Saturday, June 2, 2007


After the penultimate episode of the first season for 'Heroes', Sean - my Li'l Buddy, fellow Iddiot, and father of my god-daughter Rhiannon - sent me the following poem about Ted Sprague's fatal encounter with Sylar:

Ted is dead.
Ted has no head.
Beneath him is red.
Red dead Ted.
Without a head.
For prison, he wanted a cell of lead.
"Maybe I'll explode," he said.
Sylar he fed.
Poor Ted.
Poor dead Ted.

Ted Sprague had the power to induce radioactivity in various forms. His power was absorbed naturally by Peter Petrelli and via the removal of his brain by Sylar. Here are the stats about his character from the 'Heroes' Wiki:

Known power Induced Radioactivity
Alias TeddyBear616
Age 33
Date of birth August 28th, 1973
Date of death November 7th, 2006
Home Los Angeles, CA
Residence 93 Laramie Street, Los Angeles, CA, 90016
Occupation Medical equipment salesman
Significant other Karen Sprague (deceased wife)
Ted was 5’10” tall, weighed 175 pounds and had brown eyes and hair.

Ted was played by Matthew John Armstrong, and when he first appeared on the show, there were a lot of people who thought he might be one of the actors playing the GEICO Cavemen in a series of blipverts for the car insurance company. But this rumor was later dismissed.

However, even though his character was not one of those cavemen, that's not to say Ted Sprague wasn't the first generation descendant of a cave dweller.....

"It's about time, it's about space,
About cave-people in the strangest place.
They will be here with all of us, dodging a taxi, car or bus.
Where will they go?
What will they do
In this strange place
Where everything is new?
Will they manage to survive?
Watch each week and see.
Will they get accustomed to
The 20th Century?
It's about time for our goodbyes
To all these prehistoric gals and guys.

In 1967, two astronauts who had been tossed back in time to the prehistoric caveman days, were able to fix their spacecraft and make it back to the present times. But they didn't come back alone - they brought along a caveman named Gronk and his wife Shadd and their two children: a teenaged daughter named Mlor and a twelve-year old son named Breer.

Who knows what this disruption in the past did to the timeline for Toobworld! Whatever the world was like before Hector and Mac hurtled back into the Stone Age, a place right out of history, but we can use this temporal disruption to splain away any discrepancies that might have arisen in other shows.

At any rate, when Mac and Hector returned to 1967, the cave family had to adjust to modern day life - and to do it in New York City, no less! (If I had been in charge, I'd have stuck them out in a little house on the prairie, far away from anybody else where they wouldn't get into too much trouble.)

Life continues in Toobworld even beyond the cancellation of a TV series. Fox Mulder has assumed an alias and has helped NYPD Detective Andy Sipowicz on a case; the seventh incarnation of the Gallifreyan Time Lord known only as The Doctor helped solve a murder with Lt. Columbo; and Father Mulcahy once tried to perform an exorcism on Dave Crabtree's car (which allegedly held the spirit of Dave's mother).

And so it is with 'It's About Time', the TV show which charted the adventures of Mac and Hector across Time and Space. Breer and Mlor would have been sent to school (perhaps to Lexy High School, which the Davis children attended in 'Family Affair') so that they could function as normally as possible in the world of modern man.

This is pure speculation, of course, but by the early 1970s, Mlor would have been old enough to have children. (Her parents might even have thought that she was more than old enough by that point!) So it's pozz'ble, just pozz'ble, that she met a young man named Sprague and fell in love. Perhaps they met in connection to whatever top secret organization was monitoring Gronk's family. This Sprague could have been a bodyguard for Mlor and their close relationship led to her getting pregnant. (Sprague could have been anybody who crossed paths with Mlor. She may have had the reputation of being so easy, you didn't have to be a caveman to do her.)

Her pregnancy could have resulted in the birth of Ted, whose name Theodore means "Gift Of God".

And that "gift" would have been his ability to emit radiation, something that might have developed in him due to the combination of his father's Homo Sapien DNA with that of his Neanderthal mother's genes.

Ted Sprague would be only half-caveman, unlike the crew from the GEICO blipverts.
Just sayin', is all.....

Toby OB

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