THE HAT SQUAD: LLOYD BOCHNER

With the death of Lloyd Bochner at the age of 81, the registry of Toobworld citizenry has lost the creator of many great TV characters from the last fifty years.

From the New York Times obituary by Monica Potts:

In his most memorable television role, Mr. Bochner starred as Michael Chambers in the famous 1962 "Twilight Zone" episode "To Serve Man." Chambers and his assistant are decoding experts in charge of translating a book given to Earth by visiting extraterrestrials. The assistant learns that it is a cookbook, but is too late to save Mr. Bochner's character from boarding a spaceship and heading toward becoming an alien meal. He parodied the episode's climactic scene in "The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear."

My personal favorite role of Mr. Bochner's was that of Zachariah Skull, the mad, mishapen puppeteer in an episode of 'The Wild Wild West'. For me, it stands as the very best example of "steampunk" in the TV Universe.

I also enjoyed his role in an episode of 'Ironside', in which he played a corrupt Scotland Yard inspector who was given a second chance in life.

It seems almost a shame that of all the work he did in TV Land, it's his role as Cecil Colby on 'Dynasty' that is being used as the memory tug in most headlines about his passing. Something about that just doesn't feel right.

But tell somebody "It's a cookbook!" and right away they know who you are talking about.

It's hard to believe that there will ever be another actor who could convey such suave urbanity no matter if the character was good or evil. I think he hearkened back to the great character actors of the 40s; a type we most likely will never see again. (I look at his image as Commander Leiter from two episodes of 'Battlestar Galactica, and it puts me in mind of a sci-fi version of Conrad Veidt in 'Casablanca'.)

Science fiction, Westerns, medical dramas, murder mysteries, - Mr. Bochner was at home in all genres and the volume of work he left behind proves it. Just trying to make a copy of his list of credits from the IMDb.com proved to be too much information for one file; I needed to make three in the end!

So here's a tip of the hat and thanks to a great actor who will be missed. With the legacy of roles he left us, Lloyd Bochner really did serve Man.

BCnU.....
Tele-Toby

[A compilation of his many roles in Toobworld will follow in a separate posting.]

THE HAT SQUAD: SKITCH HENDERSON

I was always amazed by Skitch Henderson's durability, every time I saw him mentioned in the trades and various sources for entertainment news in regards to upcoming performances.

I think the last time his name was cited - at least the last time I noticed, - was for the Macy's Fireworks Show on the Fourth of July this year.

With the New York Pops, Mr. Henderson was like the Big Apple's version of Arthur Fiedler. He was a living tribute to the musical glory days heritage of TV's "Golden Age" in the 1950s.

'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson' (1962) TV Series .... Himself - Bandleader (1962-1966)
'The Tonight Show' (1962) TV Series .... Bandleader
'Tonight!' (1953) TV Series .... Bandleader (1954-1956)/Wed.-Fri. Bandleader (1956-1957)
'Where Was I?' (1952) TV Series .... Himself/panelist (1953)
'The Jack Paar Show' (1957) TV Series .... Bandleader (1962)
'The Steve Allen Show' (1956) TV Series .... Bandleader/Sidney Ferguson (1956-1959)
'Faye and Skitch' (1953) TV Series
'Wonderful Town, U.S.A.' (1951) TV Series

BCnU......
Tele-Toby

THE HAT SQUAD: MICHAEL PILLER

Did you ever notice the vanity card at the end of every episode of 'The Dead Zone', for the production company of Michael Sean Piller? It showed what looked to be an "ancient" Pong screen and voices heard arguing:

"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"You're grounded."

Probably about five seconds long and it summed up everything you needed to know about the dynamics of this partnership; you could tell they were father and son.

It's that type of quick creativity that set Michael Piller's productions apart from other series in the same genres. In fact, his creation of 'Deep Space Nine' made that spin-off the best of all the shows in the 'Star Trek' franchise. And I know I'm not alone in making the call.

