Time once again to look in on our TVXOHOF member of the month......
BILLY DEE WILLIAMS
AS SEEN IN:
'Scrubs'
["Her Story II"]
O'BSERVATION:
Although it's not the same as being a blood relative, here we find another
fictional character related to a real person. So one's televersion should be
considered fictional and just as valid for crossovers as other TV
characters.
It was twenty years ago today that my Dad, Tom O'Brien Jr., passed away due to lung cancer. He smoked for fifty years - since he was thirteen - switching to a pipe in his later years. And even though it was too late, I'm glad he was able to quit on his own terms, before he found out that it was going to kill him.
I've always said that everybody has a televersion, a counterpart in the TV Universe (even if it's just footage of you in the background during a live report on the evening news, or getting hit in the crotch with a nerf bat as seen on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'.)
And there are always the "Missing Links" - those connections I find between TV shows which are not officially sanctioned.
In this case, as I remember my Dad, I've got a Missing Link between a TV mini-series and a real life event in which Tom O'Brien was involved.....
'The Scarlet And The Black' was the adaptation of a real world adventure in which Monsignor Hugh O'Flaherty of the Roman Curia was able to hide downed pilots, escaped prisoners of war, and Italian resistance fighters from the Nazis. In that mini-series, Sir John Gielgud portrayed Pope Pius XII.
From May to August of 1950, the Essex-class aircraft carrier known as the USS Leyte (not to be confused with the USS Leyte Gulf) was deployed to the Mediterranean. On July 2, 1950, the crew of the Leyte were granted an audience with Pope Pius XII.
Here's a picture from that meeting:
And there's my Dad, second sailor to the Pope's right, with his eyes fixed on the Pontiff.
So basically what I'm saying is that even though it happened off-screen, Life continued after the events of 'The Scarlet And The Black' for all of the characters involved. (An on-screen crawl detailed what happened with Monsignor O'Flaherty and Colonel Herbert Kappler, for example.)
And that means the televersion of Pope Pius XII, looking like Sir John Gielgud, met the televersion of my father five years after the mini-series ended. But that would have only been one episode in my Dad's televersion life. (And since it happened in July, it wasn't even a Sweeps event.) There would have been the gentle family sitcom, sixties-style, which for a long while would have been 'My Three Sons' but with both parents. (And that red-headed oldest son suffering from Bonaduce Syndrome - you know, a wise-ass.) After a nine year run in that format, his sitcom life would have added two more moppets (the youngest one in curls) to the family dynamic to refresh the format, as many sitcoms often did. And there would be quite a gallery of supporting players - the eccentric co-workers at the Post Office, let's say. Then there would be 'The Mothers-In-Law'. (And Kaye Ballard and Eve Arden weren't far off the mark in comparison to his own Mom and her counterpart.) A father-in-law combining the best (and worst) of Archie Bunker and Uncle Joe Carson, but with whom Dad bonded as though Papa was his own father. And there would be the three brothers-in-law, two of whom married to his wife's sisters. There would be the impish TV repairman who dressed like Les Nessman (Bowties are cool!); the conservative sergeant in the National Guard; and then there's the traveling Texan married to his sister. As for the televersion of my Mom and her two siblings? Collectively they could be dubbed the "Three Weird Sisters"....... There was always a beagle in our lives, so I don't think a talking dog a la Cleo from 'The People's Choice' would have been out of place.
Twenty years after, it makes for a nice day-dream. I just wish there was a TV movie out there in which Dad was still with us. (It's a "Wish-Craft" that I am able to fulfill in the closing chapter of my Toobworld novel.....)
He would have turned 84 later this year, just two weeks before Ed Asner does the same.
So there it is, my poor tribute to my father on the 20th anniversary of his death, in TV terms.
With that first episode, Simon Templar was living in New York City on East
73rd Street. But three years later, he was staying at the Waldorf Astoria
(which is where I got my first job when I moved to the City.)
I have yet to see all the episodes in between these two (for some reason
"The Happy Suicide" was shown out of sequence), so it could be that a reason was
given for the change. Then again, script continuity was never a major concern
in those days. And it may just be a detail considered too trivial to bother
with. (Of course, that's what interests me the most!)
But there are a few possibilities as to why Templar moved:
Being such a world traveler, he no longer needed a fixed address in New
York.
He was only subletting the apartment temporarily.
He was subletting it to somebody else.
He was having the apartment renovated and/or fumigated.
I'm rather partial to that last one as Toobworld Central underwent such an
upheaval over the last few weeks.
