INNER TOOB

AS SEEN ON TV: THE EVIL QUEEN

2012-01-31T00:07:00.000-05:00

THE EVIL QUEEN

(REGINA MILLS)

AS SEEN IN:
'Once Upon A Time'

AS PLAYED BY:

Lana Parilla

TV DIMENSION:

The Literary Universe/Earth Prime-Time

STATUS:

Recastaway

THE EVIL QUEEN

(LILLIAN WHITE)

AS SEEN IN:

'The Charmings'

AS PLAYED BY:

Judy Parfitt

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

STATUS:

Recastaway

From Wikipedia:

The Evil Queen is a fictional character and the main antagonist in the German fairy tale "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs", collected by the Brothers Grimm and adapted by Disney into an animated film.

The Queen is beautiful, but narcissistic and cruel and a very powerful sorceress. She marries a widowed king who has a daughter called Snow White from his first wife. The Queen envies Snow White's beauty, and so tries to have her killed, setting the story in motion.

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: SNOW WHITE

2012-01-30T00:00:00.001-05:00

SNOW WHITE

(MARY MARGARET BLANCHARD)

AS SEEN IN:

'Once Upon A Time'

AS PLAYED BY:

Ginnifer Goodwin

TV DIMENSION:

The Literary Universe/Earth Prime-Time

STATUS:

Recastaway

From Wikipedia:

Snow White is a fairy tale known from many countries in Europe, the best known version being the German one collected by the Brothers Grimm (German: Schneewittchen und die sieben Zwerge, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves"). The German version features elements such as the magic mirror, the poisoned apple, the glass coffin, and the seven dwarves, who were first given individual names in the 1912 Broadway play "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" and then given different names in Disney's 1937 film "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs". The Grimm story, which is commonly referred to as "Snow White," should not be confused with the story of "Snow White and Rose Red," another fairy tale collected by the Brothers Grimm (which is written with the German name Schneeweißchen, rather than Schneewittchen, which was originally Sneewittchen and is actually a Low German name).

BCnU!

CROSSOVER WISH-CRAFT

2012-01-29T10:59:00.000-05:00

I still have a little free time, so here's a link to a photo gallery at Television Without Pity:

TV CROSSOVERS WE'D LIKE TO SEE

BCnU!

My thanks to Matthew Hickman of the Crossover Forum on Facebook for pointing this out!

JIMINY VIDS

2012-01-29T01:00:00.000-05:00

AS SEEN ON TV: JIMINY CRICKET

2012-01-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

JIMINY CRICKET
(ARCHIE HOPPER)

AS SEEN IN:
'Once Upon A Time'

AS PLAYED BY:

Ralph Sbarge

TV DIMENSION:

The Literary Universe/Earth Prime-Time

STATUS:

Multiversal

CREATED BY:

Carlo Collodi

From Wikipedia:

Jiminy Cricket is the Walt Disney version of "The Talking Cricket", a fictional character created by Carlo Collodi for his children's book "Pinocchio", which was adapted into an animated film by Disney in 1940. Originally an unnamed, minor character in Collodi's novel, he was transformed in the Disney version into a comical and wise partner who accompanies Pinocchio on his adventures, having been appointed by the Blue Fairy to serve as the official conscience for Pinocchio. Since his debut in "Pinocchio", he has become a recurring iconic Disney character and has made numerous other appearances.

BCnU!

PROGRAMMING NOTE

2012-01-28T23:30:00.000-05:00

Starting tomorrow, Inner Toob will be running another theme for the "ASOTV" showcase, which will be bare bones when it comes to presentation. And there won't be very much offered by way of other posts either this coming week.

Those who are regular habitues of the blog will know what that means and the significance of the cream of mushroom can as well.......

BATTLESTAR PORTLANDIA

2012-01-28T05:00:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure that 'Portlandia' takes place in the sketch-comedy TV dimension, Skitlandia, so I don't think I need to waste time on splainin this Zonk:

BCnU!

"DOCTOR WHO" RELATED BLIPVERT

2012-01-28T04:00:00.000-05:00

It's time once again to make believe I have to pay the bills.....

BCnU!

BATMAN & POKEMON?

2012-01-28T03:00:00.000-05:00

Here's another 'Batman'/Tooniverse crossover....

BCnU!

My thanks to my amigos in the TVCU for pointing these out in the Crossovers Forum on Facebook......

ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR MYSTERY DATE?

2012-01-28T02:30:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite crossovers from the Tooniverse into Earth Prime-Time:

BCnU!

BREAKING NEWS

2012-01-28T02:00:00.000-05:00

And now... the news......

BCnU!

"HAWKINS ON MURDER"

2012-01-28T01:30:00.000-05:00

Writer/producer Lee Goldberg recently reminded his followers of the following TV theme:

I liked 'Hawkins On Murder'; I felt it would have been a worthy companion in the NBC Sunday Mystery Movie wheel along with 'Columbo', 'McCloud', and 'McMillan & Wife' (except for the fact that it aired on CBS.....)

And best of all, was the pairing of two old-time pros - Jimmy Stewart as defense lawyer Billy Jim Hawiins, and Strother Martin as his cousin and investigator, R.J. Hawkins.

Someday I'll have to scare up a bootleg DVD of that show.....

Forget you read that.....

BCnU!

BLEEP THE DOWAGER COUNTESS SAYS

2012-01-28T01:00:00.000-05:00

Once again it's time for that Inner Toob potpourri known as the Video Weekend!

First up, the only decent entry in a recent online meme....

BCnU!

SNOW WHITE AND THE MAGIC MIRROR

2012-01-28T00:30:00.000-05:00

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: THE MAGIC MIRROR

2012-01-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

As a preview to what's ahead for next week, here's my favorite storybook character from the story of "Snow White"......

THE MAGIC MIRROR

AS SEEN IN:

'Faerie Tale Theater'

("Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs")

AS PLAYED BY:

Vincent Price

STORY FIRST COLLECTED BY:

The Brothers Grimm

TV DIMENSION:

TBD

From Wikipedia:

[In "Snow White"], the king takes a new wife, who is beautiful but also very vain. The new queen possesses a magical mirror, an animate object that answers any question, to whom she often asks: "Mirror, mirror on the wall / Who is the fairest of them all?" (in German "Spieglein, Spieglein, an der Wand / Wer ist die Schönste im ganzen Land?"; in Italian "Specchio, servo delle mie brame, chi è la più bella di tutto il reame?" ) to which the mirror always replies "You, my queen, are fairest of all." But when Snow White reaches the age of seven, she becomes as beautiful as the day, and when the queen asks her mirror, it responds: "Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Snow White is fairer than you." Though in another version, the mirror simply replies: "Snow White is the fairest of them all."

From the source:

[T]he king soon married another wife, who was very beautiful, but so proud that she could not bear to think that any one could surpass her. She had a magical looking-glass, to which she used to go and gaze upon herself in it, and say,

"Tell me, glass, tell me true!
Of all the ladies in the land.
Who is fairest? Tell me who?"

And the glass answered, "Thou, Queen, art fairest in the land."

But Snow-White grew more and more beautiful; and when she [pg 18] was seven years old, she was as bright as the day, and fairer than the queen herself. Then the glass one day answered the queen, when she went to consult it as usual:

"Thou, Queen, may'st fair and beauteous be,
But Snow-White is lovelier far than thee!"

And here's how he's portrayed in the new ABC series, 'Once Upon A Time':

BCnU!

LITTLE BRIT WOMEN

2012-01-27T01:30:00.000-05:00

All week long I've been running "Little Women" as my theme for the literary edition of the "As Seen On TV" showcase. And I don't know if you noticed, but I listed it as being the version from Earth Prime-Time, the main Toobworld.

One of the rules of the Toobworld Dynamic, often-times broken, is that the first production of any project should be the one that belongs in the dimension of Earth Prime-Time. And this is one of those times when the rules are broken.

There was an earlier production, from the UK, in 1970. But as you'll see from the selection provided below, it was made on the cheap and shows it. There's something almost stage-bound in its presentation. Plus, as it was made in Great Britain, the British accents do tend to seep through.

As the 1978 version had better production values and felt more "alive" as far as TV presentations go in Toobworld. Therefore, the previous version of "Little Women" is the one that must be shipped off to another TV dimension, even though it came out first.

And despite the tempting presence of Patrick Troughton in a small role as Uncle March.......

As for what TV dimension should house this version of "Little Women", there must be a TV dimension in which the British conquered the world and had such influence over it that everyone spoke with an English accent. (Based on quite a few historical dramas already, one might think that would be Earth Prime-Time anyway.)

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: "LITTLE WOMEN" (THE VIDEO)

2012-01-27T01:00:00.000-05:00

The 1978 TV version of "Little Women" is available on YouTube in 20 segments. (What is listed as "Part 21" is from the 1970 British version.)

Rather than embed all 20 segments here, I will present instead Part One. And from there you can easily maneuver through the remaining 19, if you want to see the whole production.

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: MARMEE MARCH

2012-01-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

MARGARET "MARMEE" MARCH

AS SEEN IN:
'Little Women'

AS PLAYED BY:
Dorothy McGuire

CREATED BY:
Louisa May Alcott

TV DIMENSION:
Earth Prime-Time

From Wikipedia:
The girls' mother and head of household while her husband is away at war. She engages in charitable works and attempts to guide her girls' morals and to shape their characters, usually through experiments. She confesses to Jo (after the argument with Amy) that her temper is as volatile as Jo's own, but that she has learned to control it.

From the source:
"Now, Grandma's sixtieth birthday! Long life to her, with three times three!"
That was given with a will, as you may well believe, and the cheering once begun, it was hard to stop it. Everybody's health was proposed, from Mr. Laurence, who was considered their special patron, to the astonished guinea pig, who had strayed from its proper sphere in search of its young master. Demi, as the oldest grandchild, then presented the queen of the day with various gifts, so numerous that they were transported to the festive scene in a wheelbarrow.

Funny presents, some of them, but what would have been defects to other eyes were ornaments to Grandma's—for the children's gifts were all their own. Every stitch Daisy's patient little fingers had put into the handkerchiefs she hemmed was better than embroidery to Mrs. March. Demi's miracle of mechanical skill, though the cover wouldn't shut, Rob's footstool had a wiggle in its uneven legs that she declared was soothing, and no page of the costly book Amy's child gave her was so fair as that on which appeared in tipsy capitals, the words—"To dear Grandma, from her little Beth."

