I’m beginning this post on October 05, 2023 and finally posting it December 18. Not bad for the September inductee into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame!
With the September ceremony, the TVXOHOF aims to honor those who worked behind the scenes to ensure the viability of Toobworld. Past inductees have included Norman Lear, Sherry Lansing, Rod Serling, Jamie Tarses, Gene Roddenberry, Susan Harris, Wm. T. Orr and even the fictional UBS Network.
This year’s candidate was responsible for the successful promotion of many TV series, not only by writing about them in his Variety column, but also appearing as his fictional televersion in many sitcoms and dramas, becoming the common character to link them all in Earth Prime-Time. (Granted, there may be other episodes which would negate their inclusion, but the Toobworld Dynamic has no problem in relegating those single episodes to another Toobworld but keeping the rest of the series in Earth Prime-Time. For examples, check out ‘Law & Order’-“Gov Luv” and the crossover between ‘NCIS-L.A.’ and ‘Hawaii Five-0’.)
So that’s why we’re celebrating…
Armand Andre Archerd (January 13, 1922 – September 8, 2009) was an American columnist for Variety for over fifty years before retiring his "Just for Variety" column in September 2005. In November 2005, Archerd began blogging for Variety and was working on a memoir when he died.
Archerd was born in The Bronx, New York, and graduated from UCLA in 1941. He was hired by Variety to replace columnist Sheilah Graham (former girlfriend of F. Scott Fitzgerald) in 1953. His "Just for Variety" column appeared on page two of Daily Variety and swiftly became popular in Hollywood. Archerd broke many exclusive stories, reporting from film sets, announcing pending deals, giving news of star-related hospitalizations, marriages, and births. In 1984, he was given a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, in front of Mann's Chinese Theater, where he had emceed dozens of movie premieres.
One of his most significant scoops was in his July 23, 1985, column, when he printed that Rock Hudson, despite denials from the actor's publicists and managers, was undergoing treatment for AIDS.
Archerd made four appearances on the popular, long-running game show ‘The Hollywood Squares’ in the 1970s. His bluffs to questions from Peter Marshall became legendary, as he was able to fool contestants into believing his (often ridiculous) answers. Some say he was even better than the accepted champion in that regard, long-time participant John Davidson.
Also in that decade, Archerd and his wife Selma made appearances on the game show ‘Tattletales’.
Archerd died at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center from a rare form of lung cancer (pleural mesothelioma), as a result of his exposure to asbestos in the Navy during World War II.
O’Bservation - He made several appearances in TV series, like ‘Burke's Law’, ‘ Mannix’, and the one which probably gets repeated most often in syndication, ‘Columbo’.
Here are the shows which guaranteed him membership in the Hall*….
77 SUNSET STRIP
SIX SUPERIOR SKIRTS (1959)
A high end charity fundraiser is being held at Dino's, the private event being televised to bring further publicity. Among the highlights are the six young socialites chosen from around the country to model a total of $1 million dollars worth of jewels being loaned by jeweler, Halevy. Stuart has been hired by the insurance company to oversee the security of the jewels. After the organizers deal with a medical incident where "Miss Boston" Laura Stanley, a diabetic, goes into what is eventually deemed insulin shock, Halevy notices that the Morfield diamond necklace she was wearing, valued at $100,000, has been replaced by a fake. The incident occurred when Stuart was dealing with another issue in the main room, namely throwing out known jewel thief, Phil Ashton.
Halevy eventually receives a ransom request to pay the $100,000 after what would be the end of the charity event for return of the diamond, which may be a more palatable option to the insurance company than they are paying the insured $300,000 value. The theft could have been done by any one of the dozen or so people in the room, with Stuart partly relying on Kookie, as one in the room, to provide an accurate eyewitness account.
While Gil knows that whoever stole the diamond is working on Ashton's behalf, Stuart believes the diamond is still on site somewhere and that the six socialites are probably not involved, not even Miss Stanley, as $100,000 is mere pocket change for any of their families. But with unwitting assistance by one of the socialites in her knowledge of jewelry and getting the answer to three further technical questions, Stuart may discover the nature of the plot, including who the inside person is and where the diamond is located.
O’Bservation – This sounds like the kind of event Archerd would have been covering on his “beat”. Unfortunately, ’77 Sunset Strip’ is not currently streaming anywhere so that I might check his involvement.
