GIACOMO TEEVEE NA NE

Having seen "Casanova" in a 'Masterpiece Theatre' two-parter, I'm ordering the DVD of the original British version. I'm sure there are plenty of naughty bits that never got past the prurient censors at WGBH. Which is not surprising - the phrase "Banned In Boston" has a long tradition.

There have been times in the past when I've placed personal preference at the forefront in my duties as a TV Universe caretaker, especially when it comes to which TV shows belong in the main Toobworld and which ones must be relegated to an alternate dimension.

A case in point - "The Delay-a-Way Plan".

One of my guidelines is that a show's remake muste be shipped off to Earth Prime-Time Delay while the original commands the stage in Earth Prime-Time. These remakes usually reflect the times in which they were produced, just as the originals did in theirs, and so they are set in later time periods than the originals (hence the "Delay").

Despite it being one of the most lauded TV series on the Toob today, 'Battlestar Galactica' can never be considered for membership in the main TV dimension. Not when its "inspiration" (and its sequel, 'Galactica 1980') were on the air a quarter century ago. And not when those two shows, as bad as they could be, are integral to linking at least four other TV series together ('Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman', 'Fernwood 2Nite', 'America 2-Nite', and 'McCloud'). They also provide a theoretical splainin for the Eugenics War and certain scientific advancements found only in Toobworld.

But I have made exceptions in the past. Art Carney appeared in "The Incredible World of Horace Ford" on 'Studio One' one week after I was born. Nearly eight years later, that Reginal Rose-scripted story appeared as an episode of 'The Twilight Zone' with Pat Hingle as Horace Ford, and with an alternate ending.

Even though it came later, I consider Hingle's version to be the official one for Earth Prime-Time. This is because 'The Twilight Zone' is more accessible to the viewing public, thanks to the Sci-Fi Channel, so many years in syndication, and DVD collections. The gestalt of shared memory is a powerful component in keeping the TV Universe "alive".

Another example would be that of Sherlock Holmes, a topic I explored around this time last year. If I consider that "first dibs" guideline to be a hard and fast rule, then Ronald Howard's 1950s interpretation should be the official version of Conan Doyle's consulting detective.

But in the 1980s, PBS presented Jeremy Brett in the role, with adaptations of all the original stories. (He even dressed the part as envisioned by original illustrator Sydney Paget, and not in the deerstalker and cape as most actors following William Gillette have done.) Howard's Holmes only covered a few of those cases, such as "The Red-Headed League". So o'bviously the Brett Holmes is a better realization of the immortal detective and all the other versions of Holmes must be shipped out to new homes.

I bring this up because of Giacomo Casanova, and how torn I am as to which version should be the official legendary lover of Toobworld.

Casanova has had plenty of incarnations on Television over the years since 1971. (Was he too risque a character to be shown before then? Over in the Cineverse, his tale has been told since the Silent Era.) I haven't seen any of those versions, but I can't help thinking that for the most part they must be dry, stodgy, stuff historical dramas, or outright fabrications about his life. (And Casanova surely did enough of that himself in his memoirs.)

However, that 1971 six-part miniseries was written by Dennis Potter, an acclaimed genius among Television writers, right up there with in the pantheon with Chayevsky, Serling, and Rose. And Frank Finlay - whom I first noticed in "The Three Musketeers" - is a fine actor who probably gave mult-shaded life to Casanova. Even without having yet seen it, I think it must be a very appropriate production to represent Casanova in Toobworld. (And reviews which I have found online seem to buttress that belief.)

There are plenty of foreign teleplays on the life of Casanova, most of them in French or German (at least three versions in each, I think). But as a caretaker of the TV Universe, I do take certain liberties based on my own prejudices. And one of these is that English language productions will take precedence over those in a foreign language whenever possible.

And sorry, but that includes the 2002 Italian TV movie "Il Giovane Casanova" starring Stefano Accorsi as Giacomo Casanova, even though it's in the native language of the real Casanova.

It's not like the TV Universe doesn't give me the splainin to back up that claim. After all, whenever time travellers like Mr. Peabody or the Doctor visit some past era in Earth's history, the people they encounter speak English. Now, the Ninth Incarnation of the Doctor claimed this ws due to the effects of travelling in the TARDIS, and Arthur Dent had a Babel Fish in his ear, but how does any of that explain the conversational English of 'I, Claudius'? Who in that cast of characters was a Gallifreyan Time Lord or a hitch-hiker from Betelgeuse in disguise?

Stuart Damon played Giacomo in "A Touch Of The Casanovas" back in 1975, but from what I read about it, the production was geared more towards humor. As such, I have no problem in assigning that version of Casanova's life to the same dimension which houses 'When Things Were Rotten', 'That's My Bush!', and 'The Secret Files of Desmond Pfeiffer'.

(When I first typed that title, my computer crashed and I lost this entire file. Says something about the show, I think.....)

The Richard Chamberlain portrayal of Casanova in 1987 is highly regarded for its irreverent script by the author of the "Flashman" series of books, George MacDonald Fraser. It sounds like the type of production I'd like to give some kind of preferential treatment by placing it in the same dimension as that which houses 'The West Wing'.

As for Patrick Bergin in 'Casanova's Love Letters' which, like the version just shown on Masterpiece Theatre, was televised in 2005..... I suppose the evil mirror universe must have its Casanova as well......

Which brings me to the production written by Russell T. Davies and starring David Tennant and Peter O'Toole as Casanova at different times in his life......

This production seems to have captured most of the significant facts from his 12 volume memoir, "Histoire De Ma Vie" (Story of My Life), with only one major deviation - the faux castrati Bellino was combined with Teresa Cornelys and Donna Lucrezia, by each of whom he had illegitimate daughters. (And that storyline in this production had quite a deviation if you know what I mean, Vern. Nudge nudge wink wink!)

I would dearly love to use this televersion of Casanova's life as it has the best sense of being "Television". RTD's script was lively and had a sense of play that I would think must have captured the spirit of Casanova's memoirs.

Its "televisuality" pervades throughout. Casanova and his manservant Rocco were both tele-cognizant, recognizing and acknowledging that they had an audience watching them. And many times the costumes and dialogue betrayed an anachronistic flavor to better reflect the social mores of those "modern" times. (RTD even threw in a joke at the expense of Aaron Spelling! (Well, he wasn't quite dead yet when this first aired.....)

