THE DRAGON WITH THE FLAGON

The USA Network may have mistak- misguid- stupidly canceled 'The 4400', but its mythos lives on in Toobworld!

From the '4400 Wiki':

"Promicin is a neurotransmitter - a chemical produced in the brain that relays, amplifies and modulates signals between neurons and other cells. It is set apart from the normal four that control and regulate the human body, providing access to an unknown area of the cerebellum and giving the person access to extra-human abilities."

The Brewmeisters of Bud Light (in the TV Universe only, hopefully!) may have been experimenting with Promicin, manipulating its basic compound so that it can trigger one specific extra-human ability - the ability to breathe fire.

The Bud Light Ad
This specific recipe for Promicin would have been added to the mix for the televersion of Bud Light so that no matter who you were, the ability to breathe fire would be triggered in your genetic makeup. (It's probably buried in our DNA along with so much other genetic junk which the Doctor warned about in the episode "The Lazarus Experiment"; probably an ability we might have developed while we still shared the same evolutionary path as the dragons.)
If this is so, it looks as though it was unfortunately marketed before full product testing could be completed. But as we have seen in the commercial itself, the beer company pulled that specific mixture off the shelves and it is no longer available for general consumption.

So this is a blipvert with a specific place in the Toobworld timeline; what we saw was a historical replay of events which probably occurred over the last twelve months - the new beer was announced; the adverse effects began to appear; and it was taken off the market to avoid further bad publicity.

This type of splainin might also work for the other Bud Light blipvert in the series - in which the beer takes credit for the ability to fly. But I think there's more to the story than that, which I'll get to in another post.

Oh, and just to be as crystal clear as gravy - we are talking about a fictionalized version of Bud Light, not the actual suds you can pick up at the store.

BCnU!
Toby OB

WISH-CRAFT: BETTY PAGED

The rumors are abound that the writers' strike may soon be over. With that in mind, and with an eye towards the Toobworld calendar and what's coming up in March, allow me to make the following Wish-Craft:

To the producers of 'The New Adventures of Old Christine':
Take a look at that picture. Don't you think it would make sense to hire Betty White to play the mother of Julia Louis-Dreyfuss' character?

Just sayin', is all.....

BCnU!
Toby OB

ADVERT & SQUIRRELLY

It's been a long-held theory at Toobworld Central that squirrels are the fifth most intelligent life form on Earth Prime-Time (after the mice, the dolphins, the humans, and the talking horses of Houyhnhm). This is due to the transformation of a California red squirrel into a human back in the 1960s, thanks to a Martian device (as seen on 'My Favorite Martian').

Even though the squirrel was returned to his normal self, he retained his human intelligence, and that boosted IQ was passed down to his descendants. And as red squirrels can inter-breed with the greys (although rare), it was transferred to them as well. (And it's a major reason as to why the grey squirrels are crowding out the red squirrel population.)

We've seen signs of their intelligence in Toobworld before - in blipverts for car insurance, breakfast cereals, and storm drain guards. They force cars off the road, change road signs, and lately they jump into your SUV to sing Andy Kim songs.

The Bridgestone Ad
With the Bridgestone ad that was featured in the Super Bowl, there really isn't much sign of intelligence on the part of the squirrel who ran out into the road for one acorn. That act alone was pretty stupid, but then again... we've seen humans do the same thing. And that he would freeze up and scream because of the onrushing car? That was instinctual.

Still, there's nothing to say this squirrel isn't one of the millions with heightened intelligence. More than likely the squirrel scarpered home to hide his prize and then write up a Post-It Note to remind him of its location.

And why not? Let's also say that he lived in that same enchanted forest from the Jeep Liberty commercial where all the animals can talk and sing!

I'm feeling magnanimous... and a little nutty.

BCnU!
Toby OB

TO THE BAD CAVE!

This year I didn't tape the Super Bowl in order to just get the commercials to watch the next morning once I got home from work. Now that I've got Artemus, a fantastic computer which I'm told gives me more capabality than most small businesses, I figured I'd just watch them online.