SAINTS AND SINNERS
THE YEAR JOAN CRAWFORD WON THE OSCAR (1963)
[Newsman]
A famous entertainer inadvertently shoots a hotel bellhop during a drunken game. But when Nick investigates, he finds the bellhop reluctant to talk.
O’Bservation - The first example in which Archerd was identified by occupation and not by name.
BURKE’S LAW
4 out of 6 Episodes (See the O’Bservation)
1] WHO KILLED MARTY KELSO? (1964)
Ruthless Hollywood agent Marty Kelso is murdered and leaves behind a plethora of suspects including a new wife and three ex-wives.
O'Bservation - Of the three classic 'Burke's Law' episodes, this is the only one in which Archerd was the only entertainment reporter on the scene.
2] WHO KILLED THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD? (1964)
When wealthy Amenor arrives in town to sell a lucrative oil lease, an apparent sniper attack on Amenor kills his bookkeeper and suspicion immediately suggests the culprit is one of three parties vying for a deal.
3] WHO KILLED WIMBLEDON HASTINGS? (1965)
A tennis star is murdered at a charity event - by an exploding tennis ball.
O’Bservation – This tally of episodes includes one from the 1990s return of the series, which will be dealt with at that point in the Toobworld timeline. However, it does not include an episode in which Archerd played a father, nor does it include the one in which he was the White House Press Secretary. (Those were O’Bviously other characters who bore incredible likenesses to Army Archerd.)
HONEY WEST
Although stymied when they try to get incriminating photographs of a man suspected of making a phony accident claim, Honey and Sam discover that the subject's accident witness, a seemingly sweet old lady, is suspiciously accident-prone herself.
MANNIX
Vain, arrogant, fading movie star Anne Marion calls a press conference to announce plans for an autobiography. Then, a bomb goes off. The actress hires Intertect and, after a look at available operatives, decides Mannix is her man. The assumption was the bomb was a publicity stunt. Mannix visits one of Anne's ex-husbands, who performs special effects work. The bomb was supposed to be a dud. Mannix is convinced that someone wants to do the actress harm. She has three suspicious ex-husbands, one of whom is an arrogant hothead, the other who employs shady and violent bodyguards. Mannix decides to make himself a target by having Anne's college-age daughter take the diary of the actress and letting the ex-husbands know it. Is one of them the potential killer? Or is it somebody else?
HERE’S LUCY
Richard Burton, the movie star, escapes riotous fans by wearing a plumber's disguise. Lucy Carter mistakes him for a much needed plumber, and brings him back to the office to fix a sink. Lucy later finds a remarkable diamond ring in his discarded overalls. By the time Lucy discovers it is THE famous Elizabeth Taylor diamond ring, it is already stuck on her finger. The end result is a crescendo of comedy as Liz feverishly tries to get the ring off Lucy's finger. Ultimately, Lucy's arms are used as Liz Taylor's while Richard & Liz do a scheduled press party.
THAT GIRL
Ann is nervous about the opening night of the first ever Broadway play in which she is performing.
Army Archerd, Joyce Haber, and Vernon Scott all appear as themselves reviewing a Broadway play. Each was in his or her own right a successful columnist writing almost exclusively about famous personalities in the entertainment world and the various shows in which these personalities performed, but, unlike the suggestion in Ann's fantasies that these three columnists give her and the New York-based play bad reviews, these three columnists lived and worked their entire careers primarily in Los Angeles and, for the most part, restricted their columns to topics pertaining to Hollywood. Army Archerd wrote for Variety; Joyce Haber wrote for the Los Angeles Times, and Vernon Scott wrote for United Press International (UPI).
THAT SENORITA (1970)
Ann is excited to be performing in a new Broadway revue. Her specific sketch is a comic one where she portrays a Mexican woman complete with Spanish accent and Mexican stereotypical behavior. What she is unaware of is that a lobby group, calling itself Dignidades (Spanish for Dignities), is trying to have that sketch taken out of the show for its offensive nature. The producer, George Phillips, refuses their demands.
O’Bservation – In this episode, Archerd is identified as a TV critic, but as he’s basically his televersion then he can be whatever the script calls for.
S6 E1 (1972)
Archerd was part of the "news team", reporting that Barbra Streisand was going to get a nose job in November of 1972. And that the procedure would take at least a week. (I wonder if she ever forgave him?)
HERE WE GO AGAIN
THE BASKETBALL TICKETS (1973)
Richard and Judy's season tickets to the Lakers basketball games suddenly become an issue of community property. It's playoff time for the team, and five people want to attend. However, there are only three tickets. How to divide them fairly among the new families is the humorously tricky issue to solve.