Mr. Piller died at his Los Angeles home at the age of 57. He had been suffering from head and neck cancer.

He created Ensign Ro, one of the most interesting characters in all of Trek's pantheon. Ro Laren proved to be so fascinating, she served as the springboard for the creation of an entire culture - that of the Bajorans, - which led to 'Deep Space Nine'.

Among his credits as writer, producer, and/or creator are:

'Wildfire' (2005)
'The Dead Zone' (2002)
~Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Companion~ (1999)
"Star Trek: Insurrection" (1998)
'Legend' (1995)
'Star Trek: Voyager' (1995)
'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' (1993)
'Star Trek: The Next Generation' (1987)
'Hard Time on Planet Earth' (1989)
'Probe' (1988)
'Miami Vice' (1984)
'Simon & Simon' (1981)
'Cagney & Lacey' (1982)

BCnU......
Tele-Toby

RE-GIFTING OF THE MAGI?

Reverend Boatwright: "You know, Rory, being a young lady comes with many gifts. Your virtue, for example, is a gift, a precious gift, possibly the most precious gift you possess. You want to give this gift very carefully. It is a gift you can only give to one man. Once you give it, it's gone. You can't re-gift it. If you give it away too soon, to the wrong man, then when the right one does come along, you will have no gift to give. You'll have to buy him a sweater."
['Gilmore Girls' - 10/25/05]

Of all the phrases that were spawned on 'Seinfeld' - "puffy shirt", "man hands", "spongeworthy" , "Master of your domain" - it just may be that "re-gifting" will end up as the one most frequently cited in other TV shows.

This could be due to it being the one 'Seinfeld' concept most common to the general public. Everybody does it. But really, who can truly claim to be Masters of their domains?

That many? I guess I'm just weak......

This marks at least the third time I've heard it used in a show and without reference back to the source. (One of those other examples was in 'Two And A Half Men'; I'm CRAFTing on the other.)

So the concept of re-gifting must be a common practice in Toobworld and everybody already knew it by that name when we first heard it on 'Seinfeld'.

Who knows how far back in History re-gifting can be found? Maybe Balthazar - all decked out in his turban and robes and puffy shirt, - re-gifted the little Lord Jesus with that myrrh. And by bringing Adam the forbidden fruit, wasn't Eve re-gifting to show him how spongeworthy she found him to be?

Don't like my idea? Then let me introduce you to my leetle friend - the middle finger of my man-hand.

But at any rate, there's no Zonk! in Stars Hollow..... this time!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

SKITCH HENDERSON AND MICHAEL PILLER, R.I.P.

Michael Piller, who created my favorite of the 'Star Trek' series ('Deep Space Nine') has passed away at the age of 57.

http://www.trektoday.com/news/011105_01.shtml

Skitch Henderson, the first bandleader for the 'Tonight' show, has also died. He was 87.

I'm writing this up at work, so I'll have actual "Hat Squad" remembrances for both men once I've returned to Toobworld Central.

BCnU....
Tele-Toby

THE TV CROSSOVER HALL OF FAME: NOVEMBER

It must be something in the stars: some kind of alignment.

Just last week, the November inductee for the Crossover Hall of Fame appeared on 'The King of Queens'. He's a celebrity skilled in the art of being himself - no matter how cartoonish his behavior.

Adam West.

And in keeping with my mantra of "What I Say, Goes" during this year-long celebration of my fiftieth birthday, Adam West is being inducted twice upon a time. Because we're talking about TWO different Adam Wests; one from Earth Prime-Time and one from the Tooniverse.

It has been tradition for nearly every year of the Hall of Fame that the November inductee should be somehow connected to politics. And this year it's no different - even though Adam West seems better suited to being the representative from the League of Themselves.

But over in the Tooniverse, Adam West serves as the Mayor of Quahog, Rhode Island, as seen on 'Family Guy'. It can't be too arduous a task; certainly not cursed as is the case for the mayors of Rome, Wisconsin. ('Picket Fences') My reasoning for the job being less than time-consuming is that the cartoon Adam West has been spotted elsewhere when he should have been serving his Quahog constituency.

For instance, Mr. West showed up one state away in Kent, Connecticut, where 'Johnny Bravo' found the former TV crime-fighter doing what he does best - thrashing evil-doers. And in Springfield, (the Springfield located in the state of -# Hey! Look over there! Woops. It's gone now. Ahem.....), Adam West made a guest apppearance at a trade show where he scared 'The Simpsons' with his all-too fervent reminiscences about his crime-fightin' career.

It appears that Mr. West's life in the Tooniverse also had him cast as the lead in yet another TV series about a costumed crime-fighter, "Catman", as was revealed to Timmy Turner and his 'Fairly Odd Parents'.

Meanwhile, back in the stately main Toobworld.....

As we saw in last week's episode of 'The King Of Queens', the flesh and blood (rather than the pen and ink) Adam West found that his fame as a former TV superhero affected the people who met him.

When Spence asked Mr. West to accompany him to a geekfest sci-fi convention, after already asking neighbor Lou Ferrigno, the former star of 'Batman' took umbrage.

Adam West: If you ran into Bill Shatner this morning, would you have dumped me too?
Spence: I want to say "no," but I'm so weak.
Adam West: This is why me, Lou, Bill, and Lee Majors look out for each other. To protect ourselves from pasty-faced opportunists such as yourself.

That gig as a former super-hero affects me as well, since it creates a huge bat-Zonk! to deal with. I mean, just look at the references in that line of dialogue - it's a Zonk! minefield!

The 1960s 'Batman', also known as Bruce Wayne, can be found in the same plane of existence as Adam West.

I've gotta figure that a TV show about 'Batman' starring Adam West within the framework of some other TV show never once mentioned that Batman was also Bruce Wayne. (It does seem that whenever characters in TV shows meet Adam West, they always refer to the role of 'Batman', never to that of 'Bruce Wayne'.)

So that inner-Toobworld 'Batman' was probably just a cash-in on the news-making exploits of the "real" Batman without a clue as to who he was beneath the cowl. The fact that Adam West was cast when he looked like the spitting image of Bruce Wayne was just a coincidental fluke; and Toobworld is full of those.

Here's a rundown of Adam West's appearances as himself in Earth Prime-Time:

'The King Of Queens'
"Shear Torture"
Originally aired: Monday October 24, 2005 on CBS
Spence has his own adventures en route to a sci-fi convention.

'NewsRadio'
"Jail (1)"
Jimmy is arrested, accused of being legendary hijacker D.B. Cooper.
"The Lam (2)"
Jimmy hides out at Dave's parents home while the Feds scour the country for him.
"Clash of the Titans (3)"
Jimmy is exonerated when a remorseful Adam West confesses to the crime.
Nov 1998

'Murphy Brown'
"Hero Today, Gone Tomorrow"
(episode # 9.22) 5 May 1997
Stuart Best is dubbed a hero at a fire. Murphy's probing questions lead the authorities to think he may have actually set the fire.

'The Wayans Bros.'
"The Black Widower"
(episode # 3.20) 30 April 1997
The boys fear it's a match made in hell after introducing a lonely Grandma to Fred, a smooth-talking diner regular who they later believe is a wanted murderer known as "The Black Widower."

'Pauly'
"Spies Like Us"
(episode # 1.2) 10 March 1997
Pauly believes Dawn is having an affair with the handyman, not only that he also thinks she wants them dead.

'Jenny'
"A Girl's Gotta Hang with a Celebrity"
(episode # 1.11)
Jenny and Maggie really start living when they meet a famous actress in a dance club.

'Weird Science'
"Strangers in Paradise"
(episode # 4.26) 10 August 1996
Lisa grants Chett a wish - to be stranded on a deserted island. Gary and Wyatt try to rescue the two, but have trouble when facing their nemesis - Adam West.

'The Good Life'
"John Hurts His Leg or Tales from the Crip"
(episode # 1.4) 18 January 1994
Adam West (Voice of Himself)
John breaks his leg coaching a T-ball game.

'The Ben Stiller Show'
(episode # 1.5) 1 November 1992

'Our Time'
(episode # 1.1) 27 July 1985

(True, they're both comedy/variety/sketch shows, but I found them to be off-beat enough to be included.)

And here I thought the TV Crossover Hall of Fame only celebrated the West in July.......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

[Thanks to TV.com & epguides.com]

"Because Life is too short to watch crap....."

Adam West

{TV Land Promo}

DUCK NIBLETS

You know who should be a TV critic?

Lucy Van Pelt, of "Peanuts" fame.

That way, when a network makes a stupid programming move like FOX just did, with their announcement that 'Prison Break' will go on hiatus after the November 28th episode until May of 2006, then Lucy could say "Stupid blockheads!"

From TVTattle.com:

With "24" coming back in January, Fox simply doesn't have enough room on its schedule. So once the first 13 "Prison Break" episodes are done airing on Nov. 28, the show won't return until May for its remaining nine episodes. "The appeal of creatively bringing it back later in the year and keeping it on in the summer outweighs the disruption it would cause," says Fox's Preston Beckman.

(The full story can be found in USA Today.)

Yes, 'Prison Break' is grim, punishing, relentless. It should be. It's set in prison. Lighten the mood and you might as well be showing 'Porridge'.

But it also has a taut, intricately woven plot that needs the audience to always remain vigilant; full attention must be paid.

My boss and his wife are big fans of the show, but they missed last week's episode. (Hey, nobody put a gun to their heads and told them to have a baby!) So I had to make sure they got hold of a tape, because if you missed "The Old Head", you might as well just give up and wait for the DVD.

That's my fear for the fate of 'Prison Break'. We're supposed to wait over five months to pick up the story again? I don't have that much faith in the TV memory retention capability of the general audience.

Also, the production seems to have been planned out to the smallest detail when it comes to its inner chronology. The date of Lincoln Burrows' execution should have synchronized with May Sweeps and the season finale. That would have added an urgency to the audience's rapport with the characters.

But now that has been frittered away.

Say it with me, people....

Network executives should be nibbled to death by ducks!

BCnU!

Tele-Toby

A HAT SQUAD REVISION

In a story about the young actress who was brutally murdered outside her home, the L.A. Times provided this information about the 'Judging Amy' character played by Tara Correa-McMullen:

She played a troubled and remorseless teenager, Graciela Reyes, who had been abandoned by her mother and two brothers who had fled to Guatemala. Judge Amy, played by Amy Brenneman, tries to turn Graciela's life around, but the teen gets involved in a drive-by shooting. Judge Amy attempts to prevent Graciela from being tried as an adult. She fails, but almost succeeds in getting her a new trial when Graciela is murdered in prison.

So there never was a chance for the character to ever return, should 'Judging Amy' have been revived in a sequel or reunion movie. And so Toobworld Central can safely claim that Graciela Reyes was kin to Hugo Reyes of 'Lost', and thus was a victim of the Numbers Curse.

It's just a shame that it's Ms. Correa-McMullen's death that protects that claim, and not the fancies of the script-writers.

BCnU.....
Tele-Toby

RECASTAWAYS - "GUIDING LIGHT"

Carolyn Hinsey, who is an editor for "Soap Opera Weekly", wrote this in Friday's New York Daily News:

A blackout hits Springfield next week on 'Guiding Light' (CBS, 10 a.m.), but look closely. When the lights go out, Cassie will be played by Laura Wright, who has jumped ship to play Carly on 'General Hospital.' When they come back on, Cassie will be portrayed by newcomer Nicole Forester.