Maybe I needed that bumper of a football game instead of relentlessly wading through all of those blipverts! By the time I was done watching them twice - once to get the feel of it, the second time for frame grabs - I felt like that squirrel in the Bridgestone ad!

Slowly but surely I'll work my way through the Blipvert Jungle to analyze those with Toobworld potential and eventually I'll blither on about them here in my Inner Toob Sanctum Sanctorum.

First up:

The Geico Ad
Those original Geico commercials about the cavemen living in modern society were pretty funny. Just about every one of them had their moments - "It's my mother. I'll put her on speaker phone." "Tina's here. We're getting back together." Those two still crack me up!

But then the guy who created the concept thought it might be fun to expand the premise into a sitcom.

I saw only a couple of episodes and while they weren't chock-full of chuckles, they were at least well-written. The one with the cavewoman had some exchanges of dialogue that might have been at home in a Woody Allen or an Ed Burns movie - without the hairy knuckles.

But overall? Not one of ABC's shining moments last season.

Based on the tableaux in the opening credits, these cavemen had been around in pivotal moments of History, so that might have meant trying to find a splainin as to why we hadn't seen them over the years (in real time as well as in toob time) in shows like 'Rome', 'The Adventures of Sir Lancelot', 'Gunsmoke', 'Banyon', 'The Mod Squad' and 'Seinfeld'. (Well, maybe the case could be made for Kramer.....)

Whereas with the cavemen in the commercials, they seem to have only recently found themselves thrust back into the real world and are still struggling to adapt. The guy in the second commercial (third? fourth?) even said that he didn't know those guys were still around.

So along comes this Super Bowl ad to reclaim the heritage of the commercial cavemen. As it turns out, the ABC sitcom 'Cavemen' was a TV show and not part of Toobworld's inner reality. We see these two cavemen hanging out after having just watched what was probably the premiere episode.

One of them is disgusted outright by what he saw; his friend takes a more philosophical approach to what the concept could turn out to be.

So now we can go back to the time before the series and proclaim that any future cavemen from the Geico ads are in Toobworld. Those from the series 'Cavemen' are not.

BCnU!
Toby OB

PS:
I can't speak with certainty on this, but it could be that the Geico Cavemen have been around long enough in Toobworld to have sired children by Homo Sapien females.

If so, I think we saw one of those hybrid female offspring in the Planter's ad.....

TIDDLYWINKYDINKS: DNA'S GAME OF THE NAME

Out of nowhere at work last night, the name "Hotblack Desiato" popped into my head.

That's how bored I was.

He was the lead singer of "Disaster Area" seen in the fifth episode of 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy'. Douglas Adams was stuck on a name for the character and when he saw a sign for an estate agency in Islington named "Hotblack Desiato", he nearly crashed his car.

Here's what the late Mr. Adams once had to say on the subject:

I came across the name Hotlblack Desiato when I was driving along Upper Street in Islington, and there it was on a house For Sale sign. It was the name of a new (real) estate agent . I thought it was the most wonderful name I'd ever seen, and wished I could come up with names as good as that.

I couldn't get the name out of my mind, and when I was trying to figure out the name for the rockstar who was spending a year dead for tax reasons, every name I thought of was not nearly as good as Hotblack Desiato. So in the end I gave up and phoned the agency and spoke - as it happened - to Geoff Hotblack. I asked him if I could use their name and he was, as you might imagine, quite surprised but said I certainly could.

And so I did. I spoke to Geoff quite often after that, in his capacity as an estate agent. And one day he told me that they had had quite a few calls from people saying hadn't they got a bit of a nerve naming their agency after a character in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

The same kind of thing happened when the first "Lord Of The Rings" movie came out. There were kids who never read the Tolkien trilogy who thought Gandalf was a ripoff of Dumbledore!

BCnU!
Toby OB

ALL OUTTA PIGGIES

A friend of mine, Ms. I.V., suggested a primer of 'Lost' for Idiots.

