Tex Texeira, a co-worker and FB friend, has suggested this final piece for
my salute to "Moby Dick" -
The general theme of the novel, with its focus of vengeful obsession over
an "animal" which has left one scarred, has been used several times in TV and
movies.
Here are a few examples:
"The Age Of The Dragons"
'Star Trek'
"Obsession"
"The Doomsday Machine"
'Star Trek: The Next Generation'
"The Crystalline Entity"
I'm sure there are more that I haven't thought of. I think there was a giant rat (which could have been half-cockroach) which bedevilled Martin Tupper in 'Dream On'.....
I will admit that had it not been for the ATAT whippet, I might not have figured out the music. (Although that lone wookie woof should have been a give-away.) My geekdom is slipping....
By the way, that tan, scruffy mutt in the last row on the left looks a lot like my brother AJ's dog Archie.....
I realize it's not the Video Weekend, but since we're featuring Father
Mapple in the "ASOTV" showcase.....
Here are two interpretations of Father Mapple's sermon in "Moby Dick". I'm
not including Donald Sutherland's version from the remake because it was
delivered in a conversational style that was just wrong for the deliverance of
sermons in those days.
First up, this is from the Cineverse, from John Huston's movie with Orson
Welles as Father Mapple:
Sorry about the sound quality on that. Of the two clips available on YouTube, both had the same problem. But at least this version carried the sermon to its conclusion.
And this is from the first TV production in 1998, with Gregory Peck as the
preacher.
(In that earlier movie from the 1950's, Peck played Captain Ahab.)
The preacher slowly turned over the leaves of the Bible, and at last,
folding his hand down upon the proper page, said: ‘Beloved shipmates, clinch the
last verse of the first chapter of Jonah — “And God had prepared a great fish to
swallow up Jonah.”‘Shipmates, this book, containing only four chapters — four
yarns — is one of the smallest strands in the mighty cable of the Scriptures.
Yet what depths of the soul does Jonah’s deep sealine sound! what a pregnant
lesson to us is this prophet! What a noble thing is that canticle in the fish’s
belly! How billow- like and boisterously grand! We feel the floods surging over
us; we sound with him to the kelpy bottom of the waters; sea-weed and all the
slime of the sea is about us! But what is this lesson that the book of Jonah
teaches? Shipmates, it is a two- stranded lesson; a lesson to us all as sinful
men, and a lesson to me as a pilot of the living God. As sinful men, it is a
lesson to us all, because it is a story of the sin, hard-heartedness, suddenly
awakened fears, the swift punishment, repentance, prayers, and finally the
deliverance and joy of Jonah. As with all sinners among men, the sin of this son
of Amittai was in his wilful disobedience of the command of God — never mind now
what that command was, or how conveyed — which he found a hard command. But all
the things that God would have us do are hard for us to do — remember that — and
hence, he oftener commands us than endeavors to persuade. And if we obey God, we
must disobey ourselves; and it is in this disobeying ourselves, wherein the
hardness of obeying God consists.
‘With this sin of disobedience in him,
Jonah still further flouts at God, by seeking to flee from Him. He thinks that a
ship made by men, will carry him into countries where God does not reign, but
only the Captains of this earth. He skulks about the wharves of Joppa, and seeks
a ship that’s bound for Tarshish. There lurks, perhaps, a hitherto unheeded
meaning here. By all accounts Tarshish could have been no other city than the
modern Cadiz. That’s the opinion of learned men. And where is Cadiz, shipmates?
Cadiz is in Spain; as far by water, from Joppa, as Jonah could possibly have
sailed in those ancient days, when the Atlantic was an almost unknown sea.
Because Joppa, the modern Jaffa, shipmates, is on the most easterly coast of the
Mediterranean, the Syrian; and Tarshish or Cadiz more than two thousand miles to
the westward from that, just outside the Straits of Gibraltar. See ye not then,
shipmates, that Jonah sought to flee world-wide from God? Miserable man! Oh!
most contemptible and worthy of all scorn; with slouched hat and guilty eye,
skulking from his God; prowling among the shipping like a vile burglar hastening
to cross the seas. So disordered, self-condemning is his look, that had there
been policemen in those days, Jonah, on the mere suspicion of something wrong,
had been arrested ere he touched a deck. How plainly he’s a fugitive! no
baggage, not a hat-box, valise, or carpet-bag, — no friends accompany him to the
wharf with their adieux. At last, after much dodging search, he finds the
Tarshish ship receiving the last items of her cargo; and as he steps on board to
see its Captain in the cabin, all the sailors for the moment desist from
hoisting in the goods, to mark the stranger’s evil eye. Jonah sees this; but in
vain he tries to look all ease and confidence; in vain essays his wretched
smile. Strong intuitions of the man assure the mariners he can be no innocent.
In their gamesome but still serious way, one whispers to the other — “Jack, he’s
robbed a widow;” or,”Joe, do you mark him; he’s a bigamist;” or,”Harry lad, I
guess he’s the adulterer that broke jail in old Gomorrah, or belike, one of the
missing murderers from Sodom.” Another runs to read the bill that’s stuck
against the spile upon the wharf to which the ship is moored, offering five
hundred gold coins for the apprehension of a parricide, and containing a
description of his person. He reads, and looks from Jonah to the bill; while all
his sympathetic shipmates now crowd round Jonah, prepared to lay their hands
upon him. Frighted Jonah trembles, and summoning all his boldness to his face,
only looks so much the more a coward. He will not confess himself suspected; but
that itself is strong suspicion. So he makes the best of it; and when the
sailors find him not to be the man that is advertised, they let him pass, and he
descends into the cabin.
‘”Who’s there?” cries the Captain at his busy
desk, hurriedly making out his papers for the Customs — “Who’s there?” Oh! how
that harmless question mangles Jonah! For the instant he almost turns to flee
again. But he rallies. “I seek a passage in this ship to Tarshish; how soon sail
ye, sir?” Thus far the busy captain had not looked up to Jonah, though the man
now stands before him; but no sooner does he hear that hollow voice, than he
darts a scrutinizing glance. “We sail with the next coming tide,” at last he
slowly answered, still intently eyeing him. “No sooner, sir?” — “Soon enough for
any honest man that goes a passenger.” Ha! Jonah, that’s another stab. But he
swiftly calls away the Captain from that scent. “I’ll sail with ye,” — he says,
— “the passage money, how much is that, — I’ll pay now.” For it is particularly
written, shipmates, as if it were a thing not to be overlooked in this
history,”that he paid the fare thereof” ere the craft did sail. And taken with
the context, this is full of meaning.
