O'BSERVATIONS - THE 2014 OSCARS CEREMONY

I spent Oscar Sunday alone in my apartment because of my current incapacity (incapacitation?)  But then again, I'm not sure I would have been invited to any parties had I been able to travel......

Watching the Oscars on the Toob is definitely better when among friends, because you can get all snarky about every little detail, inappropriate comment, and snafu and even engage in a snark-off against the other party-goers.

I was still able to do that, thanks to Facebook!

So I thought I'd share with you most of my thoughts about this year's presentation.  Not all of them were winners (I could never hope to equal the bon mot bombs lobbed by Cynthia Heimel in the pages of the Village Voice in years past.)  One comment I had to delete because it was mean-spirited.  But my friend Ivy thought I was hitting on all cylinders most of the night and her opinion means the world to me.

I didn't bother with the Red Carpet crap.  My friend Ivy Hurley thinks that the pre-show lead-up is the Super Bowl for women, but I think it's more like the McLaughlin Group in drag.  I didn't even bother with Ellen's monologue and wasn't inspired until Jared Leto won.....

Jared Leto is dressed to play Jesus Christ, secret agent.

And when he brought up the current crisis in Ukraine:

Woohoo! Politics! Bring on Vanessa Redgrave!

I've seen the name "Pharrell Williams" in print, but never actually saw him before and never heard any of his songs.  I gotta tell you - that name made me think he was a woman.

When he came out to sing the song from "Despicable Me 2":

Hey, Pharell Williams! Ranger Smith wants his hat back.

This dance number would have been more fun if they were all dressed like minions.

Samuel L. Jackson was one of the presenters for costumes.....

I hope the costume design winner is a major upset, so we can hear Samuel L Jackson say "Oh HELL no!"

The animation awards.  I didn't see any of the nominees for Animated Short, but just the quick clips decided my favorite even if it didn't win:

I want to see "Get A Horse".......

And then it was time for the Animated Feature:

I guess "the Croods" is the only nominated film I've seen this year and that's only thanks to a seven-year-old nephew with a Redbox account.

Mention of the latest "Star Trek" fiction during the nominees for Special Effects made me realize:

Cumberbatch is in three nominated movies this year. Does anybody know if that's a record?

Best Red Carpet moment:

Benedict Cumberbatch photo-bombs U2

(By the way, they are "Star Trek: Into Darkness", "August: Osage County", and "12 Years A Slave".)

Edited moments from the earlier awards ceremony were shown.....

Do you know why they gave Angela Lansbury her award in a separate ceremony? They didn't want somebody murdered on live TV......

I don't even remember what Ewan MacGregor and Viola Davis were presenting; it didn't matter.....

And now presenting: Obi Wan Kenobi and Mace Windu in drag.....

Not all of the nominees were seated down in the orchestra section of the theater.....

All of these Oscar winners in the balconies.... I keep expecting John Wilkes Booth to show up.....

As far as I can remember, this was the first goof-up of the night:

Reading the nominees is pre-recorded. Wasn't anybody there who could have told Charlize Theron how to pronounce "Smaug"?

I think she made it sound like "Smoge".....

My friend Tay Mueller responded:

Thank God she didn't have to say "Moriarty"...

When Bill Murray mentioned the late Harold Ramis during the presentation of the Cinematography award:

Reminds me of when Ayckroyd snuck in the reference to Belushi ( "He was a special effect.")

Lupita Nyong'O won Best Supporting Actress.....

Will Jack Nicholson be hitting on Lupita this year?

As a presenter, Whoopie looked out over the crowd and proclaimed it to look like "Sunset Boulevard".  Was she talking about the Wax Museum group from that movie?

Whoopie? How can it be like Sunset Boulevard? I don't see many old faces there in the crowd…..

I suppose it's a realization with each new generation of the Awards, but we're losing all touch with the Hollywood of old.

Ellen went down into the audience to greet Judy Garland's kids for a weak tribute to the 75th anniversary of "The Wizard Of Oz"......

Don't keep the lights on Liza Minnelli for too long!

From Tay Mueller: They'll melt all her beautiful wickedness!