Mr. Sheffield is off to Paris. His mother wants him to talk to Nigel, his
brother, who's spending his trust fund on a nightclub. He accidentally takes the
bag with Chester instead of the one with his clothes to Paris, and Fran chases
him into the plane. Unfortunately, it's too late to get out, and now Fran and
Maxwell are together in Paris. They go shopping and touring around the city,
after Maxwell has a horrible fight with Nigel. Eventually, he realizes all he
wants is to be like Nigel, so he takes the first flight back to NY. The plane
goes through heavy turbulence, and upon the threat of a disaster Maxwell opens
his heart and tells Fran he loves her. To Be Continued
O'BSERVATION:
When Eartha Kitt is introduced to Maxwell Sheffield, she makes that
growling purr that could probably be considered her trademark. In an aside,
Fran tells her to "Back off, Catwoman."
I don't think this is a Zonk, even though Eartha Kitt was the second woman
to portray the feline felon from 'Batman'. That Catwoman is still considered -
within the "reality" of Toobworld - to be Tina Mara, a contortionist who once
worked for the US government. ('Mission: Impossible')
The life of Tina "Catwoman" Mara was so full of drama - Previously, she had
been a drug addicted cabaret singer known in Hong Kong by the stage name of "Angel" ('I Spy') -
that eventually a movie would surely have been made about her. And who better
to play her than a famous entertainer like Eartha Kitt who looked exactly like
her?
So Fran Fine was making a reference to Ms. Kitt's role in such a
movie.
TV shows have always reused plotlines from other TV shows, so I feel
comfortable in calling on one from 'Friends' for this theory of
relateeveety.....
Daisy Wick, a forensic pathologist at the Jeffersonian Institute in
Washington, D.C., probably doesn't realize that she has an identical half-sister
in California. (She's probably the result of an affair by Daisy's
father.)
We don't know the sister's real name*, but her porn star name was also
Daisy!
It could be that porn star Daisy had no clue about pathologist Daisy. She
might have chosen the name in tribute to an actress from 1930's - Daisy Adair,
who died in a fire on the "Gone With The Wind" set. Daisy may have been
inspired by Miss Adair because of all the sexual affairs she had with the big
stars of the day.
Or, in keeping with the 'Friends' plotline, she did know she had a
half-sister named Daisy and so chose to use her name as her porn star alias as
some childish revenge against their father.
Perhaps, as happened in the case of Phoebe Buffay, who also had a twin
sister working in porn films, maybe Daisy used Daisy Wick's full name. But as
happened with Ursula Buffay, the joke would be on porn star Daisy once the
residuals started arriving in pathologist Daisy's mailbox.
I guess we'll never know.....
SHOWS CITED:
'Bones'
'Californication'
(Carla Gallo plays both Daisies....)
BCnU!
* It could be that porn star Daisy's mother deliberately named her daughter
after Wick's other daughter, in her own form of revenge when he didn't leave his
wife for her......
Take a guess who's visiting the Inner Toob blog today?
That's a pretty good guess.....
LENA HORNE
AS SEEN IN:
'Sanford And Son'
["A Visit From Lena Horne"]
From TV Rage:
Fred spots Lena Horne's car in the parking lot while touring the NBC
studios and sneaks away to meet "the first lady of his dreams."
From the IMDb:
Fast-thinking Fred fools Lena Horne into visiting the Sanford home after he
spins her a sob story about little lame Lamont who looks upon Lena as a second
mother.
From the Paley Center:
One in this series of comedies about the life and times of a junk dealer
and his son. In this episode, Fred is embarrassed when no one will believe that
he met Lena Horne while on an NBC studio tour. He tries to convince the singer
to come over to the house by fabricating the story that his son, Lamont, is a
handicapped child who sees her as a mother figure. Fred bets money with his
friends that Horne will come, and he grows nervous when the time of her arrival
comes -- and goes.
But this is not a crossover between those two TV shows.......
Did you ever wonder why Ed Norton of 'The Honeymooners' never talked about
his twin brother? Oh. You didn't know he had a twin brother?
Well, Norton probably never mentioned his brother because he was the black
sheep of the family, always on the wrong side of the Law.
We've seen Ed Norton's brother on TV. But he wasn't in New York City - he
was part of the criminal element in Gotham City.
He was the arch-villain known as "The Archer".
And his name was Ed Norton.*
What's this? Two brothers with the same name? (Admit it - you just read
that in the voice of the 'Batman' announcer. If not, you will now.....)