‘Now Jonah’s Captain, shipmates,
was one whose discernment detects crime in any, but whose cupidity exposes it
only in the penniless. In this world, shipmates, sin that pays its way can
travel freely, and without a passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped
at all frontiers. So Jonah’s Captain prepares to test the length of Jonah’s
purse, ere he judge him openly. He charges him thrice the usual sum; and it’s
assented to. Then the Captain knows that Jonah is a fugitive; but at the same
time resolves to help a flight that paves its rear with gold. Yet when Jonah
fairly takes out his purse, prudent suspicions still molest the Captain. He
rings every coin to find a counterfeit. Not a forger, any way, he mutters; and
Jonah is put down for his passage. “Point out my state-room, Sir,” says Jonah
now. “I’m travel-weary; I need sleep.” “Thou look’st like it,” says the Captain,
“there’s thy room.” Jonah enters, and would lock the door, but the lock contains
no key. Hearing him foolishly fumbling there, the Captain laughs lowly to
himself, and mutters something about the doors of convicts’ cells being never
allowed to be locked within. All dressed and dusty as he is, Jonah throws
himself into his berth, and finds the little state-room ceiling almost resting
on his forehead. The air is close, and Jonah gasps. then, in that contracted
hole, sunk, too, beneath the ship’s water-line, Jonah feels the heralding
presentiment of that stifling hour, when the whale shall hold him in the
smallest of his bowel’s wards.
‘Screwed at its axis against the side, a
swinging lamp slightly oscillates in Jonah’s room; and the ship, heeling over
towards the wharf with the weight of the last bales received, the lamp, flame
and all, though in slight motion, still maintains a permanent obliquity with
reference to the room; though, in truth, infallibly straight itself, it but made
obvious the false, lying levels among which it hung. The lamp alarms and
frightens Jonah; as lying in his berth his tormented eyes roll round the place,
and this thus far successful fugitive finds no refuge for his restless glance.
But that contradiction in the lamp more and more appals him. The floor, the
ceiling, and the side, are all awry. “Oh! so my conscience hangs in me!” he
groans, “straight upward, so it burns; but the chambers of my soul are all in
crookedness!”
‘Like one who after a night of drunken revelry hies to his
bed, still reeling, but with conscience yet pricking him, as the plungings of
the Roman race- horse but so much the more strike his steel tags into him; as
one who in that miserable plight still turns and turns in giddy anguish, praying
God for annihilation until the fit be passed; and at last amid the whirl of woe
he feels, a deep stupor steals over him, as over the man who bleeds to death,
for conscience is the wound, and there’s naught to staunch it; so, after sore
wrestlings in his berth, Jonah’s prodigy of ponderous misery drags him drowning
down to sleep.
‘And now the time of tide has come; the ship casts off her
cables; and from the deserted wharf the uncheered ship for Tarshish, all
careening, glides to sea. That ship, my friends, was the first of recorded
smugglers! the contraband was Jonah. but the sea rebels; he will not bear the
wicked burden. A dreadful storm comes on, the ship is like to break. But now
when the boatswain calls all hands to lighten her; when boxes, bales, and jars
are clattering overboard; when the wind is shrieking, and the men are yelling,
and every plank thunders with trampling feet right over Jonah’s head; in all
this raging tumult, Jonah sleeps his hideous sleep. He sees no black sky and
raging sea, feels not the reeling timbers, and little hears he or heeds he the
far rush of the mighty whale, which even now with open mouth is cleaving the
seas after him. Aye, shipmates, Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship —
a berth in the cabin as I have taken it, and was fast asleep. But the frightened
master comes to him, and shrieks in his dead ear, “What meanest thou, O sleeper!
arise!” Startled from his lethargy by that direful cry, Jonah staggers to his
feet, and stumbling to the deck, grasps a shroud, to look out upon the sea. But
at that moment he is sprung upon by a panther billow leaping over the bulwarks.
Wave after wave thus leaps into the ship, and finding no speedy vent runs
roaring fore and aft, till the mariners come nigh to drowning while yet afloat.
And ever, as the white moon shows her affrighted face from the steep gullies in
the blackness overhead, aghast Jonah sees the rearing bowsprit pointing high
upward, but soon beat downward again towards the tormented deep.
‘Terrors
upon terrors run shouting through his soul. In all his cringing attitudes, the
God-fugitive is now too plainly known. The sailors mark him; more and more
certain grow their suspicions of him, and at last, fully to test the truth, by
referring the whole matter to high Heaven, they fall to casting lots, to see for
whose cause this great tempest was upon them. The lot is Jonah’s; that
discovered, then how furiously they mob him with their questions. “What is thine
occupation? whence comest thou? thy country? what people?” but mark now, my
shipmates, the behavior of poor Jonah. The eager mariners but ask him who he is,
and where from; whereas, they not only receive an answer to those questions, but
likewise another answer to a question not put by them, but the unsolicited
answer is forced from Jonah by the hard hand of God that is upon him.
‘”I
am a Hebrew,” he cries — and then — “I fear the Lord the God of Heaven who hath
made the sea and the dry land!” Fear him, O Jonah? Aye, well mightest thou fear
the Lord God then! Straightway, he now goes on to make a full confession;
whereupon the mariners became more and more appalled, but still are pitiful. For
when Jonah, not yet supplicating God for mercy, since he but too well knew the
darkness of his deserts, — when wretched Jonah cries out to them to take him and
cast him forth into the sea, for he knew that for his sake this great tempest
was upon them; they mercifully turn from him, and seek by other means to save
the ship. But all in vain; the indignant gale howls louder; then, with one hand
raised invokingly to God, with the other they not unreluctantly lay hold of
Jonah.
‘And now behold Jonah taken up as an anchor and dropped into the
sea; when instantly an oily calmness floats out from the east, and the sea is
still, as Jonah carries down the gale with him, leaving smooth water behind. He
goes down in the whirling heart of such a masterless commotion that he scarce
heeds the moment when he drops seething into the yawning jaws awaiting him; and
the whale shoots-to all his ivory teeth, like the Lord out of the fish’s belly.
But observe his prayer, and so many white bolts, upon his prison. Then Jonah
prayed unto learn a weighty lesson. For sinful as he is, Jonah does not weep and
wail for direct deliverance. He feels that his dreadful punishment is just. He
leaves all his deliverance to God, contenting himself with this, that spite of
all his pains and pangs, he will still look towards His holy temple. And here,
shipmates, is true and faithful repentance; not clamorous for pardon, but
grateful for punishment. And how pleasing to God was this conduct in Jonah, is
shown in the eventual deliverance of him from the sea and the whale. Shipmates,
I do not place Jonah before you to be copied for his sin but I do place him
before you as a model for repentance. Sin not; but if you do, take heed to
repent of it like Jonah.’
While he was speaking these words, the howling
of the shrieking, slanting storm without seemed to add new power to the
preacher, who, when describing Jonah’s sea-storm, seemed tossed by a storm
himself. His deep chest heaved as with a ground-swell; his tossed arms seemed
the warring elements at work; and the thunders that rolled away from off his
swarthy brow, and the light leaping from his eye, made all his simple hearers
look on him with a quick fear that was strange to them.
There now came a
lull in his look, as he silently turned over the leaves of the Book once more;
and, at last, standing motionless, with closed eyes, for the moment, seemed
communing with God and himself.
But again he leaned over towards the
people, and bowing his head lowly, with an aspect of the deepest yet manliest
humility, he spake these words: ‘Shipmates, God has laid but one hand upon you;
both his hands press upon me. I have read ye by what murky light may be mine the
lesson that Jonah teaches to all sinners; and therefore to ye, and still more to
me, for I am a greater sinner than ye. And now how gladly would I come down from
this mast-head and sit on the hatches there where you sit, and listen as you
listen, while some one of you reads me that other and more awful lesson which
Jonah teaches to me as a pilot of the living God. How being an anointed
pilot-prophet, or speaker of true things, and bidden by the Lord to sound those
unwelcome truths in the ears of a wicked Nineveh, Jonah, appalled at the
hostility he should raise, fled from his mission, and sought to escape his duty
and his God by taking ship at Joppa. But God is everywhere; Tarshish he never
reached. As we have seen, God came upon him in the whale, and swallowed him down
to living gulfs of doom, and with swift slantings tore him along”into the midst
of the seas,” where the eddying depths sucked him ten thousand fathoms down,
and”the weeds were wrapped about his head,” and all the watery world of woe
bowled over him. Yet even then beyond the reach of any plummet — “out of the
belly of hell” — when the whale grounded upon the ocean’s utmost bones, even
then, God heard the engulphed, repenting prophet when he cried. Then God spake
unto the fish; and from the shuddering cold and blackness of the sea, the whale
came breeching up towards the warm and pleasant sun, and all the delights of air
and earth; and”vomited out Jonah upon the dry land;” when the word of the Lord
came a second time; and Jonah, bruised and beaten — his ears, like two
sea-shells, still multitudinously murmuring of the ocean — Jonah did the
Almighty’s bidding. And what was that, shipmates? To preach the Truth to the
face of Falsehood! That was it!
‘This, shipmates, this is that other
lesson; and woe to that pilot of the living God who slights it. Woe to him whom
this world charms from Gospel duty! Woe to him who seeks to pour oil upon the
waters when God has brewed them into a gale! Woe to him who seeks to please
rather than to appal! Woe to him whose good name is more to him than goodness!
Woe to him who, in this world, courts not dishonor! Woe to him who would not be
true, even though to be false were salvation! Yea, woe to him who, as the great
Pilot Paul has it, while preaching to others is himself a castaway!’
He
drooped and fell away from himself for a moment; then lifting his face to them
again, showed a deep joy in his eyes, as he cried out with a heavenly
enthusiasm, — ‘But oh! shipmates! on the starboard hand of every woe, there is a
sure delight; and higher the top of that delight, than the bottom of the woe is
deep. Is not the main-truck higher than the kelson is low? Delight is to him — a
far, far upward, and inward delight — who against the proud gods and commodores
of this earth, ever stands forth his own inexorable self. Delight is to him
whose strong arms yet support him, when the ship of this base treacherous world
has gone down beneath him. Delight is to him, who gives no quarter in the truth,
and kills, burns, and destroys all sin though he pluck it out from under the
robes of Senators and Judges. Delight, — top-gallant delight is to him, who
acknowledges no law or lord, but the Lord his God, and is only a patriot to
heaven. Delight is to him, whom all the waves of the billows of the seas of the
boisterous mob can never shake from this sure Keel of the Ages. And eternal
delight and deliciousness will be his, who coming to lay him down, can say with
his final breath — O Father! — chiefly known to me by Thy rod — mortal or
immortal, here I die. I have striven to be Thine, more than to be this world’s,
or mine own. Yet this is nothing; I leave eternity to Thee; for what is man that
he should live out the lifetime of his God?’
He said no more, but slowly
waving a benediction, covered his face with his hands, and so remained kneeling,
till all the people had departed, and he was left alone in the place. -
written by Herman Melville
Father Mapple, the famous preacher, was once a sailor and a harpooner, but
had dedicated his life to the ministry for several years. Father Mapple enjoys a
wide reputation for sincerity and sanctity, so Ishmael cannot suspect him of any
mere stage tricks. On the front of the pulpit is the likeness of a ship's bluff
bows and the Holy Bible rested on a projecting piece of scroll work, fashioned
after a ship's fiddle-headed beak. Ishmael wonders what the meaning could be,
for the pulpit is the earth's foremost part; all the rest comes from in its
rear, and the pulpit leads the world. According to Ishmael, "the world's a ship
on its passage out, and not a voyage complete, and the pulpit is its prow."