During the ceremony the boys had mysteriously disappeared, and when Mrs. March had tried to thank her children, and broken down, while Teddy wiped her eyes on his pinafore, the Professor suddenly began to sing. Then, from above him, voice after voice took up the words, and from tree to tree echoed the music of the unseen choir, as the boys sang with all their hearts the little song that Jo had written, Laurie set to music, and the Professor trained his lads to give with the best effect. This was something altogether new, and it proved a grand success, for Mrs. March couldn't get over her surprise, and insisted on shaking hands with every one of the featherless birds, from tall Franz and Emil to the little quadroon, who had the sweetest voice of all.
~~~
Touched to the heart, Mrs. March could only stretch out her arms, as if to gather children and grandchildren to herself, and say, with face and voice full of motherly love, gratitude, and humility...

"Oh, my girls, however long you may live, I never can wish you a greater happiness than this!"

BCnU......

SKED ALERT/SNEAK PEEK: SPARTACUS!

2012-01-26T11:00:00.001-05:00

'Spartacus: Vengeance', the second full season in the 'Spartacus' franchise begins tomorrow night at 10 pm EST on Starz. (There had also been a six episode prequel in between with the hope that it would give Andy Whitfield time to recover from his cancer. Sadly, he died from it last year.)

I never saw the first season with Whitfield as Spartacus, so I can't make any comparisons with the new Spartacus, Liam McIntyre. But taken on his own, I like him a lot and think he'll honorably carry on doing a superb job in Andy Whitfield's memory. And he had Whitfield's blessing, so I hope yahoos in the audience don't lash out at McIntyre.

Having seen the first episode which premieres on Friday, I know one thing for sure - I have GOT to see this from the beginning!

Do you want to see tomorrow night's premiere a day early? If this embed code works, you can!

And just in case you're one of those people who don't stay to the end of the credits, this is the last image you would have seen:

Good night and may God bless.....

FAE PLACE

2012-01-26T01:00:00.000-05:00

I've seen only one 'Lost Girl' episode so far (another one is in the queue, recorded last night), and although they haven't stated where it takes place, I think we can assume its Toronto location shots should lock that city into place. Maybe they want it to be Anywhere, USA, (Bo does mention that she was raised in the Midwest.), but it was easy enough to track down the place where they shot a major street scene to Queen West Street in Toronto.

I've seen it happen before with a Canadian show on American TV. I don't think they ever mentioned the location of 'The Listener' when it aired on NBC, but the small details branded it as being north of the border.

And I hope 'Lost Girl' remains a Toronto tale. With its succubi and demons, werewolves and ogres, it all has the feel of a Charles de Lint novel - and I was a big fan of his work during my urban fantasy days. In fact, I'd love to see Tamsin House in the background. ("Tamsin House" is the umbrella title for a series of de Lint's books, beginning with "Moonheart" in 1984.)

BCnU!

VANITY FAIR PAIR

2012-01-26T00:30:00.000-05:00

'CASTLE'
"An Embarrassment Of Bitches"

When Kay Capuccio, a reality star who was famous for being famous, was being questioned by Detective Kate Beckett and novelist Rick Castle, her boyfriend and manager Reggie wanted to know how long it was going to take. Kay had an interview scheduled with a Vanity Fair reporter within the hour.

In the long run, this doesn't matter, since 'Castle' takes place in an alternate TV dimension. But it could be that the reporter was that dimension's doppelganger for either Peter Lange or Sophia Leary. At the very least, getting back to Earth Prime-Time, I'd like to think Peter Lange served as a mentor for Sophia when she first started out at the magazine.

SHOWS CITED:

'Numb3rs' - "Graphic" (for Peter Lange)

'Entourage' (for Sophia Lear, recurring guest character)

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: AMY MARCH

2012-01-26T00:00:00.000-05:00

AMY MARCH

AS SEEN IN:

'Little Women'

AS PLAYED BY:

Ann Dusenberry

CREATED BY:

Louisa May Alcott

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

From Wikipedia:

The youngest sister—age twelve when the story begins—Amy is interested in art. She is described by the author as a 'regular snow-maiden' with curly golden hair and blue eyes, 'pale and slender' and 'always carrying herself' like a very proper young lady. She is dissatisfied with the shape of her nose which she attempts to fix with a clothespin. She is "cool, reserved and worldly" which sometimes causes her trouble.

Often "petted" because she is the youngest, she can behave in a vain and spoiled way, and throws tantrums when she is unhappy. Her relationship with Jo is sometimes strained; the literary Jo particularly dislikes when Amy uses big words, mispronouncing them or using them incorrectly. Their most significant argument occurs when Jo will not allow Amy to accompany Jo, Meg and Laurie to the theater. In revenge, Amy finds Jo's unfinished novel and throws it all in the fireplace grate, burning years of work. When Jo discovers this, she boxes Amy's ears and tells her, "I'll never forgive you! Never!" Amy's attempts to apologize to Jo are unsuccessful.

When Laurie and Jo go skating, Amy tags along after them, but she arrives at the lake too late to hear Laurie's warning about thinning ice. Under Josephine's horrified stare, Amy falls through the ice, and is rescued by Laurie's prompt intervention. Realizing she might have lost her sister, Jo's anger dissolves and the two become more close.

When Beth is ill with scarlet fever, Amy is sent to stay with Aunt March as a safety precaution. Aunt March grows fond of her, as Amy's natural grace and docility are more to her taste. Amy is invited to accompany Uncle and Aunt Carrol and cousin Flo on a European trip. Although she enjoys travelling, after seeing the works of artists such as Michelangelo and Raphael, Amy gives up her art, because she believes herself to be lacking in talent.

In Europe, Amy meets up with Laurie, and shortly after Beth dies, they marry. Later, Amy gives birth to daughter Elizabeth (Beth or Bess).

From the source:

Amy was having hard times at Aunt March's. She felt her exile deeply, and for the first time in her life, realized how much she was beloved and petted at home. Aunt March never petted any one; she did not approve of it, but she meant to be kind, for the well-behaved little girl pleased her very much, and Aunt March had a soft place in her old heart for her nephew's children, though she didn't think it proper to confess it. She really did her best to make Amy happy, but, dear me, what mistakes she made. Some old people keep young at heart in spite of wrinkles and gray hairs, can sympathize with children's little cares and joys, make them feel at home, and can hide wise lessons under pleasant plays, giving and receiving friendship in the sweetest way.

But Aunt March had not this gift, and she worried Amy very much with her rules and orders, her prim ways, and long, prosy talks. Finding the child more docile and amiable than her sister, the old lady felt it her duty to try and counteract, as far as possible, the bad effects of home freedom and indulgence. So she took Amy by the hand, and taught her as she herself had been taught sixty years ago, a process which carried dismay to Amy's soul, and made her feel like a fly in the web of a very strict spider.

She had to wash the cups every morning, and polish up the old-fashioned spoons, the fat silver teapot, and the glasses till they shone. Then she must dust the room, and what a trying job that was. Not a speck escaped Aunt March's eye, and all the furniture had claw legs and much carving, which was never dusted to suit. Then Polly had to be fed, the lap dog combed, and a dozen trips upstairs and down to get things or deliver orders, for the old lady was very lame and seldom left her big chair. After these tiresome labors, she must do her lessons, which was a daily trial of every virtue she possessed. Then she was allowed one hour for exercise or play, and didn't she enjoy it?

Laurie came every day, and wheedled Aunt March till Amy was allowed to go out with him, when they walked and rode and had capital times. After dinner, she had to read aloud, and sit still while the old lady slept, which she usually did for an hour, as she dropped off over the first page. Then patchwork or towels appeared, and Amy sewed with outward meekness and inward rebellion till dusk, when she was allowed to amuse herself as she liked till teatime. The evenings were the worst of all, for Aunt March fell to telling long stories about her youth, which were so unutterably dull that Amy was always ready to go to bed, intending to cry over her hard fate, but usually going to sleep before she had squeezed out more than a tear or two.

BCnU!

ECHOES: PARTY MOUTH

2012-01-25T01:30:00.000-05:00

"It's like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited!"

Moe Szyslak

'The Simpsons'

"That was like the 4th of July in my mouth!"

'Lost Girl'

BCnU!

AN IDIOT BROAD

2012-01-25T00:30:00.000-05:00

I'm not a fan of Denise Richards.

I think she's pretty, and it was horrible what she had to go through while married to Charlie Sheen. But neither of those opinions color my belief that she's a terrible actress. The only thing that passes as redemption for her in my lazy eyes is that she is at least trying to act; she's not cluttering up the TV screen like the Kardashiasses who are famous only because they are famous.

But her acting is abysmal. Because of that, I was hoping her brain would be sucked out by those alien slugs in "Starship Troopers". It seemed wrong that she survived while a character played by Dina Meyer, a much better actress, was sacrificed. (Even though it was a sci-fi flick, Meyer's character invoked the cardinal rule of slasher movies - you have sex, you die.)

I cheered when Richards' cheerleader/beauty pageant contestant was clubbed to death with a baton in an episode of the 'Burke's Law' sequel. And I would have been happy if the killer got away with it. And when I heard she would be playing a scientist named Dr. Christmas Jones in a James Bond movie.... Doctor??? Well, I scratched "The World Is Not Enough" off my must-see list. And I really was looking forward to seeing Robbie Coltrane and John Cleese in it too.

But....

This past week Denise Richards showed up on '30 Rock' playing herself in "Idiots Are People Two" (and she'll probably be in this week's conclusion, "Idiots Are People Three".) She was serving as the celebrity spokesperson for the NBC boycott by idiots.

She was actually quite good in the role Being an idiot suits her.

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: BETH MARCH

2012-01-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

BETH MARCH

AS SEEN IN:

'Little Women'

AS PLAYED BY:

Eve Plumb

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

CREATED BY:

Louisa May Alcott

From Wikipedia:

Beth, fourteen when the story starts, is described as shy, even-tempered and musical, and has always been very close to Jo. As her sisters begin to leave the nest, Beth wonders what will become of her, as all she wants is to remain at home with her parents. When Beth's health eventually begins a rapid decline, the entire family nurses her, especially Jo, who rarely leaves her side. Finally, the family begins to realize that Beth will not live much longer. They separate a room for her, filled with all the things she loves best: her kittens, piano, father's books, Amy's sketches, and her beloved dolls.

In her last year, at age nineteen, Beth is still trying to make it better for those who will be left behind. She is never idle, except in sleep. But soon, Beth puts down her sewing needle, saying that it grew "so heavy", never to pick it up again. In her final illness, she gives her dying attention to Josephine.

From Shmoop.com:

Beth is sitting around with her sisters on Christmas Eve, trying to convince them that they are rich in family and love, even if they don't have much money.

Beth acts in a play written by her sister Jo and performed for their friends and family.

Beth resolves to carry her "burdens" gracefully.

Beth must overcome her shyness in order to take advantage of Mr. Laurence's offer to let her play his piano.

Beth and Mr. Laurence become close friends. Beth reminds Mr. Laurence of the granddaughter he had who died.

Beth participates in a meeting of her sisters' Pickwick Club.

Beth is the only one of the sister who can't actually make herself be lazy, even as an experiment.

Beth participates in "Camp Laurence" and meets Laurie's friends, the Vaughns.

Beth tells her sisters and her friend Laurie that she doesn't have a "castle in the air"; she just wants to stay at home and take care of her parents and sisters.

Beth is distraught when her family receives a telegram saying that her father has been wounded.

Beth cares for the poor Hummel family alone while her mother is gone.

Beth catches scarlet fever from the Hummel family's baby.

Beth is extremely sick and Laurie sends for Mrs. March.

Beth recovers from the scarlet fever but is never the same.

Beth is overjoyed when her father returns home.

Beth attends her sister Meg's wedding.

Beth realizes that she is dying.

Beth makes Jo promise to take her place as caretaker for her parents.

Beth reconciles herself to an early death and tries to make her peace with God.

Beth dies.

From the source:

MY BETH

Sitting patient in the shadow

Till the blessed light shall come,

A serene and saintly presence

Sanctifies our troubled home.

Earthly joys and hopes and sorrows

Break like ripples on the strand

Of the deep and solemn river

Where her willing feet now stand.

O my sister, passing from me,

Out of human care and strife,

Leave me, as a gift, those virtues

Which have beautified your life.

Dear, bequeath me that great patience

Which has power to sustain

A cheerful, uncomplaining spirit

In its prison-house of pain.

Give me, for I need it sorely,

Of that courage, wise and sweet,

Which has made the path of duty

Green beneath your willing feet.

Give me that unselfish nature,

That with charity devine

Can pardon wrong for love's dear sake—

Meek heart, forgive me mine!

Thus our parting daily loseth

Something of its bitter pain,

And while learning this hard lesson,

My great loss becomes my gain.

For the touch of grief will render

My wild nature more serene,

Give to life new aspirations,

A new trust in the unseen.

Henceforth, safe across the river,

I shall see forever more

A beloved, household spirit

Waiting for me on the shore.

Hope and faith, born of my sorrow,

Guardian angels shall become,

And the sister gone before me

By their hands shall lead me home.

Blurred and blotted, faulty and feeble as the lines were, they brought a look of inexpressible comfort to Beth's face, for her one regret had been that she had done so little, and this seemed to assure her that her life had not been useless, that her death would not bring the despair she feared.

BCnU!

JENNA-RATIONALE

2012-01-24T01:00:00.000-05:00

The televersion of a real person has just as much validity for crossovers as do fully fictional characters - at least in the Toobworld Dynamic. (Mileage may vary in other shared universes.) Televersions don't even have to actually appear on a show to have it count as a credit towards their League of Themselves resume. All that is needed is that something is different about them that would never have happened (probably) in the real world.

As an example: It was revealed in an episode of 'Movie Stars' that Tom Hanks once lashed out in anger... using his Oscar statue as a weapon. (This is why I added the caveat "Probably" - how do I know he's not full of homicidal rage?) Hanks didn't show up on screen but it can serve to connect 'Movie Stars' with 'The Naked Truth', '30 Rock', 'Life With Bonnie', and 'Primetime Glick'.

'30 Rock'* had two examples this week in which the real person didn't show up but still could be linked to other TV shows. And both examples were courtesy of Jenna Maroney, one of the stars of 'TGS with Tracy Jordan'. (The episode title was "Idiots Are People Two".)

Kenneth:

“I’m afraid I have bad news.”

Jenna:

“Jenny McCarthy died?

But who could have been slowly poisoning her?

Was she poisoned?

I have no way of knowing because I’m just hearing about it.”

Jenny McCarthy hit it big in the real world back in the early 90's with an appearance in Playboy magazine. Since then she's added to the roll call of Toobworld's citizenry with characters on 'Two And A Half Men', 'Just Shoot Me', 'In The Motherhood', 'One On One', and 'Chuck' among others. Plus several TV movies and feature films.

But she's also become famous enough to warrant appearing as herself in several TV productions - an episode of 'Sesame Street', in the 'Baywatch' episode "Beachblast", and in the sitcom pilot 'Lipshitz Saves The World' with Leslie Nielsen and Ty Burrell. (If I'm not mistaken, you catch a quick glimpse of her in this trailer.....)

I suppose if the loverly Ms. McCarthy should die in real life, God forbid!, it could be surmised that her televersion was finally killed off by Jenna Maroney.

As for that second reference to a real life celebrity.....

“I’m just going to tell you what I told Phil Spector:

It’s okay, baby.

We just have to get some trash bags

and get back here before anyone’s the wiser.

Then we can keep recording my album.”

Jenna Maroney

So apparently Jenna was involved in the murder of Lana Clarkson, for which Phil Spector was found guilty. She doesn't quite come out and admit it, but what else could Spector have been guilty of that might have needed trash bags....?

Out of all the shows this quote could possibly link to, how many of you might have picked a 1960's sitcom about the use of magic?

I'll have to go back and check out other Jenna Maroney quotes from the past and see what other TV series she could connect. It just may be that she could find herself on the Birthday Honors List for membership in the TV Crossover Hall Of Fame... as a playa behind the scenes!

BCnU!

* I thought I had thrown in the towel on '30 Rock' being part of Earth Prime-Time because it had so many Zonks with mentions of other TV shows which should have been sharing the same reality. But apparently I had a change of heart. I've come to embrace that sooner or later, every TV character will have his or her own TV show.

NEW TO VIEW @ TOOB HQ

2012-01-24T00:30:00.000-05:00

On Sunday morning as I came home from work, I decided to stop off at the Dunkin' Donuts for a hot chocolate and a couple of toasted bagels with cream cheese. It's not something I do every day, as I try to be a good boy and watch what I eat, mostly.... Besides, for most of the week it's packed with teachers from the school across the street when I get home.

But it was Sunday morning, the place was basically empty, and it was the beginning of my days off, and it was cold. I figured the hot chocolate would be a nice way to unwind.

The streets were nasty still from Saturday's storm and my shoes were covered with rock salt. So I followed the runners they laid down inside the gas station Kwikee Mart where the Dunkin' Donuts is located, rather than just walking straight up to their window. And because of that, I saw the Kwikee Mart display of really cheap DVDs....