Add to all of this the amazing number of actors who would go on to appear in RTD's revival of 'Doctor Who' (most notably David Tennant, the Tenth Incarnation of the Doctor as Casanova himself), and this is a production that would make for a pleasant diversion in repeat viewings.

Still, there is that mini-series from 1971 penned by Dennis Potter......

But have no fear! I think I have a way to incorporate both into the main Toobworld!

Potter's production takes place in 1755, as Casanova is jailed in the prison of the Doge's Palace. And he reflects back on his many loves and adventures during that incarceration.

In a similar fashion, RTD's recent version is set in June of 1798, just days before Casanova's death while serving as a librarian for a nobleman in Bohemia. And again, his life is seen in flashback as he relates his story to a young serving girl who works in the same castle.

Here's my solution. Frank Finlay and Peter O'Toole are both playing the same Casanova, but obviously at different points in his life, over forty years apart. It's another one of my "guidelines" that casting changes are acceptable due to the toll taken by aging. The ravages of Time would splain away most of the physical differences, save perhaps for the nose..... And whose to say Casanova didn't resort to some kind of neo-classical nip/tuck to give him a more elegant schnozzola?

As for David Tennant as the younger Casanova, who is seen in the most recent version in the same circumstances as the incarcerated Casanova played by Frank Finlay, that's an easy one to splain away.

He wasn't real.

What we saw was Casanova as envisioned by Edith the serving girl while she listened to the stories told by the elder Casanova. This would splain the telecognizant glances toward the audience - it's addressed to Edith as a visual wink by her sub-conscious when she begins to doubt the veracity of the stories.

It's a conceit I used when I needed a splainin regarding the Zonks caused by the outlandish stories in 'Jack Of All Trades'. The entire series was nothing more than the Munchausen-like tall tales told by Jack Styles in his own memoirs. Otherwise there was no way he could have possibly have met a young and beautiful Catherine The Great or Ben Franklin - who happened to have died about nine years before their supposed encounter in 1801.

We can use the same splainin for Casanova's appearance in a flashback on the adventure series 'Relic Hunter' (one of my guilty pleasures). When we see Dominic Cina as Casanova, what we are seeing is how he appears in the mind of the person narrating the flashback.

In a way, this splainin would also serve for the appearance of Toby Stephens as Casanova in the 2004docu-drama "London". In that case, what we are seeing is a dramatic re-enactment of Casanova's time in England, taken from a historical reference; perhaps as envisioned by whomever is reading that particular book.......

Speaking of Franklin, Casanova met him as well, and I only wish RTD had created a scene to show that. I think they would have made for a great pair of swingers in Paris, hittin' on the ladies!

THE MANY LIVES OF CASANOVA
ENGLISH
Patrick Bergin (Casanova)
Tom Frederic (Young Casanova)
. . . "Casanova's Love Letters" (2005) (mini) TV Series
Richard Chamberlain (I) (Giacomo Casanova)
Toby Rolt (Young Giacomo Casanova)
. . . Casanova (1987) (TV)
Domenic Cina (Casanova)
. . . "Relic Hunter" (1999) {The Book of Love (#1.9)} TV Series
Stuart Damon (Casanova)
. . . Touch of the Casanovas, A (1975) (TV)
Paul Marc Davis (Casanova)
. . . Casanova (2002) (TV)
Frank Finlay (I) (Giovanni Casanova)
. . . "Casanova" (1971) (mini) TV Series
Tony Rosato (Casanova)
. . . "Mentors" (1998) {The Book of Love (#2.8)} TV Series
Toby Stephens (Casanova)
. . . London (2004) (TV)
David Tennant (I) (Giacomo Casanova)
John Sandilands (II) (Casanova aged 5)
Zac Fox (Casanova aged 12)
Peter O'Toole (I) (Older Casanova)
. . . Casanova (2005) (TV)

ITALIAN
Stefano Accorsi (Giacomo Casanova)
. . . Giovane Casanova, Il (2002) (TV)

FRENCH
Jean-Pierre Andréani (Casanova)
. . . C'est arrivé à Paris (1977) (TV)
Michel Le Royer (Casanova)
. . . "Nouvelle tribu, La" (1996) (mini) TV Series
Michel Le Royer (Casanova)
. . . Un coup de baguette magique (1997) (TV)
Roland Lesaffre (Casanova)
. . . "Madame êtes-vous libre?" (1971) TV Series
Jean-François Poron (Casanova)
. . . Siècle des lumières, Le (1976) (TV)

GERMAN
Jean-Claude Brialy (Casanova)
. . . "Schöne Wilhelmine, Die" (1984) (mini) TV Series
Robert Hunger-Bühler (Casanova)
. . . Casanova (2004) (TV)
Wolf Kaiser (Casanova)
. . . Casanova auf Schloß Dux (1983) (TV)
Walter Koeninger (Giacomo Casanova)
. . . Casanova (1981) (TV)
Romuald Pekny (Casanova)
. . . Frag nach bei Casanova (1975) (TV)

It appears that several actors named "Toby" have played the role of Casanova in Toobworld. Can't quite put my finger on why that should be of interest.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

See that guy all dressed in green?
I-ko, i-ko, unday
He’s not a man;
He’s a lovin’ machine.
Jockomo fee na-né.

WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE - A LUXOR-IOUS DIFFERENCE

Jake Stone: 

Where do you hide a massive actual pyramid? 

Cassandra Cillian:

Inside another massive actual pyramid! 

Ezekiel Jones:

The Luxor Casino in Vegas. It's genius!  

I mean, who'd ever think to look for a real Egyptian pyramid 

under a fake American one?

'The Librarians'

From Wikipedia:
Luxor Las Vegas is a hotel and casino situated on the southern end of the Las Vegas Strip in Paradise, Nevada. The 30-story hotel, owned and operated by MGM Resorts International, has a 120,000-square-foot (11,000 m2) casino with over 2,000 slot machines and 87 table games.

