APACHE TIME LORD

Although Michael Ansara was Cochise throughout the run of the TV series version of 'Broken Arrow', Ricardo Montalban played the part in a one hour adaptation of the movie. This was presented as an episode of 'The 20th Century Fox Hour', which usually made TV versions of the big movies from that studio.

John Lupton also appeared in this version of 'Broken Arrow' as Tom Jeffords, the character he would then later play in the series. So, either this took place in an alternate universe in which Cochise had different DNA than his counterpart, or we should employ any one of a number of splainins for a character to be replaced temporarily - although I think we can rule out plastic surgery and a fraternal twin brother. (Had Montalban been the actual Cochise and Ansara the doppleganger, that replacement would have been permanent.)

And then there's alien impersonation. It may seem really out there, but that's the one I'm leaning towards.....

It's already an established Toobworld theory that Mr. Roarke of 'Fantasy Island' was a Gallifreyan Time Lord. In the original series, we learned that he was over 300 years old. And in the remake, we not only saw that he had been regenerated, but that an old shack on the island was a TARDIS. It's also part of that theory that Roarke was once a renegade Time Lord as well, submitting to the Dark Side under the human name of Ramon Castillo (as seen in an episode of 'Zorro'.) And for Toobworld's purposes, there is a theory of relateeveety that claims Castillo was the biological father of Miquelito Quixote Loveless.

So I'm thinking that since he was around at that time anyway, Roarke had reason to impersonate Cochise. There is always the quesiton of what was done with the original Apache warrior during that period, so we could say that Roarke used his own version of a quantum leap accelerator on board his TARDIS to go back in Time to replace Cochise bodily. And the real Cochise would be left inside the "waiting room" of the TARDIS.

Roarke probably did this in order to insure that the alliance between Jeffords and Cochise did take place. Even in its unembellished historical version, so much could have gone wrong.

At least if he was impersonated by a Gallifreyan, we don't have to study the recently restored copy of this TV episode to see if the alien Cochise had a pinky finger bent out of shape.......

It's not an air-tight case, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

BCnU!

TVXOHOF, JULY 2010: COCHISE

It's been the tradition at Toobworld Central for the summer months of July and August to be centered around the TV Western. Every "As Seen On TV" showcase in August will be an historical figure of the Old West, and the two inductees into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame will be connected to the theme as well.

One month will see an historical figure gain entry, the other will be a fictional character from a Western.

This month we're going with the historical, since August will be overloaded with them anyway.....
From Wikipedia:
Cochise (c. 1805–June 8, 1874) was a chief (a nantan) of the Chokonen ("central" or "real" Chiricahua) band of the Chiricahua Apache and the leader of an uprising that began in 1861. Cochise County, Arizona is named after him.

Following various skirmishes, Cochise and his men were gradually driven into the Dragoon Mountains but were nevertheless able to use the mountains for cover and as a base from which to continue attacks against the white settlements. Cochise managed to evade capture and continued his raids against white settlements and travelers until 1872. A treaty was finally negotiated by General Oliver O. Howard, with the help of Tom Jeffords who was Cochise's only white friend. Cochise then retired to his new reservation, with his friend Jeffords as agent, where he died of natural causes (probably of abdominal cancer) in 1874. Cochise was buried in the rocks above one of his favorite camps in Arizona's Dragoon Mountains, now called Cochise Stronghold. Only his people and Tom Jeffords knew the exact location of his resting place, and they took the secret to their graves.

The full Wikipedia article can be found here.

There have been several actors who have played Cochise on television, and one - Michael Keep - played him at different stages in his life, both in TV and in the movies. August Schellenberg may have brought the most authentic portrayal of Cochise to the small screen (Although for my wampum, he looks like Jack Warden playing a Hekawi.) As his performance was in historical context, the TV movie "Geronimo" should be transferred to an alternate TV dimension.

But it's Michael Ansara who'll be considered the official Cochise of Toobworld. That's because of the TV series 'Broken Arrow', for which there were over 70 episodes detailing the uneasy partnership between Cochise and Indian agent Tom Jeffords. (Jeffords will be showing up in the daily ASOTV gallery in August.....)

Since Cochise died in 1874, some of his appearances in Toobworld on other shows, like 'Bonanza' and 'Rin Tin Tin', could be attributed to Famous Identity Syndrome. Those with FIS delusions believe themselves to be newsworthy figures of the times in order to gain some recognition for themselves, even if it is under an assumed name. This is the splainin for many of the TV portrayals of people like Doc Holliday, Wyatt Earp, Billy the Kid, and Jesse James. (This may be true especially for Cochise in 'The High Chaparral', since two different actors played the role.)