It's not unheard of in Toobworld. My favorite example would be the two
Arthur Dales as seen in several episodes of 'The X-Files'. (Although we never
met her, they also had a sister named Arthur Dales, and allegedly a dog by that
name as well. I've always pictured Frances Sternhagen as being that third
Arthur Dales.)
But the two Ed Nortons didn't exactly have the same name. Ed Norton, who
worked in the sewers and was married to Trixie (real name = Thelma), had the
full name of Edward Lilywhite Norton. It's my belief that the Archer was Edmund
Norton and probably the younger of the twins.
Edward & Edmund.... rather Shakespearean, isn't it? Or if you prefer,
Blackadderish.
As for Edmund Norton's middle name, I'm going to suggest "Archeron", but "Archibald" will do as well. And
that he went by the nickname of "Archie" to avoid any confusion with his
brother.
Archie Norton may have been the smarter of the two brothers, with a
predilection for classic literature of derring-do. And because of that
interest, before live-action role-playing games became a regular past-time, Archie Norton took an interest
in archery, just like Robin Hood in the old legends.
But as I mentioned earlier, he got himself in trouble with the Law.
Instead of repenting, however, he fully embraced his dark side and pursued a
career as the Archer.
And that's why Ed Norton never mentioned him to his friend Ralph Kramden......
BCnU!
*Of course, this is all supposition on my part, but it keeps me off the
streets.......
Roy Denzil Hibbert (born December 11, 1986) is an American professional
basketball player for the Indiana Pacers of the National Basketball Association
(NBA). He plays at the center position, and graduated from Georgetown University
in 2008. He was drafted 17th overall in the 2008 NBA Draft by the Toronto
Raptors and was immediately traded to the Pacers on draft night. He has
represented the Jamaican national team in international competition; he was
eligible because his father is originally from Jamaica. On February 9, 2012,
Hibbert was selected to his first All-Star Game as a reserve for the Eastern
Conference.
Hibbert appeared as himself on the September 29, 2011 episode
of Parks and Recreation, in which he was employed by Aziz Ansari's character Tom
Haverford to play one-on-one basketball with Detlef Schrempf for 75% of his NBA
salary during the 2011 lockout. He later appeared in another episode of the
show, in which Tom Haverford hired him at his company's farewell party to
distribute shrimp, and again made a cameo in 2013, buying steak for all the
characters except Tom who "owes me a lot of money."
Frances Galesko was a spiteful, wealthy woman in a loveless marriage to
famous photographer Paul Galesko. She refused to give him a divorce (unless of
course he was willing to part with his own fortune while she kept her own), so
Galesko devised a plot to murder her. (The details of his plot made him the
second most ruthless murderer in all of the cases investigated by Lieutenant
Columbo.*)
Mrs. Galesko wasn't around long enough on our TV screens to really get to
know her (although she was so vindictively mean that I wasn't upset when her
husband finally killed her. I may have even pulled the trigger myself!) But
thanks to the un-patented method of Toobish speculation, I think we can find a
few relatives for her.
This is all conjecture, of course, but I believe her maiden name was
Clavell. And like SO many characters in Toobworld, Frances had a twin sister. Her name is Shelby Clavell.
During the 1960's, Shelby worked at the U.S. Embassy in Mexico, in charge
of expenditures and reimbursements made by American staff members as well as
those made by... government employees with certain nebulous connections. Twice she dealt
with spies Kelly Robinson and Alexander Scott, dickering over their expense
accounts (like a five dollar charge for "glass pants".)
When it came to her job, Shelby was just as strong-willed as her sister,
but she never could be as cold and rancorous as Frances.
Again, it's just conjecture, but I'm going to claim that their
great-grandmother was Janet Coburn, an animal trainer who once worked for big
game hunter Warren Trevor in the wild, wild West. Thanks to a heightened sense
of greed, Janet was more than willing to turn to a life of crime, helping Trevor
to print legal currency made with the plates stolen from the mint in Carson
City, Nevada.
But apparently she got away with it simply by making love to Secret Service
agent Jim West. It was from this liaison that she gave birth to the grandparent
of Frances and Shelby. (Jim West was one of those TV characters with "super
sperm". Of course she was going to get pregnant!)
Paul and Frances Galesko had no children of their own, but it's pozz'ble,
just pozz'ble, that Shelby Clavell eventually married (probably to a man she
could better control than Kelly Robinson) and had children of her own. (And
nothing says she needed to get married to accomplish the continuation of the
family tree. I don't believe her great-grandmother let the strictures of
Victorian society force her into a marriage just because she found herself
pregnant.)
