SUPER SIX LIST: DEATH COMES TO TOOBWORLD

SIX NOTABLE DEATHS IN TOOBWORLD

1] CHUCKLES THE CLOWN ('The Mary Tyler Moore Show')

Dressed as Peter Peanut, George Bowerchuck was shelled to death by a rogue elephant named Jocko. But as Murray Slaughter pointed out, it could have been worse - he could have been dressed as Billy Banana and have a gorilla peel him to death. (This will probably serve as the gold standard for Toobworld deaths for all time.)

Look at him. He was just asking for it.

2] ROSALIND SHAYS ('L. A. Law')

This came out of nowhere. One minute the rather unlikable lawyer is waiting for the elevator, chatting with the senior partner of MacKenzie-Brackman, and the next she got the shaft.

3] VICTOR GIANNELLI ('The Bob Newhart Show')

After being drummed out of Dr. Hartley's therapy group, Mr. Giannelli was crushed by a truckload of zucchini. There have been a lot of deaths by crushing in Toobworld - by piano ('Night Court'), by satellite ('Northern Exposure'), by car compactor ('Bones'), by elephant ('Monk'), by hospital bed ('St. Elsewhere'), and by the wife ('Picket Fences') - but this was the most ignoble.

4] MERLIN THE GREAT ('Burke's Law')

After being submerged for hours in an airtight coffin at the bottom of a swimming pool in front of many witnesses, the magician was brought back to the surface - only to be found dead of a gunshot wound. It must not have made that much of an impact in the news because it happened again about twenty years later, but was solved by the magician Alexander Blacke ('Blacke's Magic'). But when it happened again to a magician named Merlin the Great and the case was handled once again by Amos Burke, then I knew he had to be in the early stages of Alzheimer's if he couldn't remember that first case he solved.

THE SECOND ATTEMPT
SOLVED BY ALEXANDER BLACKE

5] EDDIE LeBEC ('Cheers')

A former pro hockey player, Eddie was working as a team mascot (dressed as a penguin) when he was run over by a Zamboni. It was only through his death that it was learned that Eddie was a bigamist.

6] COACH LEROY FEDDERS ('Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman')

We end this list with my pick for the second greatest death in Toobworld history. Suffering from the flu, Coach Fedders tried to fight it by over-medicating himself with booze and pills. When Mary brought over a big bowl of chicken soup, Fedders passed out face down in the bowl... and drowned.

Three honorable mentions:

A)  Susan ('Seinfeld')
She overdosed on licking the toxic envelopes for her wedding invitations.

B)  Beverly Leslie ('Will & Grace')
He was picked up by a gust of wind and blown off the balcony to his penthouse apartment.

C)  Monica Mancuso ('Las Vegas')
A gust of wind also took out Ms. Mancuso, snatched off the roof of the Montecito Casino/Hotel in her billowy dress.

What are some of your favorite deaths to be found in Toobworld?

Had I been doing a list of deaths in the Tooniverse, I would have had the death of Chef on 'South Park' topping the list. For Skitlandia? Probably the Killer Christmas Trees on 'Saturday Night Live'. (I ran through the sketches of 'Monty Python's Flying Circus', but nothing really jumped out at me, except maybe the 16 ton weight and Sam Peckinpah's "Salad Days".....)

BCnU!