Due to the 2008 to 2009 renovation, it has a new, highly modernized design and contains a total of 4,407 rooms, including 442 suites, lining the interior walls of a pyramid-shaped tower and within more recent twin 22-story ziggurat towers.

The hotel is named after the city of Luxor (ancient Thebes) in Egypt.  Luxor is the fifth-largest hotel in Las Vegas and the ninth-largest in the world  As of 2010, the Luxor has a 4 Key rating from the Green Key Eco-Rating Program, which evaluates "sustainable" hotel operations.

The hotel has also been featured in the television shows 'Fear Factor', 'Criss Angel Mindfreak', 'Great Hotels', and 'CSI'.

A majority of my fellow Crossoverists don't hold with using actual locations as being qualifying crossover markers.  And I agree - there has to be more to a crossover between 'Taxi' and 'Law & Order' than just the fact that both take place in New York City.  Luckily in that care, there is a true crossover - the "Terminal" episode of 'Law & Order' in which a suspect was a driver for the Sunshine Cab Company, the main setting for the 'Taxi' sitcom.

But the Luxor is a good example of what the Wold Newton people would consider "the world just outside your window".  The general public is unaware of the "fact" that an actual Egyptian pyramid can be found beneath the Luxor Hotel & Casino, but it is there in Toobworld and stands as a good example of a difference between Earth Prime-Time and Earth Prime.

(Another good example would be Fenway Stadium and its secret history as told in the "Diamond In The Rough" episode of 'Relic Hunter'.)

So I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but if I'm watching an old episode of 'CSI' and see the Luxor in the background, I'll know there was an actual pyramid under there that whole time.  But I don't see it as being a true crossover.  It just gives 'CSI' some added flavor.....

BCnU!

MISSING LINKS - WE'RE TALKIN' BASEBALL

In October, the once hapless Chicago Cubs won the World Series. It only took them 108 years since their last championship to accomplish that.

"108" is an important number in the Valenzetti Equation of 'Lost', as it is the sum of The Numbers and it was the number of minutes that elapsed until "the button" had to be pushed again down in the Hatch.

But it probably doesn't come into play here because in Toobworld it's pozz'ble, just pozz'ble, that it didn't take 108 years for the Cubs to win the World Series. On Earth Prime-Time, they may have won the Series back in 1974, only a mere 66 years since they were last in it.

'KOLCHAK, THE NIGHT STALKER'
"THEY HAVE BEEN, THEY ARE, THEY WILL BE..."

Carl Kolchak was driving through the Windy City on his way to cover a story about some missing animals at the Lincoln Park Zoo, listening to Game One of the 1974 World Series. 

Now, in the Trueniverse, the match-up was totally California dreaming: the Oakland A's vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers. 

But for the main Toobworld, the 1974 World Series was between the Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox*. 

The Red Sox had not been waiting as long as the Cubs for a championship - they last won in 1918 (when they were pitted against the Cubs as well) and would not win again until 2004 in the Real World. 

But either way, one or t'other of Major League's long-time losers was going into 1975 as the World Series champeens. 

So this really was a fantasy TV show!

I'm going to say that it was the Cubs who won. First off, I'm the caretaker of the Toobworld Dynamic concept and I'm a member of Idiot Nation. So that skews my analysis. 

But despite the prevalence of TV shows set in Chicago over all those years in which the Cubs never won the Series - 'M Squad', 'Anything But Love', 'Early Edition', 'ER', 'E/R', and the current quartet of shows produced by Dick Wolfe - I don't think a Championship by the Cubbies in 1974, or even the drought since 1908, would merit much attention by the fictional characters of Toobworld. 

The case could be made that it must have come up in at least one episode of 'My Boys'. After all, the show was about a Chicago sports reporter and her sports-obsessed friends. And there may have been a few shows set outside of Chicago that could have brought it up: the usual suspects would include 'Bay City Blues', 'Clubhouse' and 'The Odd Couple' (since Oscar was also a sportswriter.)

I did a quick search of the IMDb for quotes about the Cubs and the Red Sox and did find one quote dealing with the Cubs' infamy in regards to the World Series:

'Married with Children'
Episode: Dances with Weezie (1993)

Jefferson: 

What year did the Cubs last win the World Series?

Al: 

1908.

Peggy: 

And yet you can't remember the year we were married?

Al: 

Same year, 1908. Only difference is, baseball is still interesting.

Peggy: 

