Monday, September 20, 2004

THE McCALLISTER TIMELINE

It appears that my dream of placing 'Jack & Bobby' in the same universe as 'The West Wing' have been dashed, by nothing more than a handful of "Kerry-Edwards" campaign buttons.

So now that we have to deal with the McCallister boys as denizens of Earth Prime-Time, we should examine the world facing the future McCallister presidency nearly forty years from now.....

At some point between 2000 and 2050 AD, the Earth is looted by aliens.
('Buck Rogers')
If this looting has already begun, the aliens are probably using stealth, under the cover of war. It was probably the aliens who looted the Iraqi museums and cultural centers after the fall of Saddam Hussein.

"Stuff happens." I think Rumsfeld is working for them.......

2009
AIDS virus cure is found.
('Mercy Point')
At least President McCallister will not have to worry about the devastating AIDS crisis by the time he takes office. But of course, the microscopic world is constantly evolving, and there will always be a new viral threat - as demonstrated by the African plague of 2018. ('Jack & Bobby')

2012
Complete map of the human brain specifically identifies all physiological and emotional centers of activity.
('Mercy Point')

The War of 2012 is waged, in which Conan O'Brien loses his freakishly long legs.
('Futurama')

2013
The Russians experience a totalitarian coup, perhaps due to their involvement in the War of 2012.
('Babylon 5')

2015
The Pokeball is invented. Pokemon trainers appear.
('Pokemon')

2018
The first civilian lunar colony is established at Mare Tranquilitis.
('Babylon 5')
Of course, there had been secret military installations since the 1960s; even the spy agency CONTROL held secret meetings on the lunar surface. ('Get Smart')

(For those who may be wondering, the fuel waste dumps on the far side of the moon did indeed explode at the turn of the millennium, triggered by a laser blast from a 7-Up spokesman. However, that did NOT cause the moon to break free of its orbit. The events depicted in 'Space: 1999' were the coma-induced fantasies of Commander Koenig who barely survived those blasts.)

2020
The colonization of Mars is begun.
('Star Trek: The Next Generation')
"Colonization" might be too optimistic a term. A few individuals had served as pioneers on the Red Planet by this time. ('The Ray Bradbury Theater')

But more likely this next wave would be a military beachhead meant to secure Mars for use by humans. It would be decades before their presence would stir up conflict with the Mysterons. ('Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons')

2023
Pokemon League is established.
('Pokemon')

2024
First Lunar Colony established [specifically] for mine workers and families.
('Mercy Point')

2025
Ireland and Northern Ireland are reunited, mostly due to the political use of violence.
('Star Trek: The Next Generation')

The Iraqis undergo a totalitarian coup.
('Babylon 5')
I blame Haliburton. Or maybe Howell Industries. ('Gilligan's Island')

2031
Advances in genetic technology make human organ growing and cloning possible.
('Mercy Point')
In actuality, the cloning of humans has been going on in the TV Universe since at least the 1970s. But those were either rogue experiments or secret government operations. ('The X-Files', for example)

By this point in time, the government probably felt it was safe (politically as well as scientifically) to announce that the technology was viable.

2033
The 52nd state is admitted to the Union.
('Star Trek: The Next Generation')
Popular thinking would figure this to be Cuba, and that the 51st state must have been Puerto Rico. But as this is the TV Universe, I'll go out on a limb and say that it will be the Isle of Jantique ('Going To Extremes'), which probably became a U.S. territory in the wake of the War of 2012.

2035
The last gasoline-powered motorcycle is built.
('Babylon 5')

2036
The New United Nations declares that no Earth Citizen shall be made to answer for the crimes committed by his race or by an ancestor.
('Star Trek: The Next Generation')
Except for the court of public opinion then, President McCallister would not be held accountable for his mom's pot smoking, grade fixing, or the murder of her Mexican busboy husband.

(Yeah, surrrrre he just took off before Bobby was born! I think the police department in Hart, Missouri, should investigate that odd patch of cement in the basement!)

2038
Energy depletion crisis on Earth. Global Environmental Alliance is established to resolve the crisis.
('Mercy Point')
Gas reserves depleted on Earth.
("Futurama")
This could be the crisis that propels McCallister into the White House.

Interesting that both shows picked the same year for this cataclysmic event. Good science fiction writers have always been able to correctly extrapolate the future. (DC Fontana accurately predicted in a 'Star Trek' episode that the first moon landing mission would be launched on a Wednesday!)

So what do they know about this energy crisis that the rest of us don't know? I blame Dick Cheney and his secret cabal of advisers!

2040
Television is no longer a form of entertainment on Earth.
('Star Trek: The Next Generation')
I probably won't be alive by this point, but Life wouldn't be worth living anyway.....

2046
The world is at war with the mysterious Varauta army.
('Macross')
As opposed to the "army" of Vanuata, the Islands of Fire. "They came at us with spears!" ('Survivor')

Lunar Colony is expanded to accommodate Earth's growing population.
('Mercy Point')

Vice President Karen Carmichael leaves office.
('Jack & Bobby')
From her appearance in the pilot, I don't get the sense that Karen Carmichael left office in disgrace. It could be that President McCallister died in office, and Carmichael was then sworn in as President. (But an onscreen graphic should have properly identified her as 'President Carmichael'.)

Again, thinking in terms of the TV Universe, she may have resigned the office to accept the leadership position offered to her by the residents of the Lunar Colony mentioned above.

2047
Much of Southern California, including Los Angeles, sinks into the Pacific after the Hermosa Earthquake.
('Star Trek: The Next Generation')
And so the crossover with the world of Steely Dan lyrics takes place.......

"Tried to warn ya!"

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

(Today's entry would not have been possible without Edgar Governo's invaluable website "The History Of Things That Never Were". It is a launching pad to fictional timelines for TV shows as well as for movies, books, comics, and video games. You should check it out; the link is on the left side of this page.)


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