But even so, I know we can't trace Shelby's branch of the family tree far
into the future to a "sorceress" named Sylvia who grappled with the crew of the
starship Enterprise. Sylvia was in reality a strange little alien creature that
looked like some kind of avian fetus. But she may have taken her human form
from a descendant of Shelby Clavell.
SHOWS CITED:
'Columbo' - "Negative Reaction"
'I Spy' - "Return To Glory" & "Crusade To Limbo"
'The Wild Wild West' - "The Night Of The Sudden Death"
'Star Trek'- "Catspaw"
[Each of these women were played by Antoinette Bower.]
BCnU!
*The most ruthless murderer caught by Columbo, in my opinion, would be Nora
Chandler in "Requiem For A Falling Star".
Nichelle Nichols (born Grace Dell Nichols; December 28, 1932) is an
American actress, singer and voice artist. She sang with Duke Ellington and
Lionel Hampton before turning to acting. Her most famous role is that of
communications officer Lieutenant Uhura aboard the USS Enterprise in the popular 'Star Trek' television series, as well as the succeeding motion pictures, where
her character was eventually promoted in Starfleet to the rank of commander.
Her
'Star Trek' character was groundbreaking in U.S society at the time, and civil
rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr. personally praised her work on the show
and asked her to remain when she was considering leaving the series.
Nichols
appeared in animated form as one of Al Gore's Vice Presidential Action Rangers
in the "Anthology of Interest I" episode of 'Futurama', and provided the voice
of her own head in a jar in the episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before". In 2004,
she provided the voice for herself in 'The Simpsons' episode "Simple
Simpson".
Today marks the 100th anniversary of the birth of Rosa Parks, considered
the "Mother of the Civil Rights Movement". In 2009, she was inducted into the
TV Crossover Hall of Fame, which included her appearance in this episode of the
inspirational drama.
Reginald "Reggie" Wayne (born November 17, 1978) is an American football
wide receiver for the Indianapolis Colts of the National Football League (NFL).
He was drafted by the Colts in the first round (30th overall) of the 2001 NFL
Draft. He played college football for the University of Miami.
ANDREW LUCK
Andrew Austen Luck (born September 12, 1989) is an American football
quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts of the National Football League (NFL). He
played college football for Stanford University, won the Maxwell Award and
Walter Camp Award as college football's player of the year, and was recognized
as an All-American. He was the runner-up for the Heisman Trophy in both 2010
and 2011.
Tricey the Triceratops in 'Doctor Who' - "Dinosaurs On A Space Ship"
Triceratops are my favorites of the thunder lizards. So of course Tricey
would meet a bad end.......
BEST LINE "Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill
them!"- Tyrion Lannister, 'Game Of Thrones'
BEST EXCHANGE OF DIALOGUE
[TIE] Walter Sherman: Do you really want to kill me that
badly? Detective Colman: You're annoying! Hell, it might be worth
it! ('The Finder')
Victor Dubenich: So, what have you been doing for
three years? Playing Robin Hood? Know what I've been doing for three years? I've
been preparing for this day. Nate Ford: Well... you'll have to do
better. Victor Dubenich: Better than killing your father? Wow. Tough
room. ('Leverage')
BEST SPEECH/MONOLOGUE “Excuse me, I have
something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking
forward to this weekend. It was going to be like the old days, the four of us
hanging out, playing video games, before you all got girlfriends. Do you have
any idea what its like to the be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I
get one someday, I’ll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!” –
Raj, 'The Big Bang Theory'
BEST ZONK-FILLED DIALOGUE Kenneth Parcell:
If Tracy doesn't get 14 hours of sleep, he starts to go crazy! Tracy Jordan:
We're in a show within a show! I'm Tracy Morgan! '30 Rock'
BEST THEME SONG "Kelsey Grammar" As seen in '30 Rock'
BEST
MUSICAL MOMENT 'The Finder' Fight scene was set to "Stuck In The Middle
With You" by Stealer's Wheel
BEST DREAM SEQUENCE 'The Big Bang
Theory' Sheldon Cooper's Spock action figure "came to life" (within the
limits of the doll's abilities) and was voiced by Leonard Nimoy.