Maybe that's because they score more than once a season.

~~~

'Supernatural'
Episode: Do You Believe in Miracles (2014)

Dean Winchester:

"I'm blaming you for Kevin! I'm blaming you for taking Cass' grace. 

Hell, I'm blaming you for the Cubs not winning a World Series 

in the last 100 freaking years. 

Whatever it is... I'm blaming you."

Trust me.  Those won't be Zonks by the time we finish this splainin.......

But didn't the Red Sox Series drought ever get mentioned in a TV series? I think it very likely, not only in some of those series mentioned above, but also at some point in 'St. Elsewhere' or 'Spenser: For Hire' or maybe even in 'Relic Hunter'.  (In one episode, Sydney Fox had an adventure in the bowels of Fenway Stadium.) And that doesn't even take into account that Farrelly Brothers movie starring Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore, 'Fever Pitch', which got to film its two stars right in the middle of the Sox' epic win. (That stays put in the Cineverse.)

Here are some quotes I found which illustrate that the Sox had not won since 1918:

'Suddenly Susan' (1996 TV Series)

Susan Keane:

Oh, come on, Luis! 

We live in a universe with certain natural laws. 

The earth revolves around the sun. 

Red Sox never win the series, 

and I always reject you!

'The Dead Zone'
Episode: Precipitate (2003)

John Smith:

"Did the Red Sox win the World Series yet?"

Besides, there was just something - at least to me - that was magical about that whole series which I wouldn't want to diminish by having the Red Sox win thirty years earlier. The Curse of the Bambino vs. the Curse of a Goat? No contest. Sorry, Cubs fans.

Okay, so I found that 'Married With Children' quote which did mention the fact that the Cubs had not won a World Series since 1908. If the Bundys are to remain in Earth Prime-Time - because no way in Hell am I banishing Carl Kolchak to some alt. Toobworld! - then how could they forget that Chicago's National League team had won in 1974?

Perhaps something else in the news of the world at that time had siphoned off everyone's attention. And not even the diversion of America's Past-Time could compete.

What could that have been?

I doubt the March elections in the United Kingdom could have ever diverted the attention of the American public that much. I don't even think the expatriates from the British TV Land, like Phoebe Figalilly, Giles French, and Mrs. Nell Naugatuck, would have still been obsessed by Harold Wilson becoming Prime Minister.

Perhaps news of the death of Ed Sullivan, that Toast of the Town, in early October** affected the citizenry of Toobworld more than in the Real World. After all, he was a really big shew in himself and is a member of the Television Crossover Hall of Fame because of the impact he had.

But that doesn't feel powerful enough either.....

It could have been a cumulative effect, the combination of events in that year - not only Sullivan's death, but the Watergate scandal leading to Nixon's resignation; Ford pardoning Tricky Dick; the Super Outbreak of tornadoes which bedeviled the Midwest; the Patty Hearst kidnapping. 

Or it might have been a fictional newsworthy event that occupied the world's attention.  And I would think an "Invasion of the Dinosaurs" - even if it was happening in London - might fill the bill.....

'DOCTOR WHO'

"INVASION OF THE DINOSAURS"

The Third Doctor and Sarah arrive in 1970s London to find it has been evacuated because dinosaurs have appeared mysteriously. It turns out the dinosaurs are being brought to London via a time machine to further a plan to revert London to a pre-technological level. [TARDIS Data Core Wikia]

Even "across the Pond in the Colonies", this sort of attack on the British capital would have kept the whole world transfixed.  Now, that entry only pegs the time period as "1970s", but we know it happened in 1974 because "At one point, Sarah states she is twenty-three. This would make the date of this story 1974, based on her date of birth given in the The Sarah Jane Adventures episode Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane?." [TARDIS Data Core Wikia]

The threat of dinosaurs materializing in other parts of the world as the news quickly spread would have caused a global panic.  Who could pay attention to the World Series when at any minute a neosaurus could be attacking your home?  The fear would have spread like the hysteria during Orson Welles' radio broadcast of "The War Of The Worlds".

And maybe there was an American off-shoot of "Operation Golden Age" which brought forth the dinosaurs as part of the plot to transform the United States back into a prehistoric paradise.  Or maybe there were backwash vortices created by the Time Tunnel which provided the saurian time travelers to journey from their time to the "present" of 1974.  (These would be the same anomalies that would crop up in the two 'Primeval' TV series - the original set in the UK, the spin-off in the USA.) 

It would take a team of extraordinary heroes to combat such a threat, with science and physicality as well as supernatural magic.  TV characters like the Six Million Dollar Man would be called in by the shadow government of the United States to work alongside witches and warlocks like Serena and Arthur, a genie from Cocoa Beach, a Martian by the name of Exigius 12½, and any superheroes willing to help... even if they were Captain Nice and Mr. Terrific.  Right there in Chicago, Special Unit 2 may have actively engaged with Silurians coming out of their eons-long slumber to ally themselves with their more bestial reptilian relatives. 

As you can see in that previous paragraph, I gave free reign to my imagination as to the chaos that might have ensued ancillary to the Invasion of the Dinosaurs.  And as a fanficcers' friend, I offer up that suggestion freely to any 'Doctor Who' fanfic writers out there.  But in the end, it was small potatoes since I know believe that timeline was ultimately re-written.

1974 was the year in which a lot of the episodes from 'Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea' took place.  The show may have been broadcast in the early '60s, but it was set a decade later.  The Future, now forty years in the past.  At that time, the President of the United States was Henry Talbot MacNeil.  But at some point the Past had to be revised so that the POTUS in Earth Prime-Time was the same as that in Earth Prime - first Richard M. Nixon and then Gerald R. Ford.

There were plenty of other TV characters besides the Doctor and Uncle Martin O'Hara who could have affected the timelines far enough back so that this particular history never happened.  It was concurrent within the personal timeline of Dr. Samuel Beckett, so he might have put right what once went wrong.  And there was the Flash of the main Toobworld - he could have created a "Flashpoint" as did his alternate Toobworld counterpart just recently.  Toobworld's Flash may not have come into his powers until 1990 but the ability to use his super-speed to go back in Time could have come into play.  And Tony Newman and Doug Phillips might have fallen out of the temporal vortex at some point during the Johnson administration just long enough to alter the timeline so that Henry Talbot MacNeil never even ran for public office, let alone got elected president.  

It may have been a combination of any number of temporal interlopers who caused the ripples in Time, the butterfly effect, so that several things we once saw happen on TV no longer were true; it wasn't just a case of being shunted off to a parallel TV dimension.

So in 1974, the invasion of the dinosaurs happened.  And the World Series match-up between the Red Sox and the Cubs took place.  But the Toobworld timeline got a do-over.  And so then they never happened.  And the long championship drought for the Red Sox and the Cubs was restored and would continue until 2004 and 2016 respectively.***

And as for those quotes from 'Supernatural' and 'Married With Children' about the Cubs and 1908, that happened in the new timeline in which neither the Cubs nor the Red Sox reached the 1974 World Series.

By the way, I can't tell you who won that entire Series, but that first game?  The Red Sox won, 1-0.  Woo to the Hoo!

"The Cubs were looking pretty good until the seventh."

Gordy Spangler

BCnU!

O'BSERVATIONS:

* The radio broadcast for the was anchored by Dick Enberg, which adds to his qualifications for eventual entry into the Television Crossover Hall of Fame.

** Kolchak's narration mentions that first game being played in September.  But I think we'll chalk it up to human error.  It should be the same for the Toobworld as it is in the Real World and it was played from October 12 to the 17th.

*** 'Lost' may be the first TV series to have acknowledged the Red Sox win in 2004.

Henry Gale: Your flight crashed on September 22, 2004. Today is November 29th. That means that you have been on our island for sixty-nine days. And yes we do have contact with the outside world, Jack. That's how we know that during those sixty-nine days, your fellow Americans reelected George W. Bush, Christopher Reeve has passed away, Boston Red Sox won the World Series. What?

Dr. Jack Shephard: [laughing] If you wanted me to believe that, you probably should have picked somebody else besides the Red Sox.

Henry Gale: No, they were down three games to none against the Yankees in the League Championship and then they won eight straight.

Dr. Jack Shephard: Sure. Sure. Of course they did.

Jack Buck (as heard on TV): -back to Foulke... Red Sox Fans have longed to hear it! The Boston Red Sox are world champions! A clean sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals and the Red Sox celebrate in the middle of the diamond here at Busch Stadium.

RED SOX [TV] NATION

A wise man named Wayne* once said, with regard to baseball:

What an amazing sport with a subtext that reflects a combination of real life, fairy tales (in the lightest and darkest of senses), mythology, filled with tales of redemption, retribution and the always present sense of unlimited possibilities.
He was talking about the Yankee win in the 2003 ALCS, but it better suits the 2004 season of the Boston Red Sox.

Here was a team that overcame being 3 games down against the Yanks to win the next four games to win the playoffs - Something that had never been done before! - to then go on and sweep the World Series against the St. Louis Cardinals.

The astounding story of the Bosox would make for a great tale of fantasy: a band of warriors up against a Ghost, a Curse, and an Evil Empire to the South. One of the players might have found his strength in the length of his hair like Samson; another beat the odds against a grievous foot injury better than Achilles ever could. And the final battle was played out in the shadow of the Great Arch under a total lunar eclipse.....

An account of this season has been chronicled by fan Stephen King the best-selling author of horror fiction, but perhaps W.P. Kinsella, well-known for his baseball fantasies, ought to give their mythic moments his flourish.

Baseball has been the basis for several fantasy movies - "Angels In The Outfield", "Damn Yankees", and "Field Of Dreams" (based on Kinsella's "Shoeless Joe"), although the story of the 2004 Red Sox may be more in keeping with the magic realism of "The Natural". But the reality of the Sox success is now entwined in the magic of the movies, thanks to the Farrelly Brothers. As it became evident that the Bosox just might pull off a miracle after all, the filmmakers (responsible for such movies as "There's Something About Mary" and "Stuck On You") had to quickly rewrite the ending for "Fever Pitch", their movie about a rabid Red Sox fan and the woman who loves him.

And that's why you saw Jimmy Fallon in a lip-lock with Drew Barrymore in the center of the celebrations on the infield after Game Four.

But "Fever Pitch" won't be telling the Bosox Story. For that they would need to make a mini-series! Only with a story spun out over successive evenings could the full glory of this season be told.

That way, all the angles could be played - the hiring of Terry Francona, the trade of Nomar, and the visit by fans to the grave of Babe Ruth. All of the players would get their showcase moments dramatized - David Ortiz and his game winning blasts, the chance for Johnny Damon to finally shine, the agony and the ecstasy surrounding Curt Schilling's ankle, and the pathetic bitch-slap by A-Rod.

Even the darkest shadow on their quest must be recounted - the tragic death of Victoria Snelgrave, the fan who was fatally shot through the eye by a police pepper spray bullet.

As to who should play the players - I'll leave that up to casting experts like Lin Stalmaster or Mary Jo Slater. There must be plenty of unknowns out there with passing resemblance to Pedro, Manny, and Baby Face Epstein. Just so long as they let Wally The Green Monster play himself.......

Maybe there will never be a mini-series based on the first Red Sox championship since 1918, so let's give another option a chance to make the play at the plate while a third idea warms up in the bullpen. (There's no analogy or metaphor I won't take a swing at!)

I have to figure David E. Kelley will write an episode that weaves the World Series into his own series, 'Boston Legal' on ABC. He must love the town - three of his series were set in Beantown ('Legal', 'Boston Public', and 'Ally MacBeal'). And since he relies so heavily on quirky courtroom cases, having James Spader as Alan defending Ted Williams' frozen head would be a Shore thing!

Well... maybe dealing with the Sox legend's noggin should be left to Jordan Cavanaugh, the Boston medical examiner of 'Crossing Jordan' over on NBC. And what better place to showcase a storyline about the Red Sox than in an episode of 'Clubhouse' on CBS? You could even get a few players - like Trot Nixon and Bronson Arroyo; even the principal owner, John Henry - to play themselves.

If this was a perfect TV Universe, that mini-series idea would also be an opportunity to revisit some old friends from long-ago shows. The most obvious choice would be Sam Malone - wouldn't he have been invited to join the victory parade through the streets of Boston as did other past Sox players like Yaz and Pesky? If it had been still on the air, 'Cheers' could have even rushed out a quick opening for an episode; in which Norm and Cliff and Carla are standing outside the bar and watching the parade pass them by.

Calista Flockhart as 'Allie MacBeal', Avery Brooks as Hawk ('Spenser: For Hire'), Mariette Hartley as Jennifer Barnes ('Goodnight, Beantown'), Chi McBride as Principal Harper ('Boston Public'), and even coverage by the guys on 'SportsNight'... these are just a few of the fictional cameos that could proudly grace the parade route.

And they could even take the opportunity to explore the secret labyrinth of passageways beneath Fenway Park, which were revealed in an episode of 'Relic Hunter'!