From the source:
Father Mapple rose, and in a mild voice of unassuming authority ordered the
scattered people to condense. ‘Starboard gangway, there! side away to larboard —
larboard gangway to starboard! Midships! midships!’ There was a low rumbling of heavy sea-boots among the benches, and a still
slighter shuffling of women’s shoes, and all was quiet again, and every eye on
the preacher. He paused a little; then kneeling in the pulpit’s bows, folded his large
brown hands across his chest, uplifted his closed eyes, and offered a prayer so
deeply devout that he seemed kneeling and praying at the bottom of the sea. This ended, in prolonged solemn tones, like the continual tolling of a bell
in a ship that is foundering at sea in a fog — in such tones he commenced
reading the following hymn; but changing his manner towards the concluding
stanzas, burst forth with a pealing exultation and joy –
‘The ribs and terrors in the whale,
Arched over me a dismal
gloom,
While all God’s sun-lit waves rolled by,
And lift me deepening down
to doom.
‘I saw the opening maw of hell,
With endless pains and sorrows
there;
Which none but they that feel can tell —
Oh, I was plunging to
despair.
‘In black distress, I called my God,
When I could scarce believe
him mine,
He bowed his ear to my complaints —
No more the whale did me
confine.
With speed he flew to my relief,
As on a radiant dolphin
borne;
Awful, yet bright, as lightning shone
The face of my Deliverer
God.
‘My song for ever shall record
That terrible, that joyful hour;
I
give the glory to my God,
His all the mercy and the power.’
Nearly all joined in singing this hymn, which swelled high above the howling
of the storm. BCnU!
It's that time of year again, when we all make lists and think back over
the past year, in whatever field of interest concerns us, and chronicle the high
points and the lows. For the past few years I've been presenting this
compilation as an awards show, the Toobits, which of course celebrates my two
bits about Toobworld.
It took so long to get around to posting this because I just didn't feel it
this year. The Fall 2011 line-up was especially dreary and most of the great
stuff ('Downton Abbey', 'Game of Thrones') happened early in the year and so
couldn't carry any enthusiasm against all of the other dreck that was
broadcast. (As it is, I even dropped a lot of categories because it was such a
listless selection in 2011, but then... maybe that's a good thing.)
As it is with any such list you'll find in TV columns across the country
these last few weeks, these are my opinions. You're welcome to your own and I
hope you'll share them, but I'm sticking to my weapons of choice. (It could be
you won't see something that was a favorite of yours because I just never got
around to seeing it. There's only so much time in the world - even for a
do-nothing-else-anyway sort like me! - and I've only got the two eyes, even if
they do operate independently of each other at times.)
Unlike the Emmy Awards which will just keep handing out trophies to some
shows forever, only shows, characters and what-not that debuted in 2011 can be
considered. (And by "debuted", I mean that which I first came in contact with in
2011. It could be a few years old, but if it's my first time seeing it, it's
new. 'Whitechapel' is a good example of that.)
This one-time-only rule includes characters who have been recast; those are
still the same characters who already exist in Toobworld. (But there were a few
notable appearances that deserved honorable mention, and they get it.)
So without further ado, let's have at it:
BEST NEW TV SERIES COMEDY: 'Happy Endings'
DRAMA: 'Game Of Thrones'
BEST MINI-SERIES
'Whitechapel'
WORST MINI-SERIES
'Torchwood' - "Miracle Day"
BEST SKETCH
'SNL' - "The Ambiguously Gay Duo - In the Flesh"
'SNL' - "The Merryville Trolley"
BEST COMMERCIAL
Muller Yogurt - "Wonderful Stuff"
WORST COMMERCIAL Best Buy - "Game On, Santa"
Nobody messes with Santa Larry!
BEST IMPORT 'Downton Abbey'
BEST EPISODE, ANY GENRE 'Fringe' - "LSD"
BEST COMEDY EPISODE
'Louie' - "Duckling"
BEST TWO-PART EPISODE 'Doctor Who' - "The Impossible Astronaut"
& "Day Of The Moon"
BEST MOVIE THAT SHOULD BE ADAPTED INTO A TV SHOW
"Green Lantern"
BEST SERIES RETURN 'Chuck'
BEST SEASON FINALE 'Chuck'
BEST SERIES FINALE 'Smallville'
BEST CLIFF-HANGER
'Doctor Who'
WORST CLIFF-HANGER
'Bedlam'
WORST SEASON FINALE
'The Killing'
BEST REMAKE 'Wilfred'
BEST HISTORICAL RECREATION 'Downton Abbey'
BEST SENSE OF ONE'S OWN HISTORY
'Two And A Half Men' - the return of many of Charlie's exes at his wake, especially
Tricia Helfer, Jenny McCarthy, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe, Jeri Ryan, Liz Vassey, and
Emmanuelle Vaugier
BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD HISTORY 'The Hour'
BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD CELEBRITY 'Episodes'
BEST REVIVED SERIES
'Law & Order: Los Angeles' (not that it did them any good)
BEST CLASSIC TV EXPERIENCE
'The Rifleman' - Saturday morning marathons on AMC
BEST CROSSOVER
'The Office' with 'The Office'
BEST CROSSOVER PLOTLINE 'Hot In Cleveland' & 'All My
Children'
Although it did take some back-straining pretzel logic to avoid a
Zonk!
BEST TRIVIAL CROSSOVER 'Fringe' & 'Twin Peaks'
Dr. Walter Bishop mentioned that he was friends with Dr. Lawrence
Jacoby
BEST INTERNATIONAL CROSSOVER
"The 2011 National Television Awards Opening"
FIRST CROSSOVER OF THE YEAR 'Saturday Night Live' with 'PeeWee's
Playhouse' and CNN's 'AC360'
BEST ADAPTATION FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE (aka MEDIUM) BOOK to TV
'Game Of Thrones'
MOVIE to TV
"Zoolander" on 'Saturday Night Live'
BEST RECASTAWAY Canton Everett Delaware III, 'Doctor Who'
You can't beat a father & son team to play the same character at different ages!
BEST NEW MALE CHARACTER COMEDY: Max Blum, 'Happy Endings'
DRAMA: Tyrion Lannister, 'Game Of Thrones'
BEST NEW FEMALE CHARACTER DRAMA: Dr. Megan Hunt, 'Body Of Proof'
COMEDY: Penny, 'Happy Endings'
BEST NEW SUPPORTING CHARACTER Violet, Dowager Countess Lady
Grantham, 'Downton Abbey'
BEST NEW RECURRING CHARACTER Deangelo Vickers, 'The Office
BEST NEW CAST ENSEMBLE DRAMA: 'Downton Abbey'
COMEDY: 'Happy Endings'
BEST ADDITION TO AN EXISTING CAST Robert California, 'The
Office'
BEST NEW GUEST APPEARANCE Male - Grandfather Earle, 'True
Blood'
Female - Mrs. Winterbottom, 'Chuck'
BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER
Ernest Hemingway, 'Any Human Heart'
WORST HISTORICAL CHARACTER
Adolph Hitler, 'Doctor Who'
But we had a splainin for that.....
BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER REVISION Richard Nixon, 'Doctor Who'
BEST NEW CHILD CHARACTER
Arya Stark, 'Game Of Thrones'
CHARACTER MOST DESERVING TO BECOME A REGULAR Gavin Q. Baker III the
lawyer, 'The Closer'
Not that it would be likely - once Brenda's storyline is over, there's no
reason for him to hang around.
BEST NEW COMMERCIAL CHARACTER
Nick the Chevy Salesman - Chevrolet The Pinata Kid - VW Tiguan
BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE Male - Michael J. Fox, 'Curb
Your Enthusiasm'
Female - Susan Lucci, 'Hot In Cleveland'
BEST LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN A COMMERCIAL
Kate Winslet, Lancome
BEST LEAGUE OF
THEMSELVES APPEARANCE IN SKITLANDIA Anderson Cooper - 'Saturday Night Live'
BEST CHARACTER RETURN
Dharma & Greg - on 'Two And A Half Men'
BEST INTRODUCTION OF A REGULAR CHARACTER
Julius Berger, 'Outcasts'
BEST ALIEN CHARACTER (SINGULAR)
George the Tenza, 'Doctor Who'
BEST NEW ALIENS The Silence, 'Doctor Who'
BEST NEW MALE VILLAIN Julius Berger - 'Outcasts'
BEST NEW FEMALE VILLAIN O'Brien - 'Downton Abbey'
O'Briens always make for great villainy......
BEST NEW CHARACTER NAME Jilly Kitzinger, 'Torchwood: Miracle
Day'
WORST NEW CHARACTER NAME
Mirri Maz Duur, 'Game Of Thrones'
BEST COSTUME
Gloria's nightie in 'Modern Family'
BEST LINE
"I am the one who knocks." - Walter White, 'Breaking Bad'
I confess I don't watch this show, but I saw him deliver that line in an
end of the year compilation of great quotes and I was really impressed with the
power in it. There's a menace in its interpretation and I think it has the
power to stand on its own out of context. (I also think it would look great on
a T-shirt!)
BEST EXCHANGE OF DIALOGUE
“I want to hear all about Mitchell from high school. Did he have a beard?”
– Cam “Uh … you’re lookin’ at her; although I didn't know it at the
time.....” – Tracy
'Modern Family
BEST SPEECH/MONOLOGUE
"I learned a pretty long time ago that I am not the hero of the story. And
if I want to be in the story, I have one of two options - I can either help the
hero or try to destroy him." - Larry Munsch, 'Mad Love'
BEST ZONK-FILLED DIALOGUE
Liz Lemon: Do I know you?
Aaron Sorkin: You know my work. Walk with me. I'm Aaron Sorkin - 'The West
Wing', "A Few Good Men", "The Social Network"....
Liz Lemon: 'Studio 60'?
Aaron Sorkin: Shut up.
'30 Rock'
BEST REALITY SPEECH
“This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many
whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can
take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never
have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the
terrestrial dimension.” - Charlie Sheen
WORST REALITY QUOTE
"The human toll here looks to be much worse than the economic toll, and we
can be grateful for that," CNBC financial analyst Larry Kudlow
BEST NEW THEME SONG 'Mr. Sunshine'
BEST MUSICAL MOMENT The last minute of 'Smallville' with the John
Williams theme from the 1978 movie
BEST NEW TOOBWORLD LOCATION Downton Abbey - 'Downton Abbey'
BEST NEW ALTERNATE TV DIMENSION 'Homeland'
BEST NEW FICTIONAL COUNTRY
The Seven Kingdoms of Westeros
BEST NEW FICTIONAL PLANET
Carpathia, 'Outcasts'
BEST EXIT FOR A CHARACTER Michael Scott, 'The Office'
BEST DEATH SCENE
Justin Bieber's in 'CSI'
SADDEST DEATH SCENE
Coroner Steiner in 'The Mentalist' ("The Red Mile") Vincent Nigel Murray
in 'Bones'
WORST DEATH SCENE Vaserys Targaryen, 'Game Of Thrones'
Jory, 'Game Of Thrones'
BEST NEW FICTIONAL MOVIE
"Threat Level Midnight" - 'The Office'
BEST NEW FICTIONAL TV SHOW
'Goodnight Burbank'
BEST EPISODE TITLE
'Doctor Who' - "Let's Kill Hitler"
It sounds like so much fun!
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER 'Doc Martin'
BEST SERIES MARATHON ON DVD 'Spaced'
BEST CROSSOVER PROP
The building blocks used in 'Alias' and now 'Fringe'.....
BEST COINED WORDS and PHRASES
WORDS
flinking - the sensation of floating and sinking at the same time ('Raising
Hope') gaycist - someone who thinks all gays are alike ('Happy
Endings')
PHRASES
The Muppet Lobby
Gift of the Vagi - 'Modern Family'
BEST ZONK OF THE YEAR
"American Family" - the NFL Super Bowl Commercial
BEST REALITY TELEVISION During an on-air TNT segment prior to the
Knicks' 93-88 win over Miami, Tracy Morgan was asked by TNT analyst Charles
Barkley whether he thought former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is
attractive. Morgan responded, "She's good masturbation material," which rendered
the always talkative Sir Charles speechless.
WORST ON-CAMERA MOMENT
Serene Branson's aphasia while on the red carpet at the Grammys. As far as
I know, she has recovered.
WORST OFF-CAMERA MOMENT
The sexual assault on Lara Logan as she covered the downfall of Hosni
Mubarak in Egypt
WORST REALITY TELEVISION Tsunami footage from Japan
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A SHOW
'The Killing'
I think it treated its fans horribly in pursuit of a buck that it just
makes me angry when I think about it and you wouldn't like me if I'm
angry.