BEST NEW
TOOBWORLD LOCATION Mercy, Nevada, 'Doctor Who'
BEST FIGHT SCENE 'The Finder' Shoot-out in a Miami 80's-styled
bar
BEST NEW FICTIONAL BOOK "Needy Baby, Greedy Baby", 'The Big Bang
Theory'
BEST NEW FICTIONAL MOVIE "Leap Year Williams" - '30
Rock'
BEST NEW FICTIONAL TV SHOW 'The Undiscovered Country' - 'The
River'
Skitlandia "Real Housewives of Disney" - 'Saturday Night
Live'
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER DOMESTIC 'Spartacus: Blood And
Sand'
IMPORTED 'State of Play'
BEST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER
UNIVERSE (aka MEDIUM) MOVIE TO TOONIVERSE 'Napoleon Dynamite'
TV TO
MOVIE 'Dark Shadows'
BOOK to TV 'Restless'
WORST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (MEDIUM) TV TO MOVIE '21
Jump Street'
BEST MOVIE THAT SHOULD BE A TV SHOW "John Carter"
Didn't see it? I think it got a bum rap......
WORST MOVIE THAT STILL COULD BE A TV SHOW "One For The Money" About a
female bounty hunter. Sure, 'Karen Sisco' didn't work, but that starred a
show-killer. And Katherine Heigl, who starred in the original movie, should be
available soon to star in the TV version. (As of this writing, she was asking to
come back to 'Grey's Anatomy'.)
BEST BOOK THAT SHOULD BE A TV
SHOW "Fearful Rock" by Manly Wade
Wellman
BEST
BEHIND THE SCENES IN PRINT: Article by Josh Schwartz in Entertainment
Weekly, reflecting on the end of 'Chuck' THEY SAY EVERY END IS A NEW
BEGINNING. In the spring of 2007, I was on set for the last day of shooting The
O.C. when I got the call. I need to immediately watch an audition for the lead
of my new pilot Chuck. The actor who had just read? Zachary Levi.
And so
began the most quixotic, satisfying, and, at times, surreal journey of my
career. In the fall of 2007, I was lucky enough to have not only Chuck premiere
but also another series I had co-created, Gossip Girl. What were the chances
given that there are seven days in a week, that both shows would air against
each other? They did, and my parents upgraded to a dual DVR.
As momentum
for Chuck’s first season started to build, the writer’s strike hit. We didn’t
know if we’d be back. We anxiously waited almost a year to return. As season 2
came to an end, we learned that NBC was going to air The Jay Leno Show five
nights a week in prime time, eliminating five hours of time slots. Once again
our future was in jeopardy. We may not have been a breakout hit, but we had a
passionate fan base, and when NBC released its preliminary fall schedule in 2009
and Chuck wasn’t on it, those fans mobilized.
This wasn’t just a letter
writing campaign but something that involved a new weapon in a fan’s crusade to
save a show: mayonnaise. We had done some not so subtle product integrations
promoting Subway sandwiches (which are delicious!). So our fans hit Subway shops
around the world, ordering tens of thousands of foot-long turkeys. This garnered
attention on a national level. NBC took note. With a mixture of pride and awe I
can tell you: Chuck was saved by sandwiches. And by the the greatest, most
passionate fans in the universe.
What kept Chuck from being a runaway hit
was the same thing that made those who loved it so committed: a mash-up of
genres–from spy to sci-fi to romantic comedy–with a heart devoted to its
characters and a soul steeped in 1980s summer-movie geek culture. Well, ’80s
everything.
Co-creator Chris Fedak and I used to marvel if the
13-year-old versions of us could see the show we were making, we’d lose our
minds. It was our adolescent love of Quantum Leap that led us to pursue Scott
Bakula for the role of Chuck’s dad. Knowing our precarious ratings situation,
Scott advised: “Keep your head down, keep making the show. Next thing you know,
it’s five years later. That’s how we did it on Quantum Leap.”
Casting
actors we grew up loving didn’t end there. We were unabashed in our geekdom. Doc
Brown’s Christopher Lloyd playing a member of the medical profession so Chuck
could call the Back to the Future star “Doc”? Check. A huge influence on Chuck
was Fletch, so it was an honor to have Chevy Chase play one of our best bad
guys. Of course, there would be no Chuck without James Bond. The first Bond
movie I was old enough to see in theaters? The Living Daylights. So imagine the
pulse-pounding excitement we felt when Timothy Dalton signed on for a season.
And who else could have played Chuck’s mom than the female icon of summer movies
of yore, The Terminator’s Linda Hamilton? The list goes on, and we knew our fans
would be as excited about all this as we were.
Now thanks to NBC
Entertainment chairman Bob Greenblatt, we get to say a proper farewell to those
fans with our Jan. 27 series finale. And with every end comes a new beginning.