At the very least, I'm sure there are plenty of big name stars who are Bosox boosters (Matt Damon, Matthew Perry, Lenny Clarke, and Seth Myers), and who would be more than happy to lend their faces to such a project, either as one of that bunch of Idiots (Ben Affleck as Varitek?), or as themselves. (Is Denis Leary a fan?)

Music could be provided by Aerosmith, the Cars, and the J. Geils Band. And Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore could even recreate their movie moment yet again to twist all of the parallel dimensions into a pretzel!

And depending on how today's election turns out, perhaps a scene could be written which would utilize either fan and candidate John Kerry, or Curt Schilling out on the stump for Bush.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

*I know Wayne's wise. He married Marsha. (It's an Iddiot thang.)

WEEKLY ROUNDUP

THE YADA-YADA
"But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear,
And immediately blood and water came out.
And he who has seen has testified,
And his testimony is true;
And he knows that he is telling the truth,
So that you also may believe."
John 19:34-36

THE CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK
The Destiny of the Spear of Destiny -
'The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & 'Roar' & 'Jesus Of Nazareth' & 'The Indiana Jones Chronicles' & 'Merlin' & 'Arthur Of The Britons' & 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys' & 'Jack And The Beanstalk' & 'Fairy Tale Theater' yada yada yada......
[See the crossover essay "Spear Parts".]

BLIPVERTS
Coins -- rather than plastic football players -- scramble from their hiding places and stampede across the varied terrain of a typical home, where they eventually assemble themselves into one very expensive shoe.

The tagline asks, "What could your change be?" So that settles it then. Like many other objects that should be inanimate, money is alive in the TV Universe.

There's that other commercial for ing Direct in which animated dollar bills race to a car dealership in anticipation of a deal being struck. Their efforts are in vain since the dealer doesn't have the car in red in stock.

The blipvert's moral? "Your money is ready even if you're not."
('Coinstar' & 'ing Direct')

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Captain Donald Cragen took a lunch break from the Special Victims Unit to give some information and advice to Detectives Green and Fontana, regarding a case that was solved while he was in charge at the 27th Precinct.
('Law & Order' & 'Law & Order: SVU')

MISSING LINK
Did the Bookworm ever apply for the job of Librarian?
(See the essay "The Worm Turns")

WISH-CRAFT
If Dean Devlin and Noah Wyle and TNT continue to make TV movies about Flynn Carsen, 'The Librarian', here's what I would like to see:

A guest appearance by Tia Carrere as Dr. Sydney Fox, the character she played in the syndicated TV series 'Relic Hunter'.

ECCE PROMO
There's a new wrinkle in the exploding field of product placement - touting Broadway shows. But the practice doesn't make it any less cheesier just because it's "theatuh" and not a feminine hygiene spray.

Could the writers and producers of 'Will & Grace' push Billy Crystal's "700 Sundays" down our throats any harder than they did in the opening for this past week's episode? (Shoving something down the throat is an apt image for this show......)

The only thing that made it somewhat palatable was that it was the effervescent Blythe Danner who was doing the schilling.
('Will & Grace' & "700 Sundays")

THE LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES
Jimmy Johnson - fighting cyborgs
Jeff Gordon - fighting pirates
Dale Earnhardt, Jr. - fighting knights
(all in NASCAR-oriented commercials for FOX Sports)

An alternate universe Penn & Teller caused a flap when it looked like they burned an American flag at a private party for Zoe Bartlet at the White House.
('The West Wing')

RETURN OF.....
Dr. Jacob Lowenstein, who killed his own child back in 1990, was finally released from prison. He didn't have a very long parole however - he was mowed down in a hit-and-run. He lost his leg and eventually his life because of it.

("To come back as Lowenstein after playing him fourteen years ago is a real treat, even though he is rather an unsavory character," says actor David Groh.)
('Law & Order')

THEORY OF RELATEEVEETY
Edward Wilde was the illegitimate son of Bronx-born self-made millionaire Danny Wilde. Even though his father wasn't even aware of his existence, Edward felt personally slighted and vowed revenge. He made his father's aquaintance and worked his way into his trust and confidence, slowly manipulating the older man into naming him as his heir.

If this was true, more than likely he killed his own father to inherit that fortune. But his greed didn't end with wealth. Wilde pursued his studies with a singular passion in order to qualify to be the Librarian, because as every televisiologist and game show fan can tell you, "Knowledge is king, and the reward for that knowledge is king-sized."

The combination of wealth, knowledge, and the power of the Spear of Destiny would have given Edward Wilde power over all the world.
('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & 'The Persuaders')

BY ANY OTHER NAME
Judson mentioned that the first Library was destroyed by the Serpent Brotherhood. If this is true, then the leader of that evil cult had to be Muammad Kali Pashu Addams.

In 270 AD, Addams set fire to the great library of Alexandria.

('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & 'The Addams Family')

ZONK
The "name of God" in the Shangri-la temple is the word "me" -- in English. And yet the panels pressed by Flynn Carsen are in Tibetan, while he says out loud "M...E."
('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear')

SPLAININ
The temple was built no more than 400 years ago by English-speaking outsiders, for the specific purpose of housing one third of the Spear of Destiny.

Like the carving on the door into Moria, the clue to find it was meant to be a riddle which involved two different languages.
('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & "The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring")

LA TRIVIATA
At last! Finally a story about an epic quest which addressed a very key issue of great concern......

What do you do for toilet paper in the wild?
('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear')

Joey Tribbiani has finally landed a regular TV show now that he's out in L.A.

He's playing the patriarch of a ski resort dynasty in 'Deep Powder'.
('Joey')

REALI-TV
A 48-year-old man was stabbed in his upper abdomen December 7th inside his South Avenue home in Bridgeton, NJ. It apparently happened during an argument over what to watch on television, police said.

The victim was immediately transported to Cooper Hospital/University Medical Center in Camden. He was last reported to police by hospital personnel to be in stable condition, according to Sgt. Thomas Speranza.

Police have charged 23-year-old Isaias Cruz of South Avenue with attempted homicide, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose and unlawful possession of a weapon.

OBITUARIES
EDWARD WILDE
Once he had been a Librarian, a member of a select group of guardians sworn to protect the world's greatest treasures. But his lust for power drove him to join the Serpent Brotherhood and seek the Spear of Destiny for his own evil intents.

