TOOBWORLD DERBY (NOT KIRWOOD DERBY!)

"Oh, Wilbur!"

Maybe it's just as well I don't gamble, because my method for choosing a horse to root for in the Kentucky Derby left a lot to be desired.

Just for bleeps and giggles, I looked over the line-up of horses, trying to find that Runyonesque name that would jump out at me as if to say "I've got the horse right here!"

And there it was - "Greater Good", a 50-1 shot. Just last Wednesday, the episode that was shown for 'Lost' was "The Greater Good". And I love 'Lost'!

But what if it also meant that Greater Good would end up lost at the back of the pack on the track? (Who's writing this? Dr. Seuss?)

And then I found out that "The Greater Good" wasn't even the original title for the episode; it had been made under the name of "Sides".

So I kept searching.

When I saw last week's episode of 'Law & Order', it struck me strange that it was about a murder centered around horse racing. We're in the middle of the May Sweeps period, and horse racing didn't exactly scream sensational ratings to me. (Not like a case of a love affair gone horribly wrong... between siblings! DUNH DUNH DUNH!)

And it didn't even seem to be ripped from the headlines to me, but then, I didn't even know the Derby was being run until Friday. That at least made sense to me, from the network's business angle - NBC, home of 'Law & Order', was also going to be the network showing the Kentucky Derby.

And thinking that combo meant kharma, I combed through the list of colts again. And I found the horse to cheer on - "Closing Arguments".

I didn't do too badly - Closing Arguments came in second. Would've paid some serious quatloos had I actually played it.

And for this fan of the Red Sox, at least I also had the satisfaction of seeing George Steinbrenner's horse, "Bellamy Road" (a heavy favorite), come in out of the running at fourth as though the Boss himself had been riding him.

They should have had A-Rod as the jockey for Bellamy Road. "Slappy Rodriguez" would know how to slap that horse's haunches to get more speed out of him.

Bwahahahahaha!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby