"GO WEST, YOUNG MARTIENNE"

With Curiosity landing on Mars this past Sunday, I thought I might take a look at a Martian who landed on Earth Prime-Time and then tying it into our TV Western theme for August.

No, I'm not talking about Exigius 12½ (aka "Martin O'Hara"), even though he did have several adventures back in the wild, wild West via time travel. (Given Martian longevity, he may have visited that era during the natural progression of his timeline.)

But I believe another inhabitant of the "Red Planet" visited the wild, wild West when she was a young Martian woman (a "Martienne", if you will  Or not.). We met her several centuries later when astronaut Sam Conrad crash-landed on Mars and discovered that "People Are Alike All Over".

Her name is Teenya and we may have seen her on "The Night Dr. Loveless Died".......

(Even though a couple of centuries separate these episodes of 'The Twilight Zone' and 'The Wild, Wild West' respectively, Teenya also enjoyed that Martian longevity, just as all Martians do. The nephew of Exigius 12½ looked to be only a pre-teen when he visited Earth Prime-Time, but he was already 400 years old.)

In studying Earth Prime-Time before her visit, Teenya sought the most intelligent man on the planet. Unfortunately, that proved to be Dr. Miguelito Quixote Loveless.....

Rather than go by her Martian name of Teenya, she chose a name she thought would be "nicely inconspicuous" among other Terran names. However, like the alien Praxibetel Ix would do many decades later, she "skimped a bit on her research" and chose the name "Triste"... which is a French word for "sad". (By the way, Praxibetel Ix chose as his name "Ford Prefect" when he was researching 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy'.)

Although she thrilled to the adventure, Teenya/Triste realized her error in allying herself with Dr. Loveless. After her capture by government agents James West and Artemus Gordon, she made good her escape and journeyed back to Mars.

(How did she escape? Perhaps she seduced the deputy assigned to escort her to prison and then used her levitation talents to lift his gun from its holster.)

Back on Mars, Teenya would not encounter another human being for over a century and a half when Sam Conrad arrived on his secret manned mission to the planet.

Or did she return to Toobworld before then? Using other aliases, could Teenya have revisited Earth Prime-Time, especially during the 1960s, only to confirm her disenchantment with the human species? It will take some more research on my part to learn the fates and backgrounds of Susan Oliver's other roles on episodic TV, but it could be Teenya racked up some serious frequent flyer miles.

Believing that all humans were alike after too many disappointments in her contacts with them, Teenya went along with her people's plans for the ill-fated Earthling, although she wasn't happy about it.....

I wrote about Teenya earlier this year, as an entry in the literary edition of the "As Seen On TV" showcase.

SHOWS CITED:

• 'The Wild, Wild West' - "The Night Dr. Loveless Died"
• 'The Twilight Zone' - "People Are Alike All Over"
• 'My Favorite Martian' - "The Time Machine Is Waking Up That Old Gang Of Mine"
• 'My Favorite Martian' - "Go West, Young Martian"
• 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy'
• 'I Spy' - "One Thousand Fine"
• 'The Andy Griffith Show' - "Prisoner Of Love"
• 'The Man From U.N.C.L.E.' - "The Bow Wow Affair"
• 'Burke's Law' - "Who Killed The Kind Doctor"
• "Your Cheatin' Heart" - from the Cineverse

BCnU!