All of them were $6.99, which I guess makes them more tempting than if they had a sticker listing them as $7.00. But it worked on me and I picked up three of them:

1] 'WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE (Season One) - The classic Steve McQueen TV Western

2] Stephen King's 'NIGHTMARES & DREAMSCAPES' - including one unaired episode.

3] 'KIDNAPPED' starring Jeremy Sisto, Delroy Lindo, Timothy Hutton, Dana Delaney, Linus Roache, Mykelti Williamson, and a "Homina Thrice", Carmen Ejogo. I didn't need the DVD for a post I'll eventually write about Hutton's character being the half-brother to his character from 'Leverage', but I'll get better frame grabs than I would from the web...

Otherwise, the display had mostly cheesy movies and wrestling DVDs......

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: JO MARCH

2012-01-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

JO MARCH

AS SEEN IN:

'Little Women'

AS PLAYED BY:

Susan Dey

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

JO MARCH

AS SEEN IN:
'Little Women II: Jo's Boys'
"Wakakusa monogatari nan to Jô sensei"

AS PLAYED BY:
Eiko Yamada

TV DIMENSION:

The Tooniverse

CREATED BY:

Louisa May Alcott

From Wikipedia:

The second-oldest of four sisters, Jo March starts out as a tomboyish, hot-tempered, fifteen-year-old girl. She loves activity and can't bear to be left on the sidelines; it drives her crazy that she can't go and fight in the Civil War alongside her father, who has volunteered as a chaplain. Instead, Jo has to stay at home and try to reconcile herself to a nineteenth-century woman's place in the domestic sphere, which is extremely difficult for her. She's clumsy, blunt, opinionated, and jolly. Her behavior is often most unladylike – she swears (mildly), burns her dress while warming herself at the fire, spills things on her only gloves, and barely tolerates her cranky old Aunt March. She's so boyish that Mr. March has referred to her as his "son Jo" in the past, and her best friend Laurie sometimes calls her "my dear fellow."

Jo also loves literature, both reading and writing it. She composes plays for her sisters to perform and writes stories that she eventually gets published. She imitates Dickens and Shakespeare and Scott, and whenever she's not doing chores or washing the poodle, cleaning the parrot Polly's cage, sewing towels (for Aunt Josephine March) she curls up in her room, in a corner of the attic, or outside, completely absorbed in a good book.

Jo hopes to do something great when she grows up, although she's not sure what that might be – perhaps write a great novel. Whatever it is, it's not going to involve getting married; Jo hates the idea of romance, because marriage might break up her family and separate her from the sisters she adores.

Jo is being set up for a meaningful journey of self-discovery and surprises. By the end of the novel, her dreams and dislikes are turned topsy-turvy; her desire to make her way in the world and her distaste for staying at home are altered forever. She does not find romance in the places that readers expect, but she did find it. She also realizes that romantic love has its place, even though it changes the relationships one already has. As Jo discovers her feminine side, she also figures out how to balance her ambitious nature with the constraints placed on nineteenth-century women.

From the source:

Meg, Beth, and Amy were sitting together, late in the afternoon, when Jo burst into the room, looking excited and demanding breathlessly, "Has anyone taken my book?"

Meg and Beth said, "No." at once, and looked surprised. Amy poked the fire and said nothing. Jo saw her color rise and was down upon her in a minute.

"Amy, you've got it!"

"No, I haven't."

"You know where it is, then!"

"No, I don't."

"That's a fib!" cried Jo, taking her by the shoulders, and looking fierce enough to frighten a much braver child than Amy.

"It isn't. I haven't got it, don't know where it is now, and don't care."

"You know something about it, and you'd better tell at once, or I'll make you." And Jo gave her a slight shake.

"Scold as much as you like, you'll never see your silly old book again," cried Amy, getting excited in her turn.

"Why not?"

"I burned it up."

"What! My little book I was so fond of, and worked over, and meant to finish before Father got home? Have you really burned it?" said Jo, turning very pale, while her eyes kindled and her hands clutched Amy nervously.

"Yes, I did! I told you I'd make you pay for being so cross yesterday, and I have, so..."

Amy got no farther, for Jo's hot temper mastered her, and she shook Amy till her teeth chattered in her head, crying in a passion of grief and anger...

"You wicked, wicked girl! I never can write it again, and I'll never forgive you as long as I live."

Meg flew to rescue Amy, and Beth to pacify Jo, but Jo was quite beside herself, and with a parting box on her sister's ear, she rushed out of the room up to the old sofa in the garret, and finished her fight alone.

BCnU!

REALI-TV: "HOUSE HUNTERS"

2012-01-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

“Yeah, well I also have a lot of imaginary arguments

with the couples on 'House Hunters'.
WHY CAN’T PEOPLE LOOK PAST PAINT COLOR?!”
Liz Lemon
'30 Rock'

'House Hunters' would fall into the category of real world TV shows that have counterparts in the TV Universe, with no fear of Zonks - like 'American Gladiators', 'Jeopardy!', and 'The Tonight Show'.

I'm not a fan of reality television like this, but I recently watched an episode of 'House Hunters' on HGTV. It was about these two school teachers, Dwight and Karen, who wanted to buy a home before they got married. And the location they chose? Dwight's hometown of Meriden, Connecticut, which is where I grew up as well.....

BCnU!

BACK TO THE BATCAVE - AN UPDATE

2012-01-23T00:30:00.000-05:00

The last time I talked about the Batcave, I mentioned that I saw two different references to it in the space of a week. This time, it was twice over the same amount of days.

"You got me a Batcave? A Batcave!"

Alec Hardison

'Leverage' - "The Last Dam Job"

"So... you built a Batcave under Alcatraz....."

Doctor Diego "Doc" Soto:

'Alcatraz' - "Pilot"

I've looked over that original article and I think the premise still holds up. Other people found their way into the Batcave, with most of them surviving the experience. (Save for poor deluded Molly who fell into the Batcave's nuclear reactor - "What a way to go-go.") And those who had been in the Batcave may have eventually told their story to the media after Batman retired.

Molly falls to her death

So eventually the general public would have known about it, if not where it was actually located, and so it would have been no big deal to work mentions of it into their conversation. (Back in 2009, it was also mentioned on an episode of 'General Hospital'!)

And in Toobworld, as has happened so often with other TV shows that became iconic, fictional TV shows were made about them. You wouldn't believe how many TV shows mention a TV show about Batman and starring the televersion of Adam West as well!

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: MEG MARCH

2012-01-23T00:00:00.000-05:00

MEG MARCH

AS SEEN IN:

'Little Women'

AS PLAYED BY:

Meredith Baxter Birney

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

CREATED BY:

Louisa May Alcott

From Wikipedia:

At sixteen, she is the oldest sister. She is considered the beauty of the March household (written as very pretty, plump and fair, with large eyes, plenty of soft, brown hair, a sweet mouth, and white hands, of which she is rather vain) and she is well-mannered. Meg runs the household when her mother is absent. Meg also guards Amy from Jo when the two quarrel, just as Jo protects Beth. Meg is employed as a governess for the Kings, a wealthy local family.

Because of the genteel social standing of her family, Meg is allowed into society. However, after a few disappointing experiences (first, the Kings' eldest son is disinherited for bad behavior, and later she visits her friend Annie Moffat and discovers that her family believes Mrs. March is plotting to match her with Laurie only to gain his family's wealth), Meg learns that true worth does not lie with money. She falls in love with Mr. John Brooke, Laurie's tutor, whom she marries. Meg bears twin children, Margaret "Daisy" and John Brooke "Demi" (short for Demi-John), and "Demi" and "Daisy" live a happy life.

From the source:

The next day was fine, and Meg departed in style for a fortnight of novelty and pleasure. Mrs. March had consented to the visit rather reluctantly, fearing that Margaret would come back more discontented than she went. But she begged so hard, and Sallie had promised to take good care of her, and a little pleasure seemed so delightful after a winter of irksome work that the mother yielded, and the daughter went to take her first taste of fashionable life.

The Moffats were very fashionable, and simple Meg was rather daunted, at first, by the splendor of the house and the elegance of its occupants. But they were kindly people, in spite of the frivolous life they led, and soon put their guest at her ease. Perhaps Meg felt, without understanding why, that they were not particularly cultivated or intelligent people, and that all their gilding could not quite conceal the ordinary material of which they were made. It certainly was agreeable to fare sumptuously, drive in a fine carriage, wear her best frock every day, and do nothing but enjoy herself. It suited her exactly, and soon she began to imitate the manners and conversation of those about her, to put on little airs and graces, use French phrases, crimp her hair, take in her dresses, and talk about the fashions as well as she could. The more she saw of Annie Moffat's pretty things, the more she envied her and sighed to be rich. Home now looked bare and dismal as she thought of it, work grew harder than ever, and she felt that she was a very destitute and much-injured girl, in spite of the new gloves and silk stockings.

She had not much time for repining, however, for the three young girls were busily employed in 'having a good time'. They shopped, walked, rode, and called all day, went to theaters and operas or frolicked at home in the evening, for Annie had many friends and knew how to entertain them. Her older sisters were very fine young ladies, and one was engaged, which was extremely interesting and romantic, Meg thought. Mr. Moffat was a fat, jolly old gentleman, who knew her father, and Mrs. Moffat, a fat, jolly old lady, who took as great a fancy to Meg as her daughter had done. Everyone petted her, and 'Daisey', as they called her, was in a fair way to have her head turned.

When the evening for the small party came, she found that the poplin wouldn't do at all, for the other girls were putting on thin dresses and making themselves very fine indeed. So out came the tarlatan, looking older, limper, and shabbier than ever beside Sallie's crisp new one. Meg saw the girls glance at it and then at one another, and her cheeks began to burn, for with all her gentleness she was very proud. No one said a word about it, but Sallie offered to dress her hair, and Annie to tie her sash, and Belle, the engaged sister, praised her white arms. But in their kindness Meg saw only pity for her poverty, and her heart felt very heavy as she stood by herself, while the others laughed, chattered, and flew about like gauzy butterflies.

BCnU!

TUBULAR KNELLS

2012-01-22T04:28:00.000-05:00

I guess I wasn't done with posting videos today like I thought....

This commercial will begin airing on Monday, marking an end to a character whom the Shat had been playing for the last 14 years. The company is going in a new direction with their service but The Negotiator is too intertwined with the old business model.

So this is how they decided to break the connection with the image he fostered.....

BCnU.....

THE REAL McCOY AND A TRUE ACE

2012-01-22T03:00:00.000-05:00

For our final entry this Video Weekend, we couldn't finish it off without some 'Doctor Who' content.

So here's a short interview with Sylvester McCoy (who played the seventh incarnation of the Doctor) and Sophie Alldred (who was the Doctor's Companion, Ace).....

BCnU!

PBS - PLEADING BRETT SEGMENT

2012-01-22T02:30:00.000-05:00

Speaking of Sherlock Holmes, here's a musty old PBS pledge break in which Jeremy Brett - THE Sherlock Holmes actor for Earth Prime-Time! - cajoled viewers like you to donate to their local public broadcasting station.

We celebrated Sherlock Holmes' birthday in the "As Seen On TV" showcase back on January 6th.....

BCnU!

SKED ALERT - "ALCATRAZ"

2012-01-22T01:30:00.000-05:00

Here's a look at what's coming up on 'Alcatraz', the best new entry in the world of Earth Prime-Time.....

BCnU!

FROM RUSSIA WITH LESTRADE?

2012-01-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

Even alternate TV dimensions have their own alternate TV dimensions.....

Years ago, I did a series of articles on the various portrayals of Sherlock Holmes on TV, including those from around the world. Just about all of them had to be relocated to other TV dimensions, so I figured it made sense that those versions of the Great Detective which were in foreign languages must have been located in TV dimensions in which their home country had dominated that particular Earth.

With the Spanish version of Sherlock Holmes, it would be set in a TV dimension in which the Spanish Armada had been triumphant and so Spain went on to conquer the world. In the German version, there was no need for World Wars I & II because the Germans had dominated the Earth perhaps centuries before.

Then there's the Russian version of the mid-1980's that went on to great acclaim both in the Soviet Union and Great Britain as well. The Russian actor who portrayed Holmes was even honored for his work by the British. In that TV dimension, the Russians expanded their empire to cover the globe and so everybody's common tongue was that of Russian.

Word comes now that there will be a new version of 'Sherlock Holmes' in Russia, perhaps even mirroring 'Sherlock' in its modern setting. (I'm not clear on that point, however.) If it is also set during Victorian times, then we have to relegate it to an off-shoot of that original Russian TV dimension, which at some point deviated from the established timeline after the Russian conquest of the world. But if it is a modern setting, then we can follow the same lead as done with 'Sherlock' - It would take place in Limbo, where the soul of Sherlock Holmes dwells to guide new Doctor Watsons on their journey through the after-life. (As an off-shoot from the main Toobworld, Earth Prime-Time, the main Limbo is also home to 'Life On Mars' [UK], 'Ashes To Ashes', the final season of 'Lost', and the TV adaptation of the movie 'Madigan'.)

Anyhoo, here's the news story about this new Russian production of 'Sherlock Holmes'....

BCnU!

"TALES OF LITTLE WOMEN"

2012-01-22T00:30:00.000-05:00

When I thought of "Little Women" as a theme for the 2012 "As Seen On TV" showcase for literary characters, the first thing I remembered was this sketch from 'Saturday Night Live'. In the realm of Skitlandia, it could be seen as taking place in the same milieu as the novel by Louisa May Alcott.

It remains one of my favorite sketches of all time from that show, and I think it can be mostly credited to the exuberant performance of Chris Farley as Toby Adams...

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: "LITTLE WOMEN"

2012-01-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

THE MARCH WOMEN

AS SEEN IN:

'Little Women'

AS PLAYED BY:

Meg - Meredith Baxter Birney

Jo - Susan Dey

Amy - Ann Dusenberry

Beth - Eve Plumb

Marmee March - Dorothy McGuire

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

CREATED BY:

Louisa May Alcott

From Wikipedia:

"Little Women" is a novel by American author Louisa May Alcott (1832–1888). The book was written and set in the Alcott family home, Orchard House, in Concord, Massachusetts. It was published in two volumes in 1868 and 1869. The novel follows the lives of four sisters – Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy March – and is loosely based on the author's childhood experiences with her three sisters. The first volume "Little Women" was an immediate commercial and critical success, prompting the composition of the book's second volume titled "Good Wives", which was successful as well. The publication of the book as a single volume first occurred in 1880 and was titled "Little Women". Alcott followed "Little Women" with two sequels, also featuring the March sisters, "Little Men" (1871) and "Jo's Boys" (1886).

From the source:

"Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.

"It's so dreadful to be poor!" sighed Meg, looking down at her old dress.

"I don't think it's fair for some girls to have plenty of pretty things, and other girls nothing at all," added little Amy, with an injured sniff.

"We've got Father and Mother, and each other," said Beth contentedly from her corner.

The four young faces on which the firelight shone brightened at the cheerful words, but darkened again as Jo said sadly, "We haven't got Father, and shall not have him for a long time." She didn't say "perhaps never," but each silently added it, thinking of Father far away, where the fighting was.

BCnU!

MOBY DICK STAND-INS

2012-01-21T15:00:00.000-05:00

Tex Texeira, a co-worker and FB friend, has suggested this final piece for my salute to "Moby Dick" -

The general theme of the novel, with its focus of vengeful obsession over an "animal" which has left one scarred, has been used several times in TV and movies.

Here are a few examples:

"The Age Of The Dragons"

'Star Trek'

"Obsession"

"The Doomsday Machine"

'Star Trek: The Next Generation'

"The Crystalline Entity"

I'm sure there are more that I haven't thought of. I think there was a giant rat (which could have been half-cockroach) which bedevilled Martin Tupper in 'Dream On'.....

BCnU!

BARKING MAD!

2012-01-21T03:00:00.000-05:00

I will admit that had it not been for the ATAT whippet, I might not have figured out the music. (Although that lone wookie woof should have been a give-away.) My geekdom is slipping....

By the way, that tan, scruffy mutt in the last row on the left looks a lot like my brother AJ's dog Archie.....

BCnU!

FATHER MAPPLE'S SERMON - THE VIDEOS

2012-01-21T02:00:00.000-05:00

I realize it's not the Video Weekend, but since we're featuring Father Mapple in the "ASOTV" showcase.....

Here are two interpretations of Father Mapple's sermon in "Moby Dick". I'm not including Donald Sutherland's version from the remake because it was delivered in a conversational style that was just wrong for the deliverance of sermons in those days.

First up, this is from the Cineverse, from John Huston's movie with Orson Welles as Father Mapple:

Sorry about the sound quality on that. Of the two clips available on YouTube, both had the same problem. But at least this version carried the sermon to its conclusion.

And this is from the first TV production in 1998, with Gregory Peck as the preacher.

(In that earlier movie from the 1950's, Peck played Captain Ahab.)

BCnU!

THE SERMON OF FATHER MAPPLE

2012-01-21T01:00:00.000-05:00