On the last day of shooting Chuck, my daughter was born. That gives you
perspective. My hope is one day some kid who grew up watching our show will have
a show of their own, and that kid will hire one of our talented actors to
appear. Then that actor can advice that kid, “Keep your head down, keep making
the show. Next thing you know, it’s five years later. That’s how we did on
Chuck.” WORST NEW SERIES TITLE 'The River' This should have been
'The Magus' - much more interesting!
BEST EPISODE TITLE "An
Embarrassment Of Bitches" - 'Castle'
(It was an episode about show dogs.)
BEST ADVANCEMENT FOR
TOOBWORLD 'Lost Girl'
A succubus as a lead, with many varieties of Faerie thrown
in......
BEST CLASH BETWEEN TOOBWORLD & THE REAL WORLD 'The New Normal' -
the debate over Obama vs. Romney
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A
NETWORK ABC's failure in giving 'Cougar Town' proper support. But TBS has
picked up that ball and it looks to be off to a great start at its new
home.
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE GENERAL AUDIENCE There should have
been more support for 'The Finder'
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF
Not keeping track better through the year so I could do a proper Toobits
Awards presentation
WORST PRODUCT PLACEMENT From the NY Times: this
example from “Pu’olo,” Monday’s episode of “Hawaii Five-0" on CBS, was
particularly egregious — the most jarring, disruptive and insulting example I’ve
seen. For nearly a minute, the unfortunate actors (Alex O’Loughlin, Grace Park
and the former sumo wrestler Taylor Wily) stepped completely out of the story in
order to plug Subway sandwiches, as the food-truck vendor Kamekona (Mr. Wily) is
found eating five subs as part of his new diet.
BEST CRITIQUE BY AN
ONLINE COMMENTER AMATEUR Michelle Ortiz: So I just finished watching
Grey's Anatomy.... And quickly remembered why I stopped watching it in the first
place. These doctors have wayyyyy too much drama going on! Omfg! I don't have
any in my life thank God and God help me if I fall down a rabbit hole and end up
in Grey'sLand with these mad doctors! They're insane. They have all dated each
other and up and down and all around... $#!+ I am dizzy!! Just give me a bandaid
for my maimed lower half before Dr. McDramaRama puts their hands on
me.
PROFESSIONAL I broke my vow and watched the inane season 3 opener
of HAWAII FIVE O. The bad guy Delano breaks Wo-Fat out of prison by using a
massive, CGI helicopter with a super-claw that lifts up the armored prison
vehicle and drops it into the ocean...where a team of divers, straight out of
SPECTRE swim up, use laser-sighted spearguns to kill the guards (WHY!? The
guards were right in front of them....and DROWNING!!) and retrieve Wo Fat. Why
does Delano do this? Because Delano doesn't have the resources to distribute
stolen drugs...and Wo Fat does. WTF?! Delano has the resources to mount a prison
break involving a specially-equipped helicopter, a super-claw, a team of divers
with laser-sighted spear guns...and he can't find people to sell his drugs? But
if that was the only totally lame-ass, inept, illogical plot point in the
episode, I could probably live with it. But it's not. I could go on and on. The
plotting on this series is perhaps the worst on dramatic television today...with
stories, and I use that term lightly, that depend on the bad guys being
outrageously stupid and sloppy...so the mopey, passive, totally reactive heroes
can catch them by relying almost entirely on their exposition computer and lab
results. Now that's drama. I really, truly, absolutely am done with this awful
show. - Lee Goldberg
BEST REVIEW OF A TV SERIES 'Danger 5' by Rob
Buckley So imagine a world where the Second World War is happening in the
1960s, Hitler is still alive and five secret agents from around the world have
ganged up to try to stop the Nazis.
What do you mean, "Why?" Because I
tell you to, that's why.
Actually, that's a very good question that maybe
we should ask the creators of Australian show Danger 5, who seem to have taken
some peyote while watching Thunderbirds, The Prisoner, The Champions,
Inglourious Basterds, the Godzilla movies and huge amounts of those bizarre
1960s eurospy movies that Tanner writes about. They've come up with a very
precise pastiche/homage that tries to walk the line between affectionate and
mental, except the peyote is so strong the line actually looks like a blancmange
being ridden by Anne of Cleves.
So we have Hitler sending out zeppelins
to steal the Eiffel Tower in scenes that remind you of Derek Meddings' efforts
on a bad day; someone with an eagle's head dressed like Patrick MacGoohan in The
Prisoner; deliberately bad dubbing; seductive, smoking, talking robot dogs; bad
accents; Champions-like telepathy; exploitation cinema bondage scenes; and more
- but for no apparent reason other than it looks cool and people who love the
60s will go "Oh yes, that's from X". There's no plot coherence and no real
jokes.