While trying to kill Flynn Carsen (the new Librarian) with the Spear, Edward pushed the key stones of a pyramid out of alignment and brought the capstone crashing down upon himself.
('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear')

HISTORY, CHANNELLED
The Spear of Destiny is a legendary artifact associated — like the Holy Grail, the Crown of Thorns, and the Shroud of Turin — with the final moments of Jesus Christ.

As first described in John 19:31-37, the Spear, also known as the Spear of Longinus and the Heilige Lance (Holy Lance), was used by a Roman soldier (Gaius Cassius, later called Longinus) to pierce the side of Christ as he hung on the cross. The Spear, bathed in the blood of the Lamb and playing a significant role in the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy, is believed to have acquired tremendous mystical power. The first sign of that power was the purported healing of Gaius Cassius’s failing eyesight by blood from the wound. The centurion later become an early convert to Christianity.

The Spear subsequently passed through a multitude of hands, coming into the possession of many of Europe’s most important political and military leaders, including Constantine I, Alaric (the Visigoth king who sacked Rome in the year 410), Frankish general Charles Martel, Charlemagne, Frederick of Barbarossa, and Frederick II.

A leader who possessed the Spear was said to be invincible; Charlemagne and Frederick of Barbarossa were undefeated in battle until they let the Spear fall from their hands. A legend arose that whoever claimed the Spear “holds the destiny of the world in his hands for good or evil.”

Hitler’s fascination with the Spear was pivotal in sparking his interest in the occult, which gave birth to his ideas on the origins and purpose of the Germanic race and contributed to his belief in his own destiny as a world conqueror.

Not long after the German annexation of Austria, Hitler ordered the S.S. to seize the Spear and other artifacts from Vienna. They were taken by train to Nuremberg, where they were stored in St. Katherine’s Church.

Nuremberg was captured by Allied troops in April of 1945. The vault was subsequently discovered by American Army officers. The Spear was confiscated by American forces on the afternoon of April 30, 1945, less than two hours before Hitler’s suicide in his underground bunker in Berlin.

Like the Spear’s previous owners, Hitler perished after the relic was taken from him.

It should be noted that all the various purported Holy Lances are only spearheads, not complete weapons. The spear used by Longinus was most likely a Roman hasta (long spear), an iron head mounted on a hardwood shaft roughly 12 feet long. The shaft of the Spear either was not preserved or was lost to the ravages of time.

UNSTUCK IN PRIME TIME
33 AD - Roman Centurion Gaius Cassius pierces the side of Jesus Christ with his spear to determine if he is dead. The Spear is bathed in the blood and watery fluids from the body of the Christ. Cassius repents and converts to Christianity, taking the name of "Longinus".

But at some point after this, perhaps once he had passed the normal age limits of a man in his era without sign of aging, Longinus must have convinced himself that he had been played for a fool; that he had been cheated of the blessed release of Death.
circa 400 AD - Longinus lays siege to the people of the British Isles, using the televersion of the Spear.
('Roar')
410 AD - Alaric, the Visigoth King, sacks Rome. He wields the Spear.
570 AD - The Spear is on display in the basilica of Mt. Sion in Jerusalem, alongside the Crown of Thorns.
615 AD - The point of the blade is broken off during the Persian conquest of Jerusalem.
1098 AD - The second Spear is found by Peter Bartholomew in Antioch. It is now at Etschmiadzin in Armenia. Experts think it may be the shaft of a standard, not of a spear.
1200s - The third Spear makes its way to Krakow, where it is to this day.
1273 AD - The fourth Spear (also known as the Lance of St. Maurice and the Holy Lance of Hapsburg) is used in a coronation ceremony.
1492 AD - Sultan Bajazet presents the rest of the first Spear's spearhead to Pope Innocent VIII. It remains in St. Peter's Basilica to this day.
approximately 1600s - "Hundreds of years ago", the Librarians decided to break up the Spear of the TV Universe and store the other two thirds in hidden places around the world. One section was hidden deep in the Amazon jungle in a Toltec temple, and the other was placed in the safe-keeping of monks in Shangri-La in the Himalayas.
1700s - The tip of the spearhead from the first Spear, which had been set into an icon, had been moved from St. Sophie's in Constantinople to Sainte Chappelle.
During the French Revolution, the icon disappears from the Biblioteque Nationale in Paris.
1882 AD - Richard Wagner writes "Parsifal", an opera in which the Spear was a plot device.
1909 AD - Adolph Hitler first sees the fourth Spear on display in the Treasure House of the Hofsburg Museum.
October 12, 1938 AD - Hitler orders the S.S. to sieze the Spear from Vienna.
1944 AD - The Spear and other holy artifacts are stored in a specially constructed vault beneath St. Katherine's Church in Nuremburg.
April 30, 1945 - American forces confiscate the Spear. Two hours later, Hitler commits suicide.
1946 AD - The Spear and the rest of the Reichkleinodien (Imperial Regalia of the House of Hapsburg) are returned to Austria. They are on display to this day in the Hofsburg Museum. But the Spear's televersion is brought instead to be housed in the Metropolitan Public Library.
2004 AD - The TV Spear's adventures continue....

CRITIC'S CORNER
From the "Librarian In Black" website:
Let me say first what any other librarian watching this movie was sure to notice. Out of the 22 degrees that this chap held, not a single one was a Masters in Library Science (at least it was not mentioned, which you think they would have).

As someone who was watching the movie with me said, "They should have called this movie The Scholar, not The Librarian." Flynn the Librarian was not, in any sense, a librarian. He knew a lot of stuff (the movie emphasized linguistics, sociology, and world history), but "knowing stuff" does not a librarian make. It perpetuates the myth that librarians actually know everything. We can find just about everything, but no, we don't know everything. But then again, this guy wasn't a real librarian anyway, so perhaps the point is moot.

Hits: During Flynn's interview, he is asked what makes him qualified to be The Librarian. In his answer he mentions his web searching skills & being able to set up an RSS feed.
Misses: Not once, not a single solitary time, do we see a computer in The Library. Sheesh. We do see a wall of what I assume were supposed to be card catalog drawers, but they are a foot wide, so who knows.

The Librarian was a typical cheesy action film, with poorly done special effects, errors in logic, a weak story line, and some pretty horrible acting. Oh yes, and it really wasn't about a librarian, either. 80% of the movie had absolutely nothing to do with The Library, much less being a librarian. It was a typical poorly-done hapless adventurer movie. It would have been a horrible, horrible movie--even if it hadn't had the added insult of innacurately portraying librarians. December 06, 2004

CROSSOVER HALL OF FAME