The preacher slowly turned over the leaves of the Bible, and at last, folding his hand down upon the proper page, said: ‘Beloved shipmates, clinch the last verse of the first chapter of Jonah — “And God had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah.”‘Shipmates, this book, containing only four chapters — four yarns — is one of the smallest strands in the mighty cable of the Scriptures. Yet what depths of the soul does Jonah’s deep sealine sound! what a pregnant lesson to us is this prophet! What a noble thing is that canticle in the fish’s belly! How billow- like and boisterously grand! We feel the floods surging over us; we sound with him to the kelpy bottom of the waters; sea-weed and all the slime of the sea is about us! But what is this lesson that the book of Jonah teaches? Shipmates, it is a two- stranded lesson; a lesson to us all as sinful men, and a lesson to me as a pilot of the living God. As sinful men, it is a lesson to us all, because it is a story of the sin, hard-heartedness, suddenly awakened fears, the swift punishment, repentance, prayers, and finally the deliverance and joy of Jonah. As with all sinners among men, the sin of this son of Amittai was in his wilful disobedience of the command of God — never mind now what that command was, or how conveyed — which he found a hard command. But all the things that God would have us do are hard for us to do — remember that — and hence, he oftener commands us than endeavors to persuade. And if we obey God, we must disobey ourselves; and it is in this disobeying ourselves, wherein the hardness of obeying God consists.

‘With this sin of disobedience in him, Jonah still further flouts at God, by seeking to flee from Him. He thinks that a ship made by men, will carry him into countries where God does not reign, but only the Captains of this earth. He skulks about the wharves of Joppa, and seeks a ship that’s bound for Tarshish. There lurks, perhaps, a hitherto unheeded meaning here. By all accounts Tarshish could have been no other city than the modern Cadiz. That’s the opinion of learned men. And where is Cadiz, shipmates? Cadiz is in Spain; as far by water, from Joppa, as Jonah could possibly have sailed in those ancient days, when the Atlantic was an almost unknown sea. Because Joppa, the modern Jaffa, shipmates, is on the most easterly coast of the Mediterranean, the Syrian; and Tarshish or Cadiz more than two thousand miles to the westward from that, just outside the Straits of Gibraltar. See ye not then, shipmates, that Jonah sought to flee world-wide from God? Miserable man! Oh! most contemptible and worthy of all scorn; with slouched hat and guilty eye, skulking from his God; prowling among the shipping like a vile burglar hastening to cross the seas. So disordered, self-condemning is his look, that had there been policemen in those days, Jonah, on the mere suspicion of something wrong, had been arrested ere he touched a deck. How plainly he’s a fugitive! no baggage, not a hat-box, valise, or carpet-bag, — no friends accompany him to the wharf with their adieux. At last, after much dodging search, he finds the Tarshish ship receiving the last items of her cargo; and as he steps on board to see its Captain in the cabin, all the sailors for the moment desist from hoisting in the goods, to mark the stranger’s evil eye. Jonah sees this; but in vain he tries to look all ease and confidence; in vain essays his wretched smile. Strong intuitions of the man assure the mariners he can be no innocent. In their gamesome but still serious way, one whispers to the other — “Jack, he’s robbed a widow;” or,”Joe, do you mark him; he’s a bigamist;” or,”Harry lad, I guess he’s the adulterer that broke jail in old Gomorrah, or belike, one of the missing murderers from Sodom.” Another runs to read the bill that’s stuck against the spile upon the wharf to which the ship is moored, offering five hundred gold coins for the apprehension of a parricide, and containing a description of his person. He reads, and looks from Jonah to the bill; while all his sympathetic shipmates now crowd round Jonah, prepared to lay their hands upon him. Frighted Jonah trembles, and summoning all his boldness to his face, only looks so much the more a coward. He will not confess himself suspected; but that itself is strong suspicion. So he makes the best of it; and when the sailors find him not to be the man that is advertised, they let him pass, and he descends into the cabin.

‘”Who’s there?” cries the Captain at his busy desk, hurriedly making out his papers for the Customs — “Who’s there?” Oh! how that harmless question mangles Jonah! For the instant he almost turns to flee again. But he rallies. “I seek a passage in this ship to Tarshish; how soon sail ye, sir?” Thus far the busy captain had not looked up to Jonah, though the man now stands before him; but no sooner does he hear that hollow voice, than he darts a scrutinizing glance. “We sail with the next coming tide,” at last he slowly answered, still intently eyeing him. “No sooner, sir?” — “Soon enough for any honest man that goes a passenger.” Ha! Jonah, that’s another stab. But he swiftly calls away the Captain from that scent. “I’ll sail with ye,” — he says, — “the passage money, how much is that, — I’ll pay now.” For it is particularly written, shipmates, as if it were a thing not to be overlooked in this history,”that he paid the fare thereof” ere the craft did sail. And taken with the context, this is full of meaning.

‘Now Jonah’s Captain, shipmates, was one whose discernment detects crime in any, but whose cupidity exposes it only in the penniless. In this world, shipmates, sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without a passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers. So Jonah’s Captain prepares to test the length of Jonah’s purse, ere he judge him openly. He charges him thrice the usual sum; and it’s assented to. Then the Captain knows that Jonah is a fugitive; but at the same time resolves to help a flight that paves its rear with gold. Yet when Jonah fairly takes out his purse, prudent suspicions still molest the Captain. He rings every coin to find a counterfeit. Not a forger, any way, he mutters; and Jonah is put down for his passage. “Point out my state-room, Sir,” says Jonah now. “I’m travel-weary; I need sleep.” “Thou look’st like it,” says the Captain, “there’s thy room.” Jonah enters, and would lock the door, but the lock contains no key. Hearing him foolishly fumbling there, the Captain laughs lowly to himself, and mutters something about the doors of convicts’ cells being never allowed to be locked within. All dressed and dusty as he is, Jonah throws himself into his berth, and finds the little state-room ceiling almost resting on his forehead. The air is close, and Jonah gasps. then, in that contracted hole, sunk, too, beneath the ship’s water-line, Jonah feels the heralding presentiment of that stifling hour, when the whale shall hold him in the smallest of his bowel’s wards.

‘Screwed at its axis against the side, a swinging lamp slightly oscillates in Jonah’s room; and the ship, heeling over towards the wharf with the weight of the last bales received, the lamp, flame and all, though in slight motion, still maintains a permanent obliquity with reference to the room; though, in truth, infallibly straight itself, it but made obvious the false, lying levels among which it hung. The lamp alarms and frightens Jonah; as lying in his berth his tormented eyes roll round the place, and this thus far successful fugitive finds no refuge for his restless glance. But that contradiction in the lamp more and more appals him. The floor, the ceiling, and the side, are all awry. “Oh! so my conscience hangs in me!” he groans, “straight upward, so it burns; but the chambers of my soul are all in crookedness!”

‘Like one who after a night of drunken revelry hies to his bed, still reeling, but with conscience yet pricking him, as the plungings of the Roman race- horse but so much the more strike his steel tags into him; as one who in that miserable plight still turns and turns in giddy anguish, praying God for annihilation until the fit be passed; and at last amid the whirl of woe he feels, a deep stupor steals over him, as over the man who bleeds to death, for conscience is the wound, and there’s naught to staunch it; so, after sore wrestlings in his berth, Jonah’s prodigy of ponderous misery drags him drowning down to sleep.

‘And now the time of tide has come; the ship casts off her cables; and from the deserted wharf the uncheered ship for Tarshish, all careening, glides to sea. That ship, my friends, was the first of recorded smugglers! the contraband was Jonah. but the sea rebels; he will not bear the wicked burden. A dreadful storm comes on, the ship is like to break. But now when the boatswain calls all hands to lighten her; when boxes, bales, and jars are clattering overboard; when the wind is shrieking, and the men are yelling, and every plank thunders with trampling feet right over Jonah’s head; in all this raging tumult, Jonah sleeps his hideous sleep. He sees no black sky and raging sea, feels not the reeling timbers, and little hears he or heeds he the far rush of the mighty whale, which even now with open mouth is cleaving the seas after him. Aye, shipmates, Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship — a berth in the cabin as I have taken it, and was fast asleep. But the frightened master comes to him, and shrieks in his dead ear, “What meanest thou, O sleeper! arise!” Startled from his lethargy by that direful cry, Jonah staggers to his feet, and stumbling to the deck, grasps a shroud, to look out upon the sea. But at that moment he is sprung upon by a panther billow leaping over the bulwarks. Wave after wave thus leaps into the ship, and finding no speedy vent runs roaring fore and aft, till the mariners come nigh to drowning while yet afloat. And ever, as the white moon shows her affrighted face from the steep gullies in the blackness overhead, aghast Jonah sees the rearing bowsprit pointing high upward, but soon beat downward again towards the tormented deep.

‘Terrors upon terrors run shouting through his soul. In all his cringing attitudes, the God-fugitive is now too plainly known. The sailors mark him; more and more certain grow their suspicions of him, and at last, fully to test the truth, by referring the whole matter to high Heaven, they fall to casting lots, to see for whose cause this great tempest was upon them. The lot is Jonah’s; that discovered, then how furiously they mob him with their questions. “What is thine occupation? whence comest thou? thy country? what people?” but mark now, my shipmates, the behavior of poor Jonah. The eager mariners but ask him who he is, and where from; whereas, they not only receive an answer to those questions, but likewise another answer to a question not put by them, but the unsolicited answer is forced from Jonah by the hard hand of God that is upon him.

‘”I am a Hebrew,” he cries — and then — “I fear the Lord the God of Heaven who hath made the sea and the dry land!” Fear him, O Jonah? Aye, well mightest thou fear the Lord God then! Straightway, he now goes on to make a full confession; whereupon the mariners became more and more appalled, but still are pitiful. For when Jonah, not yet supplicating God for mercy, since he but too well knew the darkness of his deserts, — when wretched Jonah cries out to them to take him and cast him forth into the sea, for he knew that for his sake this great tempest was upon them; they mercifully turn from him, and seek by other means to save the ship. But all in vain; the indignant gale howls louder; then, with one hand raised invokingly to God, with the other they not unreluctantly lay hold of Jonah.

‘And now behold Jonah taken up as an anchor and dropped into the sea; when instantly an oily calmness floats out from the east, and the sea is still, as Jonah carries down the gale with him, leaving smooth water behind. He goes down in the whirling heart of such a masterless commotion that he scarce heeds the moment when he drops seething into the yawning jaws awaiting him; and the whale shoots-to all his ivory teeth, like the Lord out of the fish’s belly. But observe his prayer, and so many white bolts, upon his prison. Then Jonah prayed unto learn a weighty lesson. For sinful as he is, Jonah does not weep and wail for direct deliverance. He feels that his dreadful punishment is just. He leaves all his deliverance to God, contenting himself with this, that spite of all his pains and pangs, he will still look towards His holy temple. And here, shipmates, is true and faithful repentance; not clamorous for pardon, but grateful for punishment. And how pleasing to God was this conduct in Jonah, is shown in the eventual deliverance of him from the sea and the whale. Shipmates, I do not place Jonah before you to be copied for his sin but I do place him before you as a model for repentance. Sin not; but if you do, take heed to repent of it like Jonah.’

While he was speaking these words, the howling of the shrieking, slanting storm without seemed to add new power to the preacher, who, when describing Jonah’s sea-storm, seemed tossed by a storm himself. His deep chest heaved as with a ground-swell; his tossed arms seemed the warring elements at work; and the thunders that rolled away from off his swarthy brow, and the light leaping from his eye, made all his simple hearers look on him with a quick fear that was strange to them.

There now came a lull in his look, as he silently turned over the leaves of the Book once more; and, at last, standing motionless, with closed eyes, for the moment, seemed communing with God and himself.

But again he leaned over towards the people, and bowing his head lowly, with an aspect of the deepest yet manliest humility, he spake these words: ‘Shipmates, God has laid but one hand upon you; both his hands press upon me. I have read ye by what murky light may be mine the lesson that Jonah teaches to all sinners; and therefore to ye, and still more to me, for I am a greater sinner than ye. And now how gladly would I come down from this mast-head and sit on the hatches there where you sit, and listen as you listen, while some one of you reads me that other and more awful lesson which Jonah teaches to me as a pilot of the living God. How being an anointed pilot-prophet, or speaker of true things, and bidden by the Lord to sound those unwelcome truths in the ears of a wicked Nineveh, Jonah, appalled at the hostility he should raise, fled from his mission, and sought to escape his duty and his God by taking ship at Joppa. But God is everywhere; Tarshish he never reached. As we have seen, God came upon him in the whale, and swallowed him down to living gulfs of doom, and with swift slantings tore him along”into the midst of the seas,” where the eddying depths sucked him ten thousand fathoms down, and”the weeds were wrapped about his head,” and all the watery world of woe bowled over him. Yet even then beyond the reach of any plummet — “out of the belly of hell” — when the whale grounded upon the ocean’s utmost bones, even then, God heard the engulphed, repenting prophet when he cried. Then God spake unto the fish; and from the shuddering cold and blackness of the sea, the whale came breeching up towards the warm and pleasant sun, and all the delights of air and earth; and”vomited out Jonah upon the dry land;” when the word of the Lord came a second time; and Jonah, bruised and beaten — his ears, like two sea-shells, still multitudinously murmuring of the ocean — Jonah did the Almighty’s bidding. And what was that, shipmates? To preach the Truth to the face of Falsehood! That was it!

‘This, shipmates, this is that other lesson; and woe to that pilot of the living God who slights it. Woe to him whom this world charms from Gospel duty! Woe to him who seeks to pour oil upon the waters when God has brewed them into a gale! Woe to him who seeks to please rather than to appal! Woe to him whose good name is more to him than goodness! Woe to him who, in this world, courts not dishonor! Woe to him who would not be true, even though to be false were salvation! Yea, woe to him who, as the great Pilot Paul has it, while preaching to others is himself a castaway!’

He drooped and fell away from himself for a moment; then lifting his face to them again, showed a deep joy in his eyes, as he cried out with a heavenly enthusiasm, — ‘But oh! shipmates! on the starboard hand of every woe, there is a sure delight; and higher the top of that delight, than the bottom of the woe is deep. Is not the main-truck higher than the kelson is low? Delight is to him — a far, far upward, and inward delight — who against the proud gods and commodores of this earth, ever stands forth his own inexorable self. Delight is to him whose strong arms yet support him, when the ship of this base treacherous world has gone down beneath him. Delight is to him, who gives no quarter in the truth, and kills, burns, and destroys all sin though he pluck it out from under the robes of Senators and Judges. Delight, — top-gallant delight is to him, who acknowledges no law or lord, but the Lord his God, and is only a patriot to heaven. Delight is to him, whom all the waves of the billows of the seas of the boisterous mob can never shake from this sure Keel of the Ages. And eternal delight and deliciousness will be his, who coming to lay him down, can say with his final breath — O Father! — chiefly known to me by Thy rod — mortal or immortal, here I die. I have striven to be Thine, more than to be this world’s, or mine own. Yet this is nothing; I leave eternity to Thee; for what is man that he should live out the lifetime of his God?’

He said no more, but slowly waving a benediction, covered his face with his hands, and so remained kneeling, till all the people had departed, and he was left alone in the place.
- written by Herman Melville

AS SEEN ON TV: FATHER MAPPLE

2012-01-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

FATHER MAPPLE

AS SEEN IN:

"Moby Dick"

AS PLAYED BY:

Donald Sutherland

TV DIMENSION:

Land of Remakes

STATUS:

Recastaway

CREATED BY:

Herman Melville

From the Moby Dick Study Guide:

Father Mapple, the famous preacher, was once a sailor and a harpooner, but had dedicated his life to the ministry for several years. Father Mapple enjoys a wide reputation for sincerity and sanctity, so Ishmael cannot suspect him of any mere stage tricks. On the front of the pulpit is the likeness of a ship's bluff bows and the Holy Bible rested on a projecting piece of scroll work, fashioned after a ship's fiddle-headed beak. Ishmael wonders what the meaning could be, for the pulpit is the earth's foremost part; all the rest comes from in its rear, and the pulpit leads the world. According to Ishmael, "the world's a ship on its passage out, and not a voyage complete, and the pulpit is its prow."

From the source:

Father Mapple rose, and in a mild voice of unassuming authority ordered the scattered people to condense. ‘Starboard gangway, there! side away to larboard — larboard gangway to starboard! Midships! midships!’

There was a low rumbling of heavy sea-boots among the benches, and a still slighter shuffling of women’s shoes, and all was quiet again, and every eye on the preacher.

He paused a little; then kneeling in the pulpit’s bows, folded his large brown hands across his chest, uplifted his closed eyes, and offered a prayer so deeply devout that he seemed kneeling and praying at the bottom of the sea.

This ended, in prolonged solemn tones, like the continual tolling of a bell in a ship that is foundering at sea in a fog — in such tones he commenced reading the following hymn; but changing his manner towards the concluding stanzas, burst forth with a pealing exultation and joy –

‘The ribs and terrors in the whale,

Arched over me a dismal gloom,

While all God’s sun-lit waves rolled by,
And lift me deepening down to doom.
‘I saw the opening maw of hell,
With endless pains and sorrows there;
Which none but they that feel can tell —