It looks fantastic. A lot of work has obviously gone into it. But
it'll leaving you wondering what the whole thing is supposed to accomplish and
why you should be watching it. Even more than Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, in
fact.
BEST TELEVISIOLOGICAL ANALYSIS Alan Sepinwall of HitFix re:
'Sherlock' When I reviewed the first season, I wondered what crime fiction
was like in a world where Sherlock Holmes stories didn't exist around the dawn
of the 20th century, given how many later detectives — including TV characters
like Gil Grissom, Robert Goren and Greg House — were lovingly modeled on Holmes.
We get a vague answer of sorts in this season's third episode, where Inspector
Lestrade explains Holmes' value to the department by calling him "CSI: Baker
Street." My guess? "CSI" existed in this world, but with a different lead
character.
And there you have it - another year wrapped up in
Toobworld.......
If Ed Koch never existed, and some screenwriter came up with a character who
looked, sounded, and acted like him who had the second hardest job in America
for three terms, I don't think the audience would have believed it.
Mayor
Koch was just that, a character. But in everything he did, his love for the
City of New York shone through. He was one of those people - like Bob Hope,
Milton Berle, and George Burns, even Richard Simmons - who could probably only
be seen as themselves by the viewing public. (In the alternate TV dimension of
'Spin City' - which also houses 'Hail To The Chief', 'Mr. President', and either
'Veep' or '1600 Penn' - Koch first appeared on the Michael J. Fox sitcom as
Speaker Rosen. But he wasn't fooling anybody; everybody knew he was Koch. The
show's creative team wisely accepted that for his next visit to the
show.)
And Mayor Koch racked up quite an impressive tally of appearances as
himself in Toobworld. And not all of them were NYC-based sitcoms - twice his
presence was felt in Rome, Wisconsin!
'Saturday Night Live' – Billy Crystal/Ed Koch/Edwin Newman/Don
Novello/Betty Thomas/The Cars (1984) – Billy Crystal/Al Jarreau (1984) – Ed Koch/Kevin Rowland & Dexy's Midnight Runners (1983) – The
Rolling Stones (1978)
'Gimme a Break!' – The Big Apple: Part 1 (1984)
'My Two Dads' – The Family in Question (1988)
'C.P.W.' – Days of
Thunder (1995)
'Double Rush' – The Documentary (1995)
'Picket
Fences' – Changing of the Guard (1995) – Turpitude (1993)
As I already
mentioned, 'Spin City' takes place in an alternate TV dimension, so that Ed Koch
is a doppelganger. 'Saturday Night Live' is an interesting case. As far as his
hosting duties - the monologue, introduction of the musical acts, etc. - that
was the televersion of Ed Koch in the main Toobworld. But his appearances in
the sketches would take place in Skitlandia.
(Not that I cover the Cineverse,
but he also played himself in a couple of movies, including "The First Wives'
Club" and "The Muppets Take Manhattan".)
His first televersion was only vocal
- he was heard giving his inaugural speech when he was first elected to the
office of Mayor (at which time Detective Harris was given a chance to join the City Hall
detail.)
And then there was his long run as the Judge on 'The People's
Court', one of the few reality shows which I think can exist easily in
Toobworld. (Thanks to the alternate dimension version in a Soviet controlled
United States, as seen in the pilot for 'Sliders'.)
Even though this month
we're showcasing Billy Dee Williams' entry into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame
and I don't want to take anything away from that, I think I'll stick with the
current policy of immediately inducting qualified applicants upon their
passing.
And so it is that the Hall of Fame welcomes its newest member,
"Hizzoner", Mayor Ed Koch......
BEST RECASTAWAY OVERALL Charlie Harper, 'Two And A Half Men'
Choosing Kathy Bates to play Charlie Sheen's former character was brilliant
and was recognized as such with an Emmy Award.
FEMALE
Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, 'Doctor Who'
A nice way to keep the heritage of the Brigadier
alive......
MALE Spartacus, 'Spartacus: Vengeance'
The fact that the recasting had the blessings of Andy Whitfield before he
died, so that all the people on the crew could stay employed, drives this
choice.
CHILD TO ADULT (OR IN THIS CASE, VICE VERSA)
Leslie Knope, 'Park & Recreation'
We got to see Leslie as a little girl and that little girl showed all the
promise of the grown-up Miss Knope.
BEST NEW SUPPORTING FEMALE
CHARACTER Ellen Barkin, "The New Normal" She really knows how to sling the
acidic barbs without becoming totally hateful.
