Friday, June 24, 2005


So Oprah shows up in France at a store fifteen minutes too late to buy anything, and the store personnel refuse to let her in because they're trying to conduct a p.r. event inside.

And what happens? Oprah makes a big to-do out of the whole "ordeal" (her big crash moment, whatever that's supposed to mean) - and you know her people had to be behind the leak of the story to the press, - and by the next day the store apologizes.

She showed up fifteen minutes late with no advance appointment, and it's the store who has to apologize.

If it had been you or me, we'd have been turned away at the door and if we caused a stink, they'd loose the gendarmes on us.

Sometimes I get sick of this ol' world.

Now, had it all taken place in Toobworld (and who knows? Maybe it did happen during a commercial break!), then Oprah would not have taken "Non!" as an answer. She would have found her way inside the store in a desperate attempt to get the watch she wanted; only to find herself trapped inside once everybody else left for the night. And then she'd be set upon by the guard dog which only understands French words of command.

The dog chases her up onto the fancy shelves - which she practically destroys while heaving herself up, - and it sinks its teeth into her fancy pants suit and rips out le bottom.

Oooh la la! L'Oprah!

Luckily for her, Tom Cruise just happened to see it all through the skylight while he was up on the Eiffel Tower proposing to Katie Holmes. Calling upon the powers of Xenu, he bursts through the skylight and bounces around on a couch to distract the dog long enough for the authorities to arrive and subdue le pooch.

When Steadman rushes in with the store manager, Oprah begans to cry, "Oooooh, Steadman! Waaaaaaah!"

Now that's the way it should have gone down!


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