Oh, I was plunging to despair.
‘In black distress, I called my God,
When I could scarce believe him mine,
He bowed his ear to my complaints —
No more the whale did me confine.
With speed he flew to my relief,
As on a radiant dolphin borne;
Awful, yet bright, as lightning shone
The face of my Deliverer God.
‘My song for ever shall record
That terrible, that joyful hour;
I give the glory to my God,
His all the mercy and the power.’

Nearly all joined in singing this hymn, which swelled high above the howling of the storm.

BCnU!

THE 2011 TOOBITS AWARDS (FINALLY!)

2012-01-20T02:00:00.000-05:00

THE 2011 TOOBITS!

It's that time of year again, when we all make lists and think back over the past year, in whatever field of interest concerns us, and chronicle the high points and the lows. For the past few years I've been presenting this compilation as an awards show, the Toobits, which of course celebrates my two bits about Toobworld.

It took so long to get around to posting this because I just didn't feel it this year. The Fall 2011 line-up was especially dreary and most of the great stuff ('Downton Abbey', 'Game of Thrones') happened early in the year and so couldn't carry any enthusiasm against all of the other dreck that was broadcast. (As it is, I even dropped a lot of categories because it was such a listless selection in 2011, but then... maybe that's a good thing.)

As it is with any such list you'll find in TV columns across the country these last few weeks, these are my opinions. You're welcome to your own and I hope you'll share them, but I'm sticking to my weapons of choice. (It could be you won't see something that was a favorite of yours because I just never got around to seeing it. There's only so much time in the world - even for a do-nothing-else-anyway sort like me! - and I've only got the two eyes, even if they do operate independently of each other at times.)

Unlike the Emmy Awards which will just keep handing out trophies to some shows forever, only shows, characters and what-not that debuted in 2011 can be considered. (And by "debuted", I mean that which I first came in contact with in 2011. It could be a few years old, but if it's my first time seeing it, it's new. 'Whitechapel' is a good example of that.)

This one-time-only rule includes characters who have been recast; those are still the same characters who already exist in Toobworld. (But there were a few notable appearances that deserved honorable mention, and they get it.)

So without further ado, let's have at it:

BEST NEW TV SERIES
COMEDY: 'Happy Endings'

DRAMA: 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST MINI-SERIES

'Whitechapel'

WORST MINI-SERIES

'Torchwood' - "Miracle Day"

BEST SKETCH

'SNL' - "The Ambiguously Gay Duo - In the Flesh"

'SNL' - "The Merryville Trolley"

BEST COMMERCIAL

Muller Yogurt - "Wonderful Stuff"

WORST COMMERCIAL
Best Buy - "Game On, Santa"

Nobody messes with Santa Larry!

BEST IMPORT
'Downton Abbey'

BEST EPISODE, ANY GENRE
'Fringe' - "LSD"

BEST COMEDY EPISODE

'Louie' - "Duckling"

BEST TWO-PART EPISODE
'Doctor Who' - "The Impossible Astronaut" & "Day Of The Moon"

BEST MOVIE THAT SHOULD BE ADAPTED INTO A TV SHOW

"Green Lantern"

BEST SERIES RETURN
'Chuck'

BEST SEASON FINALE
'Chuck'

BEST SERIES FINALE
'Smallville'

BEST CLIFF-HANGER

'Doctor Who'

WORST CLIFF-HANGER

'Bedlam'

WORST SEASON FINALE

'The Killing'

BEST REMAKE
'Wilfred'

BEST HISTORICAL RECREATION
'Downton Abbey'

BEST SENSE OF ONE'S OWN HISTORY

'Two And A Half Men' - the return of many of Charlie's exes at his wake, especially Tricia Helfer, Jenny McCarthy, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe, Jeri Ryan, Liz Vassey, and Emmanuelle Vaugier

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD HISTORY
'The Hour'

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD CELEBRITY
'Episodes'

BEST REVIVED SERIES

'Law & Order: Los Angeles' (not that it did them any good)

BEST CLASSIC TV EXPERIENCE

'The Rifleman' - Saturday morning marathons on AMC

BEST CROSSOVER

'The Office' with 'The Office'

BEST CROSSOVER PLOTLINE
'Hot In Cleveland' & 'All My Children'

Although it did take some back-straining pretzel logic to avoid a Zonk!

BEST TRIVIAL CROSSOVER
'Fringe' & 'Twin Peaks'

Dr. Walter Bishop mentioned that he was friends with Dr. Lawrence Jacoby

BEST INTERNATIONAL CROSSOVER

"The 2011 National Television Awards Opening"

FIRST CROSSOVER OF THE YEAR
'Saturday Night Live' with 'PeeWee's Playhouse' and CNN's 'AC360'

BEST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (aka MEDIUM)
BOOK to TV

'Game Of Thrones'

MOVIE to TV

"Zoolander" on 'Saturday Night Live'

BEST RECASTAWAY
Canton Everett Delaware III, 'Doctor Who'

You can't beat a father & son team to play the same character at different ages!

BEST NEW MALE CHARACTER
COMEDY: Max Blum, 'Happy Endings'

DRAMA: Tyrion Lannister, 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST NEW FEMALE CHARACTER
DRAMA: Dr. Megan Hunt, 'Body Of Proof'

COMEDY: Penny, 'Happy Endings'

BEST NEW SUPPORTING CHARACTER
Violet, Dowager Countess Lady Grantham, 'Downton Abbey'

BEST NEW RECURRING CHARACTER
Deangelo Vickers, 'The Office

BEST NEW CAST ENSEMBLE
DRAMA: 'Downton Abbey'

COMEDY: 'Happy Endings'

BEST ADDITION TO AN EXISTING CAST
Robert California, 'The Office'

BEST NEW GUEST APPEARANCE
Male - Grandfather Earle, 'True Blood'

Female - Mrs. Winterbottom, 'Chuck'

BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER

Ernest Hemingway, 'Any Human Heart'

WORST HISTORICAL CHARACTER

Adolph Hitler, 'Doctor Who'

But we had a splainin for that.....

BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER REVISION
Richard Nixon, 'Doctor Who'

BEST NEW CHILD CHARACTER

Arya Stark, 'Game Of Thrones'

CHARACTER MOST DESERVING TO BECOME A REGULAR
Gavin Q. Baker III the lawyer, 'The Closer'

Not that it would be likely - once Brenda's storyline is over, there's no reason for him to hang around.

BEST NEW COMMERCIAL CHARACTER

Nick the Chevy Salesman - Chevrolet
The Pinata Kid - VW Tiguan

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE
Male - Michael J. Fox, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'

Female - Susan Lucci, 'Hot In Cleveland'

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN A COMMERCIAL

Kate Winslet, Lancome

BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN SKITLANDIA
Anderson Cooper - 'Saturday Night Live'

BEST CHARACTER RETURN

Dharma & Greg - on 'Two And A Half Men'

BEST INTRODUCTION OF A REGULAR CHARACTER

Julius Berger, 'Outcasts'

BEST ALIEN CHARACTER (SINGULAR)

George the Tenza, 'Doctor Who'

BEST NEW ALIENS
The Silence, 'Doctor Who'

BEST NEW MALE VILLAIN
Julius Berger - 'Outcasts'

BEST NEW FEMALE VILLAIN
O'Brien - 'Downton Abbey'

O'Briens always make for great villainy......

BEST NEW CHARACTER NAME
Jilly Kitzinger, 'Torchwood: Miracle Day'

WORST NEW CHARACTER NAME

Mirri Maz Duur, 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST COSTUME

Gloria's nightie in 'Modern Family'

BEST LINE

"I am the one who knocks." - Walter White, 'Breaking Bad'

I confess I don't watch this show, but I saw him deliver that line in an end of the year compilation of great quotes and I was really impressed with the power in it. There's a menace in its interpretation and I think it has the power to stand on its own out of context. (I also think it would look great on a T-shirt!)

BEST EXCHANGE OF DIALOGUE

“I want to hear all about Mitchell from high school. Did he have a beard?” – Cam
“Uh … you’re lookin’ at her; although I didn't know it at the time.....” – Tracy

'Modern Family

BEST SPEECH/MONOLOGUE

"I learned a pretty long time ago that I am not the hero of the story. And if I want to be in the story, I have one of two options - I can either help the hero or try to destroy him." - Larry Munsch, 'Mad Love'

BEST ZONK-FILLED DIALOGUE

Liz Lemon: Do I know you?

Aaron Sorkin: You know my work. Walk with me. I'm Aaron Sorkin - 'The West Wing', "A Few Good Men", "The Social Network"....

Liz Lemon: 'Studio 60'?

Aaron Sorkin: Shut up.

'30 Rock'

BEST REALITY SPEECH

“This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.” - Charlie Sheen

WORST REALITY QUOTE

"The human toll here looks to be much worse than the economic toll, and we can be grateful for that," CNBC financial analyst Larry Kudlow

BEST NEW THEME SONG
'Mr. Sunshine'

BEST MUSICAL MOMENT
The last minute of 'Smallville' with the John Williams theme from the 1978 movie

BEST NEW TOOBWORLD LOCATION
Downton Abbey - 'Downton Abbey'

BEST NEW ALTERNATE TV DIMENSION
'Homeland'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL COUNTRY

The Seven Kingdoms of Westeros

BEST NEW FICTIONAL PLANET

Carpathia, 'Outcasts'

BEST EXIT FOR A CHARACTER
Michael Scott, 'The Office'

BEST DEATH SCENE

Justin Bieber's in 'CSI'

SADDEST DEATH SCENE

Coroner Steiner in 'The Mentalist' ("The Red Mile")
Vincent Nigel Murray in 'Bones'

WORST DEATH SCENE
Vaserys Targaryen, 'Game Of Thrones'

Jory, 'Game Of Thrones'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL MOVIE

"Threat Level Midnight" - 'The Office'

BEST NEW FICTIONAL TV SHOW

'Goodnight Burbank'

BEST EPISODE TITLE

'Doctor Who' - "Let's Kill Hitler"

It sounds like so much fun!

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
'Doc Martin'

BEST SERIES MARATHON ON DVD
'Spaced'

BEST CROSSOVER PROP

The building blocks used in 'Alias' and now 'Fringe'.....

BEST COINED WORDS and PHRASES

WORDS

flinking - the sensation of floating and sinking at the same time ('Raising Hope')
gaycist - someone who thinks all gays are alike ('Happy Endings')

PHRASES

The Muppet Lobby

Gift of the Vagi - 'Modern Family'

BEST ZONK OF THE YEAR

"American Family" - the NFL Super Bowl Commercial

BEST REALITY TELEVISION
During an on-air TNT segment prior to the Knicks' 93-88 win over Miami, Tracy Morgan was asked by TNT analyst Charles Barkley whether he thought former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is attractive. Morgan responded, "She's good masturbation material," which rendered the always talkative Sir Charles speechless.

WORST ON-CAMERA MOMENT

Serene Branson's aphasia while on the red carpet at the Grammys. As far as I know, she has recovered.

WORST OFF-CAMERA MOMENT

The sexual assault on Lara Logan as she covered the downfall of Hosni Mubarak in Egypt

WORST REALITY TELEVISION
Tsunami footage from Japan

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A SHOW

'The Killing'

I think it treated its fans horribly in pursuit of a buck that it just makes me angry when I think about it and you wouldn't like me if I'm angry.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A NETWORK
AKA "The Nibbled To Death By Ducks" award

TIE:

The decision by NBC to pull 'Community' from the schedule

The decision by ABC to hold back 'Cougar town'

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE GENERAL AUDIENCE
There wasn't enough support for 'Bored To Death'

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF

I'm too cheap to get Showtime so I can watch 'Homeland' and Starz! so I can watch 'Boss'

BEST EXPANSION OF THE TV UNIVERSE

'The Nine Lives Of Chloe King'

For its introduction of the Mai species into Toobworld

BEST TV BLOG HEADLINE

"Grey's, Grey's, Grey's Of The Jungle..."

from "I Am A Child Of Television"

(About Shonda Rhimes third series, 'Off The Map')

BEST REVIEW OF A TV SERIES

Ken Levine's look at 'The Playboy Club' - Here's how it ended:

"THE PLAYBOY CLUB debuts Monday. A better way of spending the hour is just being under the covers with a copy of the magazine."

BEST CRITIQUE BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER

Kimberly Massengill
First you tell me David Brent will be joining Michael Scott on an upcoming episode of The Office, and now Chris Elliot's gonna give us his best Walker, Texas Ranger? I might just explode in a telecrossovergasm.

HONORARY MENTIONS
Wilfred, 'Wilfred'

John Barrowman, 'Goodnight Burbank'

Bill Buckner, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'

Had it not been for the participation of Michael J. Fox in the series, making fun of an illness that might eventually kill him, I would have picked this League of Themselves appearance as the one that took big balls.

Phil Davis as Ray Miles, 'Whitechapel'

It took just one glance in the final episode, one which spoke volumes, that made me realize how much I appreciate all the roles I've seen him in over the last few years.

Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed it, even though it was a stripped-down version unlike past years when it had to run over several days to get in all the commentary and pictures. Hopefully 2012 will be more inspired (if the Mayans don't bleep us over!) And it seems like it's off to a good start, since I've got candidates for a lot of categories already and it's just the middle of January!

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: QUEEQUEG

2012-01-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

QUEEQUEG

AS SEEN IN:

"Moby Dick"

AS PLAYED BY:

Raoul Trujillo

TV DIMENSION:

Land of Remakes

STATUS:

Recastaway

CREATED BY:

Herman Melville

From Wikipedia:

Queequeg is a fictional character presented in the 1851 novel Moby-Dick by U.S. author Herman Melville. He is the first principal character encountered by the narrator, serves as the chief harpooner aboard the Pequod, and plays an important role in many of the events of the book, both in port and during the whaling voyage. Although a "savage" cannibal, he is described with great sympathy and much admiration by Ishmael, by whom he is befriended early in the book.

Queequeg hails from the fictional island of Kokovoko in the South Seas, inhabited by a cannibal tribe, and is the son of the chief of his tribe. Since leaving the island, he has become extremely skilled with the harpoon. He befriends Ishmael very early in the novel, when they meet in New Bedford, Massachusetts before leaving for Nantucket. He is described as existing in a state between civilized and savage. For example, Ishmael recounts with amusement how Queequeg feels it necessary to hide himself when pulling on his boots, noting that if he were a savage he wouldn't consider boots necessary, but if he were completely civilized he would realize there was no need to be modest when pulling on his boots.

Queequeg is the harpooneer on Starbuck's boat, where Ishmael is also an oarsman. Queequeg is best friends with Ishmael in the story. He is prominent early in the novel, but later fades in significance, as does Ishmael.

The island is the home to his primitive tribe, who practice cannibalism, in particular devouring the flesh of enemies slain in battle. Queequeg claims that the only case of indigestion he has suffered was after a feast in which fifty slain enemies were eaten. He displays no shame regarding the practice, describing his people in a matter-of-fact fashion. In port he prefers a diet of rare red meat, but will settle for whatever is on the menu, such as clam chowder -- which is described as "his favorite fishing food".

Although the son of a chief, he chose to leave his island out of curiosity to see more of the world and to experience and evaluate the civilization of the Christian world. At first rejected by the whaler that landed on his island, he skillfully jumped from a canoe and clamped to the side of the boat as it was leaving for the open sea, at which point the captain relented. At the opening of the novel, he is in the port of New Bedford, Massachusetts, having returned from a whaling voyage. The two first meet when Queequeg returns late to the inn where he is staying, not knowing that Ishmael has been booked into the same room with him. Although Queequeg initially threatens to kill Ishmael on the spot, the landlord persuades him to relent and the two soon become good friends. Ishmael convinces him, based on this friendship, to ship on another whaling expedition with him. At the time of the novel, he has been away from his home island for many years, so long that it is possible that his father is dead and that he would become the chief if he returned.

He is a young man, in the prime of life, tall and powerfully athletic, heavily tattooed, and an excellent swimmer who does not hesitate an instant to dive into cold water to save the life of a troublesome passenger aboard the ferry from New Bedford to Nantucket.

From the source:

Queequeg was a native of Rokovoko, an island far away to the West and South. It is not down on any map; true places never are.

When a new-hatched savage running wild about his native woodlands in a grass clout, followed by the nibbling goats, as if he were a green sapling; even then, in Queequeg's ambitious soul, lurked a strong desire to see something more of Christendom than a specimen whaler or two. His father was a High Chief, a King; his uncle a High Priest; and on the maternal side he boasted aunts who were the wives of unconquerable warriors. There was excellent blood in his veins-royal stuff; though sadly vitiated, I fear, by the cannibal propensity he nourished in his untutored youth.

A Sag Harbor ship visited his father's bay, and Queequeg sought a passage to Christian lands. But the ship, having her full complement of seamen, spurned his suit; and not all the King his father's influence could prevail. But Queequeg vowed a vow. Alone in his canoe, he paddled off to a distant strait, which he knew the ship must pass through when she quitted the island. On one side was a coral reef; on the other a low tongue of land, covered with mangrove thickets that grew out into the water. Hiding his canoe, still afloat, among these thickets, with its prow seaward, he sat down in the stern, paddle low in hand; and when the ship was gliding by, like a flash he darted out; gained her side; with one backward dash of his foot capsized and sank his canoe; climbed up the chains; and throwing himself at full length upon the deck, grappled a ring-bolt there, and swore not to let it go, though hacked in pieces.

In vain the captain threatened to throw him overboard; suspended a cutlass over his naked wrists; Queequeg was the son of a King, and Queequeg budged not. Struck by his desperate dauntlessness, and his wild desire to visit Christendom, the captain at last relented, and told him he might make himself at home. But this fine young savage-this sea Prince of Wales, never saw the Captain's cabin. They put him down among the sailors, and made a whaleman of him. But like Czar Peter content to toil in the shipyards of foreign cities, Queequeg disdained no seeming ignominy, if thereby he might happily gain the power of enlightening his untutored countrymen. For at bottom-so he told me-he was actuated by a profound desire to learn among the Christians, the arts whereby to make his people still happier than they were; and more than that, still better than they were. But, alas! the practices of whalemen soon convinced him that even Christians could be both miserable and wicked; infinitely more so, than all his father's heathens. Arrived at last in old Sag Harbor; and seeing what the sailors did there; and then going on to Nantucket, and seeing how they spent their wages in that place also, poor Queequeg gave it up for lost. Thought he, it's a wicked world in all meridians; I'll die a pagan.

And thus an old idolator at heart, he yet lived among these Christians, wore their clothes, and tried to talk their gibberish. Hence the queer ways about him, though now some time from home.

