Bill Murray: The Senatorial race in Virginia was so close, that they are recounting the votes. So far the winner is Republican John Warner, who's ahead by a very slight margin. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're probably saying, "Bill, you maniac, what does this have to do with "Celebrity Corner"? Aren't you getting off the track?" Uh-uh. Because this chief politician John Warner's wife is none other than perhaps the greatest actress who's ever lived, and whose face has set the standard for screen beauty for so many years. Of course I'm talking about Elizabeth Taylor.
[ a plump Elizabeth Taylor eating a chicken leg appears on the screen behind Bill ]
Bill Murray: Liz, welcome to "Celebrity Corner"!
Elizabeth Taylor: Thanks, Bill. It's so nice to be here.
Bill Murray: Liz, how does it feel to be Mrs. Almost-Too-Soon-to-Tell Senator-Elect Warner, anyway?
Elizabeth Taylor: [ chewing as she talks ] Very exciting, Bill. I'm looking forward to being a Washington hostess.
Bill Murray: Liz, tell me this: we heard that you promised that if John won the election, that you would go on a diet from your present weight of 167 pounds, down to your "Butterfield 8" weight of 120. Is that true?
Elizabeth Taylor: That's right. I've started on a strict diet. Nothing but chicken.
Bill Murray: That sounds great, Liz. But to me, I don't care how much you weigh, just so your cheeks don't puff up over those beautiful violet eyes that I've been in love with since "National Velvet".
Elizabeth Taylor: [ not paying attention ] Mmm-hmm...
[ suddenly, Taylor starts to choke ]
Bill Murray: Liz, what about your career? I mean, can we look forward to seeing you in a movie soon? How about "Cleopatra II"? It seems like such a natural. I mean, how would John feel about that? Would there be a career conflict, now that you are also the wife of a United States Senator? [ Elizabeth Taylor pounds her chest to free the chicken, then starts spitting it up ] Well, thank you so much, Liz. It has been a real treat for me to have you on "Celebrity Corner". And I think all your friends in the whole world join me when I say, "Good luck with that diet, I KNOW you're gonna lose that weight." She looks great, doesn't she? I just know she's gonna be a big hit on Capitol Hill.
A big thanks to the SNL Transcripts site, where you can find more classics like this!