THE 2011 TOOBITS AWARDS (FINALLY!)

THE 2011 TOOBITS!

It's that time of year again, when we all make lists and think back over the past year, in whatever field of interest concerns us, and chronicle the high points and the lows. For the past few years I've been presenting this compilation as an awards show, the Toobits, which of course celebrates my two bits about Toobworld.

It took so long to get around to posting this because I just didn't feel it this year. The Fall 2011 line-up was especially dreary and most of the great stuff ('Downton Abbey', 'Game of Thrones') happened early in the year and so couldn't carry any enthusiasm against all of the other dreck that was broadcast. (As it is, I even dropped a lot of categories because it was such a listless selection in 2011, but then... maybe that's a good thing.)

As it is with any such list you'll find in TV columns across the country these last few weeks, these are my opinions. You're welcome to your own and I hope you'll share them, but I'm sticking to my weapons of choice. (It could be you won't see something that was a favorite of yours because I just never got around to seeing it. There's only so much time in the world - even for a do-nothing-else-anyway sort like me! - and I've only got the two eyes, even if they do operate independently of each other at times.)

Unlike the Emmy Awards which will just keep handing out trophies to some shows forever, only shows, characters and what-not that debuted in 2011 can be considered. (And by "debuted", I mean that which I first came in contact with in 2011. It could be a few years old, but if it's my first time seeing it, it's new. 'Whitechapel' is a good example of that.)

This one-time-only rule includes characters who have been recast; those are still the same characters who already exist in Toobworld. (But there were a few notable appearances that deserved honorable mention, and they get it.)

So without further ado, let's have at it:

BEST NEW TV SERIES
COMEDY: 'Happy Endings'

DRAMA: 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST MINI-SERIES

'Whitechapel'

WORST MINI-SERIES

'Torchwood' - "Miracle Day"

BEST SKETCH

'SNL' - "The Ambiguously Gay Duo - In the Flesh"

'SNL' - "The Merryville Trolley"

BEST COMMERCIAL

Muller Yogurt - "Wonderful Stuff"

WORST COMMERCIAL
Best Buy - "Game On, Santa"

Nobody messes with Santa Larry!

BEST IMPORT
'Downton Abbey'

BEST EPISODE, ANY GENRE
'Fringe' - "LSD"

BEST COMEDY EPISODE

'Louie' - "Duckling"

BEST TWO-PART EPISODE
'Doctor Who' - "The Impossible Astronaut" & "Day Of The Moon"

BEST MOVIE THAT SHOULD BE ADAPTED INTO A TV SHOW

"Green Lantern"

BEST SERIES RETURN
'Chuck'

BEST SEASON FINALE
'Chuck'

BEST SERIES FINALE
'Smallville'

BEST CLIFF-HANGER

'Doctor Who'

WORST CLIFF-HANGER

'Bedlam'

WORST SEASON FINALE

'The Killing'

BEST REMAKE
'Wilfred'

BEST HISTORICAL RECREATION
'Downton Abbey'

BEST SENSE OF ONE'S OWN HISTORY

'Two And A Half Men' - the return of many of Charlie's exes at his wake, especially Tricia Helfer, Jenny McCarthy, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe, Jeri Ryan, Liz Vassey, and Emmanuelle Vaugier

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD HISTORY
'The Hour'

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD CELEBRITY
'Episodes'

BEST REVIVED SERIES

'Law & Order: Los Angeles' (not that it did them any good)

BEST CLASSIC TV EXPERIENCE

'The Rifleman' - Saturday morning marathons on AMC

BEST CROSSOVER

'The Office' with 'The Office'

BEST CROSSOVER PLOTLINE
'Hot In Cleveland' & 'All My Children'

Although it did take some back-straining pretzel logic to avoid a Zonk!

BEST TRIVIAL CROSSOVER
'Fringe' & 'Twin Peaks'

Dr. Walter Bishop mentioned that he was friends with Dr. Lawrence Jacoby

BEST INTERNATIONAL CROSSOVER

"The 2011 National Television Awards Opening"

FIRST CROSSOVER OF THE YEAR
'Saturday Night Live' with 'PeeWee's Playhouse' and CNN's 'AC360'

BEST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (aka MEDIUM)
BOOK to TV

'Game Of Thrones'

MOVIE to TV

"Zoolander" on 'Saturday Night Live'

BEST RECASTAWAY
Canton Everett Delaware III, 'Doctor Who'

You can't beat a father & son team to play the same character at different ages!