By hints I asked him whether he did not propose going back, and having a coronation; since he might now consider his father dead and gone, he being very old and feeble at the last accounts. He answered no, not yet; and added that he was fearful Christianity, or rather Christians, had unfitted him for ascending the pure and undefiled throne of thirty pagan Kings before him. But by and by, he said, he would return, as soon as he felt himself baptized again. For the nonce, however, he proposed to sail about, and sow his wild oats in all four oceans. They had made a harpooneer of him, and that barbed iron was in lieu of a sceptre now.

I asked him what might be his immediate purpose, touching his future movements. He answered, to go to sea again, in his old vocation. Upon this, I told him that whaling was my own design, and informed him of my intention to sail out of Nantucket, as being the most promising port for an adventurous whaleman to embark from. He at once resolved to accompany me to that island, ship aboard the same vessel, get into the same watch, the same boat, the same mess with me, in short to share my every hap; with both my hands in his, boldly dip into the Potluck of both worlds. To all this I joyously assented; for besides the affection I now felt for Queequeg, he was an experienced harpooneer, and as such, could not fail to be of great usefulness to one, who, like me, was wholly ignorant of the mysteries of whaling, though well acquainted with the sea, as known to merchant seamen.

His story being ended with his pipe's last dying puff, Queequeg embraced me, pressed his forehead against mine, and blowing out the light, we rolled over from each other, this way and that, and very soon were sleeping.

BCnU!

SKED ALERT! A CROSSOVER ZONK!

2012-01-19T01:00:00.000-05:00

During May Sweeps, we'll be seeing an 'NCIS: LA' crossover with 'Hawaii Five-O' on CBS.

NCIS agents G. Callen and Sam Hanna will show up in Honolulu on the first night, which I guess will be on their usual night of Tuesday. And then the following Monday (I'm assuming), Steve McGarrett and Danny Williams will be heading over to the mainland to interact with the others on the NCIS team in Los Angeles.

And for all I've blathered on about this version of 'Hawaii Five-O' being in a parallel dimension, you know what? This isn't going to be a Zonk.

That's because for those two nights, we'll be watching the LA-based NCIS team from that parallel dimension. This storyline will not be involving the characters from the main Toobworld version of the show.

Those familiar with the concept of the Toobworld Dynamic already know that this 'Hawaii Five-O' reboot lost its chance to be part of Earth Prime-Time when they forego being a continuation (like 'Star Trek: The Next Generation') and chose instead to go the reboot route (like 'Battlestar Galactica'.)

So if 'Hawaii Five-O' is going to cross over with 'NCIS: LA', then for those two episodes we'll be seeing alt-Callen and Company from the TV dimension of the new 'Hawaii Five-O'.

'NCIS: LA' doesn't have a clean slate in the main Toobworld, however. It's a spin-off from 'NCIS', which in itself was a spin-off from 'JAG'. And on 'JAG', Dean Stockwell made a few appearances as the Secretary of the Navy, Edward Sheffield. (No relation to Maxwell Sheffield, I imagine....)

And THEN! Sheffield crossed over to a short-lived series about the Supreme Court - 'First Monday' starring James Garner. But by that point, Sheffield left the Administration's Cabinet and had been elected (re-elected?) as a Senator. (Hopefully the state was never revealed. That always works out better for Toobworld.)

Now, the Secretary of the Navy, no matter what universe, may think he's got an important job, but in Toobworld it doesn't really matter. Not many shows are going to bring in that character or even mention him, so it could be anybody in Toobworld. The same can't be said for the President, of course. Plenty of shows will make a reference to the current occupant of the Oval Office. So whoever is the current POTUS in the real world MUST be the same person in Earth Prime-Time.

So it is with the Supreme Court, even though I don't think most Americans can even name every member of the Bench... and full disclosure, I'd probably have to strain the brain to do so. A change now and again could be splained away, but the Justices were totally swept out for 'First Monday'. (The same thing happened with 'The Court' and 'Outlaw', but that's a whole different kettle of fish for other TV dimensions.)

And yet the real Team Supreme have shown up or, at the very least been mentioned, on several TV shows - among them, 'Boston Legal', 'Picket Fences', and the TV movie "Recount".

At least in this case dealing with 'First Monday', we can rely on the TV essential of the 'Primeval' reboot of the Toobworld timeline to put right what once went wrong. That temporal adjustment happened at the end of season one for 'Primeval' (March, 2007, based on its original airdate in the UK.) Since 'First Monday' was broadcast in 2002, its characters and events would have been swept up and out in the tele-revision. The characters of Thomas Brankin, Henry Hoskins, and Joseph Novelli, along with the other six Supreme Court justices and their staffs all still exist in Toobworld somewhere, but at best they are Circuit Court Judges; none of them are currently sitting on the Supreme Court bench in Earth Prime-Time.

Edward Sheffield probably survived the seismic change in the timeline as well, and may yet be a Senator since the real ones can be replaced so long as the home states of the televersions are never mentioned. (This is one of the two main reasons why 'Brothers & Sisters' had to be relocated out of the main Toobworld. The female governor of California during the years of the Governator was the other reason.)

So that temporal reboot is what keeps 'JAG', 'NCIS', and 'NCIS: LA' in the main Toobworld. But it doesn't help the new 'Hawaii Five-O' at all. No televisiologist in his right mind (which I admit is an oxymoron) would ever toss out twelve seasons of the original 'Hawaii Five-O' to accept this upstart into the main TV Universe.

And therefore this upcoming crossover will have no effect on whatever happens in Earth Prime-Time.

As the original Steve McGarrett once said, "Aloha, Suckers."

NUMBER 7200

2012-01-19T00:30:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to point out that this is Inner Toob post #7200. I started the blog back in August of 2004, following the lead of my Little Buddy Sean. He had just started his own as well and thought I should give a try. (I had been off-line as far as my own site for a few years, because AOL made it impossible to continue the old Tubeworld Dynamic website after they disabled the easy-to-use AOLPress.)

So when Sean suggested I give Blogger a try, I decided to dip my toe in the waters. Since then, I think I've done more cannonballs than belly-flops.... At least I hope so.

It's been a fun ride as I fill in the blanks about the TV Universe with my special mix of tele-grout, and I'm looking forward to someday reaching 14,400 posts.

At least it keeps me off the streets.....

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: ELIJAH

2012-01-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

ELIJAH

AS SEEN IN:

"Moby Dick"

AS PLAYED BY:

Billy Boyd

TV DIMENSION:

Land Of Remakes

STATUS:

Recastaway

CREATED BY:

Herman Melville

From SparkNotes:
Chapter 19: The Prophet

Just after signing the papers, Ishmael and Queequeg run into a scarred and deformed man named Elijah, a prophet or perhaps merely a frightening stranger, who hints to them about the peril of signing aboard Ahab’s ship. He drops references to several frightening incidents involving Ahab, but Ishmael and Queequeg disregard the man’s warnings.

Chapter 21: Going Aboard
Approaching the Pequod at dawn, Ishmael thinks that he sees sailors boarding the ship and decides that the ship must be leaving at sunrise. Ishmael and Queequeg encounter Elijah again just before they board. Elijah asks Ishmael whether he saw “anything looking like men” boarding the ship; Ishmael replies that he did. The ship, however, is quiet save one old sailor, who informs them that the captain is already aboard. As the sun rises, the Pequod’s crew arrives and the ship prepares to sail.
From the source:

"Shipmates, have ye shipped in that ship?"

Queequeg and I had just left the Pequod, and were sauntering away from the water, for the moment each occupied with his own thoughts, when the above words were put to us by a stranger, who, pausing before us, levelled his massive forefinger at the vessel in question. He was but shabbily apparelled in faded jacket and patched trowsers; a rag of a black handkerchief investing his neck. A confluent small-pox had in all directions flowed over his face, and left it like the complicated ribbed bed of a torrent, when the rushing waters have been dried up.

"Have ye shipped in her?" he repeated.

"You mean the ship Pequod, I suppose," said I, trying to gain a little more time for an uninterrupted look at him.

"Aye, the Pequod—that ship there," he said, drawing back his whole arm, and then rapidly shoving it straight out from him, with the fixed bayonet of his pointed finger darted full at the object.

"Yes," said I, "we have just signed the articles."

"Anything down there about your souls?"

"About what?"

"Oh, perhaps you hav'n't got any," he said quickly. "No matter though, I know many chaps that hav'n't got any,—good luck to 'em; and they are all the better off for it. A soul's a sort of a fifth wheel to a wagon."

With finger pointed and eye levelled at the Pequod, the beggar-like stranger stood a moment, as if in a troubled reverie; then starting a little, turned and said:—"Ye've shipped, have ye? Names down on the papers? Well, well, what's signed, is signed; and what's to be, will be; and then again, perhaps it won't be, after all. Anyhow, it's all fixed and arranged a'ready; and some sailors or other must go with him, I suppose; as well these as any other men, God pity 'em! Morning to ye, shipmates, morning; the ineffable heavens bless ye; I'm sorry I stopped ye."

"Look here, friend," said I, "if you have anything important to tell us, out with it; but if you are only trying to bamboozle us, you are mistaken in your game; that's all I have to say."

"Morning to ye! morning to ye!" he rejoined, again moving off. "Oh! I was going to warn ye against—but never mind, never mind—it's all one, all in the family too;—sharp frost this morning, ain't it? Good-bye to ye. Shan't see ye again very soon, I guess; unless it's before the Grand Jury." And with these cracked words he finally departed, leaving me, for the moment, in no small wonderment at his frantic impudence.

BCnU!

EYE ON SHERLOCK HOLMES

2012-01-18T01:30:00.000-05:00

CBS has announced several TV pilots it has commissioned for the next season, among them 'Elementary', a look at Sherlock Holmes set in contemporary New York.

Blerg.

So many things about this disappoint me. First off, it's just a blatant rip-off of the idea utilized by Steven Moffatt and Mark Gatiss for 'Sherlock'. Unless of course they're using some kind of gimmick - like he was in suspended animation and only returned to the waking world in the 21st Century. But even that has been done three times before in the TV Universe (and none of them in the main Toobworld!)

And then there's the setting of New York City. Again? Why does everything have to be set in New York City? (I suppose an L.A. location would be worse though.) At least 'Being Human' on Syfy, although too much a carbon copy of the British original, is set in Boston. I suppose New York City is the ideal venue for a consulting detective of Holmes' skills, teeming with the dark atmosphere that breeds the crimes he loves to solve, just as London was for the Holmes of the 19th Century. But what about Chicago or Detroit, or even better, Washington D.C.?

I don't wish them ill, as it really will have no effect on my vision of Earth Prime-Time. But I just don't see this project getting accepted by a mass audience.

BCnU!

THE GAMBLER WITH LEVERAGE

2012-01-18T00:30:00.000-05:00

On the season finale of 'Leverage' ("The Last Dam Job"), lyrics from "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers were quoted, and the song and its author/singer were identified in return.

Even though it was a song, it could still be seen as a Zonk by some since Kenny Rogers parlayed that song into a successful string of TV movies which are considered part of the TV Universe. In fact, with "The Gambler Returns: Luck Of The Draw", Kenny Rogers' character of Brady Hawkes became deeply imbedded into the TV Universe because of his contacts with characters from ten different TV Westerns - from 'Bat Masterson' to 'Wyatt Earp'.

But it's a Zonk easily disarmed. The televersion of Kenny Rogers ('Reno 911', 'Cybil', 'Evening Shade', and 'The Muppet Show') wrote that song based on an historical event - the high-stakes poker game held in San Francisco during the night before the 1906 earthquake... with President Theodore Roosevelt in attendance. (Seen above, the Three B's: Bart Maverick, Bat Masterson, and Brady Hawkes. Bart had just folded because he could tell the President had a winning hand.)

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: STARBUCK

2012-01-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

STARBUCK

AS SEEN IN:

"Moby Dick"

AS PLAYED BY:

Ethan Hawke

TV DIMENSION:

Land of Remakes

STATUS:

Recastaway

CREATED BY:

Herman Melville

From Wikipedia:

Starbuck, the young chief mate of the Pequod, is a thoughtful and intellectual Quaker from Nantucket.

Little is said about Starbuck's early life, except that he is married with a son. Unlike Ahab's wife, who remains nameless, Starbuck gives his wife's name as Mary. Such is his desire to return to them, that when nearly reaching the last leg of their quest for Moby Dick, he considers arresting or even killing Ahab with a loaded musket, one of several kept by Ahab (in a previous chapter Ahab threatens Starbuck with one when Starbuck disobeys him, despite Starbuck's being in the right), and turning the ship back, straight for home.

Starbuck is alone among the crew in objecting to Ahab's quest, declaring it madness to want revenge on an animal, which lacks reason. Starbuck advocates continuing the more mundane pursuit of whales for their oil. But he lacks the support of the crew in his opposition to Ahab, and is unable to persuade them to turn back. Despite his misgivings, he feels himself bound by his obligations to obey the captain.

From the source:

Uncommonly conscientious for a seaman, and endued with a deep natural reverence, the wild watery loneliness of his life did therefore strongly incline him to superstition; but to that sort of superstition, which in some organization seems rather to spring, somehow, from intelligence than from ignorance... [H]is far-away domestic memories of his young Cape wife and child, tend[ed] to bend him ... from the original ruggedness of his nature, and open him still further to those latent influences which, in some honest-hearted men, restrain the gush of dare-devil daring, so often evinced by others in the more perilous vicissitudes of the fishery. "I will have no man in my boat," said Starbuck, "who is not afraid of a whale." By this, he seemed to mean, not only that the most reliable and useful courage was that which arises from the fair estimation of the encountered peril, but that an utterly fearless man is a far more dangerous comrade than a coward.
—Moby-Dick, Ch. 26

BCnU!

JOHNSON & JOHNSON

2012-01-17T02:00:00.000-05:00

'Beyond Westworld' was a very short-lived TV series that continued the story of the androids created for the amusement parks "Westworld" and "Futureworld" (and thus those two theatrical films are pulled into the TV universe). Broadcast in 1980, it was set in the near future (probably at some point in the 1990's.)

Here's the thumbnail description from Wikipedia:

It features Jim McMullan as Security Chief John Moore of the Delos Corporation. The story revolves around John Moore having to stop the evil scientist, Quaid, as he plans to use the robots in Delos to try to take over the world. Despite being nominated for two Emmys (Outstanding Achievement In Makeup, and Outstanding Art Direction For A Series), only five episodes were produced, and only three of them were aired before cancellation.

The androids that were created by the Delos Corporation to infiltrate human society were "enrolled" in a secret university, programmed to believe that they were providing a service to benefit Mankind by replacing them in the world.

Here are a couple of their androids through the years:

The inner workings of those androids were fully mechanical; they were not cyborgs. But their outer covering was "synth-skin" cloned from actual human tissue. This would help provide them the means to escape detection. Not only would it look and feel like real skin - and react appropriately if cut or bruised or injured in any way - but any epithelial tissue left behind at crime scenes would fool the investigators from the local 'CSI' units.

To ensure that last part, detailed background information would be embedded into the world-wide web to back up any claims about the androids' identities. And to keep it as believable as possible, these false identities would claim a relationship to the donors of the cloned synth-skin. This means that more than likely the donors of those genetic samples were dead, so as to eliminate the possibility of contradiction.

As mentioned in the previous post about the 'Screen Directors Playhouse' episode "Partners", Terry Johnson was a fourteen year old boy in 1956 who was "adopted" by rodeo legend Casey Tibbs (his televersion, at any rate.) Because of his iconic status as a child star, it's possible that many of Brandon de Wilde's TV characters never survived past the year 1972 - the year in which de Wilde, who played Terry Johnson, was killed in a car crash at the age of 30. (Which is not to say that they all had to have died, but for the purpose of this article, we're going to claim that Terry Johnson didn't survive much longer beyond de Wilde.)

If Terry Johnson also died at that time (perhaps in a rodeo accident?), it could be that his skin samples were collected by undercover agents for the Delos Corporation at the hospital where he was pronounced dead. Eventually they would be used to create the synth-skin for an android who was also named "Johnson" and who graduated at the top of the "Class Of '99". His online identity would probably mark him as the son of Terry Johnson, and the young bronco rider wouldn't be around to disavow it.

(Brandon de Wilde was 27 years old when he filmed that segment of 'Night Gallery', but being an android, Johnson's "age" would not have been a factor. He could pass for 22 years old.....)

BCnU!

Toobnote: Cinephiles will recognize the picture of Brandon de Wilde, supposedly as Terry Johnson, to be that of young Luke from "Hud". So it's not actually Toobworld, but I think it's a close approximation of what Terry would have looked like at that age.

THE TELEVERSION OF CASEY TIBBS

2012-01-17T01:30:00.000-05:00

From Wikipedia:

Casey Duane Tibbs (March 5, 1929–January 28, 1990) was an American cowboy, rodeo performer, and actor.

He was born northwest of Fort Pierre, South Dakota. Tibbs held the "World All-Around Rodeo Champion" title twice, in 1951 and 1955. He also won in 1949, 1951–1954, and 1959, the world saddle bronc riding championship and in 1951 world bareback bronc riding championship. He was featured on a 1951 cover of LIFE magazine.

He moved to Ramona, California in 1976 to raise and breed horses. After battling bone cancer and then lung cancer for about a year, he died at his home in Ramona, while watching the 1990 Super Bowl. He is buried in Scotty Philip Cemetery, Fort Pierre, South Dakota.