Here's a list of actors who have played the role of Cochise on TV over the years. It may not be complete....

Geronimo (1993) Played by August Schellenberg

[Michael Keep as Cochise in the Cineverse and in Toobworld: "40 Guns To Apache Pass", left, and 'High Chaparral', right]

"The High Chaparral"
- The Last Hundred Miles (1969) Played by Michael Keep
- The Peacemaker (1968) Played by Paul Fix
- A Hanging Offense (1967) Played by Paul Fix

"Bonanza"
- The Honor of Cochise (1961) Played by Jeff Morrow

"Broken Arrow" (1956-60) Played by Michael Ansara

"The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin"
- The Invaders (1956) Played by X Brands

"TV Reader's Digest"
- Cochise, Greatest of the Apaches (1956) Played by Richard Gaines

So here's a salute to you, Cochise. Welcome to the TV Crossover Hall of Fame.

BCnU!

ADDENDUM: HONEST ABE'S GEICO BLIPVERT

It might seem like it's an anachronism to have President and Mrs. Lincoln appear in a talking picture, when History gives us the year 1929 for Al Jolson's "The Jazz Singer". But you have to keep in mind that that's the real world; certain details will differ in Toobworld.

And the precedent for talking pictures to exist was established in 'The Wild Wild West'. Baron Hinterstoisser utilized a fake movie in hopes of bringing embarrassment to President Grant, as seen in a fourth season episode. And although it was a silent movie, the technology probably did exist to synchronize sound to it as well, thanks to Dr. Loveless. After all, as stated in one of the nine episodes to feature the diminutive madman, Miguelito apparently invented television!

So in a world in which there was at least one moonbase by 1970 and in which androids are hiding in plain sight, having a movie starring Abe Lincoln doesn't seem that far-fetched... for Toobworld.

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: ABE AND MARY TODD LINCOLN

Since the rest of America is celebrating a long Fourth of July weekend on this Monday (Me? I have to work straight through to the 14th.), I thought I'd do up something quick and yet appropriate for the day, what with your outdoor barbecues......

Here's Abe Lincoln getting grilled:



Unfortunately, I don't know who the actors are...

BCnU!

BETSY ROSS OF THE TOONIVERSE

Video Games Time Squad Episode (2)

XBox 360 Playstation 3 Nintendo Wii

BCnU!

RED'S PLEDGE

BCnU......

RIDIN' EASY WITH BING

Here's a little Captain America for this Fourth of July.....


Now, there are those who'll probably say that the above blipvert is kind of tacky considering that Dennis Hopper only died a few weeks ago. And yeah, they're probably right.

But looking at it from the perspective of a Toobworld caretaker, I'm just glad to see the characters of "Easy Rider" make the "slide" from the "Cineverse"* into Earth Prime-Time. Skitlandian versions of the characters already existed, thanks to 'Saturday Night Live', but this places Billy, George, and Wyatt (aka Captain America) firmly into the main Toobworld.

And to preempt any complaints that they aren't the real "Easy Rider" characters, my answer is: they're not meant to be. Those guys belong to the world of the movies. These are their counterparts in the world of the Toob. It's the same distinction made for characters like Hawkeye and Trapper John and Madigan and the King of Siam.......

BCnU!

* The term was coined by Craig Shaw Gardner for his Cineverse Cycle of books.

AS SEEN ON TV: BETSY ROSS

I had to find somebody appropriate for today. And who better than the woman who sewed the first American flag....?

BETSY ROSS
[from in the Tooniverse]

AS SEEN IN:
'Time Squad'

AS VOICED BY:
Nika Frost

Happy Fourth of July!

BCnU!

HOORAY FOR THE REDD, WHITE & BLU!

HAVE A HAPPY
FROM ALL OF ME
@
TOOBWORLD CENTRAL!

BCnU!

CLEAN-UP IN AISLE 4!

Toobworld has seen men reincarnated as dogs

Children born of alien-human unions, including a reptilian Visitor

A boy born of human and Vulcan who died and was reborn again

A litter of kittens whose mother was a human woman and their father was a humanoid cat

A human baby born of a cow

And then there's this miracle of birth:



I always believed that 'Mr. Ed' was a Houyhnhnm, as seen in "Gulliver's Travels". But could this be how he really gained the power of speech? Born of a human woman, looking nothing like a human, but perhaps still having a human mind (as well as human vocal chords)......

It doesn't matter, really. Just wallow in the weirdness of this ad......

BCnU!

Thanks to Ray William Johnson for pointing this out in his weekly "Equals Three" video......