BEST NEW MALE CHARACTER
COMEDY: Max Blum, 'Happy Endings'

DRAMA: Tyrion Lannister, 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST NEW FEMALE CHARACTER
DRAMA: Dr. Megan Hunt, 'Body Of Proof'

COMEDY: Penny, 'Happy Endings'

BEST NEW SUPPORTING CHARACTER
Violet, Dowager Countess Lady Grantham, 'Downton Abbey'

BEST NEW RECURRING CHARACTER
Deangelo Vickers, 'The Office

BEST NEW CAST ENSEMBLE
DRAMA: 'Downton Abbey'

COMEDY: 'Happy Endings'

BEST ADDITION TO AN EXISTING CAST
Robert California, 'The Office'

BEST NEW GUEST APPEARANCE
Male - Grandfather Earle, 'True Blood'

Female - Mrs. Winterbottom, 'Chuck'

BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER

Ernest Hemingway, 'Any Human Heart'

WORST HISTORICAL CHARACTER

Adolph Hitler, 'Doctor Who'

But we had a splainin for that.....

BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER REVISION
Richard Nixon, 'Doctor Who'

BEST NEW CHILD CHARACTER

Arya Stark, 'Game Of Thrones'

CHARACTER MOST DESERVING TO BECOME A REGULAR
Gavin Q. Baker III the lawyer, 'The Closer'

Not that it would be likely - once Brenda's storyline is over, there's no reason for him to hang around.

BEST NEW COMMERCIAL CHARACTER

Nick the Chevy Salesman - Chevrolet
The Pinata Kid - VW Tiguan

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE
Male - Michael J. Fox, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'

Female - Susan Lucci, 'Hot In Cleveland'

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN A COMMERCIAL

Kate Winslet, Lancome

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN SKITLANDIA
Anderson Cooper - 'Saturday Night Live' 

BEST CHARACTER RETURN

Dharma & Greg - on 'Two And A Half Men'

BEST INTRODUCTION OF A REGULAR CHARACTER

Julius Berger, 'Outcasts'

BEST ALIEN CHARACTER (SINGULAR)

George the Tenza, 'Doctor Who'

BEST NEW ALIENS
The Silence, 'Doctor Who'

BEST NEW MALE VILLAIN
Julius Berger - 'Outcasts'

BEST NEW FEMALE VILLAIN
O'Brien - 'Downton Abbey'

O'Briens always make for great villainy......

BEST NEW CHARACTER NAME
Jilly Kitzinger, 'Torchwood: Miracle Day'

WORST NEW CHARACTER NAME

Mirri Maz Duur, 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST COSTUME

Gloria's nightie in 'Modern Family'

BEST LINE

"I am the one who knocks." - Walter White, 'Breaking Bad'

I confess I don't watch this show, but I saw him deliver that line in an end of the year compilation of great quotes and I was really impressed with the power in it. There's a menace in its interpretation and I think it has the power to stand on its own out of context. (I also think it would look great on a T-shirt!)

BEST EXCHANGE OF DIALOGUE

“I want to hear all about Mitchell from high school. Did he have a beard?” – Cam
“Uh … you’re lookin’ at her; although I didn't know it at the time.....” – Tracy

'Modern Family

BEST SPEECH/MONOLOGUE

"I learned a pretty long time ago that I am not the hero of the story. And if I want to be in the story, I have one of two options - I can either help the hero or try to destroy him." - Larry Munsch, 'Mad Love'

BEST ZONK-FILLED DIALOGUE

Liz Lemon: Do I know you?

Aaron Sorkin: You know my work. Walk with me. I'm Aaron Sorkin - 'The West Wing', "A Few Good Men", "The Social Network"....

Liz Lemon: 'Studio 60'?

Aaron Sorkin: Shut up.