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN A NETWORK AKA "The Nibbled To Death By Ducks"
award
TIE:
The decision by NBC to pull 'Community' from the schedule
The decision by ABC to hold back 'Cougar town'
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE GENERAL AUDIENCE There wasn't enough
support for 'Bored To Death'
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF
I'm too cheap to get Showtime so I can watch 'Homeland' and Starz! so I can watch 'Boss'
BEST EXPANSION OF THE TV UNIVERSE
'The Nine Lives Of Chloe King'
For its introduction of the Mai species into Toobworld
BEST TV BLOG HEADLINE
"Grey's, Grey's, Grey's Of The Jungle..."
from "I Am A Child Of Television"
(About Shonda Rhimes third series, 'Off The Map')
BEST REVIEW OF A TV SERIES
Ken Levine's look at 'The Playboy Club' - Here's how it ended:
"THE PLAYBOY CLUB debuts Monday. A better way of spending the hour is just
being under the covers with a copy of the magazine."
BEST CRITIQUE BY AN ONLINE COMMENTER
Kimberly Massengill First you tell me David Brent will be joining
Michael Scott on an upcoming episode of The Office, and now Chris Elliot's gonna
give us his best Walker, Texas Ranger? I might just explode in a
telecrossovergasm.
HONORARY MENTIONS Wilfred, 'Wilfred'
John Barrowman, 'Goodnight Burbank'
Bill Buckner, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'
Had it not been for the participation of Michael J. Fox in the series,
making fun of an illness that might eventually kill him, I would have picked
this League of Themselves appearance as the one that took big balls.
Phil Davis as Ray Miles, 'Whitechapel'
It took just one glance in the final episode, one which spoke volumes, that
made me realize how much I appreciate all the roles I've seen him in over the
last few years.
Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed it, even though it was a stripped-down version unlike past years when it had to run over several days to get in all the commentary and pictures. Hopefully 2012 will be more inspired (if the Mayans don't bleep us over!) And it seems like it's off to a good start, since I've got candidates for a lot of categories already and it's just the middle of January!
Queequeg is a fictional character presented in the 1851 novel Moby-Dick by
U.S. author Herman Melville. He is the first principal character encountered by
the narrator, serves as the chief harpooner aboard the Pequod, and plays an
important role in many of the events of the book, both in port and during the
whaling voyage. Although a "savage" cannibal, he is described with great
sympathy and much admiration by Ishmael, by whom he is befriended early in the
book.
Queequeg hails from the fictional island of Kokovoko in the South
Seas, inhabited by a cannibal tribe, and is the son of the chief of his tribe.
Since leaving the island, he has become extremely skilled with the harpoon. He
befriends Ishmael very early in the novel, when they meet in New Bedford,
Massachusetts before leaving for Nantucket. He is described as existing in a
state between civilized and savage. For example, Ishmael recounts with amusement
how Queequeg feels it necessary to hide himself when pulling on his boots,
noting that if he were a savage he wouldn't consider boots necessary, but if he
were completely civilized he would realize there was no need to be modest when
pulling on his boots.
Queequeg is the harpooneer on Starbuck's boat, where Ishmael is also an
oarsman. Queequeg is best friends with Ishmael in the story. He is prominent
early in the novel, but later fades in significance, as does Ishmael.
The
island is the home to his primitive tribe, who practice cannibalism, in
particular devouring the flesh of enemies slain in battle. Queequeg claims that
the only case of indigestion he has suffered was after a feast in which fifty
slain enemies were eaten. He displays no shame regarding the practice,
describing his people in a matter-of-fact fashion. In port he prefers a diet of
rare red meat, but will settle for whatever is on the menu, such as clam chowder
-- which is described as "his favorite fishing food".
Although the son of
a chief, he chose to leave his island out of curiosity to see more of the world
and to experience and evaluate the civilization of the Christian world. At first
rejected by the whaler that landed on his island, he skillfully jumped from a
canoe and clamped to the side of the boat as it was leaving for the open sea, at
which point the captain relented. At the opening of the novel, he is in the port
of New Bedford, Massachusetts, having returned from a whaling voyage. The two
first meet when Queequeg returns late to the inn where he is staying, not
knowing that Ishmael has been booked into the same room with him. Although
Queequeg initially threatens to kill Ishmael on the spot, the landlord persuades
him to relent and the two soon become good friends. Ishmael convinces him, based
on this friendship, to ship on another whaling expedition with him. At the time
of the novel, he has been away from his home island for many years, so long that
it is possible that his father is dead and that he would become the chief if he
returned.
He is a young man, in the prime of life, tall and powerfully
athletic, heavily tattooed, and an excellent swimmer who does not hesitate an
instant to dive into cold water to save the life of a troublesome passenger
aboard the ferry from New Bedford to Nantucket.
From the source:
Queequeg was a native of Rokovoko, an island far away to the West and
South. It is not down on any map; true places never are.
When a
new-hatched savage running wild about his native woodlands in a grass clout,
followed by the nibbling goats, as if he were a green sapling; even then, in
Queequeg's ambitious soul, lurked a strong desire to see something more of
Christendom than a specimen whaler or two. His father was a High Chief, a King;
his uncle a High Priest; and on the maternal side he boasted aunts who were the
wives of unconquerable warriors. There was excellent blood in his veins-royal
stuff; though sadly vitiated, I fear, by the cannibal propensity he nourished in
his untutored youth.
A Sag Harbor ship visited his father's bay, and
Queequeg sought a passage to Christian lands. But the ship, having her full
complement of seamen, spurned his suit; and not all the King his father's
influence could prevail. But Queequeg vowed a vow. Alone in his canoe, he
paddled off to a distant strait, which he knew the ship must pass through when
she quitted the island. On one side was a coral reef; on the other a low tongue
of land, covered with mangrove thickets that grew out into the water. Hiding his
canoe, still afloat, among these thickets, with its prow seaward, he sat down in
the stern, paddle low in hand; and when the ship was gliding by, like a flash he
darted out; gained her side; with one backward dash of his foot capsized and
sank his canoe; climbed up the chains; and throwing himself at full length upon
the deck, grappled a ring-bolt there, and swore not to let it go, though hacked
in pieces.