Alan Sepinwall made a good point in his HitFix column:

"a lengthy tribute to only one of the many iconic films of 1939 (a year that gave us "Gone with the Wind," "Stagecoach" and "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," to name just a few others) on the 75th anniversary felt much too random."

And then Pink came out to sing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".....

The ruby slippers as a dress – I like it!

The cleavage of Oz.

The song began with some new material and I would have preferred a whole new song with scenes from the movie rather than invite comparisons to the original recording.

It took over two hours before the first major snafu at the Oscars. Somebody forgot to drop a house on Liza Minelli...,..

The commercials didn't escape my O'Bservations.....

The family plan from Sprint – Sketchy Jeff looks like the descendent of Tyrion Lannister.....

"The Great Gatsby" was up for a costume award and there was a quick shot of the orchestra members at some party....

"Gatsby" had fezzes? Fezzes are cool.  Ehhhh, I still wouldn't have seen it.

There was a meandering montage of clips about "heroes", which made no sense.  In the broadest terms which they seemed to be operating under, the Three Stooges could have been shown as an example!

I wonder if the inclusion of the "Ghostbusters" was a last-minute addition because of Ramis' death?

Then it came time to do the annual "In Memoriam" segment, which usually sets me off on a rant.....

Okay, A better montage for the tribute segment than I've seen in years. However, Peter O'Toole should've been the capper, not Philip Seymour Hoffman.

But upon further review, there is a minor rant: why was Sid Caesar included and not Jonathan Winters.  Winters made more movies, and based on Sid's "The Spirit Is Willing", funnier ones.  If the Academy tries to claim it's because Winters is known more for TV work (as they did to Oscar nominated Patrick McGoohan!), then the same standard applies even moreso for Sid.  

You know why he was in there?  His death was recent and maybe still on the minds of the jerks in charge of this "tribute".  Sid's spot should have been used instead for Ed Lauter.  A lot more people could have been included if they cut out Bette Midler singing AFTER the tribute!  Oh, wait.  She was singing that "Heroes" song and the theme was "Heroes".....

Rant over.

Maybe it was just under the wire before the commercial break, but at least Sarah Jones got a mention this year. Good night and may God bless…

During the course of the night, two members of the same family were trotted out......

Here's Goldie Hawn, doing her impersonation of Kim Novak….

Being an Oscar winner herself, I bet Goldie was only up onstage with Hollywood's Young Turks because most people today know her as Kate Hudson's mother.

The sponsor for the night's proceedings should have been......

 20 Mule Team Botox

Kim Novak and Goldie Hawn should've teamed up to sing the song from "Frozen".....

"Gravity" won the most Oscars, but I think voters had gone into lock-step when filling out their ballots.....

Okay, I think this musical score award is just overkill for "Gravity".

I think the producers of the telecast knew in advance that "12 Years A Slave" would be the big winner of the night.....

It's not just me, right? There are a lot of black and white pairs for presenters?

I'm getting the feeling that Price Waterhouse spilled the beans…

Cate Blanchett won for Best Actress and she accepted her award from Daniel Day Lewis.

Blanchett: "Thank you, Mr. Day Lewis.  Getting this award from you, it exacerbates this honor....."

"Exacerbates"? I don't think that word means what you think it means.....

From Merriam-Webster:

"to make (a bad situation, a problem, etc.) worse"

The roll-call of nominees for Best Actor.....

I would have no problem with Leonardo Di Caprio becoming the next Peter O'Toole, if you know what I mean.....

There really is a paucity of the Hollywood Old Guard for the presentation of the Big Award.....

Does Will Smith have the stature to be presenting the best picture award?

I guess they couldn't ask Sidney Poitier to do it.  He looked a bit infirm when he presented an earlier award, and he needed coaching from his co-presenter.

And then "12 Years A Slave" was announced as the winner.

Oooooohhhhhh, that's why…. I knew Price Waterhouse had loose lips.

SHOW OVER!

Ended right at Midnight. Impressive. But they'd have been done by 11:30 if they started at 8 pm. Earlier if they skipped the pizza bit.

Good night, everybody! I'll be performing all week at Stumpy's Chuckle Hut. Try the squab! (You thought I'd go with "veal", didn't you?)

BCnU!