This would be my contribution:

This little piggy went to Portland.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had Dharma beer.
And this little piggy had none.
And this little piggy drove his Dharma bus all over the Others,
Squealing Wee wee wee wee, Dude.
All the way home.

BCnU!
Toby OB

CARE FOR A LATE NIGHT THREE-WAY?

Here it is, only February 5th, and already I think we have a winnuh for the 2008 Toobits Award for Best Crossover of the Year!
Last night, the ongoing feud between Conan O'Brien ('Late Night with Conan O'Brien'), Stephen Colbert ('The Colbert Report'), and Jon Stewart ('The Daily Show'/'A Daily Show') came to a head. Each of them argued as to who could take responsibility for the creation of Mike Huckabee as a serious contender for the Republican nomination to be President of the United States. It took an all-out brawl between those three stooges before we found out the truth from Huckabee himself:

"This great nation made me."

Each of the three "combatants" showed up on the others' shows over the course of two hours. Starting on 'A Daily Show', continuing through 'The Colbert Report' - both on Comedy Central - the argument spilled over into the corridors of NBC. During the knock-down, drag-out fight, old alliances were broken and new partnerships were formed until all three knocked each other out at the same time.

My one Wish-Craft - that when they were struggling over the gun, it would have actually gone off and "shot" somebody else - like Jay Leno, maybe even Ed McMahon or better yet, Chris Hanson! (Please?)

I think it's going to take a lot to top that effort for the honor of Best Crossover of the Year, because Daddy likes a three-way!

I guess you didn't need to know that.....

BCnU!
Toby OB

THE HAT SQUAD: SHELL KEPLER

There was a time when I spent many afternoons in Port Charles, NY. Back in high school, I really didn't have much choice - Mom was a nurse and she liked to watch 'General Hospital' just before she went to work on her shift. (This was back in the BC days: Before Cable and in a house with only one set.)

Then in 1980, I began a summer job doing the night audit for one of the properties belonging to a Westhampton Beach resort. Many of the afternoons were spent on the beach - getting my first exposure to REAL ocean waves after only a few visits to Misquomicut and Hammonassett (nearly killed me that first time). But most weekdays I found myself falling back under the spell of the soap opera. Especially since they amped up the excitement with the Ice Princess storyline.

And it was during that time when I first "met" Amy Vining.

SoapCentral has a nice biography for her character which I'd like to quote here:

"Amy Vining is the daughter of Jason and Barbara Vining. Barbara's child died at birth and her baby was switched with Leslie Faulkner's daughter, Laura. When Leslie tracked down her daughter it was in the nick of time. Leslie rescued her daughter from a cult and brought her back to Port Charles. In 1979, 16 year old Amy tracked down her big sister, Laura, who had just married Scotty Baldwin. Amy turned out to be quite a bit of trouble. She had a knack for discovering everyone's secrets and loved to gossip. Putting a strain on Laura and Scotty's rocky marriage, Amy went to live with Leslie Webber and her second husband, Dr. Rick Webber.

In 1982, Amy fell for handsome boxer Johnny Morrissey. He broke her heart when he decided to leave town after his manager, Packy, succumbed to a heart attack.Through the years, Amy and Laura's sisterly bond remained firm. Amy loved her sister's family and was always there for Laura when times became difficult. Unfortunately that was frequently. The biggest strain on their relationship occurred when Laura faked her death and didn't tell her sister Amy who deeply mourned her loss. When Amy found out that Laura was alive she was initially overjoyed but then profoundly hurt. Eventually Laura and Amy worked through it and Amy was able to forgive Laura.

Even through Amy has remained single, over the years she's flirted with quite a few of Port Charles's eligible bachelors. She also developed a friendship with Elton Herbert, Laura's office manager at Deception but she abhors his tendency to gossip. She continues to work at General Hospital."