In vain the captain threatened to throw him overboard;
suspended a cutlass over his naked wrists; Queequeg was the son of a King, and
Queequeg budged not. Struck by his desperate dauntlessness, and his wild desire
to visit Christendom, the captain at last relented, and told him he might make
himself at home. But this fine young savage-this sea Prince of Wales, never saw
the Captain's cabin. They put him down among the sailors, and made a whaleman of
him. But like Czar Peter content to toil in the shipyards of foreign cities,
Queequeg disdained no seeming ignominy, if thereby he might happily gain the
power of enlightening his untutored countrymen. For at bottom-so he told me-he
was actuated by a profound desire to learn among the Christians, the arts
whereby to make his people still happier than they were; and more than that,
still better than they were. But, alas! the practices of whalemen soon convinced
him that even Christians could be both miserable and wicked; infinitely more so,
than all his father's heathens. Arrived at last in old Sag Harbor; and seeing
what the sailors did there; and then going on to Nantucket, and seeing how they
spent their wages in that place also, poor Queequeg gave it up for lost. Thought
he, it's a wicked world in all meridians; I'll die a pagan.
And thus an
old idolator at heart, he yet lived among these Christians, wore their clothes,
and tried to talk their gibberish. Hence the queer ways about him, though now
some time from home.
By hints I asked him whether he did not propose
going back, and having a coronation; since he might now consider his father dead
and gone, he being very old and feeble at the last accounts. He answered no, not
yet; and added that he was fearful Christianity, or rather Christians, had
unfitted him for ascending the pure and undefiled throne of thirty pagan Kings
before him. But by and by, he said, he would return, as soon as he felt himself
baptized again. For the nonce, however, he proposed to sail about, and sow his
wild oats in all four oceans. They had made a harpooneer of him, and that barbed
iron was in lieu of a sceptre now.
I asked him what might be his
immediate purpose, touching his future movements. He answered, to go to sea
again, in his old vocation. Upon this, I told him that whaling was my own
design, and informed him of my intention to sail out of Nantucket, as being the
most promising port for an adventurous whaleman to embark from. He at once
resolved to accompany me to that island, ship aboard the same vessel, get into
the same watch, the same boat, the same mess with me, in short to share my every
hap; with both my hands in his, boldly dip into the Potluck of both worlds. To
all this I joyously assented; for besides the affection I now felt for Queequeg,
he was an experienced harpooneer, and as such, could not fail to be of great
usefulness to one, who, like me, was wholly ignorant of the mysteries of
whaling, though well acquainted with the sea, as known to merchant
seamen.
His story being ended with his pipe's last dying puff, Queequeg
embraced me, pressed his forehead against mine, and blowing out the light, we
rolled over from each other, this way and that, and very soon were
sleeping.
During May Sweeps, we'll be seeing an 'NCIS: LA' crossover with 'Hawaii
Five-O' on CBS.
NCIS agents G. Callen and Sam Hanna will show up in Honolulu on the first
night, which I guess will be on their usual night of Tuesday. And then the
following Monday (I'm assuming), Steve McGarrett and Danny Williams will be
heading over to the mainland to interact with the others on the NCIS team in Los
Angeles.
And for all I've blathered on about this version of 'Hawaii Five-O' being
in a parallel dimension, you know what? This isn't going to be a Zonk.
That's because for those two nights, we'll be watching the LA-based NCIS
team from that parallel dimension. This storyline will not be involving the
characters from the main Toobworld version of the show.
Those familiar with the concept of the Toobworld Dynamic already know that
this 'Hawaii Five-O' reboot lost its chance to be part of Earth Prime-Time when
they forego being a continuation (like 'Star Trek: The Next Generation') and
chose instead to go the reboot route (like 'Battlestar Galactica'.)
So if 'Hawaii Five-O' is going to cross over with 'NCIS: LA', then for
those two episodes we'll be seeing alt-Callen and Company from the TV dimension
of the new 'Hawaii Five-O'.
'NCIS: LA' doesn't have a clean slate in the main Toobworld, however. It's
a spin-off from 'NCIS', which in itself was a spin-off from 'JAG'. And on
'JAG', Dean Stockwell made a few appearances as the Secretary of the Navy,
Edward Sheffield. (No relation to Maxwell Sheffield, I imagine....)
And THEN! Sheffield crossed over to a short-lived series about the Supreme
Court - 'First Monday' starring James Garner. But by that point, Sheffield left
the Administration's Cabinet and had been elected (re-elected?) as a Senator.
(Hopefully the state was never revealed. That always works out better for
Toobworld.)
Now, the Secretary of the Navy, no matter what universe, may think he's got
an important job, but in Toobworld it doesn't really matter. Not many shows are
going to bring in that character or even mention him, so it could be anybody in
Toobworld. The same can't be said for the President, of course. Plenty of
shows will make a reference to the current occupant of the Oval Office. So
whoever is the current POTUS in the real world MUST be the same person in Earth
Prime-Time.
So it is with the Supreme Court, even though I don't think most Americans
can even name every member of the Bench... and full disclosure, I'd probably have to strain the brain to do so. A change now and again could be
splained away, but the Justices were totally swept out for 'First Monday'. (The
same thing happened with 'The Court' and 'Outlaw', but that's a whole different kettle of fish for other TV dimensions.)
And yet the real Team Supreme have shown up or, at the very least been mentioned, on several TV shows - among them, 'Boston Legal', 'Picket Fences',
and the TV movie "Recount".
At least in this case dealing with 'First Monday', we can rely on the TV
essential of the 'Primeval' reboot of the Toobworld timeline to put right what
once went wrong. That temporal adjustment happened at the end of season one for
'Primeval' (March, 2007, based on its original airdate in the UK.) Since 'First
Monday' was broadcast in 2002, its characters and events would have been swept
up and out in the tele-revision. The characters of Thomas Brankin, Henry
Hoskins, and Joseph Novelli, along with the other six Supreme Court justices and
their staffs all still exist in Toobworld somewhere, but at best they are
Circuit Court Judges; none of them are currently sitting on the Supreme Court
bench in Earth Prime-Time.
Edward Sheffield probably survived the seismic change in the timeline as
well, and may yet be a Senator since the real ones can be replaced so long as the home
states of the televersions are never mentioned. (This is one of the two main reasons why 'Brothers
& Sisters' had to be relocated out of the main Toobworld. The female
governor of California during the years of the Governator was the other
reason.)
