WORLD CUP DREAM TEAM... FOR "COLUMBO"

Originally I planned to have a great "Game Of The Name" post today which would link 'Endeavour' to 'Eureka' via a character whom I'm claiming to have appeared in both shows.  But I've still got several hours of episodes to watch for "research".  (Besides, I love that Syfy show and wish it was still on, so I want to make sure I get it right.)

So luckily for my Inner Toob schedule (and my OCD), I have a special guest appearance by another of my fellow Columbo-philes from the "Columbo TV" Facebook page.

In the past, my poor page has been graced by Steve Skayman with his photographic finds on the type of trivial details that make the TV Universe interesting - like the fact that a murderer from a 'Barnaby Jones' episode must have bought the house previously owned by a murderer in a 'Columbo' episode.

And then there's Theo Solorio.  Her excellent cartoons of Lt. Columbo and other characters from the show are portrayed in a very "Bluthesque" form of funny animal cartoons.  (The Lieutenant is portrayed as a sly fox....)

And so today, it's Mary Lowe's turn.

As Monty Python would say, for those who don't like cartoons, there's sport.....

Mary has used 'Columbo' to sum up the knockout match between England and Colombia on Tuesday.  Despite the similarity in names, it's more appropriate that England won the day - after all, Columbo once visited England....

And now, here's Mary Lowe with today's sports report:

COLUMBO, ENGLAND, AND THE WORLD CUP

The Most Crucial Game has been won by England. A performance Suitable For Framing, whilst Colombia were on a Short Fuse and have played their Swan Song. Tomorrow, by Dawn's Early Light, there will be plenty of Playback as England are suffering from A Case Of Immunity...to losing...

It's All In The Game....

Our fellow "Lieutenanthusiasts" (Yes, I know. Horrible collective noun.  I'm sorry I typed it.  not really....) joined in with their responses:

Simon Moon (related to Daphne?) observed:

(A few of those Colombians were candidates for crime, if you ask me.)

Ian Macleod added:

I think it was a Double Shock for Colombia and a Matter of Honour for England to get past a team that would make Strange Bedfellows!

Philip Wilson wondered:

Did you have another version prepared if we lost? 

And Harry Duff responded:

I think I would have had a Negative Reaction ....

I shared these with one of my brothers, who's also a fan of 'Columbo' and an avid World Cup viewer.  Being the newspaper editor that he is, he came up with the headline for the preview of the next Most Crucial Match:

I'm not about to compete with this lot; they're all too good!  But I do have a Toobworld "What If?" suggestion, a bit o' my Wish-Craft whimsy....

There are so many cases during the Dark Ages, that Big Hiatus between "The Conspirators" in 1979 and 1989's "Columbo Goes To The Guillotine," which we never got to see.  (Columbo didn't stop existing in the TV Universe just because the show stopped, after all.)

So what if we got to see one of Columbo's murder investigations take place against the backdrop of the World Cup?  First off, where would it take place?  

Here's a list of countries which hosted the World Cup during the Dark Hiatus:

• 1982 - Spain
• 1986 - Colombia

Despite the possibility for some fun at the Lieutenant's expense that his name would be so similar to the name of the host country, I think there would have to be just establishing shots filmed there for the sake of security and the rest filmed in the States - as was done with the "Dagger Of The Mind" English-set episode.

But thinking like a cost-cutting executive, I'll skip the Dark Hiatus.  My Wish-Craft fantasy instead should be set against the 1994 World Cup which was played out in the United States. 

And fortuitous for location filming and story logistics, the stadium used the most during the course of play, including the final match, was the Rose Bowl in Pasadena which is part of Los Angeles County.  It's only ten miles north of downtown Los Angeles. 

(This saves any "splainin to do" as to why Lt. Columbo was in any of the other eight host cities.  Then again, I'm assuming that Columbo would be called in over the Pasadena Police Department because it would be such a high-profile case.  He would probably be clashing with the FBI during the case as well.)

What would be the plotline, the motivation for the murder?  As always, I'm just the Fanficcers' Friend; I'm just setting up the basic situation in the hopes that somebody else would run with it.

But I do have a definite star to have played the lead guest role of the murderer for that special episode.

Roger Moore.

At the time of filming, he would have been about 67 years of age, and we know he was in good shape - perfectly believable as a former footballer who capitalized on his glory days to become rich and a major force behind the scenes... only to find a dark secret from his past about to be exposed which could scuttle his standing and besmirch the games.  (It could be a harbinger of the corruption scandals that would surface a decade later in 2015.)

The second most important guest star role in a 'Columbo' episode is that of whoever plays the victim.  And just because there have been so many blackmailers in the series' run who had been male, why not a woman this time?  And because the series had been so white-washed in the past (save for James McEachin it seems), why not have the victim be a black woman?  It would also be more representative of the countries involved in the World Cup.

In my heart, I like the idea of Janet MacLachlan.  She was a recognizable name on the small screen and had some cachet for a starring role in 'Columbo' as the victim.  (More so than some certainly, like Chad Willets, Jeff Yagher, or Cheryl Paris, from that same time frame of the ABC years.)

She also had the gravitas for a role as somebody with influence and experience behind the scenes of the FIFA world body.   At the same time, I'm liking her for the FBI Agent officially in charge of the investigation as a Federal case.

Otherwise, if the network wanted real luster for the role of the murder victim, perhaps they might have turned to Cicely Tyson in the role.  She would have been 70 years of age, an equal to face off against Moore in all facets.

In fact, why not cast both?

I'm going with this dream team:

• Peter Falk as Lt. Columbo
• Sir Roger Moore as The Murderer
• Cicely Tyson as The Murder Victim
• Janet Maclachlan as The FBI Agent
• Pelé as Himself (Unbilled Cameo)
• Bruce Kirby as Sgt. Kramer
• John Finnegan as Pasadena Detective
• Vito Scotti as Disappointed Italian Fan 

Special Guest Star:

• E.G. Marshall as World Cup Official

Written by Jackson Gillis
Directed by Patrick McGoohan

As Bob Ryan would often say in 'Entourage', "Would that be something you would be interested in?"

"You have the wrong room."

If you're a 'Columbo' fan and also like to engage in fan fiction, would that be something you might like to take up your pen to write?  If you do, please let me know where I can read it.

Who knows?  Maybe one day such a story will be found in the Columbo Fan Fiction Archive....

I also have a suggestion for the episode title, similar to those we saw back in the NBC years.

It would be the perfect headline for a Fleet Street tabloid should the unthinkable happen this year.  (It has an historical connection to Russia.)

My thanks to Mary for the original inspiration and to the contributions from Ian, Philip, Harry, Simon, and my brother.  And I hope my flight of fancy meets with approval from World Cup fans.

BCnU!

O'Bservation:
In full disclosure, the pictures of Roger Moore with Peter Falk are from their younger days before they went on to greater glory.  They are seen in these stills from Falk's series 'The Trials Of O'Brien' in which Moore was the guest star.  

As for that quote attached to one of them?  I cribbed it from my favorite 'Columbo' episode, as a tip of the hat to my wish-craft choice for the director of "Cup of Sorrows"......