Obviously, within the framework of the show's inner reality, the blackout is somehow connected with this recastaway. I suspect an alien abduction; something along the lines of the alien impregnation of a town's female population in "Children Of The Damned".

The alien Cassie will be able to project the aura of the original Cassie using technology similar to that of the Quantum Leap system; so that people looking at her will not be able to tell the difference. But the audience viewing at home will be able to see the new Cassie.

Whatever her reason for being here in Springfield, the new Cassie will never give herself away to any of the others on the show. For all that we see of her on screen, Cassie will continue Life as if she were the real deal.

That would be my splainin, anyway.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK!

"The answer goes beyond the realm of History,
Into the realm of Legend....."
Professor Samantha Gaines
"Cerberus"

I thought the Crossover of the Week would have to rely once again on the League of Themselves - and from 'The King of Queens' again at that.

But the gods answered my prayer for something completely different. Literally.

(Not that the crossover I originally had in mind was so bad, even if it was a bit Zonk!ish. But now I can save that for where it truly belongs - as part of tomorrow's tribute to the November inductee into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame!)

On Saturday, Sci-Fi Channel presented a made for TV movie "Cerberus". In the story, a comely young professor of antiquities from the Van Buren Museum of Art needed to save her scalawag of a brother. To do so, Professor Gaines teamed up with a squad of First Gulf War vets in an attempt to regain the Sword of Mars from their former comrade-in-arms, a mercenary named Cutter.

Cutter's theft of the sword from the tomb of Attila the Hun unleashed the wrath of Cerberus, the three-headed dog from Hell, upon the world. (Or at least upon a small village in Romania.)

In Toobworld, mythology is the real deal. It's not just legend; it's not a fractured fairy tale. The gods of Olympus and Asgard have just as much legitimacy in Earth Prime Time as witches married to mortals, Martians stranded in Los Angeles, eloquent equines, and maternal units reborn as automobiles.

Apollo clashed with the Enterprise crew in an episode of 'Star Trek'. Thor battled 'The Incredible Hulk'. And Hermes worked his magic for a New England college's football team. (Within the "reality" of Toobworld, 'Olympus 7-0000' was probably presented as a musical because of the demonic influence of Mr. Sweet from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'.)

And yes, I know Thor is from the Norse myths of the Elder Eddas, from the land of those crinkly fjords. Be thankful I didn't dredge up Hanuman the Monkey God! At least I can tie Thor into all of this.

Hrmmmm...... Now that I've mentioned a Viking god, I've suddenly got this hankering for Spam......

Anyway, looming large in the pantheon is the demigod who had several of his own TV series to his credit, both in the main Toobworld and in the Tooniverse - Hercules!

"Cerberus"
&
"Hercules In The Underworld"
&
'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys'

It's Kevin Sorbo's portrayal of the Son of Zeus that is the "official" representative of the character for Toobworld. And by "official", I mean "Because I say so." By extension, Ryan Gosling as 'Young Hercules' exists in the same dimension, being just the younger version of Sorbo's character. The Hercules who looks like actor Paul Telfer, as seen in the NBC mini-series 'Hercules', belongs to a different TV dimension. He's probably from Earth Prime Time Delay but not from the evil mirror universe, as Kevin Sorbo assayed that role in a few episodes of his own series.

As for Brian Thompson's portrayal of Hercules in the mini-series 'Jason And The Argonauts', I feel comfortable leaving that in the main Toobworld. That's because he wasn't the true Hercules; rather he was an alien bounty hunter assuming the demigod's identity, thousands of years before he would resurface again in 'The X-Files'.

Before Kevin Sorbo settled into a weekly series as the Son of Zeus, his Hercules was introduced in a series of five tele-flicks. One of these was "Hercules In The Underworld", in which we saw the dramatization of one of the twelve labors of Hercules - the capture of Cerberus, that "three-headed, mean-assed, bad-breathed dog" from Hell (as described in Saturday's TV movie.)