So that temporal reboot is what keeps 'JAG', 'NCIS', and 'NCIS: LA' in the
main Toobworld. But it doesn't help the new 'Hawaii Five-O' at all. No
televisiologist in his right mind (which I admit is an oxymoron) would ever toss
out twelve seasons of the original 'Hawaii Five-O' to accept this upstart into
the main TV Universe.
And therefore this upcoming crossover will have no effect on whatever
happens in Earth Prime-Time.
As the original Steve McGarrett once said, "Aloha, Suckers."
Just wanted to point out that this is Inner Toob post #7200. I started the
blog back in August of 2004, following the lead of my Little Buddy Sean. He had
just started his own as well and thought I should give a try. (I had been
off-line as far as my own site for a few years, because AOL made it impossible
to continue the old Tubeworld Dynamic website after they disabled the
easy-to-use AOLPress.)
So when Sean suggested I give Blogger a try, I decided to dip my toe in the
waters. Since then, I think I've done more cannonballs than belly-flops.... At
least I hope so.
It's been a fun ride as I fill in the blanks about the TV Universe with my
special mix of tele-grout, and I'm looking forward to someday reaching 14,400
posts.
Just after signing the papers, Ishmael and Queequeg run into a scarred and
deformed man named Elijah, a prophet or perhaps merely a frightening stranger,
who hints to them about the peril of signing aboard Ahab’s ship. He drops
references to several frightening incidents involving Ahab, but Ishmael and
Queequeg disregard the man’s warnings.
Chapter 21: Going Aboard Approaching the Pequod at dawn, Ishmael thinks that he sees sailors
boarding the ship and decides that the ship must be leaving at sunrise. Ishmael
and Queequeg encounter Elijah again just before they board. Elijah asks Ishmael
whether he saw “anything looking like men” boarding the ship; Ishmael replies
that he did. The ship, however, is quiet save one old sailor, who informs them
that the captain is already aboard. As the sun rises, the Pequod’s crew
arrives and the ship prepares to sail.
From the source:
"Shipmates, have ye shipped in that ship?" Queequeg and I had just left the Pequod, and were sauntering away from the
water, for the moment each occupied with his own thoughts, when the above words
were put to us by a stranger, who, pausing before us, levelled his massive
forefinger at the vessel in question. He was but shabbily apparelled in faded
jacket and patched trowsers; a rag of a black handkerchief investing his neck. A
confluent small-pox had in all directions flowed over his face, and left it like
the complicated ribbed bed of a torrent, when the rushing waters have been dried
up. "Have ye shipped in her?" he repeated. "You mean the ship Pequod, I suppose," said I, trying to gain a little more
time for an uninterrupted look at him. "Aye, the Pequod—that ship there," he said, drawing back his whole arm, and
then rapidly shoving it straight out from him, with the fixed bayonet of his
pointed finger darted full at the object. "Yes," said I, "we have just signed the articles." "Anything down there about your souls?" "About what?" "Oh, perhaps you hav'n't got any," he said quickly. "No matter though, I know
many chaps that hav'n't got any,—good luck to 'em; and they are all the better
off for it. A soul's a sort of a fifth wheel to a wagon." With finger pointed and eye levelled at the Pequod, the beggar-like stranger
stood a moment, as if in a troubled reverie; then starting a little, turned and
said:—"Ye've shipped, have ye? Names down on the papers? Well, well, what's
signed, is signed; and what's to be, will be; and then again, perhaps it won't
be, after all. Anyhow, it's all fixed and arranged a'ready; and some sailors or
other must go with him, I suppose; as well these as any other men, God pity 'em!
Morning to ye, shipmates, morning; the ineffable heavens bless ye; I'm sorry I
stopped ye." "Look here, friend," said I, "if you have anything important to tell us, out
with it; but if you are only trying to bamboozle us, you are mistaken in your
game; that's all I have to say." "Morning to ye! morning to ye!" he rejoined, again moving off. "Oh! I was
going to warn ye against—but never mind, never mind—it's all one, all in the
family too;—sharp frost this morning, ain't it? Good-bye to ye. Shan't see ye
again very soon, I guess; unless it's before the Grand Jury." And with these
cracked words he finally departed, leaving me, for the moment, in no small
wonderment at his frantic impudence.
CBS has announced several TV pilots it has commissioned for the next
season, among them 'Elementary', a look at Sherlock Holmes set in contemporary
New York.
Blerg.
So many things about this disappoint me. First off, it's just a blatant
rip-off of the idea utilized by Steven Moffatt and Mark Gatiss for 'Sherlock'.
Unless of course they're using some kind of gimmick - like he was in suspended
animation and only returned to the waking world in the 21st Century. But even
that has been done three times before in the TV Universe (and none of them in
the main Toobworld!)
And then there's the setting of New York City. Again? Why does everything
have to be set in New York City? (I suppose an L.A. location would be worse
though.) At least 'Being Human' on Syfy, although too much a carbon copy of the
British original, is set in Boston. I suppose New York City is the ideal venue
for a consulting detective of Holmes' skills, teeming with the dark atmosphere
that breeds the crimes he loves to solve, just as London was for the Holmes of
the 19th Century. But what about Chicago or Detroit, or even better, Washington
D.C.?
I don't wish them ill, as it really will have no effect on my vision of
Earth Prime-Time. But I just don't see this project getting accepted by a mass
audience.
On the season finale of 'Leverage' ("The Last Dam Job"), lyrics from "The
Gambler" by Kenny Rogers were quoted, and the song and its author/singer were
identified in return.
Even though it was a song, it could still be seen as a Zonk by some since
Kenny Rogers parlayed that song into a successful string of TV movies which are
considered part of the TV Universe. In fact, with "The Gambler Returns: Luck Of
The Draw", Kenny Rogers' character of Brady Hawkes became deeply imbedded into
the TV Universe because of his contacts with characters from ten different TV
Westerns - from 'Bat Masterson' to 'Wyatt Earp'.
But it's a Zonk easily disarmed. The televersion of Kenny Rogers ('Reno
911', 'Cybil', 'Evening Shade', and 'The Muppet Show') wrote that song based on
an historical event - the high-stakes poker game held in San Francisco during
the night before the 1906 earthquake... with President Theodore Roosevelt in
attendance. (Seen above, the Three B's: Bart Maverick, Bat Masterson, and Brady Hawkes. Bart had just folded because he could tell the President had a winning hand.)