Here's the final rundown of the inductees in the year 2004:
January - Captain James T. Kirk
February - Lt. Uhura
March - Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy
April - Commander Montgomery Scott
May - Yeoman Janice Rand
June - Zephraim Cochrane
Birthday Honors - The Cast Of The Original 'Star Trek':
William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, George Takei, Nichelle Nichole, Walter Koenig, Majel Barrett, Grace Lee Whitney
July - Ensign Pavel Chekov
August - Helmsman Hikaru Sulu
September - Gene Roddenberry
October - The Tribbles
November - Ambassador Sarek
December - Mr. Spock

Well, that's it for another week. Please stay tuned!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby
(Thanks to Aaron Severson for all of the research on the Spear of Destiny.)

THE SUPEREST SUPER BOWL BLIPVERT!

I've had the chance to look at most of the Super Bowl commercials and I wasn't wowed by many of them. I've written about a few of the better blipverts, but now I just want to call it a day with this last focus on the one that I liked the best:

"One Epic Ride" by Kia.

This truly is epic, with "chapters" in the story of the car which can be linked (mostly theoretically) to a variety of TV shows. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if "One Epic Ride" ended up as the best blipvert at the 2011 Toobits Awards next January.

As Locke would say on 'Lost', we're gonna have to watch that again! So whenever you're ready.....

And now here are my suggestions for the theoretical links to each "chapter", using the various Inner Toob blog keywords........

LIFE DURING PRIME TIME

This young couple must have been the actual owners of the Kia, or at least he was. Because of a later scene, the car-jacking probably took place in Los Angeles. And he looks to be a trendy young up-and-comer in business. And this being L.A., it's very likely he's in the business side of show business. Like an agent.

Therefore.....

Theoretical link: 'ENTOURAGE'

I'm not saying he has to work at the Miller Gold Agency (There are so many agencies out there!), but it's pozz'ble, just pozz'ble.

TELE-FOLKS DIRECTORY

To be able to procure an L.A. police uniform and motorcycle for this job would take a criminal with connections. I'm thinking this is the new wheel man for an established gang of thieves.

Theoretical link: 'SMITH'
At least this guy got his comeuppance. Unlike Michael Westin, he probably died from a fall into the ocean like that.

LOCATION SHOT
If this is supposed to be set in America, then it must be the Pacific Coast Highway on which the getaway driver is speeding along. (This is why I figured L.A. is where it all begins.)

Theoretical link: 'CHiPs'

In another ten minutes, the successors to Jon and Ponch would have been on his tail. After all, it's more than likely he had to kill an L.A. motorcycle cop for the uniform and the bike. And they'd be hot for revenge/justice. (Whichever came first.)

However, they're not going to get the chance to catch up.....

THEORIES OF RELATEEVEETY

The guy flying the helicopter could be the evil brother of Ranjit Singh, the favorite NY cabbie for Ted, Barney, Robin, Lily and Marshall.

Theoretical link: 'HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER'
You'll notice I said "evil brother", not "evil twin". I don't think they look that much alike to be twins.....

BY ANY OTHER NAME

This guy on the boat could be one of the last big operatives for the evil organization known as "The Ring".
Theoretical link: 'CHUCK'

RECASTAWAYS

The demi-gods have the power to change their appearance in Toobworld. (Good examples: Zeus, Ares, Aphrodite, Hercules) So it's no Zonk that Poseidon doesn't look as he once did. And that was thousands of years ago in the Time of Legends.

Theoretical link: 'XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS'
Thousands of years.... No wonder he's aged!

BIG SCREEN TV

James Cameron has said there are another thirteen moons circling the gas giant Polyphemus, along with Pandora. And he claims to have stories for all of them. But that doesn't mean they have to be all saved for the big screen. Some of them could be developed for television as well, without harming the movie franchise.

See those two little dots in the upper left of the picture? Those are two more of the moons. Either one of those could be the planet seen in the blipvert.

Theoretical link: "AVATAR"

LINKIN' HAZE

I don't know of any species of TV alien this could be, or if anything similar ever showed up on TV before. Any suggestions? But I'd like to think it's home planet was a member of the League of Non-Aligned worlds; its species would just be one that was never encountered by the TV audiences.

Theoretical link: 'BABYLON 5'

LA TRIVIATA

(see the picture for "Big Screen TV")
Wormholes can be found throughout the galaxy, but most of them only serve as a conduit from one location to another.
Theoretical link: 'DEEP SPACE NINE'

This one looked to be temporal as well, which leads to...

WHO'S ON TVNow for my favorite of the connections! The reason why that particular wormhole was temporal in nature is because it was created by a time-traveling ship, much like the wake created by a speedboat.

And which time-traveling ship? Why, the TARDIS, of course! That gathering of the Aztecs took place soon after the departure of the First Incarnation of the Doctor and his companions Barbara and Ian and his grand-daughter Susan.
Theoretical link: 'DOCTOR WHO'

ALTERNATEEVEE

And now there is at least one new version of the blipvert, edited down from its Super Bowl attention-stretcher of a minute, down to about fifteen seconds or so. In this new version, the car (We don't know who the driver is.) leaves the city and is tooling up the coastal roadway when the alien spaceship brings it on board with a tractor beam. No helicopter, no boat, no Poseidon.

In the main Toobworld, the Optima had no occupants when it finally went into the spaceship. (Unless the original passengers had a baby strapped into a car-seat in back. THERE'S a disturbing thought, which I'm very good at.) But now there could be up to four passengers in the car "Over There" in this alternate dimension. And of course, that wouldn't be the only difference between both dimensions......

Theoretical link: 'FRINGE'

But 'Sliders' would work just as well as an option....

CROSSING ZONE

Even if there was only the driver, the aliens had to do something with him so that the joyrider could get into the driver's seat. So..... What if those aliens had their own copy of Canamid classic "To Serve Man"?
Theoretical link: 'THE TWILIGHT ZONE'

WISH-CRAFTNow one last thing to consider - why did they all want the car? I'll accept that it was a great ride, which would be why most of those characters wanted it. (I wouldn't know. The only cars I have experience driving are a Pontiac Tempest, a Dodge Dart, a Honda Element. And I don't have a license anymore.)

But why would the Ring really want it? And why would Poseidon out of all of them?

So I'm thinking that - unbeknownst to the talent agent who owned the car - something of great value was hidden inside the car. Something that may have belonged to Poseidon or one of the other demi-gods back in the days of Legend.

Theoretical link: 'The Aprhodite Inheritance'

SPIN-OFF CITYAnd now it's probably buried in Mexico, waiting for some antiquities expedition, perhaps led by Professor Sydney Fox, to find it.

And that would be my last theoretical link: 'RELIC HUNTER'

THE END!

BCnU!