The mythology of Toobworld differs from the mythology of the Real World; as it should, just like all aspects of Life in TV Land. In the established myth, Hercules had to retrieve Cerberus from Hades without benefit of weapons as one of twelve tasks for King Eurystheus of Tiryns. To do so, Hercules put a choke hold on each of the three heads until the devil-dog finally passed out.

But in the TV movie, Hercules was in the Underworld to save a village from the escaping souls near a Hellmouth. And while down there he recaptured Cerberus as a favor for his half-brother Hades. But to do so, he simply restrained the beastie and then talked soothingly to him. (As he reminded the others with him, "sometimes a little kindness does the trick.")

Perhaps we didn't see it because he used sleight of hand, but I'll bet Herc slipped Cerberus an Olympian-sized Doggie Downer while restraining him!

As for the story that became the established legend? That was most likely due to the story told by Hercules' mortal brother Iphicles who would often pass himself off as his own brother in order to cadge drinks in the taverns:

“Hades was worse than your foulest nightmare. It was pitch black -- sweltering hot -- and evil lurking around every corner. So I had to find Cerberus, the three-headed dog? And bring him back to King Eurystheus -- without using any weapons. No! No! No! Really!

So -- using nothing more than my bare hands -- I choked this biting, clawing, fire-breathing beast -- and I dragged him outta Hades!

The thing is -- the king didn't want this monster! I mean, who would? So I had to turn around and take him back!”

Hercules and Cerberus met again a few years later when the demigod once again ventured into his half-brother's underworld realm to rescue Persephone, as ordered by her mother Demeter. But this time, their encounter was a violent clash. (Hercules was probably in no mood to be gentle this time around since he knew his now-deceased wife Deianeira and their children were "guests" of Hades in Hades.)

Thousands of years later, Samantha Gaines and Jake Adams could have used the help of Hercules as they struggled to defeat Cerberus. And had he been in the area of Strajerul, Romania, perhaps Herc might have done so. That's because - as established in 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys', - Hercules still lives in the mortal world today... known as the actor Kevin Sorbo!

Other links could be made to "Cerberus", if only thematically. Professor Gaines and her quest for magical antiquities like the Breastplate of Attila and the Sword of Mars would make her an excellent candidate to work with "The Librarian", the character Noah Wyle played in a TV movie (for which he's apparently making a sequel).

Actually, we never did find out who Jake and his friends worked for - was it for the American government as "black ops", or for an international organization like 'U.N.C.L.E.'? Or maybe they also worked for "the Library".

Since she mentioned Hitler's obsession with the occult, there's always the possibility that Samantha Gaines knew Professor Henry Jones, Jr., whose presence was established in Toobworld thanks to the 'Young Indiana Jones Chronicles'.

Jake Adams and his buddies Burke and Willis, along with their nemesis Cutter, all served together fifteen years before in the Gulf War. While there in Iraq, they might have met former government scientist Paul Turner who appeared in his own series, 'Strange World'. And they may have actually fought against a member of the Iraqi Republican Guard named Sayid Jarrah, who is now 'Lost' after the crash of Oceanic Flight 815.

And finally, - and this one is really off the wall! - we never learned what Cutter's full name was. We never even learned whether or not "Cutter" was just a nickname; his prowess with the Sword of Mars seemed to indicate that the bloodthirsty mercenary was certainly at ease with a blade.

So what if Cutter was in fact a former trucker by the name of BJ McKay? We haven't seen him in Toobworld since 1981; maybe during that off-screen period he was lured over to the dark side after the death of his simian sidekick known as "The Bear".

I know if any of my chimp buddies got killed off, I'd be pretty bleeped off as well. Unless it's a guy I work with, who is descended from Hanuman the Monkey God. Him, I wouldn't miss.

There you go, making me mention Hanuman. I warned you not to let that happen! Now that I'm thinking about my jerk of a coworker, I feel a Maalox Moment coming on........

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"He who lies down with dogs gets up with fleas."
Herman Munster
'The Munsters'