BEST NEW RECURRING MALE CHARACTER Brian Williams, 'Doctor Who'
I can only hope that the exit of Rory Williams from the show doesn't mean
we won't ever see his father again.
BEST ADDITION TO AN EXISTING CAST Megan Draper - 'Mad Men' She
had a small recurring role in last season - whenever the hell that was! - but
things had to kick into gear once Don married her. And she has proven to be
invaluable, everything that Betty Draper could never be. Megan has provided
several of the most memorable moments in this season......
BEST NEW GUEST APPEARANCE Will O' The Wisp, 'Lost Girl'
Just funny in a grade school way in how he caused explosive
fires......
BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER
Queen Nefertiti, 'Doctor Who'
What a little vixen!
BEST NEW CHILD CHARACTER MALE
Jake Bohm, 'Touch'
Maybe there wasn't much for him to do in physical emoting, but he delivered
in the voice-overs.
FEMALE
Shania Clemmons, 'The New Normal'
Awkward but perceptive, she holds her own against so many older and more
experienced actors around her.
CHARACTER MOST DESERVING TO BECOME A REGULAR Bobby Newport, 'Parks
& Recreation'
Not likely to happen, more from a perspective outside the Box, but also
because of the election's outcome. Still, Paul Rudd fit right in to the world of
Pawnee.
BEST NEW COMMERCIAL CHARACTER The
Daves, "Dave's World" for Staples
BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE DRAMA Bo Derek, 'Chuck'
("Chuck vs. Bo")
So evil, yet so good!
COMEDY James Van Der Beek ('Don't Trust The B In Apartment
23')
BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN SKITLANDIA Lindsay Lohan,
"Scared Straight" sketch, 'Saturday Night Live'
BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES
APPEARANCE IN THE TOONIVERSE Burt Reynolds, 'Archer'
BEST CHARACTER
RETURN Elizabeth Bishop, 'Fringe' Dead in Earth Prime-Time and its reboot,
but alive "Over There", the wife of Walter and the mother of Peter crossed over
to the reboot world to plead for Walter's help in getting the third version of
their son back to his Earth Prime-Time. ("The Enemy Of My Enemy")
The Great Intelligence, 'Doctor Who'
Of course it helps that, even though we never actually "saw" it, the Great
Intelligence was voiced by Sir Ian McKellan! ("The Snowmen")
BEST
INTRODUCTION OF A REGULAR CHARACTER Oswin Oswald, 'Doctor Who'
And that's even though she died at the end! (Screw the spoiler alert - you should have seen it!) I'm not sure how this will play
out, especially now that we've met the late Clara Oswald, and seen her
contemporary counterpart. But I trust in Moffatt.
BEST NEW ALIENS I don't have a choice this year. Not many choices
anymore in Toobworld with many sci-fi shows disappearing. Not even 'Doctor Who'
came through on this score - the Kahler were just humanoids with Borg tech on
their faces.
BEST NEW ALIEN VILLAIN
The Shakri and its Cubes, 'Doctor Who'
BEST NEW VILLAIN
[TIE] Sir Richard Carlisle, 'Downton Abbey' He just needed a mustache
to twirl.
Tommy Voelker, 'The Mentalist'
His payoff will be in 2013, but that chilling final shot of him was the
embodiment of evil.
BEST EXIT FOR A CHARACTER CSI Catherine Willows from
'CSI'
Watching her dance with each of the cast members still chokes me up. (The video that was embedded in that blog post no longer exists. I don't know why NBC would want to hide it away.....)
BEST "DEATH" SCENE
Amy and Rory Williams, 'Doctor Who'
They didn't die, per se, but were sent back in Time by a Weeping Angel, far
enough so that they were dead by contemporary times. So there was something
hopeful in that they got to live out their lives together to a ripe old
age.
SADDEST DEATH SCENE Dr. Holly Martens, 'Eureka' Even though
they found a way to bring her back to a virtual existence, there was something
cold and ruthless in the way she was disconnected from the Matrix.
WORST (GRISLIEST) DEATH SCENE 'Fringe' - "The Enemy Of My
Enemy" The 16 people who died in a hospital wing "Over There" when subjected
to a mysterious gas by an ally of Mr. Jones
BEST NEW CHARACTER
NAME Anita Mandelay, 'The Mentalist' Go ahead. Sound it out.
WORST NEW CHARACTER NAME
Xaro Xhoan Daxo, 'Game Of Thrones' (once again)
I've seen one critic just give up on trying to remember it (or spell it)
and instead called him "Ducksauce".
