Wednesday, March 15, 2006


The week's crossover can be added as an example to one of the articles I've already written for my Toobworld guidebook.


In the section which splains the discrepancies of the animal kingdom in the TV Universe, I covered the expanding category of comercials which feature intelligent squirrels: Clusters cereal, Post-It Notes, Geico insurance, and LeafGuard raingutter filters.

Their heightened intelligence can be traced back to the accidental transmutation of a California red squirrel into a human being through the use of Martian technology.

When Red the Squirrel was transformed back to his original furry form, he retained that increased IQ and passed it down to his descendents as genetic memory. (And considering how many litters a male squirrel can sire, and then how the future generations can multiply exponentially, the red squirrel population of today would all be related to Red within that first decade.)

So that splains red squirrels. But the squirrels seen in the blipverts have all been gray squirrels. (My brother, who hates squirrels, would call them blipvermin.)

It's not a common occurrence, but red and gray squirrels can cross-breed. And so in the past forty years since human intelligence was introduced into the genetic strain of squirrels, the gray squirrel has acquired that genome as well.

However, there must have been some mutation due to the cross-breeding; some kind of Mogwai/Gremlin twist in the DNA, so that although the gray squirrels were now intelligent as well, they used this newfound power for EVIL!

The proof is on our TV screens - gray squirrels steal our cereals; they use Post-It Notes to keep dogs under their mental control; they re-route street signs; and they cause traffice accidents just for kicks.

And now, as we saw in the commercial for Western Union, gangs of nut-gathering thugs are mugging humans and stealing their money.

Pretty soon we may see squirrels teaming up on TV with Vic Mackey on 'The Shield', or with Tony and his crew on 'The Sopranos'!

Evil, I tells ya! EVIL!!!!!


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