ADAM-12
Officer Wells is taking up a collection for a man, his daughter and her baby to have gas money to make it to San Franisco for an operation on the baby for a tumor.
Mac tells Wells the man he collected money for is a well known con-artist with a rap sheet everywhere west of the Mississippi River.
O’Bservation – Archerd is listed as “Reporter”, but he must have been playing himself. As he was interviewing that grifter for a human interest story, it must have been a slow news day for show biz.
KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER
After Kolchak put a stake through the heart of vampire Janos Skorzeny and all his victims were cremated, that was thought to have been the end of the line for the vampire. However, one victim, a call girl named Catherine Rawlins was not found and after a road crew unknowingly freed her she resumes her "career". However, instead of turning tricks she uses her job as a way to meet unsuspecting victims of her own and begins a murderous rampage of her own and eventually makes her way to Los Angeles. Kolchak heads for L.A. to hunt her down and try to stop her before the City of Angels becomes the city of the undead.
O’Bservation – The “Man” whom Archerd is playing is accompanied by a woman played by his real-world wife, Selma. Therefore, I’m declaring them to be appearing as themselves.
COLUMBO
At the premiere of a movie compiling movie clips a la ‘That’s Entertainment!’, Archerd did a live interview with former movie star Grace Wheeler.
MARCUS WELBY, M.D.
THE FRUITFULNESS OF MRS. STEFFIE RHODES (1975)
[Man Reporter]
O’Bservation – As opposed to what? Female Reporter? Alien Reporter? Android Reporter? It’s another example of Archerd going about his job as a reporter.
JAMES AT 16
FAST AND LOOSE (1977)
[M.C.]
James befriends a new boy at school from a wealthy family, and the two take an unsupervised trip to California.
O’Bservation – Nothing says that Army Archerd couldn’t get a side gig as an emcee. Hey – a gig’s a gig….
THE USERS (1978 TV MOVIE)
A beautiful girl from a small town with dreams of making it in Hollywood marries an actor whose career is fading, then schemes to get him back into the big time - and her with him.
MORE THAN FRIENDS (1978 TV MOVIE)
Matty and Alan are old friends. Alan wants to be a writer, meanwhile he's a teacher, and wants Matty, a long time friend, to be more than a friend. She doesn't exactly know what she wants, other than being in show business (her mother is less than enthusiastic).
ARTHUR HAILEY'S THE MONEY-CHANGERS
(1976 MINI-SERIES)
Roscoe brokers a fishy deal with a multinational corporation and his moral turpitude is exposed, Miles is raped in prison, and a peaceful protest organized by Alex's wife Margot turns violent when a bomb is placed in the bank.
MATT HOUSTON
WHO WOULD KILL RAMONA? (1982)
Actress Ramona Landers reports to the set of her comeback film. Her young costar Todd Gallagher accuses her of drunkenness, then gulps her drink and dies of poisoning. Houston interviews her husband and those involved with the film.
O’Bservation 1 - Archerd was on the scene when Ramona Landers was about to make her return to the silver screen, just in time to witness a murder and order his cameraman to keep rolling.
O’Bservation 2 – I’m wondering why he didn’t recognize the similarity between Ramona Landers and Grace Wheeler? As the Splainer-in-Chief for Toobworld, I got some splainin to do – Army Archerd already knew and it was old news. Ramona and Grace were twin sisters. But like Joan Fontaine and Olivia de Havilland, they were bitter rivals and on the outs with each other. So it was a wise decision on Army Archerd’s part to avoid that topic when setting up his interview with Ramona.
By the way, this episode set up that premise… sort of. Ramona’s daughter had lost her twin brother in a plane crash; it could be her bloodline was genetically pre-disposed to twins.
HOTEL
CHOICES (1983)
The hotel hosts a Beauty Pageant where an obsessed mother pushes her daughter to win at any cost.
O’Bservation – I think Peter Marshall hosted the beauty pageant (but not as himself), so Archerd was probably acting in a reporter capacity.
THE RATINGS GAME (1984 TV MOVIE)
A newly rich New Jersey trucker moves to Hollywood and creates a slew of hit TV shows by manipulating the ratings system with help from his girlfriend in the ratings business.
GLITTER
A party was held to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Eileen Todd's first movie, which marked her first appearance in public since a terrible accident on set 40 years earlier. And Archerd was there to cover the celebration.