According to another site, he never married and there is no record of any children.

But in Toobworld that's not the case....

In the Toobworld Dynamic, fictional TV characters are related to people from the real world.

My favorite examples:

Vera Louise Gorman and Art Carney are cousins, according to the sitcom 'Alice'

Detective Megan Russert and the late Tim Russert are also cousins, as seen on 'Homicide: Life On The Street'

This category also includes marriages. So there's Terence McQuewick from 'Entourage', who was married to actress Melinda Clark.

But in these modern times, who needs a marriage license?

Here are a couple of sexual relationships between fictional characters and the televersions of real life people:

Larry Sanders & Roseanne

Larry Sanders & Ellen DeGeneres

Artie & Elizabeth Ashley

(all from 'The Larry Sanders Show')

Vincent Chase and Mandy Moore

Vincent Chase and Sasha Grey

(both from 'Entourage')

and

Joan Rivers and David Lee Roth

('Z Rock')

I bring this up (again) because Casey Tibbs presented a new category for this topic and it may have been the first fictional-reality relationship ever in Toobworld.

In the "Partners" episode of 'Screen Directors Playhouse', rodeo champ Casey Tibbs played himself. By the end of the show he had adopted a 14 year old boy named Terry Johnson (played by Brandon de Wilde.)

I'm not sure the adoption was on the up and up - it looked more like Casey signed up to take Terry Johnson on the rodeo circuit as part of an orphanage work-release program. And the orphanage director (played by Don Beddoe) didn't seem to be the real deal - something about the way he giggled made him particularly skeevy. I think no matter what happened, (and I do have a theory about his life during prime-time), Terry Johnson had it better than the kids left behind in that guy's care!

Nothing against Don Beddoe as himself, of course.....

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: AHAB

2012-01-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

CAPTAIN AHAB

AS SEEN IN:
"Moby Dick" (2010)

AS PLAYED BY:

William Hurt

TV DIMENSION:

Land of Remakes

STATUS:

Recastaway

CAPTAIN AHAB

AS SEEN IN:

"Moby Dick" (1998)

AS PLAYED BY:

Patrick Stewart

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

STATUS:

Original Televersion

CREATED BY:

Herman Melville

From Wikipedia:

Ahab is the tyrannical captain of the Pequod who is driven by a monomaniacal desire to kill Moby Dick, the whale that maimed him on the previous whaling voyage. Although he is a Quaker, he seeks revenge in defiance of his religion's well-known pacifism. Ahab's Biblical namesake is the evil idol-worshipping ruler in the Book of Kings, and this association prompts Ishmael to ask, at his first encounter with Ahab:

"When that wicked king was slain, the dogs, did they not lick his blood?".
—Moby-Dick, Ch. 16

When Ishmael remarks upon the ill associations of such a name, he is rebuked by one of Ahab's colleagues, who points out that "He did not name himself!"Little information is provided about Ahab's life prior to meeting Moby Dick, although it is known that he was orphaned at a young age. When discussing the purpose of his quest with Starbuck, it is revealed that he first began whaling at eighteen and has continued in the trade for forty years, having spent less than three on land. He also mentions his "girl-wife," whom he married late in life, and their young son, but does not give their names.Ahab ultimately dooms the crew of the Pequod (save for Ishmael) to death by his obsession with Moby Dick. During the final chase, Ahab hurls his last harpoon while yelling his now-famous revenge line:

... to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.
—Moby-Dick, Ch. 135

The harpoon becomes lodged in Moby Dick's flesh and Ahab, caught around the neck by a loop in his own harpoon's rope and unable to free himself, is dragged down into the cold oblivion of the sea by the injured whale. The mechanics of Ahab's death are richly symbolic. He is killed by his own harpoon, a victim of his own twisted obsession and desire for revenge. The whale eventually destroys the whaleboats and crew, and sinks the Pequod.

From the source:

The White Whale swam before him as the monomaniac incarnation of all those malicious agencies which some deep men feel eating in them, till they are left living on with half a heart and half a lung. That intangible malignity which has been from the beginning; to whose dominion even the modern Christians ascribe one-half of the worlds; which the ancient Ophites of the east reverenced in their statue devil; -- Ahab did not fall down and worship it like them; but deliriously transferring its idea to the abhorred white whale, he pitted himself, all mutilated, against it. All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby Dick. He piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart's shell upon it.

—Moby-Dick, Ch. 41

Two for Tuesday!

TVXOHOF, 01/2012 - SUPER GROVER

2012-01-16T06:37:00.000-05:00

There once was a New York City cop named Grover who had worked his way up to the rank of Lieutenant in the uniform division.

But his career hit a major setback in 1958 when a man named Carl checked into a midtown hotel and immediately climbed out onto the window ledge of his 17th floor room. He registered as Carl Adams, but only "Carl" was his real name. Only after he built a rapport with the beat cop was first on the scene, and who climbed out on the ledge as well to help him back inside, did Carl reveal who he was... and more importantly, who his wife was.....

Testifying at the Coroner's Inquest

Because of how he managed that crisis, which proved to be a bad day for the entire department, Lieutenant Grover was reprimanded and busted down to the rank of Sergeant.

Eventually, he was able to do was to get promoted laterally from a beat cop to plain clothes detective. Grover was assigned to Chief Peter Clifford's division, where he worked often with a cop on loan from Taos, New Mexico - Marshal Sam McCloud.

In 1980, Sgt. Grover had a close encounter of the third kind when Galacticans arrived at his precinct station in order to stop an advanced form of Cylon robot - one that could resemble a human being - from using an NYC radio station to contact the Cylon fleet.

It was probably the kind of situation that forced Sgt. Grover into finally taking retirement. But it was also enough to get Grover inducted into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame as the January Classic TV Character.

'Alfred Hitchcock Presents' - "Man With A Problem"

'McCloud'

'Galactica 1980' - "The Night The Cylons Landed" (Part Two)

(Toobworld reasoning as to why he was back in uniform when the alien humans showed up - earlier in the day he had been to the funeral of a fellow officer and he later went to work in his full dress blues.....)

BCnU!

"THE ARROW SHOW"*

2012-01-16T01:00:00.000-05:00

Usually when a new TV series debuts (sometimes even before that - when a projected pilot has been announced), the ruling tribunal of Toobworld Central - that is me, myself, and I - has to make a judgement call as to whether the show will stay in the world of Earth Prime-Time or if it should be banished to an alternate TV dimension.

With the latest news from the CW, "we" made the call that their proposed new superhero series, 'Green Arrow', should be banished from 'The West Wing' dimension and sent back to the main Toobworld.

Green Arrow had already been on TV - played by Justin Hartley as a recurring character in 'Smallville'. ('Smallville' is in the same TV dimension as 'The West Wing' because Clark Kent had not yet revealed himself to be Superman during the administration of Jed Bartlet. If he had, surely the White House would have called upon the Man of Steel to save the USS John F. Kennedy carrier group when Hurrican Sarah changed course and headed straight toward the ships.)

But this time around, Green Arrow (aka Oliver Queen) will not be played by Hartley. (No word yet as to who will play the role.) Since Hartley is the official Green Arrow for that dimension, there's nothing to be done but send the archer back to Earth Prime-Time. And so another comic book superhero will take up residence in the main TV dimension - along with previous occupants Superman, The Flash, the Hulk, Spiderman, Doctor Strange, Thor, Captain America, Wonder Woman, Batgirl, and Batman & Robin. (If I forgot anybody, I'm sure somebody out there will let me know.) Of them all, Superman is now deceased and the Flash may be.

And speaking of archers, we may be able to make a theory of "relateeveety" that Oliver Queen is somehow related to the nefarious ne'er-do-well known as The Archer, who once plagued Gotham City back in the 1960's. I'm thinking he could be Queen's maternal grandfather and Queen was influenced by him to develop his archery skills - but only as a force for good to clear the family name of his mother.

As Muskie Muskrat would say to 'Deputy Dawg': It's pozz'ble, it's pozz'ble......

Of course, this may all be moot. The pilot may not get picked up for series, but it might still be broadcast in order to burn off its costs. Or it may be "leaked" to YouTube or some other Internet video source. We'll see......

BCnU!

* Back in the 1940's, there was a TV series called "The Arrow Show"......

AS SEEN ON TV: ISHMAEL

2012-01-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

ISHMAEL

AS SEEN IN:

"Moby Dick"

AS PLAYED BY:

Charlie Cox

TV DIMENSION:

Land of Remakes

STATUS:

Recastaway

CREATED BY:

Herman Melville

From Wikipedia:

Ishmael is the narrator (and arguably the protagonist) of the 1851 novel Moby-Dick by U.S. author Herman Melville. It is through his eyes and experience that the reader experiences the story of the ship Pequod, and the fight between Captain Ahab and the white whale. He is a central character in the action in the early part of the novel, essentially fulfilling all the requirements of being a conventional protagonist. After the Pequod leaves Nantucket, he increasingly recedes into the background as a commentator, with his voice approaching that of an omniscient narrator at times, able to see into all parts of the ship and into the private motivations of other characters.
Ishmael introduces himself in the opening sentence of the novel with the well-known line "Call me Ishmael." The name Ishmael is Biblical in origin: in Genesis, Ishmael was the son of Abraham by the servant Hagar, who was cast off after the birth of Isaac, who inherits the covenant of the Lord instead of his older half-brother. In the Islamic tradition, with which Melville was certainly much less familiar, Ishmael is an heir of Abraham. In "Moby-Dick" Ishmael does not comment on the significance of his own name, but he does refer to himself by that name several times in the book.

Ishmael provides little about his personal background before his decision at the beginning of the novel to journey to Nantucket, Massachusetts to enlist as a sailor on a whaler. There is evidence in the text to suggest that he was formerly a school-teacher who left that life of theory to pursue the more practical life at sea. At the beginning of the novel, he is an experienced seaman who has not previously served on a whaler but in the merchant marine service (an experience that is ridiculed by the owners of the Pequod when he approaches them to sign on).

He begins the novel in the first chapter wandering through Manhattan in the dreariness of November with dark thoughts suggesting nearly suicidal tendencies: pausing before coffin houses and following funerals. His primary reason for going to sea, he suggests, is to break out of this depressive cycle and obsession with death. Ishmael tends to brood and think his way through things, going so far as to describe himself as a philosopher in The Mast-Head. Ishmael, while seemingly rejecting the arts, does confess that he is—or at least was at one point—a poet.

From the source:

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago--never mind how long precisely--having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.

BCnU!

TEBOWIE - THE DAY AFTER

2012-01-15T11:00:00.000-05:00

I'm sending this out to my brother Tim - one last hurrah.

Sorry, buddy...

THE DOCTOR & THE BEAVER

2012-01-15T02:00:00.000-05:00

In these times when high definition resolution, background information, and behind-the-scenes videos released on YouTube are available to the general public, we can learn what really went on during particular scenes that can't be known just by watching the scene in question.

A case in point:

During "Human Nature" the first half of a two-part 'Doctor Who' story, Dr. Martha Jones watched a recording of the Doctor for information about what to do in an emergency while he was "unavailable". (You'll have to watch the episode to understand what happened to him.)

At one point, not finding the pertinent info, she scrolled ahead to reach the relevant remarks. All well and good, we've seen that type of scene before in other TV series, even the more mundane shows.

But now we can find out what it was the Doctor was yammering on about during that sequence....

It puts me in mind of a similar situation when Ward Cleaver had to read a letter sent home by Beaver's teacher in an episode of 'Leave It To Beaver'. Thanks to high-def resolution to the video, we now know what that letter really said, no matter what Ward claimed......

BCnU!

TWIN PEAKS TRUTHINESS

2012-01-15T01:30:00.000-05:00

YouTube has been great for the creation of TV mash-ups, and as far as I'm concerned, the crazier the better.

Here's a scene from the 'Twin Peaks' that could probably be found only in Skitlandia.....

BCnU!

THE "MOBY DICK" TRAILER

2012-01-15T00:30:00.000-05:00

Here's the trailer for this latest interpretation of Herman Melville's classic, albeit ponderous, novel:

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: MOBY DICK

2012-01-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

MOBY DICK

AS SEEN IN:

"Moby Dick"

AS PLAYED BY:

Not applicable

TV DIMENSION:

Land of Remakes

STATUS:

"Recastaway"

CREATED BY:

Herman Melville

From Wikipedia:

"Moby-Dick or, The Whale", was written by American author Herman Melville and first published in 1851. It is considered to be one of the Great American Novels and a treasure of world literature. The story tells the adventures of wandering sailor Ishmael, and his voyage on the whaleship Pequod, commanded by Captain Ahab. Ishmael soon learns that Ahab has one purpose on this voyage: to seek out a specific whale--Moby Dick, a ferocious, enigmatic white sperm whale. In a previous encounter, the whale destroyed Ahab's boat and bit off his leg, which now drives Ahab to take revenge.

In "Moby-Dick", Melville employs stylized language, symbolism, and metaphor to explore numerous complex themes. Through the main character's journey, the concepts of class and social status, good and evil, and the existence of God are all examined, as Ishmael speculates upon his personal beliefs and his place in the universe. The narrator's reflections, along with his descriptions of a sailor's life aboard a whaling ship, are woven into the narrative along with Shakespearean literary devices, such as stage directions, extended soliloquies, and asides. The book portrays destructive obsession and monomania, as well as the assumption of anthropomorphism--projecting human instincts, characteristics and motivations onto animals. Moby Dick is ruthless in attacking the sailors who attempt to hunt and kill him, but it is Ahab who invests Moby Dick's natural instincts with malignant and evil intentions. In fact, it is not the whale but the crippled Ahab who alone possesses this characteristic.

"Moby-Dick" has been classified as American Romanticism. It was first published by Richard Bentley in London on October 18, 1851, in an expurgated three-volume edition titled "The Whale", and weeks later as a single volume, by New York City publisher Harper and Brothers as "Moby-Dick or, The Whale" on November 14, 1851. The book initially received mixed reviews, but "Moby-Dick" is now considered part of the Western canon, and at the center of the canon of American novels.

He is a giant albino sperm whale and the main antagonist of the novel. He bit off Ahab's leg, leaving Ahab to swear revenge. The cetacean also attacked the Rachel and killed the captain's son. At the end of the story he kills the entire crew, with the exception of Ishmael. Although he is an integral part of the novel, Moby Dick appears in just three of the 135 chapters and the reader does not have access to his thoughts and motivations. Moby Dick is considered to be a symbol of a number of things, among them God, nature, fate, the ocean, and the very universe itself.

The symbolism of the White Whale is deliberately enigmatic, and its inscrutability is a deliberate challenge to the reader. Ishmael describes the whale’s forehead as having wrinkles and scars on it that look like hieroglyphics, and recounts:

All the reader can know is that the White Whale symbolizes many things to various characters in the novel. It is their personal interpretations of Moby-Dick, in addition to their individual ruminations on the gold doubloon Ahab has nailed to the mast to motivate his crew, that serve as a further clue to their own inner makeup.

From the source:

A gentle joyousness- a mighty mildness of repose in swiftness, invested the gliding whale. Not the white bull Jupiter swimming away with ravished Europa clinging to his graceful horns; his lovely, leering eyes sideways intent upon the maid; with smooth bewitching fleetness, rippling straight for the nuptial bower in Crete; not Jove, not that great majesty Supreme! did surpass the glorified White Whale as he so divinely swam.

On each soft side- coincident with the parted swell, that but once leaving him then flowed so wide away- on each bright side, the whale shed off enticings. No wonder there had been some among the hunters who namelessly transported and allured by all this serenity, had ventured to assail it; but had fatally found that quietude but the vesture of tornadoes. Yet calm, enticing calm, oh, whale! thou glidest on, to all who for the first time eye thee, no matter how many in that same way thou mayst have bejuggled and destroyed before.

And thus, through the serene tranquilities of the tropical sea, among waves whose hand-clappings were suspended by exceeding rapture, Moby Dick moved on, still withholding from sight the full terrors of his submerged trunk, entirely hiding the wrenched hideousness of his jaw. But soon the fore part of him slowly rose from the water; for an instant his whole marbleized body formed a high arch, like Virginia's Natural Bridge, and warningly waving his bannered flukes in the air, the grand god revealed himself, sounded and went out of sight. Hoveringly halting, and dipping on the wing, the white sea-fowls longingly lingered over the agitated pool that he left.

BCnU!

THE JAY WARD SYMPHONY

2012-01-14T01:30:00.000-05:00

Here's a musical tribute to the genius that was Jay Ward:

My thanks to Mark Evanier for bringing this to the attention of his blog's readers.

I'm sending this out to my friend Maurice Steinberg, in the hopes that one day he might lead the orchestra in Torrington in a similar salute.....

BCnU!

MUSEUM PIECE: MIKE HAMMER IN TOOBWORLD

2012-01-14T00:30:00.000-05:00

For the Saturday edition of Inner Toob's Video Weekend, we present the first three episodes of Darren McGavin's TV series about private eye Mike Hammer, who is also our featured character in today's "As Seen On TV" showcase.....