Then there's this one from GHFF, an MSN.group:

"In all her years of nursing at General Hospital, Amy Vining has dished out a lot of medicine. But those figures pale in comparison to the quantities of gossip that she's administered. The biggest talker in Port Charles, Amy keeps a running commentary going on the lives of everyone around her, often to the detriment of her own life. She'd have a terrible reputation as a gabber (instead of the merely dubious one that she does endure) were it not for the fact that one thing about her is bigger than her mouth - her heart.

Amy's parents, Barbara and Jason Vining, raised her with her big sister, Laura. Barbara's baby had died in childbirth and was switched with Lesley Faulkner's newborn, Laura. Years later, after Jason died, Lesley tracked down Laura and saved her from a Canadian cult.

After Laura wed Scotty Baldwin in 1979, 16-year-old Amy showed up on their doorstep in Port Charles and never left. The incorrigible teen put an added strain on a union that was shaky from the start. Eventually, Amy came to reside with Lesley and her second husband, Dr. Rick Webber.

In 1982, Amy was swept up in an unlikely romance with handsome boxer Johnny Morrissey. But the pinings of her heart weren't enough to overcome the aching in the heart of Johnny's manager, Packy. After the older man succumbed to a heart attack, Johnny departed Port Charles, delivering an emotional knockout to Amy.

Over the years, Amy has been a source of endless aggravation for her big sister, Laura. At times, it's seemed like they still were teenagers. But Amy also has been there for her sibling in her hours of need - and there have been plenty of them. As a result, the bond between the women is strong and true, if occasionally strained. Thus, when Laura faked her own death in 1996, Amy was deeply hurt that Laura didn't let her in on the scam. She mourned for her sister and was as furious with her when she turned up alive as she was overjoyed to see her.

Through it all, Amy has had flirtations with some of Port Charles's most eligible bachelors, such as Damian Smith, and famous saxophonist Dave Koz, and has exchanged a flirtatious smile or two with Lt. Marcus Taggert.

Amy found a friend in Elton Herbert, Office Manager for her sister Laura's company, Deception, but one thing she can't stand about Elton is his tendency to gossip!

Amy continues to work as a nurse at General Hospital. With her ear always on the gossip mill, Amy is the prime source of "unofficial" news around the hospital."

I left in those last few lines because until 'General Hospital' decides to address the issue, Amy Vining will continue to live on in Port Charles. However, the actress who portrayed her, Shell Kepler, passed away on Friday at the much too young age of 49.

The Pure Prairie League song is now playing in my head in her memory.......

BCnU....
Toby OB

THE HAT SQUAD: MORSE CODA

February 2nd, 2008 - the day the living stopped for Lt. Philip Gerard.

When an actor dies in the Trueniverse, it's not always a given that his most famous characters died as well. Some of them have already predeceased their portrayer; others may not even be born yet.

Even if they are never seen again, many TV characters can be considered as still being alive in Toobworld even if they are contemporaries of the late actor. But I think that when Barry Morse passed away on Saturday, Lt. Gerard died as well.

At least his dogged pursuit of 'The Fugitive' Dr. Richard Kimble across America finally led to the revelation of the real killer of Kimble's wife. A cop more obsessed with the case may not have cared to hear Kimble out at the end, despite the new evidence. But Gerard did the right thing and helped clear Kimble's name as well as save his life.

As for the character Morse created for 'Space:1999', it's unknown here at Toobworld Central as to whether or not Dr. Victor Bergman is still alive. First off, a splainin had to be found for that show since the events that launched the series never took place. The Moon never broke free of its orbit around the Earth back in 1999 in the TV Universe - we see it all the time in current TV shows.

So it was decided that the nuclear fuel dumps for the secret lunar colony still exploded (probably sparked by the use of lasers during a 1999 7-Up blipvert). Many of the scientists who living a covert life on the Moon at that time may have died - and Dr. Bergman may have been among them.

But in the mind of Commander Koenig, who was thrown into a coma by the devastation, Bergman and the others were still alive. Koenig was trapped in a coma-induced fantasy world in much the same way as a certain copper from Manchester.

