"I know other guys who ate sandwiches and lost a lot of weight," says Gessner. "But I don't see them on TV with their shirts off."
"Of course you realize, this means war."
Like those "answer songs" of early rock 'n' roll, Subway should now come out with a blipvert in response. Maybe show Jared eating a Subway sandwich while some Gessner look-alike struggles in a bizarre workout contraption (like the one "advertised" on 'Saturday Night Live'.)
Jared's simple response? "Eat this."
And a commercial crossover conflict commences.