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: MIKE HAMMER

2012-01-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

MIKE HAMMER

AS SEEN IN:

'Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer'

AS PLAYED BY:

Darren McGavin

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

STATUS:

Recastaway (Deceased)

CREATED BY:

Mickey Spillane

From Wikipedia:

Michael "Mike" Hammer is a fictional detective created by the American author Mickey Spillane in the 1947 book "I, the Jury" (made into a movie in 1953 and 1982).

Several movies and radio and television series have been based on the books in the Hammer series. The actor most closely identified with the character in recent years has been Stacy Keach, who portrayed Hammer in a CBS television series, 'Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer', which ran from 1984–1987 and had a syndicated revival in 1997–1998. (An earlier syndicated version, originally aired in 1957–1958, starred Darren McGavin as Hammer.) Spillane himself played Hammer in a 1963 motion picture adaptation of "The Girl Hunters". Spillane himself favoured ex-Marine and former Newburgh, New York police officer Jack Stang, on whom he based the character, to play him. Stang appeared with Spillane in the 1954 film "Ring of Fear" and in the film adaptation of "I, the Jury".

While pulp detectives such as Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe are hard-boiled and cynical, Hammer is in many ways the archetypal "hard man": brutally violent, misogynistic, and fuelled by a genuine rage that never afflicts Raymond Chandler's or Dashiell Hammett's heroes. In "The Big Kill" Hammer describes himself to a bargirl as a misanthrope.

While other hardboiled heroes bend and manipulate the law, Hammer holds it in total contempt, seeing it as nothing more than an impediment to justice, the one virtue he holds in absolute esteem. Hammer nevertheless has a strong respect for the majority of police, realising they have a difficult job and their hands are frequently tied by the law when trying to stop criminals.

Mike Hammer is a no-holds barred Battle of Guadalcanal veteran private investigator who carries a .45 Colt M1911, named "Betsy" in a shoulder harness under his left arm. His love for his secretary Velda is only outweighed by his willingness to kill a killer. Hammer's best friend is Pat Chambers, Captain of Homicide NYPD.

Hammer is also patriotic and anti-communist. The novels are peppered with remarks by Hammer supporting American troops in Korea, and in "Survival...Zero" Vietnam. In "One Lonely Night", where Hammer attends a communist meeting in a park, his reaction to the speaker's propaganda is a sarcastic "Yeah."

So far as violence is concerned, the Hammer novels leave little to the imagination. Written in the first person, Hammer describes his violent encounters with relish. In all but a few novels, Hammer's victims are often left vomiting after a blow to the stomach or groin.

The Washington Times obituary of Spillane said of Hammer, "In a manner similar to Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry, Hammer was a cynical loner contemptuous of the 'tedious process' of the legal system, choosing instead to enforce the law on his own terms."

'Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer' is the title used for two syndicated television series that followed the adventures of fictional private detective Mike Hammer. The gritty, crime fighting detective—created by American crime author Mickey Spillane—has also inspired several feature films and made-for-TV movies.

From the source:

"It was a fine day. The sun was warm and the streets full of kids making 67th and walked back to the park. She wasn't on any of the benches, so I hopped the fence and cut across the grass to the inside walk. The day had brought out a million strollers, it seemed like. Private nurses in tricky rigs went by with a toddler at their heels, and more than once

racket like a pack of squirrels. I drove to the corner and stopped in a cigar store where I put in a call to Charlotte's office. She wasn't there, but her secretary had been told to tell me that if I called, I could find her in Central Park on the Fifth Avenue side near 68th Street. ....I drove in from the cutoff on Central Park West and drove all around the place, circling toward Fifth. When I came out I parked on

I got the eye."
- ("I, The Jury")

I'm willing to entertain the notion that the Mike Hammer played by Stacy Keach (above, right) in the 1980's was the son, probably illegitimate, of Darren McGavin's Mike Hammer. (I would prefer to keep as many TV shows as I can in the main TV dimension, if I could.)

If anyone should know of any reason this should not be - a mention in some episode's plot point, an appearance by some other actor as his father - please let me know.

For a recent, insightful overlook to the series from the 1950's, click here.

BCnU!

GIVING CHASE TO A ZONK

2012-01-13T01:00:00.000-05:00

When Dave's Dad started dating Penny's Mom on the latest episode of 'Happy Endings', Penny saw it as the chance to finally have a sibling. But Dave objected to her calling him "Baby Bro", saying that she was no Johnny Drama.

This was a reference to Johnny Chase, a character played by Kevin Dillon in 'Entourage'. That HBO series was about the guys who hung out with Johnny's younger brother, Vincent Chase, a Hollywood movie star.

But the show wasn't mentioned and as a character in Toobworld, Johnny "Drama" Chase should be known by a lot of TV characters in other series. He was a movie st-# er, actor himself and even starred in several TV shows - 'Viking Quest', 'Four Corners', and he provided the lead voice for a cartoon series 'Johnny Bananas'. So there was no Zonk here and instead provides a connection between the two series.

Too bad there's no easy splainin' for the mentions of 'The Wire' and 'Blue Bloods' in the same episode.....

BCnU!

ENJOY EVERY SANDWICH

2012-01-13T00:30:00.000-05:00

The eleventh episode of my favorite comedy series from 2011, 'Happy Endings', was "Meat The Parrots" and it had three awesome guest stars - Michael McKean as Dave's Dad, Megan Mulally as Penny's Mom, and Ed Begley, Jr. as himself.

Because Ed Begley, Jr. is a member of the League of Themselves, 'Happy Endings' gets three connections in the Toobworld Dynamic:

'Happy Endings'
– "Meet the Parrots" (2012)

'Dharma & Greg'
– "Protecting the Ego-System" (2002)

'Ellen'
– "When Ellen Talks, People Listen" (1998)

'The Larry Sanders Show'
– "Putting the 'Gay' Back in Litigation" (1998)

And I didn't notice it earlier, but he's also been eligible for membership in the TV Crossover Hall Of Fame someday!

PLUS! (There's moooore?) Thanks to him, Toobworld has a new breakfast sandwich - the Egg Begley, Jr.!

No matter that he's a vegetarian. That just means there's more for the rest of us!

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: HUCKLEBERRY FINN

2012-01-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

HUCK FINN

AS SEEN IN:

"Huckleberry Finn"

AS PLAYED BY:

Ron Howard

TV DIMENSION:

TBD

STATUS:

Recastaway

BASED ON:

"The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn"

WRITTEN BY:

Mark Twain

From Wikipedia:

"Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" is a novel by Mark Twain, first published in England in December 1884 and in the United States in February 1885. Commonly named among the Great American Novels, the work is among the first in major American literature to be written in the vernacular, characterized by local color regionalism. It is told in the first person by Huckleberry "Huck" Finn, a friend of Tom Sawyer and narrator of two other Twain novels ("Tom Sawyer Abroad" and "Tom Sawyer, Detective"). It is a sequel to "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer".

The book is noted for its colorful description of people and places along the Mississippi River. Satirizing a Southern antebellum society that had ceased to exist about twenty years before the work was published, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is an often scathing look at entrenched attitudes, particularly racism.

Perennially popular with readers, "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" has also been the continued object of study by serious literary critics since its publication. It was criticized upon release because of its coarse language and became even more controversial in the 20th century because of its perceived use of racial stereotypes and because of its frequent use of the racial slur "nigger", despite strong arguments that the protagonist, and the tenor of the book, is in fact anti-racist.

From the source material:

You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer"; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. That is nothing. I never seen anybody but lied one time or another, without it was Aunt Polly, or the widow, or maybe Mary. Aunt Polly -- Tom's Aunt Polly, she is -- and Mary, and the Widow Douglas is all told about in that book, which is mostly a true book, with some stretchers, as I said before.

Now the way that the book winds up is this: Tom and me found the money that the robbers hid in the cave, and it made us rich. We got six thousand dollars apiece -- all gold. It was an awful sight of money when it was piled up. Well, Judge Thatcher he took it and put it out at interest, and it fetched us a dollar a day apiece all the year round -- more than a body could tell what to do with. The Widow Douglas she took me for her son, and allowed she would sivilize me; but it was rough living in the house all the time, considering how dismal regular and decent the widow was in all her ways; and so when I couldn't stand it no longer I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied. But Tom Sawyer he hunted me up and said he was going to start a band of robbers, and I might join if I would go back to the widow and be respectable. So I went back.

In Toobworld, many literary characters share the same world as the televersions of the authors who created them back in the real world. We've seen this with at least three of our previous showcase figures this year - Holmes & Watson with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (seen in, among other TV productions, 'The Murdoch Mysteries') and Hercule Poirot with Dame Agatha Christie (seen in the 'Doctor Who' episode "The Unicorn And The Wasp").

In such cases, those authors didn't create the characters within the reality of Toobworld; they chronicle their adventures for the public. (Although Conan Doyle didn't write the adventures of Sherlock Holmes; Dr. Watson did. Conan Doyle was just the literary agent. But apparently Holmes didn't mind as it helped remove him from the notice of the general public, who came to think of him as being fictional. I'm not sure how Dr. Watson felt about Conan Doyle taking the credit for his work.)

As seen with both examples listed above, sometimes those authors embellished the stories, making it sound as if they were indeed creating them out of whole cloth. But they were just adding fictional details to spice up the story. (Like Conan Doyle toying with the idea of changing the "true" location of the Baskerville case.)

So here we have Huck Finn existing in the same dimension as his "creator", Mark Twain. (And for those of you who wouldn't know a good character actor if he bit you, Mark Twain was played by Royal Dano in this production.)

This would be in an alternate TV dimension, as there are plenty of televersions for Huck Finn (and Mark Twain as well!) to spread out among a plethora of other dimensions. (The first TV Huck Finn was played by Clifford Tatum, Jr. in 1953, as part of the anthology series 'Excursion', as pictured on the right......)

BCnU!

HERE'S THE STORY OF A PERVY LADY

2012-01-12T01:00:00.000-05:00

"You look like Carol Brady

right before she got arrested for molesting Bobby."

Max Blum

'Happy Endings'

It took me a long time, but I finally, begrudgingly, came around to the acceptance that in Toobworld everybody will eventually have a TV show about them. There were far too many Zonks - that is, discrepancies - in which TV shows mentioned other TV shows when they should have all been sharing the same universe as realities.

It's kind of the Toobworld version of Andy Warhol's aphorism that in the Future, everybody will be famous for fifteen minutes. (And that bon mot exits in Toobworld as well.)

There will still be the individual splainins to bring variety into the picture toob - that not all TV series titles mentioned in other shows will be the same show as seen in the real world. Shows with generic titles like 'General Hospital' could be reality programming in Toobworld.

And that's the premise we're going for here. 'The Brady Bunch' has long been a "zonkish" title, mentioned in so many other TV shows that it's most likely in the top ten of Zonks. Apparently, some Toobworld TV executive (May they be nibbled to death by TV ducks!) thought that a blended family of three boys and three girls would make for compelling TV.

And he would probably be right - if it was done as a reality show, a fore-runner to that show about the Gosselins, and a contemporary to the ground-breaking series about the Loud Family.

If we accept Max's statement as true, and not as a reference to a TV show, then I think we can understand why the Toobworld version of 'The Brady Bunch' proved to be so popular - to the point where it spawned a couple of theatrical movies (if it has ever been mentioned as such in other TV shows.)

But was Carol Brady's sexual transgression with her youngest stepson part of the original reality show, or was it the scandal that brought 'The Brady Bunch' to an end? When we met them again in the main Toobworld, there didn't seem to be any hint of a scandal in their past.

Maybe they found religion.......

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: JUDGE RUSTY SABICH

2012-01-12T00:00:00.000-05:00

JUDGE ROZAT "RUSTY" SABICH

AS SEEN IN:

"Scott Turow's 'Innocent'"

AS PLAYED BY:

Bill Pullman

TV DIMENSION:

Earth Prime-Time

STATUS:

Multiversal Recastaway

(Book, Movie, TV Movie)

SOURCE:

"Innocent"

CREATED BY:

Scott Turow

From the source:

From Wikipedia:

Twenty years after being cleared in the death of his mistress, Judge Rožat "Rusty" Sabich is charged with the murder of his wife Barbara.

Bill Pullman plays Sabich, now a judge and once again romantically involved with a colleague and on trial for murder: This time he is accused of killing his wife, Barbara. His accuser is his old nemesis Tommy Molto, while his longtime friend and lawyer, Sandy Stern, is in charge of the defense.

Unlike the case of Peter Ustinov's Hercule Poirot, there is no connection to Sabich's doppelganger in the Cineverse. That Judge Sabich was played by Harrison Ford and so was a different man. However, the events of "Presumed Innocent" still played out, unseen, in Toobworld. But if we could see what happened, we'd see Bill Pullman and Marcia Gay Harden rather than Ford and Bonnie Bedelia. And that would apply to the supporting players as well - Joe Grifasi/Richard Schiff, Raul Julia/Alfred Molina, etc.

I see no objection to Greta Scacci playing the same role in both realities. At least, I'm certainly not going to object!

BCnU!

POIROT IN THE BORDERLANDS

2012-01-11T01:00:00.000-05:00

In the past, Toobworld Central has sent raiding parties across the border into the "Cineverse" to kidnap certain movies and claim them to be part of the Toobworld Dynamic.

"Batman" (1966)

"Maverick"

The first "Highlander" movie

The "Star Trek" franchise

Sometimes, only one character from a movie crosses over into the TV universe to join the counterparts to those left behind - Radar O'Reilly of 'M*A*S*H' for example.

Neither situation applies in the case of Hercule Poirot, as played by Sir Peter Ustinov.

Why would Earth Prime-Time have any need for Ustinov's Poirot when it already had David Suchet as the little Belgian? (And who is about to complete filming on the entire series of stories featuring the detective. Not even Jeremy Brett was able to accomplish that with the Sherlock Holmes canon.)

But there must be an alternate TV dimension whose boundaries with the movie universe are not defined, where there is a blend at certain junctures so that characters can exist in both at the same time.

Such would be the world in which we would find Hercule Poirot as played by Ustinov.

Ustinov played Poirot sixt times - in three theatrical films

"Death On The Nile"

"Evil Under The Sun"

"Appointment With Death"

and in three TV movies.

"Thirteen At Dinner"

"Murder In Three Acts"

"Dead Man's Folly"

However, in the TV movies Poirot was situated in the Toobworld timeline for the 1980s. He was even interviewed on TV by David Frost in "Thirteen At Dinner". By the time he returned to the theatrical movies with "Appointment With Death", he was seen once more back in the proper timeline.

I'm not prepared to say that Ustinov was playing two different Poirots. Rather, I think there could a more fanciful splainin and Occam's Razor be bleeped!

Perhaps Hercule Poirot of this "Borderlands" dimension found a way to extend his mortal life. He may have paid a visit to a certain Sussex "scientist" and beekeeper for the secret benefits of the Queen Bee's royal jelly......

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: HERCULE POIROT

2012-01-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

HERCULE POIROT

AS SEEN IN:

"Thirteen At Dinner"

"Dead Man's Folly"

"Murder In Three Acts"

AS PLAYED BY:

Sir Peter Ustinov

TV DIMENSION:

"The Borderlands"

STATUS:

Recastaway

CREATED BY:

Dame Agatha Crhistie

From Wikipedia:

Hercule Poirot is a fictional Belgian detective created by Agatha Christie. Along with Miss Marple, Poirot is one of Christie's most famous and long-lived characters, appearing in 33 novels and 51 short stories published between 1920 and 1975 and set in the same era.

Poirot has been portrayed on radio, on screen, for films and television, by various actors, including John Moffatt, Albert Finney, Sir Peter Ustinov, Sir Ian Holm, Tony Randall, Alfred Molina and David Suchet.

From the source material:

"He was hardly more than five feet four inches but carried himself with great dignity. His head was exactly the shape of an egg, and he always perched it a little on one side. His moustache was very stiff and military. Even if everything on his face was covered, the tips of moustache and the pink-tipped nose would be visible.The neatness of his attire was almost incredible; I believe a speck of dust would have caused him more pain than a bullet wound. Yet this quaint dandified little man who, I was sorry to see, now limped badly, had been in his time one of the most celebrated members of the Belgian police."

- "The Mysterious Affair At Styles"

"By the step leading up into the sleeping-car stood a young Belgian lieutenant, resplendent in uniform, conversing with a small man (Hercule Poirot) muffled up to the ears of whom nothing was visible but a pink-tipped nose and the two points of an upward-curled moustache."

- "Murder On The Orient Express"

BCnU!

Fear not, Team Toobworld! At some point this year, David Suchet's portrayal of Poirot will get its due. Even though he was not the first to play Poirot on TV (Ustinov beat him to that by four years, plus there was Martin Gabel back in the 1950s), nor would he be the last, Suchet's version is the definitive one for Earth Prime-Time.

I just thought Ustinov's portrayal had some interesting televisiological aspects to it that I'll be exploring in the next post......