained in the same universe: Earth Prime-Time.

BCnU!
Toby OB

ZONKING IN SANTA BARBARA

Another episode of 'Psyche' broadcast, and another batch of Zonks to be splained away.....

At least one of those Zonks can be dismissed pretty easily - Back in 1987, Shaun told his father that he named one of his chess pieces "Dwight" and the other "B.A. Baracus". Baracus was Mr. T's character on 'The A-Team', and Dwight could be a tribute to Dwight Schultz, who played Howling Mad Murdoch on the show.

But that's not a Zonk because within the context of the show, Shaun wasn't making reference to the 'A-Team' TV series, but instead to the real-life team of action-adventurers (which was making headlines at the time).

As for "Dwight", Shaun's talent for conjuring fanciful non-sequiters didn't spring out of nowhere; he started young with that snarky skill.

At the school for gifted students, Shaun called one of his clients "Doogie Howser". This nickname doesn't Zonk either, and for the same reason as B.A. Baracus. Being a medical wunderkind, Dr. Howser was well-documented in the press which is how Shaun would have heard of him. (Although - considering it's Shaun - more likely he learned about Dr. Howser from some made-for-TV movie about the Doogster.)

The toughest Zonk was an extended reference to '21 Jump Street'. This was the type of Zonk most common to 'Psych': it's not enough that Shaun and Gus cite the TV show, but then they go into detailed conversations about the cast members. In this case, Shaun claimed the Johnny Depp role for himself, but disagreed over what role best suited Gus. He saw himself as Richard Grieco, but Shaun thought he was the Holly Robinson Peete type.

As funny as the sequence was, it was a cringer for Toobworld. I can only cover by claiming that they were referring to a movie based on the exploits of those "true life" cops.

There was also a reference made to 'Jake And The Fatman', and it was one that feels as though it has to be an out-and-out Zonk, but unfortunately I've forgotten the circumstances and I've already deleted the episode from my DVR queue in a fit of pique. (The cable system futzed up at about 10:50 pm and lost the rest of the episode. Now I have to wait until that stupid US Open is over until it repeats. Damn you, tennis lovers!)

Because the episode was cut short, I don't know if there were any pineapple references this week. But "If You're So Smart, How Come You're Dead" did coin a new word for the Toobworld lexicon: "teenius", as in "teen genius". It might not be as good as "newpeat" or "sanjayed", but you'll see it used more often here at Inner Toob!

BCnU!
Toby OB