'30 Rock'

BEST REALITY SPEECH

“This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.” - Charlie Sheen

WORST REALITY QUOTE

"The human toll here looks to be much worse than the economic toll, and we can be grateful for that," CNBC financial analyst Larry Kudlow

BEST NEW THEME SONG
'Mr. Sunshine'

BEST MUSICAL MOMENT
The last minute of 'Smallville' with the John Williams theme from the 1978 movie

BEST NEW TOOBWORLD LOCATION
Downton Abbey - 'Downton Abbey'

BEST NEW ALTERNATE TV DIMENSION
'Homeland'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL COUNTRY

The Seven Kingdoms of Westeros

BEST NEW FICTIONAL PLANET

Carpathia, 'Outcasts'

BEST EXIT FOR A CHARACTER
Michael Scott, 'The Office'

BEST DEATH SCENE

Justin Bieber's in 'CSI'

SADDEST DEATH SCENE

Coroner Steiner in 'The Mentalist' ("The Red Mile")
Vincent Nigel Murray in 'Bones'

WORST DEATH SCENE
Vaserys Targaryen, 'Game Of Thrones'

Jory, 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL MOVIE

"Threat Level Midnight" - 'The Office'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL TV SHOW

'Goodnight Burbank'

BEST EPISODE TITLE

'Doctor Who' - "Let's Kill Hitler"

It sounds like so much fun!

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
'Doc Martin'

BEST SERIES MARATHON ON DVD
'Spaced'

BEST CROSSOVER PROP

The building blocks used in 'Alias' and now 'Fringe'.....

BEST COINED WORDS and PHRASES

WORDS

flinking - the sensation of floating and sinking at the same time ('Raising Hope')
gaycist - someone who thinks all gays are alike ('Happy Endings')

PHRASES

The Muppet Lobby

Gift of the Vagi - 'Modern Family'

BEST ZONK OF THE YEAR

"American Family" - the NFL Super Bowl Commercial

BEST REALITY TELEVISION
During an on-air TNT segment prior to the Knicks' 93-88 win over Miami, Tracy Morgan was asked by TNT analyst Charles Barkley whether he thought former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is attractive. Morgan responded, "She's good masturbation material," which rendered the always talkative Sir Charles speechless.

WORST ON-CAMERA MOMENT

Serene Branson's aphasia while on the red carpet at the Grammys. As far as I know, she has recovered.

WORST OFF-CAMERA MOMENT

The sexual assault on Lara Logan as she covered the downfall of Hosni Mubarak in Egypt

WORST REALITY TELEVISION
Tsunami footage from Japan

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A SHOW

'The Killing'

I think it treated its fans horribly in pursuit of a buck that it just makes me angry when I think about it and you wouldn't like me if I'm angry.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A NETWORK
AKA "The Nibbled To Death By Ducks" award

TIE:

The decision by NBC to pull 'Community' from the schedule

The decision by ABC to hold back 'Cougar town' 

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE GENERAL AUDIENCE
There wasn't enough support for 'Bored To Death'

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF

I'm too cheap to get Showtime so I can watch 'Homeland' and Starz! so I can watch 'Boss'

BEST EXPANSION OF THE TV UNIVERSE

'The Nine Lives Of Chloe King'

For its introduction of the Mai species into Toobworld

BEST TV BLOG HEADLINE

"Grey's, Grey's, Grey's Of The Jungle..."

from "I Am A Child Of Television"

(About Shonda Rhimes third series, 'Off The Map')

BEST REVIEW OF A TV SERIES

Ken Levine's look at 'The Playboy Club' - Here's how it ended:

"THE PLAYBOY CLUB debuts Monday. A better way of spending the hour is just being under the covers with a copy of the magazine."

BEST CRITIQUE BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER

Kimberly Massengill
First you tell me David Brent will be joining Michael Scott on an upcoming episode of The Office, and now Chris Elliot's gonna give us his best Walker, Texas Ranger? I might just explode in a telecrossovergasm.

HONORARY MENTIONS
Wilfred, 'Wilfred'

John Barrowman, 'Goodnight Burbank'

Bill Buckner, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'

Had it not been for the participation of Michael J. Fox in the series, making fun of an illness that might eventually kill him, I would have picked this League of Themselves appearance as the one that took big balls.

Phil Davis as Ray Miles, 'Whitechapel'

It took just one glance in the final episode, one which spoke volumes, that made me realize how much I appreciate all the roles I've seen him in over the last few years.

Well, that's it.  I hope you enjoyed it, even though it was a stripped-down version unlike past years when it had to run over several days to get in all the commentary and pictures.  Hopefully 2012 will be more inspired (if the Mayans don't bleep us over!)  And it seems like it's off to a good start, since I've got candidates for a lot of categories already and it's just the middle of January!

BCnU!