If Bergman did survive that lunar catastrophe, he'd be about sixty-six today. And if he should live as long as Barry Morse, he'll be around in Toobworld for another 20 years at least.
I think it will be a VERY long time before Martian Chief Inspector Phobos passes away, as the humanoid Martians have quite extended lifespans (as seen with Exigius 12½ on 'My Favorite Martian'). Of course, it would depend on him being off-planet (Mars, that is) when the population was wiped out by the Martian Sentience seen in the final episode of 'Odyssey 5'. (It's likely that he was on Earth when that happened, probably conducting some kind of "Controlled Experiment" with fellow Martian Deimos.)

Fitzgerald Fortune was a Broadway critic; in age, he would have been a contemporary of Barry Morse. But I think he passed away quite some time ago, and probably by his own hand. This would have happened sometime after he brought "A Piano In The House", as seen on 'The Twilight Zone'.

Another resident of Toobworld who probably took his own life would be Peter Pell. Pell was a photographer who discovered the ability to disfigure his enemies by altering their photographs with some kind of solution. Unfortunately for him, he was subjected to that "Soft Focus" treatment as well when he spilled the solution all over his own photograph - which left him with a 'Way Out' horror of a face!
Alec Marlowe, code-named "The Tiger" when he was a member of the Allied Resistance group known as 'The Zoo Gang', would have been a contemporary of Barry Morse as well. However, he more than likely died back in the 70s while trying to right the wrongs committed by those outside the grasp of Justice in the Cote d'Azure. Sadly, I think all the members of the reunited 'Zoo Gang' have passed away by now.

Mr. Parminter used to work for US Intelligence as the liaison with secret agent Gene Bradley while 'The Adventurer' lived the high life around the world. (Their cover identities were that of a movie star and his agent. I don't think I have to tell you who was who.) Considering how dangerous their lifestyle was, I think it's likely that Mr. Parminter didn't get to enjoy retirement from the spy games.

It could be argued that Mr. Parminter might be the grandson or great-grandson of Wilton Parmenter and Jane Thrift (the family name going through some kind of alteration along the way).

Thanks for being there when you were needed, Mr. Morse.

SHOWS CITED:
'The Fugitive'
'Space: 1999'
'The Zoo Gang'
'The Adventurer'
'The Twilight Zone'
'The Outer Limits'
'Way Out'
'My Favorite Martian'
'Odyssey 5'
'F Troop'
'Life On Mars'
7-Up commercial

BCnU......
Toby OB

TIDDLYWINKYDINKS: FINDER-SPYDER

Finally got around to watching the second episode of 'Breaking Bad'....

I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'll continue watching it, and I think it will be lost forever if the strike is settled and my regular line-up of shows all return.

I'll be taking 'Breaking Bad' on a week by week basis.

In the meantime, the second episode featured a prop link that showed up often on 'Journeyman'. A quick check at Wikipedia showed that it has been seen in quite a handful of recent series. Like Morley Cigarettes previously, it goes a long way towards fusing those shows together.

Finder-Spyder, the computer search engine was used by teacher and meth "cook" Walt White's wife Skyler. She easily looked up info on the young man who was making strange calls to her husband.

But it also appeared in these other TV series:

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation:
Finder-Spyder is used in the episode "Time of Your Death."

Dexter

Hidden Palms:
Finder-Spyder is used in the episode "Party Hardy."

Journeyman: Dan Vasser (played by Kevin McKidd) frequently uses Finder-Spyder.
It appears in the episode "A Love of a Lifetime," "The Year of the Rabbit," and "The Legend of Dylan McCleen."

Moonlight:
Finder-Spyder is used in the episode "12:04 AM."

Prison Break:
Finder-Spyder is used in the "Pilot" episode and "Dirt Nap."

Without a Trace

Of them all, 'Prison Break' is the only one which does not take place on Earth Prime-Time, because of its discrepancy as to who occupies the White House.

BCnU!
Toby OB

[Thanks to Wikipedia for the info and images.]