THE LOVE BOAT
This episode includes cameos by Jayne Meadows, Steve Allen, Army Archerd, Barbi Benton, Milton Berle, Barbara Billingsley, Tom Bosley, Ruth Buzzi, Carol Channing, Charo, Bert Convey, Elinor Donahue, Tony Dow, David Doyle, Florence Henderson, Artie Johnson, Gordon Jump, Don Knotts, Judy Landers, Tina Louise Jerry Mathers, Tom Poston, Louis Nye, Juliette Prowse, Robert Reed, Charlene Tilton, Vic Tayback, Leslie Uggams, Jo Ann Worley and Jane Wyatt. All of whom appeared on ‘The Love Boat’ several times during the run of the show.
NOT NECESSARILY THE NEWS
INSIDE ENTERTAINMENT (1987)
[Emcee]
BURKE’S LAW
When the star of a popular daytime soap arrives at the annual awards show, she is murdered on the red carpet in full view of a television audience. Peter and Amos have many suspects to choose from.
MURPHY BROWN
Murphy must apologize for what she said about a popular talk show host.
ELLEN
While attending a Hollywood social party with Paige, Ellen spots British actress Emma Thompson making out with another woman and afterward convinces Paige to hire her as Emma's personal assistant while she's in town to film a movie and to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award. Ellen then convinces Emma to "come out," to the public, against Paige's protest. But Emma soon reveals to Ellen that it's not the only sordid secret that she hides of her past. At the banquet, Sean Penn appears with a surprise revelation of his own.
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| "Jerk...." [Referring to Regis Philbin's character, Darren Tate] |
DIAGNOSIS MURDER
A pair of talk-show hosts pull a ratings stunt that ends with one murdering the other. But Sloan quickly discovers someone may have set them up and discovers the cutthroat business of daytime talk shows gives him quite a few suspects.
When Darrin Tate is brought into Community General after his co-host Mary Montgomery decked him in their TV talk-show, they both insist it's staged between good friends during the weeks when crucial ratings are measured. In the next show he shoots her, and claims to be shocked finding someone switched the blanks she loaded herself with fatal live ammo.
The doctors and Steve unravel motive and opportunity in the brutally competitive and deceptive studio circles for that murder and Mary's personal assistants which is masked as a fatal car accident.
BEST ACTRESS (2000 TV Movie)
Ted, a recently murdered writer for a Hollywood tabloid magazine, narrates his story about the five sordid and scandalous lives of five actresses nominated for the Academy Award for best actress who include British star Fiona Covington; teenage drug addict Amber Lyons; alcoholic, self-hating lesbian Lori Seefer; blond vixen and center-fold Karen Kroll; and washed-up singer Connie Travis, and out of all of these individuals, one of them vows to kill the one who wins the award if she doesn't.
O’Bservation – TV movies are as much a part of the main Toobworld as are sitcoms, dramas and even commercials. But often they need to be shunted off to an alternate Toobworld because the creators know that it’s probably on one-shot, so anything goes; there’s no need for any consideration given to poor, poor pitiful me as I try to maintain a Television Universe. (That’s basically why I retired.)
I have no problem with this character coming back from the Afterlife; Toobworld has been home to witches, genies, androids, Martians, angels, Lucifer, and talking horses. But take a look at this quote:
Brianna:
I think that guy who plays Henry on ‘Dawson's Creek’ is cute.
Tatianna:
Jennifer Radley slept with him. She said he broke last week's record.
Brianna:
Isn't she a dyke?
Tatianna:
Nah, she's just outdoorsy.
Brianna:
The gay look is so in these days.
I have a feeling that this TV movie, which was probably a failed pilot, was chock-full of Zonks – those discrepancies where TV characters refer to other TV shows which should be sharing the same TV universe. Like that reference to ‘Dawson’s Creek’. Why deal with that headache? So I’m shipping it off to the alt-Toobworld where it’s accepted that the TV series from the Trueniverse were just that – TV shows – and not part of the fabric of Earth Prime-Time. This makes Army Archerd a multi-dimensional.
And then there are several game shows in which Archerd took part, including fellow TVXOHOF member 'The Hollywood Squares'. (One day I'll find a copy of him on that show....)
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| 'TATTLETALES' |
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| 'CELEBRITY BOWLING' |
Welcome to the Television Crossover Hall of Fame, Mr. Archerd. I'd like to think you'll be announcing all the future inductees into the Television Crossover Hall of Fame....
* All descriptions are from the IMDb.
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